Angela walked into the kitchen and put on the tea kettle to make herself a cup of tea. It was late but she couldn't sleep. Her mind had been jumbled all evening since learning that Tony was meeting Kathleen's Dad. She had tried sleeping but found herself alternating between crying and tossing and turning. So she decided that a nice cup of hot tea was in order to soothe her nerves. The tea kettle whistled and she poured herself a cup sitting down with it at the kitchen table. She wrapped her hands around it and sat there her thoughts about Tony meeting Kathleen's Dad causing a cold shudder to go through her.
Angela knew what meeting Kathleen's Dad meant and it scared the hell out of her. There was no other explanation than that Kathleen was hoping that she and Tony would be getting married someday. Why else would she want her Dad and Tony to meet one another? New tears ran down her cheeks as she thought about Tony and Kathleen as husband and wife. She never thought or should she say that she had prayed that their relationship would never reach the marriage level. But it was pretty obvious now that it was heading in that very direction. Angela had never felt more scared in her life than she did at that very moment. If or she hated to admit this when Tony and Kathleen got married things between Tony and her would change dramatically. He no longer would be living with her and they would no longer be sharing their day to day lives with each other. At least for now he was still living with her but for how long? She didn't expect him to live with her forever but still the thought scared her that he would leave her and marry Kathleen.
Kathleen. That name sent shivers down Angela's spine everytime she heard it. She was a nice enough woman but Angela couldn't help herself from feeling resentful of her. She knew that she really didn't have a reason to be. After all she and Tony weren't married or anything and he was free to date whomever he pleased... just like she was. Her mind drifted to the guys she had dated since that fatal night in the study when she had told Tony that "maybe they had to go through this to see if they could go any further." Even though it had hurt her deeply and even though there was a part of her that had wanted to plead with Tony to not pursue a relationship with Kathleen she had decided with a broken heart that it would be better if she let Tony go so he could be free to have his chance at a relationship with Kathleen. But now she wondered if letting him go had been the right thing. She had foolishly thought they would go out a few times and that would be that. But it wasn't just a few times and it was becoming more and more clear that he was getting deeply involved with her. If meeting her Father wasn't enough to convince her that their relationship may very well soon be at the marriage stage- she didn't know what was.
The rest of the family thought she was doing okay with Tony dating Kathleen. But the truth was the more involved he became with her the more scared she became. Oh sure she hid it well by dating those other guys and pretending for the most part that she was okay with the changes in her relationship with Tony. But it was all an act. An act that she was sick and tired of playing. She wanted things to go back to how they were before Tony had made the choice to sleep with Kathleen and therefore changing her life and their relationship forever. She sighed and took a sip of the now cold liquid and grimaced. She poured the tea down the drain and left the kitchen to go upstairs to try to go back to sleep. She slowly walked up the stairs each step feeling heavier and heavier just like her heart was. She opened her bedroom door and slipped into bed feeling new tears streaming down her cheeks as she thought about Tony and Kathleen making a lifetime commitment to each other.
"What am I going to do without you Tony?" she cried before finally drifting off into a restless sleep.
Tony had been driving around town for about a 1/2 hour trying to ease his troubled mind. He couldn't believe it! Kathleen wanted to get married! What in the world had happened tonight?! All he was supposed to do was meet her Father and now she wanted to get married? After her dad had left and they had cleaned up she had invited him to stay the night. But he had declined because ever since Kathleen had thrown her arms around him claiming that "she was so happy" he had felt like he was suffocating and couldn't wait to get out of there as soon as possible. So now here he was driving around town thinking about marrying Kathleen. But the million dollar was did he want to marry her? He did like her but did he love her? She was an okay gir... "Oh man I hate this song." he grumbled and scanned the radio until he found one that he did like.
His thoughts drifted to times during his relationship with Kathleen that mirrored times that he had shared with Angela. He recalled one time when the two of them were baking cupcakes and she had thrown flour in his face. He could tell by the playful look in her eyes that she wanted the two of them to have a flour fight. But, he had frozen remembering the time he and Angela had their very own flour fight the night of her Birthday and the kiss that followed. He also recalled the time they had gone dancing but all he thought about were all the times he and Angela had danced: when they were out in California when Michael got married, at Paul and Isabelle's wedding where they had kept on dancing even when the band had taken a break, at Mona's apartment where he had moved into temporarily, in the living room when he had recreated her prom for her and other times as well. The memories had felt so real to him that he actually thought for a momet that it was indeed Angela he was dancing with and not Kathleen.
So why was he thinking about Angela while he was doing these things with his gir... "Whoops stop sign! You better slow down ." he said to himself as he put his foot on the brake. He looked in both directions and took his foot off the brake and went back on his way. He drove on thinking about how much his relationship with Angela had changed since he had made the decision to date Kathleen. He knew that he had hurt her but she seemed to be doing okay. She was dating other guys and did seem happy enough. That made him uneasy however. He knew that he didn't have any right to feel jealous or anything. After all he was the one that had changed the status of their relationship in the first place. But he still recalled the feeling of jealousy when Angela was so smitten with Christopher that it made him follow her on her date with him. But was it really jealousy? Or was he just looking out for his best friend?
He had to be brutally honest with himself here. He was the reason why she had been dating these other guys. If he hadn't decided to pursue this relationship with Kathleen then Angela probably wouldn't have given these guys a second look. A selfish part of him hated the idea of her dating other men. But what did he expect? For her to sit around at home moping? For her to never date other guys? He was dating someone so why couldn't she? After all like she had said they needed to "broaden their horizons to see if their relationship could go any further." But how far did he want their relationship to go? Were they better off just remaining friends? Their friendship was the most important relationship in the world to him except for being Sam's Dad of course. Was it worth the risk to see if they could indeed go any further? Or should their relationship stay the way it was... forever? He sighed and decided to head on home to go to bed.
Home. He loved saying that word. Then it hit him like a baseball bat hitting a ball. If he married Kathleen he no longer would be able to call Angela's house his home. The thought terrified him. Would he be able to accept the fact that he and Angela wouldn't be sharing their daily lives anymore? He arrived home and let himself in the front door. He climbed the stairs his steps feeling heavier and heavier like his heart now was. He opened the door to his bedroom and went inside. He took off his clothes and put on his pajamas and climbed into bed. The cold realization that he could possibly lose Angela if he married Kathleen scared the hell out of him. Surprisingly, he felt his eyes filled with tears.
"What am I going to do without you Angela?" he whispered before falling in a restless sleep.