Sirius lay on the couch flicking through an old issue of 'Witch Weekly' which he had found lying on the floor. To this day, he wasn't sure why he had subscribed to the magazine as he never read it properly — he barely even looked at the pictures. Every issue that arrived at their flat would meet the same fate. It would get dumped somewhere and sit there for weeks, then Remus would eventually fo the puzzles and it would get tossed in that nights fire.
Sirius was beginning to wonder where Remus had gotten to when there was an almighty thud on the door. The sound made the blood in Sirius' veins run cold. The last time someone had knocked on the door, it was Ministry Officials come to tell him that his brother was dead. Fearing that the worst may have somehow happened to Remus while he was out, Sirius made his way, fearfully, towards the door.
THUD.
"It's me you idiot, open the door." Remus called. "I've got no hands and I refuse to head-butt the door a third time." Sirius let forward and yanked the door open quickly. Remus was standing there holding a soggy, old cardboard box and his forehead was all red from where he had, indeed, head-butted the door. He had a wide, slightly impish grin on his face.
"What's in the box?" Sirius sighed in mock exasperation and rolled his eyes, stepping aside to let Remus in.
"Please don't be angry. He was crying and I couldn't leave him. He would have died." Remus sat the box down on the kitchen floor, hunkered over it making sure whatever was in it was okay.
"Oh dear Merlin, what have you done?" Sirius knew how much of a soft git Remus was. Where he had at first been excited about what was in the box, he now had a knot of dread forming deep in his gut. Remus being such an animal lover was something that Sirius loved and hated in equal measures. There could be anything in the box. "If that's a dragon or something in there, I swear I'm leaving."
"He's not a dragon. Look." Remus laughed as he stepped away from the box to allow Sirius to look.
Sirius looked in the box to see a ball of matted black fur, about the size of a Bludger, with no distinguishable head, limbs, tail, wings or any features really.
"Um, honey, what is it exactly?" Sirius looked up demanding an answer with an arched eyebrow.
"What does it look like, it's a puppy." Remus laughed again.
"Are you sure?" Sirius looked back at the supposed dog in the box. It didn't look like a puppy.
"Meh, bout eighty-percent sure." Remus told him, although it sounded more like a question. "It doesn't matter though, because I've already named him so we have to keep him."
"Okay, yes, we'll keep the dog." Sirius looked in the box again. "If it's a dog."
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you." Remus gushed and hugged Sirius tight, kissing him on the cheek over and over again.
"Alright, enough, gerroff me." Sirius laughed, pushing Remus away and wrapped an arm around his waist. "What ridiculous name have you given the poor bugger?"
"Well, there's really only one name for an unidentifiable breed of black dog, isn't there?" Remus beamed down at Sirius.
"No. there are plenty."
"I love you." Remus cooed, closing in for a kiss.
"Nuh uh, you're not fucking calling him Padfoot." Sirius could hardly keep the smile off his face.
"Don't swear in front of the baby." Remus hissed, nodding towards the box.
The following weeks brought numerous challenges, the first of which was training the dog to go outside, rather than pissing and shitting all over the flat. In the end, they had given up and just let him do what he wanted, they could clean up after him using magic anyway. The second challenge they faced was that he wasn't going to let them put a collar on him so they could walk him. He was getting so big that running around their small rooftop garden soon wouldn't be enough exercise for him. Their third issue was that their puppy was, in Sirius' words and in actuality, "a little shit".
"Pads, have I ever told you how handsome you are?" Remus asked over breakfast one sunny Saturday morning.
"Devastatingly handsome." Sirius corrected him.
"Sure," Remus agreed, "I've had an idea."
"Funny how handsome I am when you have ideas." Sirius commented.
"Would you let me put a collar on you?"
"Ooh, kinky." Sirius winked.
"Not like that, idiot. I was thinking if Junior saw Padfoot wearing a collar, then maybe he'd understand that there's nothing to be afraid of."
"And I suppose you'll want me to start pissing outside to see if he gets the hang of that one too?"
"I mean," Remus shrugged, "I wasn't going to ask, but if you're offering…"
"Yes, you can put a collar on Padfoot." Sirius resigned himself to the fact that they had tried everything else short of stunning the dog.
"Thank you honey." Remus blew a kiss.
"Ah, I have a condition. You can put a collar on me, if I can put a collar on you." Sirius grinned confidently when he saw Remus instantly blush.
After they finished breakfast, Sirius transformed into Padfoot. Remus had sat with Junior on his lap, making sure he saw Sirius transform so that he wasn't upset when there was suddenly another dog in the house. It was apparent, however, that their concerns had been unnecessary. Junior was thrilled to see Padfoot. He launched himself off Remus' lap as soon as Sirius had transformed and was jumping and rolling around the living room, far to excited to contain himself. Padfoot got equally as wound up, chasing the puppy around playfully. Remus had no choice but to sit and watch chaos reign, there was no way he could have caught either of them. Eventually, Junior hopped up on the couch next to him and flopped down, exhausted. Padfoot sat himself down in between Remus' legs while he rummaged in the bags from the pet shop. He had to confess that he had gone a little overboard when he was shopping, justifying spoiling the new puppy by reminding Sirius 'We have no idea how quickly he's going to grow, it makes sense to buy lots of collars'. In the end, Sirius had negotiated him down from fourteen to four, which he thought was still a ridiculous number of collars.
Remus found the collar he was looking for, the largest they had bought, and slowly put it on Padfoot. He looked at Junior the whole time, explaining how the collar was nothing to be afraid of. Junior seemed to understand, or so Remus thought. Sirius was fairly sure the dog was a moron, staring blankly at Remus expecting a treat or something. Remus took a second collar out of the bag, one that would actually fit Junior. He as far as unclipping the collar before Junior was off like a rocket once more.
"Oh for fucks sake." Remus breathed. It wasn't often that Remus swore, in fact, he almost never swore. "Junior, come back!" He called the pup, who was having none of it. Padfoot darted after him and picked him up by the scruff on the back of his neck. He took him back of to the couch, Junior wriggling furiously the whole time, and put him down next to Remus, who took a firm hold of the wriggling puppy. Sirius then pawed at his own collar.
"Stop fighting it Sirius, you're going to make him think collars are horrible."
"Well the are! Try putting this one on him. He knows this ones okay because I'm okay. He just doesn't understand that one is fine too cause he's an idiot."
"You do understand that you've just barked at me? I don't speak mutt."
"I'm pure-bred sexy and you know it."
"Yes, I'm sure that comeback was very witty." Remus cooed and scratched behind Padfoot's ear as if he was actually a dog. Sirius was loathed to admit that he loved ear scratches. "Wait a minute," Sirius watched Remus catch up, "I'll put that collar on him because he knows this one won't hurt him."
"I knew they called you the smart one for a reason, Moony."
"Oh, shut up. I know that tone even when you're barking at me." Remus chuckled.
He caught Junior's attention again and got him to watch as he took the collar off of Padfoot. He turned to Junior, let him sniff at the collar and then clipped it around his neck. The collar was too big and would never do, but at least they finally had a collar on him — for about twenty seconds until he wriggled out of it with ease. After that Junior was quite happy to let Remus put the correct collar on him.
"YES!" Remus yelled, jumping up and throwing his arms above his head in victory. Padfoot jumped up and used Remus' shoulders to steady himself. Remus grabbed either side of his head. "We did it Sirius! We did it!" Padfoot howled in celebration and Junior jumped around on the couch, not understanding why they were celebrating, just enjoying the buzz in the room. "Come on then, change back and we'll take him down the park."
Padfoot, however, did not change back. He had a sneaking suspicion that Junior was going to hate the leash as much as he had hated the collars. Deciding to communicate this to Remus in the best way he knew how, Padfoot rummaged in the pet shop bags for a leash and waited for Remus to take it out his mouth. He then looked between the leash in Remus' hand and Junior rolling about on the couch in a world of his own, until Remus caught his drift. Sure enough, as soon as Remus got close with the leash, Junior went absolutely mental.
Padfoot rolled his eyes in a very human manner, let Remus put the collar back on him, and then the leash. After that, the puppy was happy enough to have a leash put on.
"Alright boys," Remus stood, holding firmly onto both leashes. "Let's go walkies!" Padfoot promptly and firmly sat back down, absolutely and decidedly not going for 'walkies'. Remus knew there was no way in hell he could pass up this opportunity. It was a once in a lifetime chance and he had to take full advantage of that. James had been dying to talk Padfoot since they had become animagi, and Remus was a little giddy just thinking about how jealous James would be.
He hunkered down in front of Padfoot and held his muzzle so he couldn't turn his head away. Padfoot wriggled a little, but didn't try particularly hard to get away so Remus knew he wasn't too angry.
"I know you'll forgive me for doing this, but I don't think James would if I didn't." Padfoot rolled his eyes in a way all together far to human for a dog. It would have been rather unnerving if it hadn't been at least the thousandth time Remus had seen him do it. "I love you, and I will make this up to you." Remus smirked and kissed Padfoot on the head. "Let's go."
Sirius had resigned himself to his fate, but he had no intention of making Remus' particularly easy — in fact, he had decided he was going to have some fun himself and make Remus' life a living hell when they reached the park. He put up a fight, pulling at the leash with his mouth and keeping his backside firmly planted on the floor. Junior was already having a great time, he thought that getting Padfoot out of the flat was a game, so while Remus tugged at the leash, Junior tried his best to help by pushing Sirius from behind.
Padfoot allowed himself to be walked through the bustling city, making their way to the park. He knew he couldn't be mad at Remus, because if the situation had been reversed he wouldn't have given it a second thought. Plus, Remus was right about James. The look on his face was going to be well worth an hour or so in the demeaning collar.
In the park, Junior was having a great time chasing pigeons. He was constantly trying to run further than the leash would allow, and fell over just about every time he tried to pull away. Remus was muttering about a dislocated shoulder and Sirius was chuckling away silently to himself. As they reached the fountain, Sirius saw his opportunity and made a break for it.
Remus briefly dropped Padfoot's leash to grab a hold of Junior's, who was trying desperately to chase after a frisbee some children were playing with. Dropping Padfoot's leash, however, was a fatal mistake. Padfoot tore off at full pelt, torpedoing past families who were enjoying a nice day out in the sun, he just about knocked a toddler off her feet in the process, and jumped straight in the fountain, soaking everyone in a five-foot radius.
"PADFOOT!" Remus yelled, picking up Junior and apologising to everyone he ran past. Seeing Remus struggling, one of the girls Padfoot had soaked, leapt in the fountain and grabbed him by the collar.
"Thank you!" Remus gasped as he got to the fountain and she handed him the leash. He put Junior back on the ground as well
"No problem, my dog's the same. Can't keep him away from something if he decides he's having it." She laughed. "I'm Karen."
"Remus."
"Who are these two lovely boys?" She asked, tucking her long blonde hair behind her ear.
"This idiot is Padfoot," Remus nodded to Sirius, "and the pup is Junior."
"Aw!" She cooed and knelt down to pet them both. Sirius didn't like very much how close her head was to Remus' groin. He also didn't like the way she looked at him, or the fact that she played with her hair, or the fact that she giggled every time either of them spoke. "How old are they?" She asked.
"Junior's only a few months, I'm not sure exactly. I found him in a box on the street." The girl gasped and put a hand on her chest.
"Aw, that's so sweet." She smiled seductively and Padfoot growled quietly.
"Oi, you." Remus nudged Padfoot gently with his knee. "That's enough. This one's twenty-one next week."
"Really? Wow, he's got a lot of life in him for an old dog." She pet Padfoot on the head. He hated it.
"Well, he's twenty-one in dog years. He's three." Karen giggled and played with the end of her hair again.
"Listen, there's a group of us studying just over by that tree there. Would you like to join us?"
"I'm sorry, I need to get these two home." Remus stared at his feet.
"Yeah, okay. Of course." The girl looked a little dismayed, as if she wasn't used to getting rejected. Sirius couldn't help but feel a little smug. "Maybe I'll see you around?" Karen flashed him one last smile before rejoining her friends under the tree.
Remus walked them around the entire park, trying to keep Junior and Padfoot as far from people, puddles, pigeons and fountains as possible. Every so often, Padfoot would run in circles around Remus, winding Junior up in the process, and tangling both leashes around Remus' legs. More than once he nearly fell over.
"I'm going to kill you, Sirius." He would mutter each time.
Much to Sirius' delight, he saw an other opportunity to escape when Junior took a dump right in the middle of the path. While Remus cleaned up after him, Sirius made a beeline for an attractive young man he spotted sitting on a bench. He had clearly been running and stopped for a break. Padfoot sniffed around the man's knees and allowed himself to be patted. When he was sure Remus was looking, Padfoot jumped on the bench and started to lick the attractive man's face. He laughed and playfully pushed Padfoot away. Sirius could take a hint, it wasn't unreasonable for this man to not want his face licked. He hopped off the bench and saw that Remus wasn't rising to his bait, he was just calmly watching Padfoot make a fool of himself.
'Desperate times call for desperate measures." Padfoot thought to himself as he humped the runners leg. The look of sheer embarrassment on Remus' face as he ran over to the bench was something that Sirius would relish for the rest of his life.
"Oh, bloody hell, Padfoot." He yanked Padfoot away, not too concerned about being gentle either. "I am so sorry! He can be a right git sometimes." Remus walked away as quickly as he possibly could, absolutely mortified by Sirius' behaviour. 'At least he doesn't know Padfoot's not actually a dog.' Remus reassured himself.
"You're a disgusting, petty, immature man, Black, and you had best hope I decide to take that collar off you or you'll be stuck as a dog forever!" Remus hissed when they were out of earshot of the Muggle on the bench. Sirius couldn't help himself but laugh. A strange bark came out of Padfoot's mouth, one that Muggles would swear sounded a little like a human laughing.
Remus dragged Padfoot out of the park and Junior bounced along quite happily beside them. Once out of sight of any muggles, Remus apparated them to a little blue front door that Sirius knew all too well. He knocked before entering.
"Hi, it's me." Remus called. "Sorry to just drop in, but I've got a surprise for you Prongsy." Remus laughed as Padfoot shook his head frantically from side to side. Telling James about this would be one thing, James actually being in the same room as Padfoot wearing a leash was going to bring on a lifetime of ridicule that Sirius most certainly did not want to deal with.
"Oh, Moony, you brilliant bastard!" James gasped in excitement when appeared at the top of the stairs in front of them and saw Padfoot. "Bloody brilliant!"