Dear Editor,
I'm a police officer and I'm pretty sure that many of your readers are aware of a situation that took place last night and I wanted to be sure everyone knew the details.
The old man had an eye disease that freaked out his caretaker, who had a mental health history. He is now in a mental facility for the rest of his life.
I'm afraid that the nasty rumors about the body being cut up and placed under the floor boards are indeed true. Unfortunately, the cause of death could not be determined, however, the murderer claimed to have thrown the bed on top of the man. When asked why, we didn't really get much of an answer, just "The eye."
We are very happy to say the caretaker is being treated for his condition and is no longer a danger to the public or himself. The funeral will be held at the graveyard across from the old man's apartment. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Maximum.