A little look into Dave Karofsky's Head. Short Vignettes. Lots of swear words. Some use of hateful anti-gay language, so be warned if that is triggering for you. Established Klaine and eventual Kurtofsky and Dattana Friendship. There will be No Kurtofsky relationship, so if thats what you're here for sorry. First ever attempt at anything angsty, so please R&R.

I don't own Glee.

Since starting high school, Dave Kafofsky usually limited himself to two public emotions – anger and cockiness. When he was a kid he remembered allowing himself to verbalize others, sadness, hope, excitement…, but the summer before middle and high school his body had really started to go into puberty hyper-drive and he woke up morning after morning with sticky sheets after vivid dreams about a guy from football camp named Andy. What was wrong with him? He wasn't like that. He liked football and video games and he was a guy for god's sake – he wasn't supposed to be having sex dreams about the Center on the JV team. People like that were freaks, and Dave was *not* going to be a freak. Everyone thought so, even if they didn't say it out loud. The church his parents took him to said it was wrong, his football coaches would yell at the kids if they weren't tough enough, it was obvious. Gay = not something he could be. His dad laughed when he caught him doing laundry the third time that week and asked what her name was, "Amy," he lied easily. That's when he began to shut down, he couldn't tell anybody about what was going on with him, so he hoped that if he just shoved all of his feelings down they might just go away and leave him alone. It would go away.

He grew harder, meaner, lonelier. Andy's family moved to Indiana unexpectedly just days before freshman year started. Girls paid attention to him because he was on the football team. He didn't even really have to do anything to get them to be interested in him. In fact, girls seemed to respond better the more of a jerk he was. Maybe this was how all the guys felt? After all, Dave didn't mind girls. They usually smelled nice, liked to listen to him talk about sports, and sometimes they'd even bake stuff for him. He might not feel much of anything when a girl would take his hands and put them on her boobs, but they were just boobs right? Muscle and flesh, what was the big deal? It was just talk, right? Yeah, this is probably how everyone else felt.

And then there was Kurt. Dave was a sophomore when the tiny, fragile looking Kurt Hummel started his freshman year at McKinley. Kurt was obviously gay. It pissed Dave off. Who the fuck was he? Dave was scared of him, not that he'd ever admit that to anyone. Princess Hummel, the tiny little porcelain skinned freak who wore the weirdest freaking clothes in the world to school. The totally bizarre kid who spoke in a high breathy voice and wanted the fucking football team to do the "Single Ladies" dance on the football field. He looked like a girl. That must be why Dave could barely keep his eyes off him. Yup, that must be it, his unconscious mind just wanted to dream about Kurt's soft looking lips and gorgeous eyes and graceful body because he looked like what a girl should look like. God damn it. But he wasn't a chick, he was a guy and Dave instantly hated him for the thoughts Kurt made him think about.

The harder Dave was, the more respect he got from the guys on the team and the school in general. He was popular, hell he was a freaking High School God. No way was that faggot Hummel going to ruin all this for him. If he was honest with himself he'd know that he only picked on Kurt so much, slushy-ing him, pushing him into the lockers, messing with him – was really only to talk to the kid, and to touch him. Dave longed to touch Kurt, to know if his dreams about the way his skin would feel were true. But the only touch that was okay, allowed, acceptable, was through force. His friends ate up his abuse of Hummel. They loved it, Dave was the Man. Most of the football team (apart from those Glee Freaks) and all of the Hockey team was on his side. Hummel needed to know how gross he was, what a loser he was going to be. Because if Hummel was a loser, then Dave wasn't.

Dave hadn't meant to kiss Kurt. It just kind of happened. Kurt had come running into him in the locker room after another locker check, yelling at him. He was so loud, Dave couldn't concentrate. He couldn't fucking think with Hummel so close to him. His brain was yelling and white noise and anger and hurt and fuck he had to have those lips. Before he knew what was happening his mouth was on Kurt's, hands around his face, pulling him in. Kurt tasted exactly like Dave thought he would. It barely registered to Dave that Kurt wasn't kissing back, Kurt was pulling away, looking appalled. Dave's head propelled forward of its own accord, wanting more, but Kurt pushed him away. His push woke Dave up and oh holy hell what had just happened? No way, no way, no no no no he had not just kissed him. Kurt was running, Kurt was gone. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck. God damn it, Kurt had just been so close to him. Oh God, what if he told someone? That could not happen.

Dave hadn't meant to threaten to kill Kurt. He really hadn't. It was Kurt's freaking fault really, stirring up shit with him. And Kurt's Dad trying to get him expelled. Screw that, Kurt shouldn't be such a dancing prancing little fag. Still, Dave cried himself to sleep every night for a week after it happened. Kurt was never going to look at him with anything else other than fear or disgust. That was exactly what he wanted, right, so why didn't he feel any better. Kurt's transfer to Homo Academy was a relief. Dave wasn't expelled, and Kurt wouldn't be there with his pretty eyes and adorable (get it together Karofsky, you do not say adorable) little laugh. Just like Andy, Kurt was gone – if Dave tried a little harder, this was going to go away. It had to.

But Kurt wasn't really gone. The Glee Freaks talked about him all the flipping time. Kurt this and Kurt that, I miss Kurt, Kurt kept Rachel in check, did you hear Kurt blah blah blah. He was like a ghost, haunting him. But… with Kurt physically gone, he started noticing other guys, guys who looked a lot less like girls than Kurt. Like Sam. Sam with his full lips and abs and shit, this is bad. Anyway, Dave just knew Kurt was at that Homo School with that prissy Blaine kid. Disgusting. Dave couldn't stand the thought of them together, but he couldn't stop thinking about it either. On the night of the benefit concert he couldn't resist going to talk to them himself. Ugh, sure enough that Blaine kid was there, and Dave knew they were officially dating now. He watched them as they strolled happily down the hall before he made his move. Kurt looked so freaking happy it should be illegal. Kurt looked different than the last time Dave had really seen him, the kid had obviously grown like 5 or 6 inches in just the past few months. His face looked longer, more mature. Don't stare, he reminded himself.

He couldn't believe that Blaine, god what a queer name – Blaine, kid had the nerve to shove him. Him. David The Fury Karofsky. If stupid Santana hadn't shown up Dave would have pummeled him into the ground. Santana had almost heard about what happened with Dave and Kurt. Those two freaks better not show up at his school again. They had no right. He would just say Kurt had kissed him, but still, kiss a guy and you are gay, gay, and Dave was not gay.

After what happened at the Night of Neglect Dave was really surprised when Santana contacted him about a date. Well, he was a stud, so maybe she had been secretly impressed. After all it, it was common knowledge that she and Brittany would put out for just about anyone. Well, not Brittany any more, she wouldn't put out for anyone ever since she started dating the Cripple, but whatever. He was not expecting her to say everything she said at the coffee shop. When she announced that Dave was gay he almost turned over the table. He was going to find those fucking fags and shut them up. But Santana was still talking, holy shit Santana's gay too. Gay too? Too? Damn it Karofsky you are not gay. He listened to her idea. Winning Prom King would be pretty awesome. His dad was still pretty pissed at him about everything that happened with Kurt. It made Dave nervous though. She was expecting him to go from this hard tough guy who pushed everyone else around to being a Bully Whip whatever the hell that was, and she wanted Kurt back at McKinley. Kurt back at McKinley terrified Dave. What if he got that close to him again? Would he kiss him again? That could not happen. But….if Kurt left that prep school…maybe he'd break up with Blaine…maybe…maybe he'd look at Dave the way he looked at Blaine. He found himself agreeing with Santana's plan before he knew it. She better keep up her end of the bargain though.

Santana didn't show him any video's on youtube about the effects of bullying. She didn't need to, he had seen them all himself. Thank god he had his own private computer and both his parents were completely computer illiterate. Half of his storage space was porn. Most of it was straight porn, but he had "accidentally" stumbled across some gay guy porn that made his heart race and his junk twitch, but he couldn't make it though a whole movie without hating himself and coming too early and deleting it just to find and save the clips again later. But he had seen all the videos about bullying and suicide. On several dark nights Dave had thought about killing himself. Then no one would know, he wouldn't have to be this…this freak or whatever he was. Santana had prepared a nice little speech for him to say to the New Directions, and strangely enough the words came out feeling a lot more genuine than he expected them to.

Getting his dad and the principal and Kurt's dad to agree to meet with him had been a battle. Santana had managed to orchestrate that eventually though. Dave felt like he was naked in the room, and he could barely contain himself – Kurt was getting all the power now. Kurt looked good. Kurt made Dave wish he had a bigger vocabulary so as to accurately describe him. Dave couldn't believe that Kurt made him promise to join PFLAG. A) He wasn't flipping gay, B) he was already in the Bully Whips and Football and Hockey where was he going to get the time, and C) everyone was going to think he was gay. Shit. But…Dave somehow didn't miss it that Kurt wasn't just being vindictive with his ultimate him. He was trying to help Dave. Not that Dave needed his stupid help. He just wanted to win Prom King and get out of high school alive. Maybe he could just keep all this up through prom and then just go back to normal. He wasn't going to bully Kurt or anyone anymore, but he just wanted to go to school and do what he wanted with sports and not worry about this liking guys thing.

Dave was not happy when Santana dragged him to the New Directions Born this Way performance. He wasn't gay, he wasn't born that way – he wished people would stop shoving that down this throat. She was wearing a tshirt that said "Lebanese." He didn't get it and she didn't answer him when he asked, whatever. She just dug her claws into his arm and pulled him into the auditorium.

"Aren't you supposed to be up there with them?" he asked.

"I have my reasons, now shut up," she snarled at him.

Holy shit. Holy shit Kurt. Kurt looked like a fucking God up there on the stage. He looked possessed. The song was kind of weird and repetitive but Dave could not keep his eyes off Kurt, and his "Likes Boys" T-shirt. Dave was hit with wave after wave of intense jealously. He wanted Kurt, this was true, but right now he was just so jealous of him. He owned the stage and was proud of who he was. Dave wasn't proud of who he was. The other Glee Clubbers got on the stage and there was Sam, in all his blonde deliciousness. It was mesmerizing. Dave barely even remembered to be "not gay," he just couldn't stop looking. They all looked so happy. Could he ever be that happy? Kurt had it easy – everyone expected him to be gay. He was going to do some kind of weird clothes job or something. Dave wanted a football scholarship or to open a business. Could he even do that if he was gay? Fat chance. Damn, what was he going to do? He just felt so torn…but for the first time in a long time he was acknowledging to himself that he was feeling something. Something other than pissed or superior. It was heavy, but in the way a blanket is heavy – something that keeps you protected and whole. More than anything David Karofsky wanted to be whole.

Thanks for reading! Please review if you feel so inclined. I fully intend to get back to my normal fluff/smut writing but I had to get this out. I'm also supposed to be finishing a final paper now, but...well here we are.