A\N: AUGH. I do not like this... If I get ten reviews or more, I will most definitely go back and smooth it out and add some finishing touches. I've never really liked Ed suicide stories because I felt it was very OOC, but I thought I would try it. I still... I still don't like it. At least, I don't think I do... Hmm...

I don't own FMA, Enjoy, and please leave a review!

Shaky, sweaty hands clutched the steel weapon and brought it closer to the warm, pulsing temple. Black hair was the only thing between muzzle and flesh—not to mention life and death. He closed his obsidian eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to make himself pull the trigger.

His finger didn't move.

He cursed under his breath, willing himself to fire. But it didn't happen.

"Augh!" He threw the gun across the room, watching as it hit a lamp, shattering the porcelain and falling to the ground. "Stupid… Stupid gun… can't make my fingers work…."

Knock, knock, knock.

"Hey, Roy, you in there? I heard a shatter."

Roy cursed again. "Uh, yeah, I'm here. I just ran into a lamp."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Roy paused. "Why did you stop by?"

"Well, my girl made an apple pie… again. I thought I'd bring it by since you love pie so much."

Roy looked down at his stomach, hearing it growl at him. He hadn't eaten since yesterday, and even then it was just a glass of water. A small glass.

"Yeah… just give me a second."

Hughes laughed, pushing the door in. "Roy, we're best friends. You don't have to—" Hughes froze, staring at the cuts in Roy's face, his thin body, and the gun lying discarded on the floor. "Oh."

Roy slumped his shoulders, sitting back down on the floor and propping his knees up. He wouldn't look at Hughes—he couldn't. "I bet… you think I'm a stupid, idiotic loser, huh?"

Hughes shook his head, sitting down next to Roy and putting an arm over his shoulder. "No, of course not, Roy. I don't understand, but I don't think your stupid. I don't want you to die, I do know that much. And I want you to tell me why you're hurting."

"Why?" Roy's head snapped up, and he glared. "Isn't it obvious? Did you see all those bodies in Ishbal? Did you? That was me, Hughes, it was all me! I… killed them. I burned them. I destroyed them. And the Rockbells… Oh, the Rockbells…God, forgive me…."

Hughes smiled slightly. "I thought you didn't believe in God, Roy."

"Well who else is gonna forgive me for what I've done? The Rockbell's daughter? The dead Ishbalans? The living ones?"

Hughes pulled Roy closer, chuckling softly. "I forgive you, stupid. But I won't forgive you if you die, understand?"

"But Hughes, I—"

Hughes covered Roy's mouth, shaking his head and shushing him quietly. Roy let his head fall against Hughes' chest, and he took a few deep breaths, restraining the tears and sniffing. Slowly, his resistance cracked, and the crack grew bigger until he started sobbing uncontrollably. Hughes stroked his hair gently and hugged him tightly, trying to keep Roy in the clear and away from any weaponry.

"Why don't you come stay at my house for the night, hmm? I'll ask my girlfriend to come over, and she can make us some food, and you can sleep on the couch."

Roy nodded.

"Alright then, let's go."

Hughes pulled Roy up off of the floor and started pulling him out the door and into the hall.

"Fullmetal, you were supposed to be in my office an hour ago!"

BANG BANG BANG!

"Open up, you ungrateful little—"

SHATTER! Something broke, and somebody groaned.

Roy stopped himself mid-rant, and all traces of anger completely disappeared. "Fullmetal, are you in there?"

There was no response, but Roy knew he had heard something.

"Fullmetal?" He tried to open the door, but it was locked. "Fullmetal?" He wiggled it a few more times, hearing the pained moans again. "Fullmetal? What are you doing in there? Fullmetal!" Roy kicked the door open, letting it bang against the wall as he ran in. "Fullmetal?"

He saw the boy propped up against a wall and hugging a pillow to his chest, his face buried in the down.

"Oh, you're just sleeping." The anger suddenly returned. "Then where have you been, Fullmetal?"

Ed slowly lifted his gaze, and Roy stopped short. The child's eyes were sunken in, and they looked bloodshot from lack of sleep.

"Fullmetal? What happened to you?"

Ed dropped his head back onto the pillow. "Say it."

Roy gave Ed a look. "Say what?"

"Tell me how I've failed again. Tell me what number this is. Say it!"

Roy nodded slowly, understanding what the problem was. He took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed, trying to think of something to say. Finally, he ended up with, "Life is full of failures, Fullmetal."

"Yeah, thanks, Colonel. Anymore advice?"

"Hand me the gun, Fullmetal."

Ed stiffened. "What… What gun?"

"The one underneath the sheets. Hand it to me." Roy held out his hand as the young blonde reluctantly surrendered his weapon—or escape, depending on who's perspective it was. Roy tossed it up and down in his hands for a while, measuring it's weight, and then he dropped it to the floor, kicking it under the bed.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Um… this morning…" Ed averted his eyes.

"I mean a full meal. Enough for you to say, 'If I take another bite, I'm going to be sick.'

Ed stuttered for a bit, struggling with his words. "One… er maybe two… uhh… about four days." He blushed crimson, hanging his head in shame.

Roy stood up and turned to Ed, taking him by the chin and forcing his head up. "Listen to me, Fullmetal. I can forgive you for all of the times you've failed, and you're mother and brother have forgiven you for performing human transmutation. But I will never, ever forgive you if you kill yourself. Understand?"

Ed nodded, glaring daggers at the Colonel. Roy knew what he was thinking. 'Could he have been more insensitive?' It was then that Roy put on his coat and then grabbed Ed's signature red jacket from the floor, dusting it off before holding it out to the child on the bed.

"What are you doing?" Ed asked.

"It's chilly outside so I'm getting you your jacket. What does it look like I'm doing?"

Ed raised his eyebrows suspiciously, and then slowly took the jacket away, putting it on. "Where are you taking me?"

"We're going to my house. I'll call Hawkeye over and she can make us something for dinner while I have a serious man-to-man with you."

Ed groaned, not liking the sound of the situation at all.

"Come on, Fullmetal, up off the bed with you." Roy pulled Ed out of the sheets and started dragging him down the hall, barely giving the young alchemist any time to put on his boots.

"Sit here, Roy. I'll go call Gracia, and then you and I are going to sit and talk for a while, okay?"

Roy nodded absentmindedly, barely there.

"Okay. You sit tight."

Roy watched his best friend leave and stared off into space while he waited for the return.

He should have been more careful! Hughes usually came over between four and seven in the afternoon, so why would today be any different? If he had planned more carefully, he could have done it in the morning when no one was going to stop by unexpected.

Except, of course, for the fact that he actually wanted someone to find him and stop him because he was a coward and didn't want to face up to the penalty he deserved.

"Alright, Gracia is making us a good home-cooked meal." Hughes sat down next to Roy and stared at the wall ahead of him for a while.

Roy glanced at him a few times, but made no effort to urge a lecture from him.

Finally, the bespectacled man let out a long, heavy sigh and turned to his companion. "Well?"

Roy's eyes shifted upwards slightly before returning to the floor. "Well, what?"

"What have you got to say for yourself?"

Roy jerked slightly. "What?"

"Roy, you've got people—good people—who not only rely on you, but who love you and don't want to see you dead."

"I can't live with it, Hughes. The guilt—it's keeping me up at night."

Hughes sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I saw the signs of human transmutation. What... who were you planning to…?"

Roy laughed dryly, shaking his head. "No one… I just wanted to see… if it would work."

Hughes raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean by 'work'?"

Roy threw his head back and laughed, covering his eyes and exhaling long and loud. "I have no idea… That I'd get the death sentence. That I would actually be able to bring someone back. That I would punish myself enough to make me feel better. I don't know…"

Hughes pinched the bridge of his nose and hung his head. "Geeze, Roy, I don't know what to say…" He suddenly threw his fist out, landing a hefty punch to his shoulder. "But I do know I'm mad at you!"

Roy frowned, absentmindedly rubbing the mark. "That's one more."

"The world doesn't hate you, Roy. It's just a little frustrated." Hughes grabbed his hand and got to his feet, pulling Roy with him. "Come on. Gracia's making pie!"

Roy smiled lightly.

Ed sat on the couch, legs drawn up to his chest and eyes brimmed with tears. He rubbed his arms, waiting silently for the Colonel to return.

He should have known better than to try and do it between eight and ten in the morning. That was when the Colonel usually got mad at his sleeping in and decided to pop in for a visit. If he had planned more carefully, he could have done it in the evening when Al was out looking for cats and he wouldn't have any unexpected visitors.

Except, of course, for the fact that he actually wanted the Colonel to find him and stop him because he was a coward and didn't want to face up the penalty he deserved.

"Alright, Hawkeye's in the kitchen making dinner." Roy sat down next to Edward, rubbing his hands on his pantlegs.

Ed glanced at him a few times, but he remained silent, and Roy looked not only confused by very uncomfortable. There was a very long silence, and then Roy finally asked, "Well?"

Ed cocked his head to the side, staring hard at the wall. "Well what?"

"What do you have to say for yourself?"

Ed jerked slightly. "What?"

"From hat you said, it's pretty obvious why you did it. You think you're a failure for all the times you've been unable to get the philosopher's stone, and you blame yourself for your brother's physical state. Am I right?"

Ed nodded weakly.

"But Ed, you've got people—really good people—who not only rely on you, but who love you and don't want to see you dead."

"But Mustang—"

"No buts, Ed. You mother and brother will forgive you for performing human transmutation, and I can easily forgive you for the money you spend on your missions, but if you kill yourself, I will never," Roy seized his chin and forced eye contact, "ever forgive you."

Ed pulled his face away and whipped his hand over his eyes, not wanting Roy to see his tears. "Yeah, well… I can't sleep at night. I just feel… awful."

Roy pinched the bridge of his nose and hung his head. "Geeze, Ed, I don't know what to say…" He shook his head, biting his lips and rubbing his hands together. "I… you know, after the war… the war of Ishval, I… I considered suicide, too. Tried it once or twice."

Ed looked up at him, shock easily seen in his eyes.

"If it wasn't for Hughes… I never would have made it without him. I know… I know you don't like to tell your brother these things because you don't want him to worry." Roy moved a little closer to Ed and placed a hand on his knee, meeting his gaze and staring for a moment before speaking. "If you need me to… be your Hughes, I'll do it. I know I treat you like a worker, but I do realize you're a kid, and I want you to feel like you can come to me."

Ed leaned into him slightly, breathing in the musky cologne and sliding his arms around Roy, hugging him tightly. "If Al finds out…"

"He would forgive you, because he loves you. But I won't tell unless you want me to."

"No!" Ed's head snapped up, his eyes wide. "No, you can't tell him."

Roy pulled him back into their embrace and nodded his head. "Okay, okay. No telling Al. I get it."

Ed smiled slightly, gripping Roy's shirt.

"Thanks, Colonel…"

"You're a lot like myself when I was younger. I really do get it."

Ed closed his eyes slightly and felt darkness creep into his mind. "Wake me up for dinner…?"

"Sure."

And he slipped into the black.

A\N: Yeah, see? I'd be open to any ideas how this should have ended instead... It's been a while since I've written for FMA, and I'm a lil' rusty. XP