Big Beds
Uhura groaned and began cursing Jim Kirk fluently in two dozen languages as an elbow dug into her ribs and a knee landed on her back. Beside her she heard an eep and glanced up just long enough to see McCoy covering Chekov's ears as he stared at her, appearing deeply impressed. She scowled at him but toned down the language. He and Chekov continued to stare at her for a moment while she ignored them, muttering under her breath about stupid farmboy Captains and their suicidal ideas.
Behind her, she caught a breathless apology from Sulu, acknowledging it with a grunt as she caught sight of Christine Chapel and decided to make her way over to the only other potentially sane person in the room. She dug through the pile of bodies with sharp elbows and no regrets, glaring at Kirk when he grinned at her from his position in the center. As she watched, Scotty appeared on his left, legs thrown casually over the Captain's stomach as he passed him what looked suspiciously like a bottle of engine-made scotch.
Oh no, she was not going to have Kirk enjoying this ridiculous affair even more with a drink. She switched directions and had to crawl over Janice Rand making out with an Ensign Something-or-Other, Riley maybe. Uhura growled under her breath and pointedly ignored another couple in the corner of the far-too-small room. She didn't want to know when or how Kirk had found a mattress this large and gotten it into a room where it doubled as the floor but she was adding it to the ever-expanding list of reasons why she should have let Giotto and his friends beat him to death four years ago.
Only Kirk would come up with the idea of a shipwide, mandatory-for-bridge-crew sleepover to "promote team bonding". The only one who managed to wiggle out of it was Spock, since he had the Vulcan telepathy card to play. She wasn't sure what exactly he'd said to Kirk to be excused after the event was announced but she also wasn't sure she wanted to know – Kirk had come out of the conversation with a distinct twitch and rather wide eyes.
Finally, she made it close enough so she could swipe the bottle of hooch from Kirk. When he pouted at her, she had absolutely no compunctions against punching him right in the family jewels. His eyes bugged out and she smiled sweetly as she made her way to the door. She could feel the Chief Engineer's eyes on her back and had no doubt she would be left in peace after this.
Sure enough, the puppy pile managed to make a path for her until she could step right out of the room. Just as she set her feet on the pleasantly solid floor, she glanced over her shoulder to see a somewhat recovered Kirk gaping at her. She allowed herself a vicious grin and toasted him with the bottle, taking a deep drink to congratulate herself. She walked away at a leisurely pace, not looking back again, and enjoying another long draw of the surprisingly high quality alcohol as she contemplated a visit to Spock. He had a rather big bed as well…