An Old Man's Regrets (Garp POV)

angst / tragedy

Spoilers for episode 459 and onwards.

He's still that kid in my eyes. The little infant that I secretly took under my wing—the forbidden son of my sworn arch-enemy-turned-almost-friend. The one I hid in the hands of mountain bandits, but never really left in my thoughts.

He was five when I took him on that first camping trip in the woods, ten when I stopped because I had my hands full with my other grandson. Thirteen when I started taking them both out together.

He's still that kid in my eyes. The child that I acted as the official guardian for in the eyes of the law, the one I treated like my own. The boy I left my insolent grandson with, who soon started regarding him as his own brother. Ever since my wife died and my son left, those two kids have been the only thing I had.

It's unthinkable that one of them is about to die.

Don't get me wrong—I know how this world works. The main reason I wanted the two of them to become Marines was to avoid a situation like this. Ever since I failed with that, I haven't gone one day without thinking about the day one of them is going to have to face this punishment. I've had all the preparation in the world, and yet I'm not ready. I don't think I'll ever be.

Today it's Ace's turn. Little Ace, who always doubted his own worth and sailed the seas to find someone who wanted him to be alive. He's found them, I think, as I look down at the Whitebeard pirates and their allies who are doing everything they can, fighting with everything they have just one step below us.

And then there's me, who can't do anything at all.

I debated with Sengoku long and hard if I'd even be here today, but finally concluded that I needed to be here. Anything would be better than to sit around without knowing what was happening – or to watch it on a screen, which would be even worse. So that's why I'm sitting here, on the execution platform beside the kid that finally overcame the darkness within him but now has to repent for his sins in the eyes of the public. And I just want to punch him and hold him and say that everything will be okay, but it won't and I told you so and can you please forgive me.

My boy is going to die in this very spot and I'll be watching, together with the rest of the world.

He took the wrong path, the path that he was destined to take but that I tried to forcibly lead him away from and failed. He's going to get punished for that right now – for his own choices – but I somehow feel like this is my fault as well and that this is the worst punishment I could ever get.

Many times, I've found myself wishing that I could take his place. And just as many times, the logical part of my brain has told me that I both can't and shouldn't. Ace is going to have to die no matter what.

He's still that kid in my eyes. The one who I now know will never get past 20. The one who won't even get to live half the time of my life, and how horribly unfair that is. His death will be broadcasted all over the world, and said world will rejoice at the sight. His death will bring their hope back. An old man's tears aren't worth a thing to that.

But he's still that kid in my eyes, and fate has dealt him the worst hand possible for the end.

Ace. Little Ace.

I have loved him like my own. I still do. And I'm willing to forgive him for anything—anything he's ever done.

Anything… except for dying.