Your name is Gamzee Makara and you are content with dying. Tomorrow marks you and Karkats 8 sweep wriggling day. It also marks the day you both have to appear for conscription. You know you will die because you aren't fit enough for your cast and the sweeps of sopor abuse has left you underdeveloped. Still you are content but not the precious mutant laying in your arms curled up around you like a little meow beast. You pull him closer sensing his constant whiplash of anger, trepidation and cold fear. Despite his authoritarian nature you know he is terrified of dying and you know there is no comfort you can offer your moirail so you sit in your mixed pile of belongings and hold him easing away as much anxiety as you could. Much like you he hasn't grown as much and the bright red peeking through his eyes would give away he wasn't a rust blood. He shifts and your attention is drawn from your thoughts as he emits a shaky sigh unburying his face to look up at you.
"Hey there little motherfucker you all up and sleep any?" You offer him a smile laced with pale concern.
He seems to contemplate whether to tell you the truth or lie.
"...No...not really..." He grumbled, slowly sitting up and stretching out once again reminding you of a meow beast...or cat. He was pretty sure he read (Karkat read to him) the high blooded word was a cat.
You frown at that and rub small circles across his shoulders and back feeling the tensed-up muscles shaking there.
"We still got some time you can rest a bit more karbro.."
He shook his head at you, his face all lean and sharp angles. "...Moons will up soon...fleet with probably be there early."
You sigh and nuzzle your face against the back of his neck inhaling the familiar aroma of dirt, metal and, something sweet you couldn't quite place. "Let's all up an take a bath then! I can wash your back like you motherfucking like~?"
He seemed to contemplate that a second longer but slowly nodded at you. "Yeah..a bath sounds nice.."
You grin like an idiot at him and shift to lift him in your arms. Despite your neglected body you could always easily lift your pale mate. He fit so snugly under your chin you couldn't help but smile wider and try to push the impending doom from your mind. You carry your little miracle down the short hallway stepping around piles of horns and clothes scattered about until you came upon the abluti...to the bathroom and set him down on the..toilet. Man, you really had to think hard about all these words but you understand Karkat's need for you to learn them. Would be kind of funny for a person of your blood color to go up in there and start spouting low blood words. Karkat curls his knees up onto the toilet making him seem much smaller in your shirt that you had given him earlier. He seemed paler than usual and his hair was all messy from the fitful sleep he had been having.
You moved over to softly pap his head and go to run a nice hot bath even adding in some of the scented fizzy miracle balls that you know Karkat likes. The bath turned a beautiful mix of reds, yellows and greens and you caught yourself staring at the colors and wishing them on your hands and in your nails digging them deeper and deeper into burning flesh...No. You stop that train of thought immediately and rub at your face feeling overcome with shame. You weren't too sure how long it had been you last had your dose of sopor and the strain was causing pain through your thinkpan up to the tips of your horns. Too long you decided but you wanted to be more on the sober side for the recruitment...and for Karkat. You wanted to think clearly for him after all it was the least you could do to be sobered up for your deaths.
Although…you are certain as soon as you are forced to leave Karkat you are going to shove a double dose into your mouth. Maybe it will ease the pain of death or just outright kill you all peacefully. What a miracle that would be.
You couldn't help but start to think about if you'll meet him in the carnival you know you will go to when you die. You wonder if maybe Karkat with his miracle blood would have a ticket there too. You also let the thought cross your mind that maybe just maybe you both may live and grow and see each other again in a pale embrace like in Karkats movies...but you know that is wishful thinking and you are not a child anymore so you turn your attention back to your moirail.
"Think the bath's all ready~." you muster up a smile for him.
He looks up from whatever terror has been stringing its way through his mind. You can smell the fear even from over here and it settles in your stomach like a bad piece of grubloaf you ate.
He nods some at you and tries to offer a smile back but it falls short. You'll take him trying as a victory for now and start to undress yourself before moving to slowly undress him. You're careful undressing him and lowering him into the water all slow and gentle like a lusus holding their new ward. You actually smile this time as you feel his muscles relax from the heat of the water. You shuffle over to move in behind him not graceful in the slightest because you end up slipping a bit and making a mess with the splash you caused. You couldn't help yourself but think who cares? You might as well wreck your hive because one way or the other you'll never be here again. You shake the thoughts from your head and set about working your magical fingers down Karkats back.
"Can up an make us a bitchass breakfast too some grubloaf, some cluck..chicken eggs~ and bacon too~ can make whatever you want bro~?"
He tilts his head up at you seeming lost in thought and for a few moments you can see the specks of crimson in his burning grey eyes. "...pancakes? With the cherries..like what we made on our last wriggling day..?" Now how could anyone say no to that pitiful voice.
You smile brightly at the suggestion and nuzzle into his wet hair. "Motherfucking perfect~."
He gives a small smile and you feel your heart swell with pale feelings as soft as sand and as bright as stars.
You finish your bath as slowly as you dare to go hoping to be able to eat and get presentable before you have to leave. When you're done you both exit and you don't even bother to drain the tub because why would you care enough to? It would be a waste of the precious time you have left. You both wander downstairs not bothering to get dressed quite yet and neither one of you actually caring at the moment. He pauses some while you begin the task of cooking what he requested.
"Hey...?" Karkat mumbled hesitantly at you after a bit and you turned to face him while the pancakes cooked.
"Yeah bro what's wrong..?" You frown at the somber expression on his face. You hate seeing him sad it makes your guys twist all up like they're on some kind of roller coaster.
"M-maybe we should just stay here...?"
You furrow your brows trying to think on what he was saying. Did he mean like stay in the kitchen to eat? I mean normally you ate in there so it would be weird for him to suggest it. "Stay here? Brother what you all meaning by that?"
He seems to hesitate choosing his words carefully as if at any moment he could say the wrong thing to make you snap. You know he's partially on edge because of your lack of sopor for the past two days and it had been wearing you down bit by bit. You had snapped at him a couple times for simple things that normally would have never bothered you but you were very quick to apologize and all was forgiven.
He took a deep breath collecting himself which made you twice as worried as before. "I mean...what if we don't go to the…Conscription..? What if we just stay here..?"
You frown deeply at that everything in your mind telling you to yell at him for even having a stupid idea like that. Who does this fucking low ass shitblood think he is to question you….you need to stop. Your heart sinks at the thoughts that crossed your mind and they must have shown on your face because Karkat is making himself small and preemptively reaching for his strife specibus. You take a moment to motherfucking breathe and settle your calm ass self right back into your bones.
"Brother no, we can't up and miss that shit...you wouldn't be noticed yeah but someone higher like me they up and would sent out a ship looking for any higher bloods as thinking they can run and hide and they'll up an take out whoever on the way. I ain't going to up any danger so many trolls like that."
"Gam please...we can stay here and just let them kill us here we both know that we're going to die either way can't we at least die together!"
You feel your stomach clench up in anxiety at his words but you also see the pure panic on his face and the fear that radiates from his very being. You want to say yes and everything in you screams don't disappoint your moirail but you know better and you know it will be much worse if you have to be hunted out by trolls instead of being killed quickly by the drones. You couldn't handle it watching someone torture your precious miracle. You had often thought more than once this week about killing him gently yourself just to spare him the pain. Give him enough drugs in his system he just slowly goes in his sleep all peaceful dreams and shit. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it and you would probably kill yourself very soon after and that shit ain't funny you'd be tearing your ticket to the carnival. You muster up your courage and as gently as you can, you speak.
"No brother we have to go...it'll be alright..I'll be walking with you long as I motherfucking can..."
You see him physically deflate at that and it kills you, tears up your insides with guilt and shame but you are more sober than you have been in sweeps and you're thinking clearly and you know this is the best course of action that you can do to save him some pain. He just nods slowly at you and you can tell in him that he too knows we have to go. You eat together curled up, reluctant to let each other go with the time you have. You can feel the trepidation grow in him as you sense the moons with be rising soon. His panic sets in and you have to shoosh him a few times to get him calm enough to get up and start getting dressed. You pull out the subjugglator uniform you know you're meant to wear and slowly pull it on. The expensive fabric felt strange on your skin and the shirt was a bit tighter than what you're used to wearing. Your emblem is embroidered eloquently in the middle of your chest in your dark purple hue. The pants likewise have accents of your hue in the stitching and trim.
You wish for nothing more than to switch with Karkat. If he had your shade he would easily make it into ranks. He was strong and powered by pure will, anger and determination. You shake off your wistful thoughts and move over to help Karkat in his formal wear. The uniform he held was a medium grey with accents of deep rust that you knew if you held to the beautiful flakes in his eyes his secret would be spilt right then and there along with that miraculous blood. You rotate your shoulders getting a feel for the right garment much different than what you're used to wearing. You have to check your strife specibus a few times just to make sure you have your clubs on you. Going to conscription without a weapon is a certain death sentence. Although you plan to die you don't plan to go out without a fight. You check your sylladex and make sure you have everything you think you will need going through a checklist in your mind now that you can think clearly.
You look at Kakat and give a grim sigh as his gaze meets yours. You take his hand and he accepts wrapping his thin fronds around yours.
"Are you ready?" He asks his voice shaking.
You steel your stomach and nod swallowing the lump in your throat. "Sure am best friend."
And with that you both set off out your hive to join the small mass heading toward the golden ships entering orbit. You hold onto Karkats hand tighter, straighten your back and walk forward with your head held high because you sure as hell will not die in shame.