I slump into Ms. Austin's class and plop my stuff down. I glance back at her. She's so pretty. That warm fuzzy feeling flows through me.
"Hey Kyra," She says, eyes glued to her computer, scrolling through a clothing website.
"Hi," I say, smiling warmly. I can't wait for after school. I get to stay with her till 4:45 and just sit there. I still have ten minutes before the rest of the class gets here, to just hang out with her. There is so much to tell her, but I couldn't just spill all of my secrets to a teacher. Shadows start to break through the warmth and tear at my mind. I walk out of the room, abruptly slamming myself through the bathroom door. "Shut up!" I scream at myself. trying to not pull my blade out. I shake and rip the warm razor blade out and press into my wrist. The dark blood pools up on my arm, thin warm lines of blood sliding around my wrist to drop off into the sink. I turn on the water and wash out the cut. I glance over at the grey gauze pad that is covered in pus filled scabs that were ripped off and pack toilet paper on the bleeding wound. The shadows slowly drain as I relax. I walk back to the classroom and sit. I open my laptop to reveal a message that reads:
You Broke Your Promise. Not Smart.
My body shakes and I slam my computer shut, as heat and cold flush alternatively through me. The bell rings and everyone rushes in to catch a seat next to their friends, leaving me in the back of the classroom alone like always. I'm hyperventilating and my lungs burn like I had coughed for a week straight then tried to drink soda. Ms. Alicia comes over to me and sets her hand on my back, just long enough to bring myself back to the real world and out of the mans fantasy that he set up for me, although to me, it was no fantasy. I breathe hard and find myself looking into her soft blue eyes. I break the contact and force myself to stare at my blank notebook.
"I'd like to talk to you after class," She whispers in my ear. I nod in one sudden jerk but not really stupid looking. Class slowly passes and I catch myself constantly staring at her.
The bell rings abruptly and I jerk myself out of my trance and gather my stuff.
"Kyra? I wanted to talk to you about what has been happening in class." I look at her.
"I'm fine." I say simply.
"No, no you are not. You constantly are randomly leaving class, I have heard you in the bathroom screaming. I want you safe. Something isn't right." My body starts shaking lightly. ""I want to know that you're ok, so I want you to come stay with me tonight. Will you do that?"
"I would have to ask..." I say my eyes starting to tear up.
"Would you go do that now?"
"Yes."
I pull out my phone and "dial" on it. I wait for a few seconds and then start stage phoning.
" Hi mom! I was wondering if I could spend the night at a friends house." I start, glancing over at Ms. Austin. " I would be with Cordelia. Please? But today is Friday. Please? Why not? Fine." I say hoping to convince Ms. Austin that I am actually talking on the phone. There would be no way to keep her safe if I spent the night at her house. He would see me going with her and hurt her just like he did me. "She said I had to work on some things at home. Im sorry!" She looks at me, we hold a gaze for a few seconds but finding that it was getting a little awkward, I broke it.
"Come with me." She says, grabbing my wrist. I wince but the feeling instantly dissolves when the warmth of her hand travels up my arm and into my heart. Suddenly I reflexively stop myself on the door.
"I can't go," I say, a tear free-falling down my face, "I'm sorry." Another memory bubbles up inside me, tearing at my soul and eyes so I would watch it. I fall back on to a desk and let the memory take me.
I'm sitting there at a campfire. He is right next to me, staring hungrily at me. I thought nothing of it until one of his buddies sets up the telescope. We all go watch a super nova, and when I walked up to see, he grabbed me by my waist, pulling me to the ground. He pulls at my clothes as I'm screaming and kicking at him. Pain like a knife shoots through me from between my legs as I fight against him. My body rocking and arching in pain and that stupid grin on his face as he breaks me.
"No... no.." I rasp, tears hydrating my dry face. He pulls me off the ground and pushes me on to the seat of his truck and positions his body to torture me again. I instinctively kick out and I hit both his stomach and his crotch. He doubles over and I grab my clothes then jump back in the truck. I try to lock the door but he rips it open and tears at my legs, trying to pull me off the seat. I jerk the lanyard out of his console and shove the key in. The motor roars to life and I take off down the dirt road.
My head clears and I slowly sit up off of the desks. I cough. Ms. Austin is there with an ambulance just pulling up.
"I'm fine," I say coughing and running my fingers through my hair. My lungs burn and I'm sweaty and exhausted. I scan through the people flooding in the door and I see him. I blink hard and realize it was my mind playing tricks on me. The nurses take me into the ambulance.
"I'm with her! I want to know she's gonna be okay." I hear Ms. Austin say as the nurses load me. She hops in and takes a seat on the right of me. I smile then glance down at my left arm, and notice that my bandage is sticking out. I squirm and it rolls up in my coat. I relax under the soft strokes of Ms. Austin's hand rubbing my shoulder. My eyes start to become heavy with the need to rest and I fall asleep on the ride to the hospital. I open my eyes to the pristine white steril room and want to shut them immediately. Pain shoots from my right wrist, forcing me to look and I notice that I have a drip hooked up to me. Typical. I look around the bed and notice that I am still in my clothes. Thank God! If they had changed me, I wouldn't be able to keep my bandages hidden. The door bursts open and I jump.
"Just checking on your drip." the tall nurse says, "I didn't mean to scare you."
"Why am I here?" I ask. "I feel fine."
"Because," She says, sitting down, "We got a call that you had passed out. As you probably know, thats not exactly a good thing."
"No one understands do they?"
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean is I didn't pass out! I was going through my memories. They kind of just take me over! I shouldn't be here!" I state, starting to squirm in the bed. The nurse sets her hand on my stomach and my body starts shaking again.
"We'll take care of you. Its gonna be okay," She says, smiling warmly.
"No! No its not 'gonna be okay'," I scream, sitting up and starting to tear out the leads "He's going to kill me!" My breath shortens even more and I set my bare feet on the cold tile floor.
"Hey. You need to calm down."
"Never! Not until..." I start as Ms. Austin bursts in.
"Kyra. Calm down," she says, resting her hands on my shoulders and lightly pushing me back on the bed. My head lightens and I fall back onto the bed.
"No! Your not taking me again! Leave me alone! Please!" I cry, clawing at my scalp and flopping around my bed like a fish out of water. I slash out at the air and see three doctors rush in the room. "Don't touch me!" I snarl at the sudden flurry of hands that reach over me trying to secure me. I lash out again, clawing at the arms and bodies of the people around me. They tie me to the bed and tears flow from my eyes. This feeling is too familiar. "Don't tie me up, please," I cry through sobs. Needles pierce through my right arm again and I flinch. Luckly they tied me in a way to where it would be impossible to pull the left sleeve up my arm. I relax, looking up at Ms. Austin. "I'm sorry," I mouth to her. She backs up and comes around beside my head.
"It's okay. Your gonna be okay," She says hugging me.
"Okay Kyra,your free to leave," the doctor says. I slowly rise and Ms. Alicia grabs my arm. We stumble out of the room and into the foyer of the hospital. I pull open her car door and sit down. Tears flow from my eyes.
"Hey! Whats wrong?" Ms. Austin asks.
"Nothing. But if I don't get home right now, I'll be grounded from school." I'm lying. I don't like the feeling but I have to keep her safe. We take off and I give her directions to the street he lives on. "Just drop me off at the corner," I say as she pulls up to the street. "My mom would kill me if she saw me being driven instead of me walking. She alway's watches out the window by now."
"Are you sure? That seems kinda weird."
"I'm sure. Thank you! See you tomorrow!" I say turning back to look at her before I jump out of her car.
"Hey!" She says quickly getting out a piece of paper and scribbling something on it. "I want you to have my number. If you need someone to talk to, just call." I smile. I slink in the door, shoving the slip of paper in my shoe sole.
"Where the hell have you been?" He yells at me. "I gave you a phone for a reason."
"I'm," I start.
"Grounded from school." He growls and pushes me onto the couch.
"Oh God no..." I moan as he grabs his knife from the coffee table. He rips my clothes to shreds and starts his torture. My arms are pulled behind my back and I am leaned over the couch while he stands. He abruptly pulls me backward and I crash backwards and onto the coffee table. He grabs my throat and rips me onto my feet and pushes me up the stairs and onto his bed. "Please! It'll never happen again! I'm sorry!" I scream and he slaps me. He ties me to the bedposts and takes his whip out. Three times on my bruised back he beats me, each accompanied by a small yelp and a hard slap. He rapes me, again and I scream, clawing at his chest, my breath shortening and breaking between the pulse of him and the slaps I take as punishment. My phone rings.
"Who did you give your number to?" He yells, grabbing my cheeks and thrusting my cheek into the sharp clips of my space-maintainer on my teeth. I squeak, and writhe under his grip in pain.
"It must be telemarketers!" I cry out. Yes, its a lie but I don't want Ms. Austin hurt. I don't want him to hurt anyone else. Thats the only reason I haven't reported him. He knows how to get out of jail or prison with his words. He tightens the restraints on my body and pulls my phone out. Shit...
"Who the fuck is this," He growls. He turns back at me and smiles cruelly. My body sinks into the deep feeling of the: "I'm screwed" feeling. I realize with that smile that Ms. Austin just told him that she was my teacher. He brings the phone over to me and growls, "Say 'hi' to your teacher. NOW!"
"H-h-h-hi," I choke out and he rips the phone away from my face. My body is shaking and tears slowly drip down my cheekbone.
"If you want her to be okay," He starts, looking me in the eye. "Don't tell anyone." He finishes to Ms. Austin. He hangs up abruptly and shoves my phone into my pocket. He finishes his torture by raping me one last time and whipping me again. He unties me and leaves me breathless on his bed.
I slowly sit up, his semen dripping out of me. Today is the third day of being grounded. My stomach cramps at the sound of the squishing between my legs. I walk to his bathroom and I clean my inner thighs. I pick up my shredded jeans and my phone falls out. After glancing around to make sure that he is downstairs asleep on the couch I unlock the small device. A message flashes up on the screen. Make that a text message. From Ms. Alicia. I decide to take the risk and read it.
Syrena,
I called you. Well, of course you already know that though. When you get the time, please call back! I'm worried.
Ms. Austin
My eyes tear and I quietly slide my phone back into my single pocket shred.
"Thanks," I say stepping out of the car and closing the door and waving good-bye. hapter 5: The Story Is Out
I take a timid step back into the school. The bright spring sun blazes through her classroom. I quickly walk in and drop my bags in my seat then turn and run down the hall to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. I attack the apple sitting in the bottom of the white paper bag. Images of him running his hands along my shaking body claw through my mind and I turn a corner too sharply and slam my shoulder into the wall. Wincing, I hurry into the bathroom. I pull my sleeve down to examine the forming bruise.
"I'm so dead." I sigh and walk to class.
"Kyra! Your okay!" Ms. Austin squeals running over to hug me. I don't squirm even though she is pushing on some of the bruises. I lightly wrap my arms around her waist. The contact makes me feel high. I breathe slowly, absorbing the warmth of her body and sigh. The bell rings and we jump apart, regrettably.
"I think I understand now," I say as a cover for our embrace and pull a sheet of blank paper off the desk beside me and go back to my seat. The main thing I love about her is her acting. She always knows how to continue an act.
"Your sure?" She asks coming over to 'check' my "work. I can feel her care toward me... I want it to be real. I long for it to be real. Thank God tonight I can stay late for a few. The class takes their seats and the lesson is started.
"Okay class! Chapter 5 in your books." She starts. I pull my book out and smile.
Finally its the end of the day! The last class seemed to drone on. I step back in her classroom and sit on one of the desks. My perfectly brushed hair sits draped over my small black tank-top and jacket, and I cross my jean clad legs. I pull out my computer and she walks into the room. My screen flashes white and I jump slightly. She looks at me and I sit there confused.
"What was that?" She asked.
"I.. I don't know..." I reply, my voice cracking. I set it down on the desk opposite of me and try to turn to my calendar but Word comes up instead. I shake my head and click command Q on my keyboard and click calendar again. Yet again it pulls up Word and starts typing. I slowly read the writing as it appears on the screen
"Don't let her tell", I read silently, "I will kill both of you."
"Okay." I type back then delete the whole thing. I click back on calendar and scroll through my homework for the night.
"Ms. Austin? Can I talk to you? About when you called me?"
"What was that all about?" She asks turning from her computer to face me.
"You can't tell anyone. If this gets to the police he WILL kill me. Okay?" I ask, briefly wondering if she thinks its just a joke.
"Okay," She says getting up to come sit on the desk opposite from me.
"Well..." I say my breath choking up in heaps and I am suddenly shaking. "It all started when I was six." I suck air and I see the flashback burn through my mind. "I was walking home and a black van with the windows blacked out, pulled up next to me. The window rolled down and the man inside asked if I wanted a ride home. Being the naive little kid I was I said 'yes'." My breath calms slightly.
"You can take as long as you need." Ms. Austin says coming over to hug me. I lean into her and sigh slightly as my body relaxes.
"I stepped into his van and he took off. I started to tell him where to take me but he pulled over and threw me into the back and taped my mouth shut. I was crying and screaming but I knew no one could hear me anymore. I remember thinking 'do whatever he wants to survive' before my mind shut down all feelings." I tell her in slow haunting words. "He took me to his house and tied me to his bed, and cut all of my clothes off."
"Please! Don't do this! I wont tell I promise!" I cry as he cut the last strips of my clothing off of my body and drug the knife down my young frame.
"He drug a knife across my stomach and then went straight for his 'prize'."
"He raped you didn't he?" She asked. I look down and nod. "What a sick creep..."
"He returned me home that night and I told my mom that I was just with some friends. Not that she really cared anyway. Two nights later he came and did it again. He did it till I was ten then he finally got the nerve to kidnap me. I knew I wasn't going to make it home that night when he took me to his house and kept me there past when he usually took me back. Thats why I told you to drop me off at the corner. I didn't want him to see you. I knew he would either kill or rape you. I don't want that to happen again..."
"Again?"
"He kidnapped my best friend two years ago and kept her for a few weeks but she wouldn't shut up when he touched her. Next thing I knew he had me tied to a chair to watch her be brutally killed. I haven't let myself have a friend for ever..." I say sniffling at the memory of Mikayla. "Sometimes I can almost feel the torture he put her through and I wish he killed me too... But now... with you? I'm happy he didn't." I say leaning into her and smiling.
"I probably better go." I say hugging her one last time and collecting my stuff. My stomach flips crazy bad at saying that. I stand and she pulls me close to her and we hug again, not wanting to let go again. She leans in and we share a brief kiss goodbye.
"Be careful." She says looking into my eyes and I leave.