Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did, Naruto would be a ton more badass and powerful. The only time it shows him not getting pulverized is when he... um... fights Tobi at the very very very end chapters. I think.

Humor tag is for general non-seriousness, so don't get your hopes up.

Enjoy!

On a small dirt path surrounded by tall, thick trees walked a duo of men.

"The Outside? Where's that, Ero-sennin?" asks the shorter of the two, a young blonde haired boy, "Is it farther than Yuki?"

"Oh, it's way farther than Yuki, Gaki." Replies the taller, well-muscled man. "It's around triple the distance."

The two were an odd looking pair, a very short boy who was waving his hands around excitedly, and a giant man, towering head and shoulders over the boy, calmly walking with his hands in his pockets.

"What?" the blonde shouts, "Isn't that, like, around the world?"

"Ha!" The man laughs; shaking his head and making his long, white porcupine hair flip around, "Not even close. The distance from here to Yuki is about ten miles. That's not even close to around the world."

"But I thought that the Nations covered half the world, and water covered the other." The blond argues, his deep blue eye shining with curiosity.

"Is that what they're telling you in the academy now? Jeeze, I know that I suggested they lie to you kids, but I never thought it would get that bad." The man sighs. Removing a hand from a pocket to rub his face. "I guess I'll have to give you a mini-lesson on the way there. One second, and I'll summon up some transportation." He quickly bites the tip of his thumb, making a few drops of blood come out, and runs through some hand signs. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" he shouts, slamming his hands on the ground, making a massive cloud of smoke rise.

"Jiraiya-sama." Booms a deep, gravelly voice, "What do you need me to do?"

The smoke slowly wafts away, showing a large, yellow toad. It has large, black feet and a black spot on its eyes, resembling a raccoon's mask. All in all, it looked like a giant toad-like school bus, not that the blonde would know what that was.

"Hey, Gamayuso, I need you to take me to the Border." Orders Jiraiya. Gamayuso looked surprised for a second, before glancing at the blonde boy. "You're taking a child with you to the border, Jiraiya? Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Oh, no…" Jiraiya sighs.

"What!?" shouts the blond, "I'm not just some kid! I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Future Hokage of Konohagakure!"

The toad scoffed. "Who'd want a chibi Hokage name 'Fishcake'? The Hokage is supposed to inspire fear in the enemies! Not make them hungry."

"Why you-!"

'Jeeze, I should've known not to summon Gamayuso. I forgot he like to tease people. Although, I can't blame him.'

The visage of Naruto Uzumaki wasn't a very intimidating one. Standing at four foot eight, he's on the short end of his age group. Combined with his neon orange and blue "Kill Me!" jumpsuit, and the three, small whisker marks that decorate each check, he looks more like a plushy toy than a deadly, well trained assassin. However, under the glaring suit, he's a force to be reckoned with. He's more muscled than the average Chunnin, and he's more flexible that a fairly new Jounin. And his chakra reserves… well, let's just say he's made the Sandaime Hokage, Jiraya's mentor, green with envy multiple times. If Naruto were just a bit more knowledgeable, he'd easily make Chunnin. In fact, that was the point of this trip to the Outside.

'We should get going…'

"Wart face!"

"Shrimp!"

'But this is too entertaining to watch. We have plenty of time anyway…'

"Frog!"

"Monkey!"

A Few Minutes Later...

"Ero-sennin…" whines the blonde fishcake, grabbing a large read welt on his head, "Why'd you have to hit me?" He started to rub the bump tenderly.

Hop

"Because you tried to use the Rasengan on Gamayuso." Jiraiya said matter-of-factually.

Thud

"But he started it!" Naruto shouted back indignantly.

Hop

"I don't care. I didn't teach you that so you could use it on your comrades." Jiraiya said, disappointed.

Thud

"But-" "I mean, if you had used your kunai or shuriken, I would've let you." The pervert continued, interrupting Naruto. "Gamayuso could've handled that. However, the Rasengan is different."

Hop

"It's just too powerful to be used in petty disputes like that. You should have learned that in your spar with Sasuke, you know, when you broke a water tower."

Thud

"…" Naruto stared at his clenched fists, his teeth grinding.

Hop

Yes, that was a low blow on Jiraiya's part, but Naruto needs to learn a lesson. He needs to know that you can't use A-rank techniques to argue with people.

Thud

"Sorry." Naruto eventually mumbled, still not looking up.

Hop

Jiraiya just sighed. "It's no problem, Gaki. Just remember what we talked about, okay?" He reached over and ruffled the blonde's hair.

Thud

"Okay." Naruto said, swatting the hand away.

Hop

"…"

Thud

"Pervert." Naruto mumbled.

Hop

Said pervert twitched.

Thud

"Gaki." Jiraiya shot back.

Hop

The 'annoying brat' twitched.

Splash!

A few miles out to sea...

"Okay, Gaki, back on topic, I need to tell you about the Outside." Jiraiya begins, waiting until Naruto gets comfortable and is paying him full attention, "First, and I'm talking from experience here, don't try to fight the big moving metal things."

"Big, moving metal things?" Naruto parrots incredulously.

"Yeah! I know it sounds odd, but it's true! They have huge metal monsters there that they've tamed to carry people around. They're called…" Jiraiya pauses, trying and failing to create suspense, "… Cars!" He ends, waving his hands around grandiosely.

Naruto just stares at him, "Yeah… right… just like the Snipes?"

"That was a right of passage!" Jiraiya defends indignantly, waving a dismissive hand at Naruto, "Every decent mentor takes his pupil on a Snipe hunt! Even the people in The Outside!"

"Iruka-sensei didn't and he's the best teacher in Konoha." Naruto argues.

"He couldn't do it. He's a teacher, not a mentor, so he doesn't have enough time to take every single one of his pupils out for one."

"…" Naruto pauses, before sighing. "Just move on to the important, real, facts Ero-sennin."

"Whatever! Just don't blame me when you get run down by a Car!" The old hermit laughs, "Well, since you won't believe me, I'll move on." He sits down, his geta-clad feet resting in a comfortable position. "The people there are very, very weak. They're all civilians, and only a few have any type of decent combat training. It's even suspected they don't even know about Chakra." The old man shrugged. "However, they make up with it their technology." Seeing his blonde pupil's curious look, he decides to elaborate. "They've invented handheld launchers they call 'guns'. What a gun is, is a metal machine that, when you pull a certain lever, launches a small metal projectile at around half a mile per second. That's about as fast as a high Gennin to low-Chunnin can throw a Kunai. For us, that's nothing too bad, especially since it makes a loud 'bang' whenever it's used. We both will have plenty of time to either dodge or block. However, for the people with civilian reflexes, it's an extremely dangerous threat. I'm going to get you a miniature one to keep on you at all times, in case you come across a mugger or a thug."

"Can't I just use my Jutsu?" interrupts the blonde shinobi, scratching his chin.

"Normally, yes. However, for whatever reason, the main five Kage want to keep us secret from The Outside." Jiraiya answers, folding his arms and huffing.

"The main five Kage?" Naruto asks, the curiosity basically tangible in his voice.

"The Hokage, Tsuchikage, Raikage, Kazekage, and Mizukage." Jiraiya offhandedly replies, "They govern the five most powerful countries." Seeing that his temporary student was satisfied, he continued. "Even though The Outside is almost all civilian, there are a few people who have an energy similar to Chakra. Stay away from them. They're unknown, and they could be extremely dangerous. They're also very adept at Genjutsu, so if you feel one, dispel it and get out of there as soon as possible." Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Naruto open his mouth to argue. "No. There can be no discussion about this. It's a shinobi's job to be paranoid, if they want to stay alive. If you don't promise me, shinobi's honor, right now I'll just turn around and head back to shore. I have plenty of other places to check up on that can give the same kind of training that you would get at The Outside." Jirayia's face had gone hard, showing how serious he was about this.

"Right." Naruto understood the severity of the situation completely; he was just going to argue about the fact that the old 'super pervert' didn't teach him how to detect Genjutsus that are over D-rank. As if reading his thoughts, Jiraiya said: "We'll work on how to dispel the larger ones soon."

Naruto nodded, showing he heard. He took a kunai from his back pouch and cut open his hand. "I, Uzumaki Naruto, Pledge on my career as a shinobi of Konohagakure no Sato, as well as my ambition to be Hokage, to try my best to stay away from anyone I feel an odd energy coming from." By the end of his speech, his blood had spread all around his hand, and was dripping off. "I would like Jiraiya of the Sannin to be my pledge holder, and to be the one who deals out the punishment should I fail." He extended his hand to Jiraiya.

"And I, Jiraiya of the Sannin, will accept this duty as pledge holder and punishment dealer to Uzumaki Naruto." The old man grabbed the boy's hand and shook it. Instantly, the hard looks on their faces melted, showing one ginning visage and one pleased smirk. Apparently, Naruto could pay attention when he was being taught.

Suddenly, a voice interrupted their moment, "You'd better wash that blood off! It's really hard to get the stains off when it dries!" shouted their large yellow boat.

"No problem, Gamayuso!" Jiraiya shouts back, "Naruto would be happy to do that for you! Right?" He finishes, glaring at the young boy.

Naruto just sighed, his shoulders dropping. "Fine." He conceded, "But only because you would throw me off if I didn't." He picked up his pack and started rummaging through it.

Jiraiya lets out a bark of laughter. "I wouldn't throw you off!" He exclaimed, "I'd toss you!" Naruto just rolled his eyes and pulled a rag out of his pack.

"Is there any difference?" Naruto says, sighing. He dunks the rag into the seawater.

"Yep! But I'll never tell you!" The pervert cackles, making Naruto roll his eyes again. "Well, that's it for the stuff that I can tell you about. There's much, much more, but you need to have hands-on experience for that."

"Like what?" The fishcake starts scrubbing the toad's knobbly back.

"Mostly just the technology, but there are a lot of differences in culture. Different food, different looks, they even do long-range communications differently."

"…" Naruto freezes, staring at the back of the toad with wide eyes.

"Gaki?" Jiraya asks, concerned, "You okay?"

"…There's Ramen there still, right?" He sounded desperate, like someone just told him he would die in an hour.

Jiraya just smirked evilly. "No."

Plop

"Did he just faint?" asked Gamayuso.

"GYAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

END CHAPTER

Okay! So! First story here, um... Yay? I don't really know what to think about this. I would like some pointers on what to do to improve, because I'm new to writing, but any and all flames will be ignored. Especially the ones that complain about rating. It's a Naruto and Highschool DxD crossover, of course it's gonna be M. I would also like tips on how to make my chapters longer. Less than two thousand words... It just feels like so much more when I'm writing and typing it... I won't get to the part where he goes to Kuoh Academy until chapter three. Maybe. It may take a bit longer, because I'm planning on going into a bit of depth in Naruto's different personality. He's still a lovable, protective idiot, but I just want him to be a bit darker on the inside. It doesn't seem right that he has absolutely no mental trauma from what happened to him. Even if it was just glares and insults, neglect is a serious thing. I'm also going to be changing a bit of his past, just to give him some more justification on being dark. Other than that, it's all original personalities. Naruto is also going to be a lot stronger here. He's becoming a magic-wielding devil and is going to be able to use Kurama's chakra a lot more freely, so he'd better be powerful or I'd kick my own ass. Flames are accepted for Naruto being weak.