Disclaimer: I have no ownership papers for Kingdom Hearts 2. There, I said it. Ya happy?

Summary: Axel has had it up to HERE with the whole AkuRoku, AxDem pairings.

Queen's Quornor: There is actually a long-running story behind this. My ex-room-mate and friend Kazetaco has long been of the belief that Axel was banging Roxas, and I have long been of the belief that they were just friends. So last night we had a play-fight over whether Axel and Roxas were together or not, resulting in her and a cohort holing up in another friend's dorm-room while I waited outside. They were afraid I was going to 'murder' them over the whole AkuRoku thing, you see. Apparently I'm quite scary when I want to be. No, I am not objecting to homosexuality or sex among the ranks of the Organization; check my profile page if you don't believe me. I just don't think that Axel's a pedophile, nor that he was gay. I know I'm going to get flamed over this, but I just had to get this out. Anyway, about the fic itself. I'm continuing in the spirit of my other KH fic, "Midnight Flames," and writing this First Person POV journal-style. Enjoy, and leave a review. Any and all flames shall be given to Axel to play with.

Axel's Rant

How many times do I have to tell them, I AM NOT GAY!

The entire Organization seems to be under the impression that Roxas and I, or Demyx and I, are playing hide the salami. I, quite frankly, am sick and tired of it. I mean, can't a guy have friends? Am I not allowed to hang out with them without someone thinking that we're out on a date or something?

A few times watching Kingdom Hearts rise or the sunset, and they all think we're humping each other. One discussion on the station tower in Twilight Town, complete with sea-salt ice cream, and suddenly Luxord and Larxene are passing around rumors that we were out on some kind of romantic date. I throw Roxas on the floor and pin him to end a sparring match, and the next thing I know we're hearing wolf whistles from Xigbar.

They all do the same damn things; so why the hell are WE getting this whole "You're gay!" thing?

So I like getting up close and personal when I fight. Who doesn't? It's fun to see the look in peoples' eyes when you're suddenly on top of them, and they can't get their weapons. They're completely at your mercy. Hell, I'm not even the one who makes the biggest use of it. Larxene loves doing that more than I do, but nobody's calling her a whore. Why do I get accused of molestation every time I pin somebody, especially if that somebody happens to be Roxas or Demyx?

And what about the whole 'date' thing? I like getting out of the Castle that Never Was and Castle Oblivion as often as I can. You would too, if you were spending time with these maniacs. As for dragging Roxas or Demyx along with me, I just don't like to go by myself sometimes. Hey, I like being alone, but that doesn't mean I like to be alone ALL the time! It's just that Demyx and Roxas happen to be the only ones I get along with. Am I not allowed to go out and spend some time with my friends, like a normal person? I do the same thing with Namine when I can, but I don't get accused of having sex with her. Why is that?

Somebody explain this to me. Why is it I can go do something with her, and nobody will say anything about it, but when I go and do the same thing with either Roxas or Demyx, I'm suddenly surrounded by rumors of clandestine, underage sex?

I tell you, it's not fucking fair.

Everybody's always gossiping about us, when it's been confirmed that certain people are in fact screwing each other's brains out at night. Marluxia's sneaking into Larxene's room most nights, Saix spends more time in Xemnas' bed than his own, Xigbar and Xaldin go on joint missions simply so they can screw each other silly, and Lexaeus OWNS Zexion's ass. But no-one ever speaks about that. Noooo, it's always "Axel was really pounding Roxas into the mattress last night, wasn't he?" or "The way Eight and Nine go at each other, you'd think they'd be incable of movement anymore!"

Good grief, people! Get a life!

I am NOT screwing either Roxas or Demyx. I am also NOT fucking BOTH of them, so don't even go there. Get it through your heads, people: I. Am. STRAIGHT. Got it memorized? Or do I have to spell it out for you?

Evidence? Well, the only evidence I could give you, short of screwing Namine or Kairi, would be to yank Larxene into a closet somewhere. However, I don't care for pain with my pleasure, so forgive me if I don't fuck the Savage Nymph. She's a sadist, and Marluxia is a masochist. There's a reason why they get along so well. And as for getting with Namine or her Somebody, forget it. I'm no pedophile.

That's disgusting. They aren't even fifteen years old! That, by the way, is another reason why I wouldn't touch Roxas or Demyx without some layers of clothing between us. They're both still kids. I only get with legal-age girls.

Got that? Girls. Not guys, not kids.

So let's review. I'm not screwing Roxas, nor am I rocking Demyx's world. The Flurry of Dancing Flames is many things, but he is not a gay pedophile. Banging little boys just isn't his thing, and it never was in the first place.

Have we got this memorized yet?

Good. Now, it's really late, and I can hear Eleven and Twelve in the next room. So I'm going to put the ol' journal away and go find something else to do, out of earshot. Maybe I can pick up a girl in Traverse Town or something.

This is Number Eight, Axel, signing off.