The Days That Followed

It was only for that night. That one night I had kissed him and he had kissed me. Those occurrences continued throughout the night we shared. With stolen kisses in the dark and words which both of us knew would be forgotten the next day, we had held each other. There was no sexual experience, but the night was more intimate than that. We were both broken and using one another to fix ourselves.

For a single night, my head was somewhere other than in pain. I felt completely one hundred percent safe talking to him about everything that made my head spin, and he opened up to me as well. The night turned to the next morning, and we just laid there, holding each other in our arms like our lives depended on it. I fell asleep around three, and I imagine he did not long after that, as he appeared long asleep when my alarm woke me up at six-thirty.

I waited to move, watching him sleep for the first time. His body was warm against mine, and I could feel the pattern of his steady breathing. He woke up about fifteen minutes later. Neither of us really spoke, just looking at each other in the low light in contentment, knowing neither of us really wanted to let this go, but also knowing it was for the best. We knew we had an agreement with ourselves and with each other.

"Should I make the coffee?" I asked, quietly, as though I still had to be wary of someone sleeping.

"You don't have to do that, Ianto," Jack said in the same quiet tone and volume.

"I know I don't," I said. "I want to, but I don't really want to get up." I moved my left hand directly beside his, unsure of whether the moment counted as the night we would share, or as the work day after.

He rubbed my hand with his thumb, mindlessly. "Then don't get up," he said. Neither of us had moved at all yet.

"It's nearly seven. We have work today," I reminded him.

"We don't have to go to work, I could call Gwen…" he was still hushed.

"We have a job to do, Jack. We both know we can't just ignore that, no matter how much we want to." I hated what I was saying, and I had a lot of nerve for saying it, but it was true that we had a duty to attend to.

Jack rolled to his back from his side and stared at the ceiling. "Yeah."

I stood up and left my room to go to the kitchen. I started some coffee and then went to get dressed. I was still in my same trousers and my undershirt, as was he, but I wasn't sure what to wear. Did I go less casual now that he had mentioned it? Was that overly obvious?

I exhaled and buttoned up a red shirt. My waist coat was still undone as I peeked back in my room at Jack, who was sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up at me in the doorway.

"I made the coffee," I said. "I don't really have any food in the house." I saw his eyes scan me up and down.

"I'm not that hungry, and thanks Ianto." He was still being ever so quiet. "I don't suppose you have a shirt I could borrow?" He smiled slightly.

I nodded and left to grab him one. When I returned, I found he had made my bed. He put on the shirt and continued to get dressed. I found myself sitting at the kitchen table, my face in a cup, fully immersed in it.

Jack joined me moments later. He was not his usual self, as he found himself speechless at my table. After several minutes of quiet underneath my kitchen lamp, he finally spoke up nervously. "Are… Are you sure you are feeling up to work today, Ianto? I would understand, I mean a lot had happened with you in the past few weeks, and I don't want to see you get worse. Somethings she was saying, Mandy that is, got me very concerned for you, and I mean I can always give Gwen a call and…"

"Jack," I interrupted.

"What?"

"No." I took a deep breath. "I have a feeling you have already forgotten what I did, but I have not. Now as I said, we have jobs to do, yeah?"

"Yeah," he said. "That doesn't mean that I want to."

"If you think I want to, you are insane."

"Ianto," he called, but he awaited no response. He kissed me once more.

We were already behind schedule. We got up to leave, reminding each other once more about the deal we had made, convincing one another that once we left the flat, that was it. Eventually, however, it somehow got changed to when we reached the car, and then to when we entered the hub.

I let the comfortableness touch me, and I told him everything that I hadn't already on the ride. When we got out and began to the door, we walked in silence. The door opened and he grabbed my hand. We stepped through, and broke hands, whispering a good bye as he entered the hub, and I went behind the desk.

Immediately at that moment, we reverted back to ourselves. I became the Ianto I was, staying mostly quiet unless needed, and he, the enigmatic captain. We simply went about our days, ignoring anything and everything that had happened.

Jack hadn't made me pay any consequence for the night, in fact, he seemed to be avoiding me at all costs; something that made me uncomfortable as I wondered if he were mad at me, or maybe feeling some sort of discontent or regret. I spent most of the day at my desk, aside from a few rift warnings.

Things felt like they had reverted to exactly how they were before any of my dealings in the pub, but I knew that nothing would be the same again and there was no way to change that.