She's the only one who can see me like this. The only one who can see the tears that fall. The only one who can see me when I break apart at the end of every battle. She's the only one I can trust.
She had joined the Shepherds in our worst moment. Some would say it was the unit's darkest hour. It isn't that to me. Instead, it is my only failure to the unit that I've dedicated my life to. The day our queen fell was the day I felt I had committed the greatest act of treason
My memories of the clash with Mustafa are even worse for me. He, the honorable man who offered us hope that was empty, did not deserve the cruel death he had received. Neither did any of his men deserve the twisted murder we inflicted on them. We fought like rabid animals, tearing apart any who stood before us. I sometimes wonder if it was simply out of desperation that we fought like savages or if we had unknowingly felt some satisfaction hurting those who had indirectly removed the light of our kingdom. I do not know which horrifies me worst.
Except for her. Tharja had fought simply because I was in danger. She did not care for the survival of our army or herself, only for me. As she whispers with her beautiful voice incantations of pestilence, I realize, in both horror and amazement, that she inflicts death unto others because she sees me as the only person worthy of her love. It is another sin I must atone for.
At first, Tharja attempted to stalk me, and I tried to stop her. I tried to drive her away, not wanting her to commit evils for me. When that doesn't work, I try to ignore her, hoping she would give up on me. I soon realized feigned ignorance would not work.
The first night Tharja slept in my bed, it is not for passion or love. It is for my comfort. I allowed her to follow me inside my tent, knowing that like a mouse, she wouldn't refuse the cheese. It isn't the trap of death that awaits but one of confession. As I held her to me and inhaled the scent of her radiant hair, I wept and began to admit my crimes. I told her of how I wished for peace yet betrayed it by allowing and leading an evil thing such as war. I remembered all the common men and women I had sent to their deaths and revealed to the kind angel that I held to my chest and whose hair I wept into that I wished I had been the one who died, that I hated myself for ordering them to their deaths.
I thought that maybe she would see me for the monster that I am. Secretly, I longed for her to reject me. Instead, she simply held me and whispered that I had not committed evil. She said that I had simply done what I needed to do. I tried to refute her claims, exclaiming that I had made her commit evils for me. She denied it and said that she would have acted as she had even if I hadn't ordered her to, massaging my back in a soothing manner as she did so. By the end of the night, I fell asleep with my head into between her bosom as she gently played with my raven locks.
No one knows of that night, but all have seen the aftereffects. Tharja walks at my side wherever I go as it comforts me to have her by my side. I smile more with her and become moodier without. The effect is two-way as well. While still not a warm person to others, myself excluded, she becomes more open to others. Some of the other women begin to actively seek her out and talk to her.
When he first saw us holding hands, Chrom gave us a questioning look. I simply shrugged, not wanting him to pry. He accepts it, trusting me with my decisions. How I wish I could place such a great burden on him as well.
No, I wouldn't do that to him. I wouldn't force that onto anyone. Tharja volunteered, and that is why I love her. She knows the real me, the one who doubts his own abilities daily. She knows why I cry at the royal wedding and our own, when we discover our daughters, when I find out who my father is, when Grima uses his powers, and when I begin to die after the final is the only one who knows and who truly comforts me.
That is why I trust her. That is why I love her. That is why I will return to her.
I don't know where this came from exactly. I just started writing it around nine pm, finished around eleven pm, and decided to post it as is. No real proofreading, no real editing, just something I decided to write. I'm not really sure what genres I would put this in, with the closest being Hurt/Comfort and Romance. Either way, review if you want, even if only to say that it is awful.