The WARNING!!!: This is a story written for no other reason than to kill off a character. If that's not your cup of tea, you may want to think about skipping it and reading something of ours that isn't part of the Anime Hit List Arc. Thank you.

The Disclaimer: We, Boobies of Power or the Anime Assassin Corps, do not own either Space Ghost Coast to Coast or Tekkaman Blade II. We do own the Anime Assassin Corps and the Anime Hit List.

The Notes: As this was originally in script format, (not allowed on this archive) I've had to rewrite it in an acceptable format. If you'd like to read the original (script format+images+pretty colors+dynamic font) just go to the Anime Hit List (homepage on our profile.) If you're curious about Cruton's Loosely Periodical, it can be found at http:// members . spree . com / entertainment / cruton (delete all the spaces)

Anime Assasin Corps Official Report
Case #7: Tekkaman-TIS

The Client: Cruton (Anime Hit List Client)

The Hit: Yumi Francoise (Tekkaman Blade II)

The Intro:
Whadda ya mean who the H-E-double-hockey-stick is Cruton!?! Cruton. Webmaster of Cruton's Loosely Periodical. Creator of Magical Mecha Pilot Cute Cathy. CRUTON.

(in a small voice) spiced-dried-little-cube-of-bread???

Okay, so maybe you don't know. Well, we at the Anime Hit List like to think of Cruton as our friend. He was our first (ahem) real client. He really does exist somewhere looking into his computer and was nice enough to send us an assasination request and since he asked for a particular green giant insect to be the assasin, we agreed. Hey, I don't think ANYBODY likes Yumi enough to protest, so let's fix this little error made by the creator(s) of Tekkaman.

The Hitman: He is the Mantis of the Apocolypse! He is the never ceasing thorn in Space Ghost's side!
He is... Zorak!!!!

The Zorak Report
Space Ghost: Coast to Coast recap obtained from Cartoon Network archives.(1)

Cheezy intro music plays in the background as the camera opens on a dark stage. Space Ghost ghosts in with a little whirring sound. The lights come up. Space Ghost ghosts out again, leaving behind a tail of smoke. A laugh like rocks falling on grating comes from stage right.

"It WORKED!" cries Zorak.

Space Ghost ghosts back in, fist pounding the controls on his opposite wrist. "Damn, stupid, damn cheap Martian Powerpaks!" He looks up and notices the "On Air" sign is lit up. "Oh!... Ooooh! Um..." He looks at the camera.

Zorak mumbles incoherantly.

"Zorak?" asks Space Ghost accusingly.

"Space Ghost?" replies Zorak.

"Zorak?" Space Ghost repeats.

"Space Ghost?" Zorak repeats.

"Zorak?" asks Space Ghost again.

"Zorak?" replies Zorak.

"Space Ghost?" asks Space Ghost.

"What?" Space Ghost replies.

"What have I told you about messing with my-" begins Space Ghost before he catches himself and blinks at camera.

"ZORAK!?!" yells the host.

"What?" replies the Mantis.

"What have I told you about messing with my-"

"Uh, boss?" comes Moltar's voice from the control room.

Space Ghost scowls. "Oh, for Bethany's Sake, WHAT NOW, Moltar?"

"Your guest is waiting," replies Moltar.

"Oh, really?" asks Space Ghost.

"Yup," says Moltar.

The TV monitor blinks on to reveal a cute orange haired girl with huge eyes and her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. She smiles happily through the screen.

The orange-haired girl grins even bigger and gives her introductory speech. "Hello and THANK YOU so very MUCH for letting me come here."

Space Ghost scowls and points at the monitor. "Moltar, who is this?"

"Your guest."

"No, it isn't. My guest is Fred Durst!"

"Fred Whomagami?"

"Durst. D-U-erst. You know. He's from that group Teabiscuit."

"Don't you mean LIMP Bizkit?" contributed Zorak.

"Who's the host here?" asks Space Ghost with a frown. "I think I know which group my guest is in."

"Naw," replies Moltar, "I think Zorak's right."

"Well, I don't care what you think," replies Space Ghost.

"That's a big suprise," says Zorak.

Now, Yumi is frowning through the monitor. "Um... EXCUSE ME, but aren't you supposed to be paying attention to ME? I am the guest!"

Space Ghost waves a hand in dismissal. "Nobody is talking to the little girl who can't even comb her own hair."

Yumi crosses her arms and huffs her offence. "Wasn't that a little rude?"

For absolutely no reason what-so-ever, a slimy purple squelchy thing runs across the stage peeping and leaving a stinking, glowing trail of ichor.(2)

Zorak indicates the thing. "No. THAT was a little rude."

"Aw, c'mon, boss," begs Moltar. "She's already here. Can't you just try?"

Space Ghost whines, "I don't wanna."

"Why?" asks Zorak. "Are you afraid she's a better super hero than you?"

Space Ghost sputters, "Better... Hero... mumble, mumble... NEVER!"

"AM SO!" Yumi sticks her tongue out at Space Ghost.

"Moltar," shouts the host, "I think this calls for a bit of a duel."

"But, don't you want to know her super powers?"

"I don't need to. I'm a better super hero!" He returns Yumi's gesture.

Zorak raises his arms in a chant, "BLOOD! GORE! BLOOD! GORE! ENTRAILS!"

"Shut up, Zorak!" orders Space Ghost.

Zorak continues his litany and is promptly zapped by Space Ghost. He puffs a cloud of smoke from his charred beak. "Ouch."

"Now Moltar!" orders Space Ghost.

"If you say so," agrees Moltar doubtfully. "Don't say I didn't warn ya."

The host waves a hand. "Just get on with it."

The image of Yumi in the monitor fades and the girl fades in in classic Space Ghost style. She has her hands on her hips and a very stern expression on her face that makes her look like she's pouting.

Space Ghost just plain pouts. "Did you have to give her such a dramatic entrance?"

"No," Moltar admits.

"Then why did you?" whines the host.

"I like her better than you," was the response.

"Oh, I see." Space Ghost points at the control booth. "You have no respect."

"Oh, I have respect," says Moltar. "Just not for you."

Yumi, at the top of her lungs (which is considerably enough to make the glass windows behind Space Ghost's desk tremble in fright), screams, "EXCUSE ME!!!!"

Space Ghost turns to Yumi and blinks as if he just noticed her presence. "Not YOU again! Can't you see I'm trying to run my show?"

"That's IT!" yells Yumi. "Tekk-Setter!" A crystal appears in Yumi's hands, she goes (ahem) NAKED and flys around in little circles, spinning, twirling and generally making everyone else in the room seasick until a light flashes and standing in Yumi's place is a pink armored, bug thing with a tuft of hair sticking out the top of its head. Oh, yeah, she's still PERSON shaped. "Tekkaman Iberu!" Light reflects cooly off of her shiny armor in classic anime style.

Space Ghost's eyes grow wide. "I don't have to do THAT, do I Moltar?"

"Maybe," says Moltar in a suspicious tone.

Zorak laughs.

"What is so funny, Zorak?" asks Space Ghost.

Zorak pretends to be serious. "Nothing."

"PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" cries Tekkaman Iberu. "TO ME, YOU HEAR!!!!?!!!!"

Space Ghost scoffs. "Haven't we paid enough attention to the stupid pink bug girl?"

"Ten..." announces Zorak.

"Is this a duel or not?" asks Yumi.

"Nine..." Zorak again.

"Of course it is," replies Space Ghost distractedly, "It's just that-"

"Eight... Seven..." Zorak.

"Zorak, why are you counting backward?" asks the host.

Zorak continues. "Six... Five... Four..."

"Don't you mean counting down?" Moltar asks.

"Three..."

"I KNOW what I mean and I mean-"

"Two..."

"Counting DOWN!?!" Space Ghost's voice cracks.

"One..."

"That's what I said," said Moltar.

Zorak cries, "BLAST OFF!!!"

Everyone braces for an explosion, except Yumi of course, who is fuming over being ignored again. Moltar is quite suprised to watch Space Ghost fade out and Zorak leap from his pod over to the pink-clad bug girl.

Oblivious to the danger, Yumi screeches, "Pay attention to me!"

"SURE!" replies Zorak happily before he bites her head off and swallows it in one quick movement. The body twitches for a few seconds before falling to the floor.

"Ick!" says Moltar. "That can't have tasted too good."

Space Ghost ghosts back in. "Stop that, Zorak! I told you not to mess with my stuff!" He notices the headless body. "Oh! Zorak! Did you have to do that? She was my guest!"

"I thought Fred Durst was your guest," replies the Mantis.

"Fred Whomathingie?" asks Space Ghost.

Moltar shakes his head and addresses the camera in a whisper. "You do realize this could go on all night? Lemme take care of that for you."

Credits begin rolling to the tune of Nookie.

END

Mission accomplished: May 25, 2001

The Footnotes:
(1) Okay, maybe not the REAL Cartoon Network Archives, just the ones contained in Kawaii's miniscule brain, as she is the one who authored this piece. Please forgive any and all mistakes I've made, for I once was a devout viewer of the show but, it's been a REALLY long time since I've watched it. Besides I've got a crappy memory.

(2) I'm sure Terry Pratchett(a) would have come up with a squelchy thing like this for a base joke involving little rudes. Then again he may have just hit Yumi in the head with a rock and gotten the story overwith a lot faster.

(a) A British author who lives on an island off the coast of France, writing Discworld novels in accordance with the Very Strong Anthropic Principal