Disclaimer: I think I kind of state it in the story itself, but I don't own anything in this fic.

a/n, may be skipped if desired: I know this isn't original, but I had a random inspired thought. I have nothing against Alanna going to a convent or her and Jon pairings, I just don't read them. This is how I think she would react... kind of... if she were to find out what we were doing to her though.

"Numair," an irritated red head interrupted the lecturing Storkman. "Get to the point about why I'm so often paired with Jon please." She looked up from the black chaise at the man who was seated behind the desk.

"Ah, I was just getting to that," he said, looking down and tapping his already meticulously place papers in an even straighter line.

"You were talking about convents!" she yelled, sitting up entirely.

"Alanna, if this is going to work the way Thayet wants it to, you have to stay laying," he said, standing up to his full six foot five. The short woman lay back grumbling while one Numair Salmalin started to pace. "Now then, as I was saying. People like Jonathan marrying you because it's not what really happened. They might like Jonathan better, because he's better looking, has the Gift, is a king, you worked with him for a very long time and actually was his squire. Some people might also not like Thayet and would rather see an ill-tempered, short, stocky-"

"Keep going and I won't be the only short one here," she threatened while looking pointedly at her sword by the door.

"Right," Numair said with a slight cough. "My point being that they'd rather have someone like yourself on the throne instead of a Mary-Sue."

"Who?"

"A Mary-Sue is some character who is perfect, has no temper, her hair is always beautiful, has a bright smile, is just the right weight, all the men fall for her, is friends with people that she quite assuredly shouldn't be friends with, is incredibly strong-"

"I get it, I get it," Alanna interrupted his list again. "But Thayet isn't a Mary-Sue. She has problems; she's not perfect, although she's close to it. I mean, her body, her hair, and her complexion get her close. But she has that weird nose, and let's face it, after having two kids, her butt isn't the best in the kingdom."

"Well, seeing as she always wears large dresses you women insist upon, the men of Tortall wouldn't know that," Numair reasoned. "Any ways, the fangirls, and boys should there be any out there, place you with Jonathan because," he started again.

"You went over why, how do I make them stop? I love George. I've had his children, and I made it perfectly clear that, one: I'd rather be a knight. If I had wanted to go to a convent I wouldn't have switched with Thom. And two: if I loved Jon I wouldn't have brought Thayet home. I would have dropped her off the side of the boat on the crossing back into Tortall; I knew that Jonathan would fall in love with her beauty if not her mind also."

"That's the problem. You see, there is no way for you to make them stop." He stepped back at the woman's glare and held his hands up in defense, ready to use anything to stop her. He bravely, and audibly, swallowed his fear and continued. "Fangirls have their own right to write what ever they want as long as they say that they don't own anything familiar."

"But if I go to the convent or marry Jon then I'm not familiar! I'm not me," she argued.

"Yes, but your name, appearance, and total existence still belong to Tamora Pierce."

"Who?"

"The author," he said simply.

"Wait, what author? There's a whole other author that can make me go to the convent and make it legal?" she asked, standing quickly in anger.

"No!" Numair said quickly. "You see, she's the one that decided you shouldn't go to the convent or marry Jonathan. There's actually a myth that says that you were going to, but then it wouldn't have been you, so she introduced Thayet and she chose George for yourself. It's just a myth that you were going to though!" he said hurriedly.

"You know what, I don't like these Numair. Why does everyone else have a set partner except for me? I mean, you and Daine, Aly and Nawat, not that they're mentioned much, Beka and Rosto."

"Ah, but you didn't name off Jonathan and Thayet, they're not set in stone, are they?" he asked sneakily. "There's also Kel's problems with men. They seem to like her and Dom the most, but there's also her and Joren and I've even seen a few Kel and Neal. Also, I've been looking up on Aly, and I've enlisted George's help on this, we found something very interesting. I think you should see it," he said, going back to his desk and picking up the paper on top of a large stack.

He silently handed it to the woman who took it and crumpled it immediately after scanning it. "Horse manure," she sourly. "My Aly knows better than to go with a God, especially one known for trickery."

"I'm sorry, but like I said, Fangirls have free reign. Besides, Daine and myself don't have it easy. George withheld a recently posted story where I cheated on her. Why would I cheat on Daine? And with Varice, no less!" Both occupants of the room looked at the window, where a crow had just fallen off its perch. "So that's been about an hours worth of you ranting about your hate of being paired with Jon and going to the convent. You can leave and tell Thayet that you have been counseled and feel much better so we don't have to continue with these please," Numair said, still looking out the window.

"I don't know, I kind of like these little get togethers. Maybe this'll open a whole new section of fanfiction for us," Alanna said slyly.

Numair looked at her sharply. "If it does, it is on your head," he said, his black Gift suddenly shining around him. "I am happily married to Daine and refuse to be in a lasting relationship with anyone else."

"Well our relationship doesn't have to last!" Alanna said enthusiastically.

"Alanna," Numair said in a warning voice.

"Really, we could write how we had that affair right after we were introduced before my wedding with George and how you nearly ruined everything and to this day George still doesn't trust you and that's why you're not allowed near him except in times of danger."

"I'm not allowed near him because I set off all of his Gift searching devices that warn him when someone with the Gift is near. You know that," he said plainly. "Now leave, I'm sure you're giving some people more ideas," he ordered.

"Awe, Numy-poo," Alanna complained with an evil smile.

"Alanna, I swear, you call me that again and you won't be able to use any weapon for a month," he threatened while throwing a stack of papers into the unlit fireplace.

"What was that?" she asked, going over and picking a paper up with her name on it.

"Your progress in this past session," he said.

"You wrote down everything that was said!" she exclaimed. "You even put 'um's' and sound effects I made…" she looked harder at something. "My voice did NOT crack when I was describing my thoughts on Thayet and George dancing," she said defensively.

"I heard what I heard," Numair said with a shrug. "Your time is up Alanna, it's Jonathan's turn to come in and complain my ears off," Numair stated, leading the woman out of his tidy office and into the hallway where a row of filled chairs was lined up. "Your Majesty," Numair said with a slight bow as the monarch entered his office and lay on the chaise.

Please review if you liked or hated it. It was written in a very short amount of time, I didn't want to use a lot of detail for the room they were in or what they were doing.