In what way of it wrong for me to crave Him I often wonder. He's an addiction, every living thinking thing can speak to that. He demands everyone to His will and we all follow, He is what we all crave, truly, for He can give us the pleasure of our life in the most comfortable way. To everyone, in the end He is the highest of gods, He is the fuel to desire and also of fear and that is the way of a God.
And I, I've had Him the longest; I had Him for as long as I can remember. I've shared His heat in a uterus and in the real life. I know I sound like a spoiled little brat when I say this, but it's true; It is unfair! He is mine! But I'm forced away; our Mother 'does not allow such gruesome behaviour!' She is jealous because we share something she'll never have with Him.
Sure, He doesn't know that I crave Him so, He is innocent in all of this; is it really the heroine's fault that men devour it with the passion of the ocean-waves raping the shore?
Brother, my great brother, He wonders why Mother has driven me away, wonders why I am not allowed close to Him and why she refuses to let me sleep next to Him in the bed that we call our bed. I see Him turn His heavenly face towards me and question her actions and I want to reach out and take him in my arms, cradle Him close and never let Him go. It's not like I would ever harm Him. It's not like I would force my way to His innocence - if one such as Him even has innocence to begin with. Mother has never thought of that, now has she?
How could she I wonder then, she has never slept next to Him even as He was a child - that was my role wasn't it? I've seen the way He turns and twists in His sleep; the pleasurable dreams humans dream; the nightmares the broken mortals feel; they are all in His head. I am sure He knows more of love and sex then even Mother does, even if He only associates it with tricks of the mind, mere imaginations belonging to lower races. I wonder what He would say if He knew that I, His own brother, the only one equal to Him wish to do to Him what the people of His dreams do to each other. I wonder what He would say if He knew that I've wanted Him for as long as I knew what sexual craving was. And I learned for quite some time ago, long before Mother found out or even suspected - Hah Mother, and I've never raped Him then have I?
I just wish to be with Him again. That would be all, this isolation feels like a punishment far greater then what I deserve, I would even agree to never look at myself again while masturbating and pretending that it was my God, my Love, my Haven if I were only allowed back to Him, back to His smiles, small touches and back to our bed where I can crawl into His arms. I am slowly going insane without Him.
Mother is a cruel god. I bet right now she is laughing at my misery and plotting on how she is going to take my place by His side and slowly seduce Him and have Him all to herself. She will hurt Him I'm sure of it. I would never hurt Him but Mother doesn't know what He needs does she? She can never, she is only the source of our lives, I am a piece of His soul. I win! Hah!
Still it does me no good, because I am trapped here inside a room that is not His room and it does not have black curtains over the windows and it does not have a black soft bed with flowing velvet-closings around it. And it most certainly does not have Him here, I have checked; twice so I would know.
It only has things that are not His things. Mother said that these were my things but we all know we can't trust her now don't we?
I stare at a wall that is not His wall and I am hopelessly lost within it and the door that does not lead to His room opens and I refuse to look and see Mothers triumphed smirk as she without a doubt comes to brag about how she is the only one near Him now. The door closes and then silence occupies the room that is not His.
"Just say something Mother." I eventually says for the silence is even worse then the words that will taunt me; those I can ignore, but the silence... it refuses to be ignored and it almost chokes me. I hear a chuckle and I close my eyes and waits for the following words.
"You've been a bad boy, haven't you... Thanatos?" My eyes fly open and I turn around faster then lightning and stare at He that most describe as my reflection personified but I know better; I see how much greater His body is then mine and how much more He is in person.
I'd like to say that my voice doesn't shake when I answer my little brother but then I would be lying and my brother doesn't care anyhow so it doesn't matter.
"B-bad b-boy?" I stutter as my eyes greedily roam His body. He is clad in a white night-shirt that is to big for Him and I know that it really is my shirt - not that I would ever care, if He wishes to wear my clothes I would give Him every garment I have ever owned.
He only smirks at me and then proceeds to observe the room that is not His. His beautiful eyes dances over the ceiling, takes a trip over the floor, squirms at the bookshelf with children's books and toys - at this He smirks again - and narrows over the bed with stuffed toys laying. He raises one eyebrow, that smirk of His never waving.
"So this is where you've been hiding." He states and I glare angrily at the floor as if it is the reason for my misery.
"Not by choice..." I mutter and He ignores me and walks over to the bookshelf. His elegant pale fingers wander over the backs of the books and stops when He finds something of interest. All the while I try my best not to stare too obviously at His backside.
"La Divina Commedia..." He murmur and I roll my eyes. He has loved that book ever since Mother first read it to us. He takes it out and opens it on random, His perfect lips forming the words He see without Him noticing.
"Why are you here?" I ask, not to sound hostile but mere curious to why He has ignored Mothers orders and found me.
He turns to face me and His smirk is back. A chill runs down my spine, always when He looks at me like that I feel like a pray under the gaze of a predator, like He waits for the right opportunity to latch out at me and take me down. Of course He would never take me down in reality but I can dream can't I?
"I had a dream." He starts slowly and walks towards me, His hips swaying and for a second I think He is teasing me until I realize that He does not know what He does to me.
"O-oh?" I moisten my lips that suddenly are very dry.
"Mm..." He nods and instead of sitting down in my lap as I want him to he walks past me and sits down at the bed. Carefully he places the book on a blue bed-table and then his eyes returns to me. "Do you know that I'm very vain, brother?" His smile becomes soft before returning to its original form of the devious smirk and I smile insecurely. I wish to tell Him that anyone as perfect as He has every right to be vain but instead I shake my head. He grins wider and brings His fingertips to His lips as He observes me with interest. "I am. I don't know but there's just something about my face that captivates me so." He traces the line of His perfect mouth and I swallow, my eyes transfixed on His grinning lips. The spell is broken when His fingers get away from there and He pets the bed in a gesture for me to come to Him. I do as He wishes. I'd do anything if only He wills it. He smirks at me as I sit down and once again His fingers are at His face. "It might be a bit weird but..." He trails off as He follows the line of His throat. I only stare at His fingers and wish that I could do that - or at least reassure Him that there is nothing wrong with Him.
"Hypnos..." I start saying but it sounds more like a desperate moan then assurance. I blush scarlet over my tone; surely he had noticed the sound and now knows. When I gains the courage to look up at Him again I see that His facial expression haven't changed and I breath a silent thank you that He wont disown me today at least.
"There is something about my body that..." His hand is now on His chest and where His nipple would be. "... that makes me want it, you know?" He looks at me, I stare at Him as if I was under a spell and He smirks. He sits up and leans close to me. My heartbeat increase and all I can think is that God He knows, He knows, He's gonna reject me, I wish that He would kiss me, He's teasing with me before He crushes me! "Narcissism in its finest, wouldn't you agree?" He says close to my ear and His husky voice makes me shudder.
"I gu-guess..." I with a little trouble answer and I more feel His smirk widen then actually see it since He's against my ear still and he hums.
"I don't think so." He finally whisper, His lips touching the shell of my ear as He speaks. "I think... that it ain't really my body... as it is yours." And then He pushes me flat down on the bed and in a heartbeat He has crawled upon me. He smirks, His eyes glowing in the darkening room and then His lips are on mine. Fireworks go off inside my head and all I can do is groan when He easily plunges His tongue inside my mouth.
My God is kissing me - Me - not Mother, not anyone but I and the joy make me lightheaded.
His clever fingers start to button up my shirt as His tongue licks over my lips before going back inside, exploring every bit of it and I come to my senses when He bites down on my own unresponsive tongue. Immediately my hands shoot up and grabs a hold on His waist, drawing Him closer - if that's even possible - and my tongue wanders into His mouth suddenly with all my usual cockiness and He starts to chuckle and draws away from me. I groan, hoping that I didn't do anything wrong or seems too inexperienced and that He doesn't want me anymore. He grins and looks into my eyes. "Now where have you been, brother?" He asks and I stare confused at Him.
"Uh... here?" I ask quietly and He chuckles again before sitting up on me and smirks. Panic rises within me and He sees this and His smile softens again.
"Only you Thanatos..." He whispers and takes hold of my wrists, guiding my hands upwards to His chest. "... are ever allowed to touch me like this." And then He draws my hands down again, but does not settle them on His waist but continue and leaves them on His bum. My mouth is suddenly dry again and with a final smirk from Him He leans close again, ravishing my mouth and I rub His firm buttocks and He hums into my mouth. Pressing closer to me He grinds His hips to mine and I gasp; the feeling incredible. He seems to enjoy my reaction as He smirks and sets up a slow pace, driving me insane but I wouldn't have it any other way. His hands roam my chest and He hums low as we continue to kiss, the grinding picking up speed making me and Him both gasp at the same times.
Then one of His hands slip under my pants and curls itself against my cock, I gasp and the inexperience of my sexual advances makes me come after just a few strokes from His firm hand.
I scream His name with everything I got and He follows me when He hears it, He being much more silent then me but then again that's how it always have been. He collapses halfway between on me and next to me and draws His sticky hand out from my pants, gaining a moan from me and He grins and starts licking the hand clean. I can do nothing but stare at His pink tongue as it wanders over His fingers. He notices my gaze and smirks. "Wanna taste?" He asks and holds out His hand with the white substance on. I stare a little frightened at it and shake my head. I've masturbated plenty - I live with a God but I've never tasted the sperm. Is that even something one does? "You sure? You're delicious." He offers and again I shake my head. "Taste way better then me." He wiggled His fingers. Somehow I doubted His words but I was not willing to tell Him that since He would then I'm sure offer me to try His. I just gaze at His fingers until He laughs and plunges them into His own mouth.
"That's disgusting." I tell him and He smirks around His fingers.
"You'll change your mind." He shrugs as if he's sure of it and I have a feeling that He is. Defiantly I shake my head.
"You're gross." He grins and kisses me to shut me up. He tastes weird... but not nearly as disgusting as I imagined.
The doors slams open and I push Him away violently and stares at Mother as a deer caught in headlights.
"Hypnos!" She screams, her face twisted in what looks like horror but I know is jealousy. I've won, He's mine and mine alone. He has a lazy grin on Him as He blinks at Mother calmly.
"Yes Mother?" He asks and Mother stares as if she can't believe she's lost.
"Get away from each other, you incestuous freaks!" She shrieks and He rises from the bed looking very smug.
"Yes Mother." He gracefully walks out off the room but at the doorpost He stops and turns towards me, a smirk in place. "See you in your dreams brother." He says and waves before happily skipping away. Mother stares after Him and I have a glow that could challenge the sun and for a moment we all forgot that the sun never shined here. She glares at me and then slammed the door shut.
After a few nights of my screaming pleasure while sound asleep and Hypnos smile of amusement Mother finally allowed me back into our bed. Of course the screams didn't really stop.