"Don't suppose you've tried talking to it?"
"No."
Teal'c recalled the words that Daniel Jackson had spoken concerning the apartment-warming gift he'd been given. As it was, that fern was one of the few reminders Teal'c had left of his brief time living outside of Cheyenne Mountain.
Sadly, the plant was still on the precipice of death.
Teal'c was disappointed. Unaccustomed as he was to certain Tau'ri traditions, Daniel Jackson's gift meant a lot to the stoic jaffa.
He sighed. If water and light were not sufficient, he would have to try another means of reviving the fern.
Feeling rather foolish, Teal'c approached the potted plant and gave it a hard look. "Grow!" he commanded it. Teal'c continued staring at the withering fern. "You will grow, or you will suffer the consequences."
"Colonel Carter, may I speak with you?" Teal'c asked, pulling her into an alcove of the hallway.
"Sure, Teal'c what's up?"
"I am having some difficulties with the plant Daniel Jackson gave to me. It is dying."
"Have you tried talking to it?" she joked.
"Indeed," he replied.
Sam's eyebrows rose in surprise when she recognized that he wasn't kidding. "Really? And...how'd it go?"
"It was not effective."
"So why are you asking my help?" Sam couldn't help but wonder.
"Did you not say on PJ2-445 that you spoke to your plants?"
Sam smiled at the memory. PJ2-445 was the planet where a UAV had disrupted the local plant life and caused the inhabitants of the planet to get sick. "Oh, that's right. I did say that. Well…what have you been telling it?"
"To grow."
"Uh...huh. That's it?"
"Yes," he confirmed.
"Okay…well that's a good start."
"It has been over a week, yet the plant has deteriorated further. I would not call that good."
"Well...why don't you try talking to it like you would a pet?"
Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
"Or...try...telling it about your day."
"My day?" Teal'c said, not sounding too happy with the prospect.
Sam fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Just try it."
Colonel Carter's advice was not working. The plant seemed to be unconcerned with the plight of the jaffa, or with the proper techniques of lok'nel, or that the commissary had served rice pudding two days in a row.
Leaving his quarters, Teal'c decided to seek out Colonel Carter again. Perhaps a different idea of her's would have an effect on the fern.
Knocking on doorframe of Colonel Carter's laboratory, Teal'c found the astrophysicists hard at work over a mechanical device.
"Teal'c," she greeted, waving him inside. "What's up?"
"I require more assistance, Colonel Carter," he replied.
"Your fern still isn't doing well?"
"No."
"And you stopped threatening it?"
"Indeed."
"Well...maybe you could try something a little closer to home…for the plant, I mean."
Teal'c cocked his head to the side, in his classic look of confusion.
"Maybe you could try reading to it from a book about botany. I'm sure Daniel must have one lying around somewhere."
Teal'c bowed his head in thanks. "I appreciate your help in this, Colonel Carter," he said as he turned to leave.
"Any time, Teal'c."
Colonel Carter had been both right and wrong.
Daniel Jackson did indeed have books on botany, a great many in fact.
However, after another week had passed the color of the fern continued to fade…the once lush green leaves were now coarse and brown.
And both he and Colonel Carter were running out of subjects for him to speak upon.
Closer to home...
Teal'c tried speaking about his accommodations at the SGC, his former apartment, even Chulak.
Still, the plant did not respond.
Out of desperation, Teal'c decided to tell the plant about the man who had purchased it, Daniel Jackson.
At first, the plant still did not respond. But Teal'c couldn't help but notice that a few hours after regaling the plant about Daniel Jackson and Doctor Fraiser's fight for Daniel Jackson's body after he was possessed by multiple personalities, the plant had perked up considerably.
Teal'c retold the story all that week, each time adding more detail. Each day the plant seemed to grow a little greener.
Teal'c tried experimenting. Sometimes he told the plant stories about SG-1's adventures, sometimes he told it of individual struggles they'd all faced, sometimes he told it stories of friendship and love that existed between the members of his team.
A pattern was appearing.
A strange pattern indeed.
Teal'c smiled to himself…the results didn't lie. He'd finally found the topic that would save the life of his plant.
"Teal'c! Wait up!" Sam called from down the hallway.
"Colonel Carter," he nodded in greeting.
"How's the fern?" she asked, pausing outside the elevator as Teal'c stepped inside.
"It is flourishing nicely. Thank you for your assistance."
"Really? That's great. What did you tell it about that made it perk up?" she asked.
Teal'c pressed a button on the elevator panel. "Daniel Jackson and Doctor Fraiser's relationship."
The elevator doors closed on an open-mouthed colonel.
"Enter," Teal'c called out in response to the knock at his door.
The door swung open, revealing Daniel Jackson.
"Hey, Teal'c, I was just wondering if you were finished with the botany book that I loaned you?"
"Indeed, I am," Teal'c replied, retrieving the book from the shelf.
Daniel sauntered over to Teal'c bookcase and noticed the fully revived fern he'd given to his friend. "Hey! It looks pretty good now. What'd you do for it?"
Teal'c gave a small smile. "I talked to it."
The End