Gosh I was so lame! I mean, I just sat there, crying, ready to take whatever ridicule came. I mean I'm Santana Lopez for crying out loud and Santana does not cry! I've slept with every guy at this school so…why is she the only one I can think of. But whatever! I don't need her! It'll be easier this way.
"Yo San!" called Puck. I looked up and saw Puck walking down the hallway towards me. "What's up with you? I haven't seen you cry since kindergarten!"
That was true. The last time I cried in public was when Puck had broken my water bottle in kindergarten when he and Mike Chang ran into me. Puck laughed, insisting that it was my own fault. I cried for at least 10 minutes until Finn came over to try and help me clean it up. I was so mad that Finn was even friends with Puck I yelled at him that boys were stupid! Then Brittany came and backed me up exclaiming that I was right and the only boys worth knowing were leprechauns because they were the ones who would give you rainbows when you were sad. She said that usually Puck laughed at her and she wanted to find a leprechaun so that he would at least be nice to her. Empowered and angry at Brittany's words, I ran inside the classroom and punched Puck right in the face. That sure took him down a notch, getting beat up by a girl and having the bloody nose to prove it. Then, Brittany invited me over her house and we spent the whole afternoon looking for a leprechaun so that he would give us a rainbow. But I realized that the only way to get respect was to be tough. Yell. Do whatever it took but going soft wasn't going to do any good because from that day on, I scared the living daylight out of Puckerman.
And yet here I was, crying my heart out over none other than Brittany herself and this time, Brittany wouldn't be able to help me. Oh Brittany. She always sees the world in a way that makes everything seem more wonderful and magical. She makes you want to be a part of that, a part of her. Me being her friend exposed me to so much I would never have seen if not for her. People used to avoid her because they thought she was disabled or mental or just really stupid, but screw them. Their loss was my gain.
"Look, I know" Puck said pointedly. I was terrified then! I thought he couldn't be talking about what I thought he was talking about. But then he said the words I dreaded hearing.
"About you and Brittany"
"What do you mean?" I said, trying to play dumb.
"Stop it! I'm a badass, not stupid!"
"How?" I wondered.
"How am I a badass? You of all people should know! Have you not seen my-"
"I know about your pecks, your guns, your abs, all of your muscles!" I said, irritated. "I meant about me and Brittany!"
"Oh well that's easy. You're always nicer to her. Plus, when we play spin the bottle, you guys enjoy each other too much for there not to be something there!" He said. "Not that I'm complaining! It's super hot!"
"Well you better find something else super hot. It's done. We're done. All because of stupid feelings. Gosh, relationships are so much easier without them!" I said, sadly.
Puck nodded. "Yeah. No tears" He said
"No fights" I said.
"And no drama!" ironically, we said the last part at the same time. I started crying then. It was so embarrassing! I've never wanted anyone to see me cry, especially not Puck! Puck sat down next to me.
"San, Brittany loves you" said Puck gently. But I knew it wasn't true. She loved Artie.
"She's with Artie now and she loves him" I replied, my voice shaking.
"She loves you and you love her!" Puck said firmly. I couldn't help it then. I collapsed. With my head in his lap. More surprising still, he just sat there and rubbed my back. "She probably loves you both" Puck said, logically.
"Then why would she choose him over me if she loved us both?" I asked.
"Because he was there for her when you weren't." His voice was barely a whisper. Ok, it's true. I wasn't there for her. In fact, I was awful to her but I couldn't help but want a second chance.
"You don't think I know that?" I screeched between sobs. " You think I don't know how much of a bitch I've been? I" my voice faltered for a minute. "I screwed her over to get back at Quinn!" I buried my face in his chest, too upset to be ashamed of what I'm doing and what I'm saying. I realized then that I didn't want Sam anymore. In fact, I really never did. I just wanted him because he was Quinn's and I was still mad about her snitching and getting me demoted to the bottom of the pyramid. Sam was just part of the image and the thing that would tear her apart.
We stayed like that for a while, me crying on him and him letting me until finally, he scooped me up in his arms. "Come on, San. I'm taking you home." all I could do was nod my head. Puck was being really great. If you really knew him, you could tell that his whole rebel image was all just a show to stay on top and get respect. High School is a game and to be on top, you have to be the best player. If you can't play, sorry you lose. Sucks for you. You are now demoted on the social food chain. Puck set me down in his car and he even buckled me in. I've never had someone around me like him. He looks out for me like a big brother. My parents are usually busy and I'm basically raising myself. In that moment. I saw that Puck and me are the same. We both have a "dangerous" reputation, we both sacrificed to be popular, and we both love someone we can't have because I'll be darned if he doesn't still like Quinn and all this Lauren Zizes mess is all because he likes a challenge. Puck pulled up to my house and instead of sitting there, he walks around and picks me up again, cradling me like a baby. He carried me inside, (he's been over enough to know where the spare key is) and carried me to my bedroom, laying me gently on the bed.
"Thanks" I said shyly, "for…you know...taking me home"
"No problem" He replied with a half grin.
"Look, before you go, I just want to say that I know you still like Quinn" When I said those words, I was surprised. I mean, where had that come from?"
"No. I used to. I'm after Zizes now," He replied evenly.
"Puck, I know you. You only like Lauren because she's a challenge, which keeps you hanging on. But, Puck, what you and Quinn had was real. Just because the baby's out of her stomach doesn't mean your feeling about each other changed!" I said the last sentence softly because I was trying to make my voice sound gentle. Puck looked straight ahead and I swear I saw tears in his eyes. Finally, he looked down at me and nodded. Then, he leaned down and gave me a peck on the cheek. He spun around, and then he was gone.
But after he left, I made a decision. I had to stay hard and tough. I vowed to stay with Sam and show everyone that I loved him, even though I don't. I waited, looking for the opportunity. Finally it came. It was perfect and was bound to make Brittany jealous. Us writing original songs. What better sign of love than a tribute to my beloved boyfriend. Get ready, Sam because you're about to see just how much I love that Trouty Mouth.