Zoro wasn't entirely sure what he walked in on, but he knew that he would regret doing so. Sanji sat in their living room, wrapped in a dark blue robe, with his hair wrapped in a towel. He was watching some action movie, and he had a box of fancy chocolates sitting in his lap.
This behavior was normal. What wasn't normal was the matching dark green robe that laid beside him.
"Oi, Sanji. Whose robe is that?"
Sanji tore his eyes from the screen long enough, not only to acknowledge his presence, but to also give him a shit eating grin.
"It's yours. I figured you'd like one since you taunt me about mine all the time."
"You know I'm not gonna wear that girly shit, right?"
Sanji was out of his seat in a second, bowl long forgotten on the couch, as he approached Zoro with fury in his eyes.
"All right dumbass, we need to talk. I'm getting sick and tired of this fragile masculinity bullshit."
"There's nothing fragile about my masculinity."
"It's flakier than Usopp's stories. First of all, give me one good reason why it's a bad thing to treat yourself to nice things, and no 'because it's what girls do' doesn't fucking count."
"It's…ugh, it's humiliating."
"Why? How?"
"It just is."
"See, you can't even think of a good reason. You haven't even tried the damn thing on, and you're already up in arms like I asked to paint your nails, or grow your hair out. Well, news flash, your dick ain't gonna drop off the first time you decide to treat yourself."
Zoro rain a hand through his hair and sighed, "Do we have to do this now?"
"Yeah, we do. I'm tired of you always poking fun at me for these things like I'm less of a man. Therefore, I made an appointment for both of us at Brook's spa on Saturday."
Zoro heard all his friends hiss as he retold the story. Sitting with Ace, Law, and Franky in a coffee shop instead of their regular spot at Lucci's Pub; they were caught between laughing at him, or giving him sympathy.
"You know, Sanji might have a point," Law said.
Zoro gave him a look that dared him to continue. So obviously he did.
"Listen, you can wield three swords at once, you look extremely intimidating to anyone you make eye contact with, and you're not a small guy. Does it really matter whether or not you decide to do some things that may or may not be considered feminine in the privacy of your own home?"
"I don't know man, robes I can understand, but a spa isn't very private. I hope he gets pictures," Ace said, downing his coffee.
"Fuck both of you. A spa is about the girliest place you can be, and that's why the shitty cook picked it."
"Hey! I work at that spa, bro."
"Sorry Franky, but there's a difference between working at a spa and going to a spa."
"If you hate the idea so much, why didn't you just say you wouldn't go?" Ace asked.
"That's what I was going to tell you next."
"You know you wasted their time right? I'm not going to that place, shit cook," Zoro said crossing his arms.
"Oh, you're going all right. If not, you're going to sleep on the couch, without sex, for a month."
"Please, you can't last a week without me."
Sanji smiled that smile again, knowing he was already ahead of the game. Walking back over to the couch, he moved the robe out of the way revealing a small rectangular box. Holding it up, Zoro knew immediately what the object was.
"The robe wasn't the only thing I bought today. I made a very good assumption about your reaction, and came prepared. The reviews online for this were great, and the battery lasts for a really long time. It's ribbed for my pleasure."
"You think you could last a month with that?"
"I know I can. It doesn't talk back, and I can get it to do whatever I want, unlike some shitty marimos around here."
Zoro glared at the box, crossing his arms over his chest and said, "What if I get rid of it while you're gone?"
"Then I'll make it two months, and buy 3 new ones. You're going to the damn spa."
"Threatening to withhold sex for a month? Working with you when you're sexually frustrated is a curse among everyone in the department. Happy you decided to go," Law said.
"I'm just happy I'm not working today. Feel bad for the poor bastard stuck with you."
"You're all assholes."
"All right guys, lay off. After all, spas are only the first step. The next step is when he calls us afterwards talking about how great pedicures are, and suggesting we get one the next time we hang out. It's a slippery slope, bud," said Ace.
Zoro scratched his jaw and said, "He's borrowing Chopper's car to come get me after this, so that I don't get lost and miss our appointment. I just don't know why he's so determined. I mean he's never brought it up before, and he hasn't had a problem in the past with calling out my bullshit."
"This might've been the straw that broke the camel's back. You know how Sanji is. You guys have been together for…what? Like, a year or two now?" asked Franky.
"Almost 3."
"I don't think you should be so upset about it. Besides, you're fucking a guy. That's twice as many dicks than in heterosexual sex, which means it must be twice as manly," laughed Law.
Outside, a red car pulled up, and the horn honked twice. Zoro resolutely ignored it, pretending the ride was for someone else. Sanji stepped out of the vehicle, turning to talk to the driver, before walking inside the coffee shop, and stopping at their table.
"Hey Sanji," greeted everyone but Zoro.
"Hey. Hope you don't mind if I steal my marimo."
"Of course not. What did you guys have planned for the day?" Ace asked with a sly smile on his face.
Sanji's face lit up at the question saying, "I'm glad you asked. We're-"
"Leaving. We are leaving," Zoro said standing up.
He had left a tip on the table, and began ushering his boyfriend out of the establishment. Sanji protested at the rough treatment, but if it meant Zoro would get into the car faster than he would deal with it. Once inside, Zoro noticed exactly who was in the backseat with him, and had to work at putting a cap on his anger.
Nami sat between him and Robin, and Vivi was driving the car.
Great.
"I thought you set up the appointment for just us," Zoro said, his eyebrow twitching.
"I did, but when I went to get the car from Chopper, Nami overheard why I needed it and insisted we make it a group trip. If it makes you feel any better, the only treatment where we're all in the same room are the pedicures."
Putting his face into his hands, Zoro did his best not to scream in frustration. Giggling women, pedicures, massages, and who knows what else was waiting for him at Brook's spa. He should've just put on the damn robe when he had the chance, and he would've had he known this was the result of not doing so.
"You know Zoro, you could always back out. I mean, this is a great opportunity for me to get the perfect blackmail on you," Nami whispered.
The music in the car was loud enough to where Sanji couldn't listen in.
"If I have to choose between not getting laid for a month, and giving you blackmail, I think I'll take my own damn pictures of this and string it around town myself."
"We're here," Vivi sang.
Stepping out of the car, Zoro noted that it was just as gaudy and feminine as one could imagine a spa being. Sanji stood beside him to grab his hand, and nearly dragged the swordsman inside. Even though the outside appearance was loud, the inside was actually calm. Different plants sat between white pillars, and the paints and tiles used for the room was earthy in tone and feeling.
Sanji went up the counter and spoke to the man at the desk.
"A dual appointment for Sanji, please."
"Oh, Mr. Sanji, yes we have you right here. If you could just follow Cami, she'll take you where you need to go," he said smiling.
The woman sitting next to him with short curly hair, stood up immediately, and took the clipboard from the man's hands. Walking over to them, she flashed a smile, and started walking down the corridor on the right. Zoro and Sanji followed after her, one excited, and the other miserable for what was going to happen next.
"The first we have on here is the steam room. After that it's the deep tissue full body massage, and finally facials with pedicures. That is what you asked for correct?"
"Exactly. Where do we get changed?" Sanji asked.
Cami went to a tall cabinet, pulling out two long white robes, and pointed the bathroom.
"If you'll change into these, there are lockers inside the bathroom you can put your things into," she said handing each of them one.
"We keep our underwear on right?" Zoro asked, immediately concerned by the sudden turn of events.
"Well you can if you want, but a lot of people find it more comfortable to 'go commando' as they say. Is this your first time?"
Zoro could already feel his cheeks warming up, and shook his head, before marching to the bathroom. He heard Sanji apologizing to the woman, and ignored him when he caught up to walk beside him into the serenely blue bathroom.
Once again this room was actually very nice. There was even a small water display that stood in place of one of the walls. Brook had a really good interior decorator.
"You can't keep your underwear on," Sanji said as he began to strip.
"All you said was I had to come, and deal with your dumb spa thing. That's what I'm doing."
"I'm not saying that to tell you what to do, dumbass. People don't keep their underwear on because they like being able to step into a dry pair after they get out of the steam room. You might as well leave them in here until we're about to leave."
Zoro grumbled, realizing the shitty cook had a point, and shoved the remainder of his clothing into the same locker. Once they were robed properly, they met Cami again, and she led them through another set of tall doors. She handed each of them a towel, and pointed to the 3rd wooden door in the room saying that it was a private stall they could use. The timer would go off after 15 minutes, and she would meet them out here again to take them to get their first massage of the session.
Once inside, there was a small screen, and a little nook to put their robes away. Donning their towels, they went inside, and Sanji poured some water over the hot coals. They sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the heat, and sweating the toxins out of their systems.
Now this was something Zoro could do without feeling uncomfortable. Then again, this is likely why Sanji picked it first, so that he would be a little more malleable about the treatment. Whether or not it would work was still up in the air, but Zoro had a few questions of his own to ask before they got separated for the massages.
"Hey, shit cook."
"Hm?"
"You gonna tell me why you're so mad at me?"
"Do you want the truth or should I just yell at you?"
"The truth."
He heard Sanji sigh, and opened his eyes to see his boyfriend rubbing at his face. He did have to keep his eyes from following rivulets of sweat down his torso, but he partially failed at it.
"Listen, I get that there are some things you just don't do because you're not comfortable, but sometimes those things are not only very important to me, but you actually have no real reason to be uncomfortable with them besides your shitty 'I have to be a real man' attitude."
"All this over a robe?"
"It wasn't just the robe shit head! Remember when I had to go to that ballet with Vivi, the event I planned on going with you months in advance, because you just so happened to have to go to the game with your friends that night? Or that time I asked you to attend a wine drinking party with me, because it would reflect well on the Baratie, and when I told you the rules, you ditched me. No? Well then, what about whenever I ask you to go shopping with me, you either sulk the entire time not offering your opinion on anything, or you find a way to guilt me out of taking you along. This wasn't just the fucking robe, Zoro."
"Sanji…"
"I get that we argue a lot, but dammit, sometimes I feel like none of that gets through to you. If we're gonna be in a relationship, we both have to give up things sometimes."
"Sanji, I'm-"
The timer rang, and Sanji stood up before Zoro could grab a hold of him. He followed him out, but by the time he managed to get his robe on, Sanji was outside the room, walking over to talk to Cami.
He didn't think their relationship was in such bad shape, but he guessed that he wasn't paying much attention to it in the first place. Talk about feeling like shit. Sanji smiled at her, talking like they weren't just arguing a moment ago. She led them to separate rooms, so that they could get their massages.
Zoro immediately found himself on the fence again about the whole situation. The massage would take an hour, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to be lying on his back defenseless while some person rubbed him up and down with fancy oils for 60 minutes. How much did Sanji pay for all of this anyway? He probably should've asked him that before they got there. He stood awkwardly in the room waiting for the masseuse to appear, and when he did, Zoro had to do a double take.
"Smoker? When the fuck did you become a masseuse?"
"Since the beginning of the year. Now take off the robe and get on the table, smartass."
"Aren't you supposed to be nicer to your clients?"
"Not when I know them."
He thought he probably deserved this for the way he'd been treating Sanji lately, but he was hoping that the facial would've been payback enough.
He was very wrong.
"Could you at least turn around?"
Rolling his eyes, Smoker turned around so that Zoro could disrobe, and put the thin sheet over him after he laid on the table. He couldn't believe he was going through with this. For a few moments, he was focusing on watching Smoker's shoes go around the room, but he was distracted when warm oil hit the center of his back.
"Shit! Could you give a guy a warning?"
His masseuse remained quiet, and he tensed at the calloused hands pressing into his back. He should leave. He should leave right now, but the only thing that kept him from shoving off the table, and leaving to get his clothes, was the memory of Sanji's face in the steam room. He didn't think he was being that much of an asshole for blowing him off those few times, but apparently those events meant more to Sanji than he thought.
He wished the shitty cook would tell him these things sooner, but Franky was right. They had been together for so long that he should've known better than to try to keep up his old image. He didn't have to keep up anything besides his friendships, and his relationship with Sanji.
There was a sudden popping noise, and Zoro heard a loud moan echo across the room. Realizing it was him, he felt his face heat up, and cursed himself for it. Okay, maybe Smoker was a lot better at this than he assumed. There were several more pops along his spine, and the swordsman felt himself melting into the table.
Holy shit, why would he ever avoid something like this?
He couldn't even remember that time was passing, as every single muscle in his body was turned to goo under strong hands. When Smoker was done, he was pretty sure that he was no longer human, but instead a puddle with sentience.
"All right, you're done."
Zoro heard the door open and close, and he very sluggishly managed to push himself up from the table. He really should apologize to Sanji for being a piece of shit. This feminine stuff was nicer than he thought.
Donning his robe, he met Sanji and Cami outside, and Cami led them to another room. This was full of various women, getting their nails, and faces done. Nami was nice enough to save them a spot, and Zoro thought about not apologizing to anyone for anything anymore.
Vivi occupied the seat to the left of Zoro. She was wearing a facemask, and lifted up one of the cucumbers to ask, "So, who did you guys get to give you massages?"
"His name was Kaku. Very good at aroma therapy massages," Sanji said as his feet were placed into a bubbling pool of hot water.
"I've had him before! He used to work at this acupuncture place before it closed down, since the owner wasn't properly cleaning the equipment before each use. It was rather nice for Brook to give him a job. Who did you get Zoro?" Nami said.
Zoro grunted, as his feet were placed in his own bubbling tub of hot water.
"You seem very relaxed, Zoro. Would you had happened to have gotten Smoker?" Robin asked.
"Smoker? You mean, Parole Officer Smoker? When the hell was he a masseuse here?" Sanji asked.
"He got tired of working with convicts, and decided to use his muscle elsewhere. All the older women here love him, and the younger girls say he has magic hands. It would explain why Zoro looks so calm," Robin finished, as she sipped her drink.
The woman began scrubbing at the rough spots of skin on his soles, and he didn't respond much to the rough treatment. He felt boneless after the last treatment, and he hated it when Robin was right. He felt like he could doze off at a moment's notice, but in a blink he felt his feet being dipped into hot wax.
"The fuck!"
The woman handling his feet gave him a small smile, and propped his feet onto a small stool.
"Please keep them there until the wax cools," she said before going over to Sanji to repeat the process.
Speaking of the cook, he looked over to see him with his elbow on the arm rest, and his chin in his hand. His blonde hair always fell just so, over his eye, and Zoro always loved moving it out of the way. Sanji looked so at peace, getting his feet done. Before they were together, Sanji would've been cooing at every woman in the room, but that behavior changed slowly after they became a couple. Now Sanji wouldn't even glance twice at a beautiful woman.
Zoro thought it was because the cook had finally matured in a sense, but he figured out later that it was because Sanji had stopped finding women as attractive as he used to.
He still had yet to apologize to the cook, when he found his head being repositioned to sit properly against the top of the seat.
"Time for your facial, Zoro," Nami crooned.
The witch already had her camera out, and Zoro cursed every deity out there. He felt the wax from his feet being pulled off at the same time a cold thick substance was being brushed onto his face. Closing his eyes, he figured he would succumb to his fate with some kind of dignity.
Vivi dropped them off at their apartment, and Sanji went into their bedroom, stripping off his clothing as he went. Zoro followed suit, and stopped at the door when he saw Sanji flopped onto the bed only in his boxers. Looking over to the closet, he noticed the matching robes hanging from the doorknobs, and quietly sighed. Sanji laid face down on the pillows, not saying a word to him since the steam room.
He had laughed when they put kiwi slices over Zoro's closed eyes, but it wasn't any form of conversation. Making a decision, he took off the rest of his clothing, and donned the dark green robe.
"Oi, shit cook."
Peeling his face from the pillow, Sanji looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Listen, I'm sorry for being a jackass. I didn't know those things meant so much to you, and had I known, I would've done better by you."
Sanji remained silent, waiting for him to continue.
"Do you want to, I don't know, watch one of those romantic comedies you love? We could eat ice cream, and cuddle. I mean, if you're still pissed at me I understand, but I want you to know that I'm going to be-"
"-Shut up, marimo."
Zoro was about to call him a bitch, but stopped himself when he saw the cook smiling at him.
He smiled back, tossing the blue robe towards him.
"You don't mind if we watch Pride and Prejudice?"
"I'll keep the gagging noises to a nonexistent level if it means I only have to watch it twice a year."
"Deal."