AN: Hello, there~ This is an old story I wrote about a month ago. I wasn't going to put it up, but I figured why not. If it's actually funny, I'll probably write more of it.
A little note, most typos are intentional, as this is based off of a very poor quality bootleg of Pokemon Crystal.
"Welcome! It's Elf's world."
"Hmm...? Is this a dream?"
"Please check the time."
"I don't want to be rude, but..."
"what time is it?"
"It's roughly six P.M!"
"Whatni 6hin time?"
"...Err, yes?"
"How many minutes?"
"None."
"What! 0 M?"
"Umm, yes. 0 M."
Whatever's going on, this guy's weird. Maybe it's a bad reality show...
"Ni 6H 0 mit mustn't be that."
Wait.
What the fuck?
"Huh?"
Then suddenly, I was blinded by a flash of light, and I slipped into unconsciousness...
I eventually wake up in some kind of blank, white room. I have no idea what's going on, I'm scared, and I have a feeling this is a nightmare.
"Go to the Elf's World. Welcome!" I hear a voice behind me say.
Hearing someone takes me by surprise. I was even more astonished I recognized the voice, so I had to respond.
"P- Professor Oak?" I asked. I couldn't believe it. How was he here? And what's this about an Elf?
After turning around, I saw Oak. He looked the same as ever, but there seemed to be something wrong. I tried to figure it out, but I then heard the words that confirmed my worst fear..."
"Everyone call me Elf Monster!" Professor Oak said, in a completely serious tone of voice.
I sigh. This is going to suck, hard. Breathe, breathe...
"Elf Monster, what am I here for?"
He didn't seem to hear, though, or care, since he kept rambling about... Whatever the hell he was talking about.
"Elfs, here are called monster. The existed everywhere," he said, still in a dead serious tone of voice.
Yeah, today's gonna suck... I think he's rambling on about Pokemon, a large variety of creatures that inhabit our world, and serve as anything from a friend, a fighter, a builder, and, in one oddball case in an region far away, a lover, to us humans. But I've never heard the name "Elf" for them before.
Anyway, Oak got quiet for a second, I don't know why. Maybe I made him mad somehow.
"Umm, sir," I began, "Are you feeling well?"
At this, he launched into full scale rant again. That was pointless.
"They play friendly, help each other," he continued. I was starting to wonder if this was a reality show and he was messing with me...
"Live with people," he ended.
Yep. Going to be a long nightmare.
At this, he took on a rather confused voice. He looked at me in a quizzical manner, and said, "But we don't understand them entirely..."
Hey, that made sense! Maybe I'm waking up!
"There are many secrets inside to know these riddles."
...Nope. Still having a nightmare or something. I am starting to get impatient...
"Professor, what are you talking about?" I ask, completely dumbfounded. I have no idea why I'm here, I have no idea what this mockery of the English language is for, and I'm hungry on top of it. ...Wait, how am I hungry in a dream?
"...Oh, shit," I whispered to myself.
The professor kept speaking, so I don't think he heard me...
"I do a investigation for everyday," he concluded, before looking me in the eyes, and asking me a question.
"Please tell me, what is your name?" He asked. I knew Professor Oak- ...I'm sorry, Professor ELF MONSTER's name from TV, so I guess I should tell him mine, huh?
"My name's Gold. It's... Interesting to meet you," I reply in a truthful manner, as it isn't exactly pleasant.
"Gold! Do you get ready?" He asked, seeming to get into his less confused mood, not that it helped me at all...
"Umm, yeah?" I answered, not really knowing what he meant.
"Your story will start from now at once," he continued. I just kinda tuned him out, but he didn't notice. "For the future, you will meet many trials and hardships," he continued to ramble. Damn, hardships and trials. I hope I get through them alright.
That's gonna suck.
"Bitter and sweet, to explore the dreams," he continued. I was pretending to pay attention, but I felt if I did I'd lose my mind. Dreams, though? So is this all a nightmare?
"Let's go to the Monster's world," he said. At this point I spoke up.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Monster's world? I have a feeling I don't want to. Don't try to make me," I said. I felt rude, but I don't have a damn clue what Monster's World is and I'm scared. Isn't that fair to feel?
"Start. See you later!" Oak- Elf Monster concluded, as I felt a very unpleasant feeling across my body. ...And I think I knew what was going on right before it happened.
I was passing out.
When I came to, I was in the middle of my room. It was just an average kid's room, and upstairs. I had a computer, a TV, a radio, and a small bookshelf on one end of the room, a bed in the furthest corner from the stairs, and a table with nothing on it and no point to being there across from the TV.
Having nothing else to do, I decide to go downstairs. I'm glad I finally woke up from that nightmare...
Having gotten downstairs, my mother turned to me, and said...
"Ah! Gold, the adjoining Dr. Wu found you and want you to do something."
Oh, holy hell. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Okay, breathe. Try to be normal.
"Okay, mom. I'll help him." I answer.
"Yes, remember it," she continued. I felt so confused there's no word for it.
"The repaired Elf Gear is taken," my mother begins, "I know it."
So, I have my Pokegear. That's one good- ...Oh, wait. ...Dammit, It's in the bizarre language of wherever the hell this is too. I don't know what's going on, but I'm getting mad.
"The Elf Gear is omited Xiuci," my mother continued, leaving me to wonder what the hell Xiuci is and if that's what's doing this. Not that I'll be able to do much at all, seeing as I'm just a 13 year old.
"And will not be an independ coach," my mother continued to say, ignoring my look of complete confusion. ...Wait. What's a Coach? Is it some weirdo kind of Pokemon Trainer? ...I would hope my Poke- ...Elf Gear won't be an Tra- ...Coach on it's own...
"Without it," Mom finished. I took a deep breath and tried to relax.
Think, Gold. No matter what's going on, you can't get angry at your mother.
Wait, is she my mother? ...I'll assume so, since this is MY HOUSE.
My mother looked at me, and decided to say... Something.
"Yes, didn't write the week," she began. Wait, we don't know what week it is? What does that mean? I waited for her to continue, "Wrote it before using."
Wait.
I think she means my Po- Elf Gear. I don't think its date isn't set.
...Nope, it is not.
"What is today?" My mother asked. I decided to fix it and say...
"Tuesday, mom."
"Tusday, okay?" My mother answered. I sigh.
This is going to be miserable, isn't it?
"Yes mother, Tusday," I finish, leaving her in no doubt it is indeed "Tusday."
"Yes," my mother acknowledges. She then proceeds to ask "Remember how to use phone?"
"Yes, mom," I answer, though I know she'll tell me anyway since she always does that. I'll zone out...
"Insert the Pin of Xiuci,"
...And come right back into focus wondering what the hell my mom is talking about.
"Select the holy figure, ok?" She finishes, looking as if she explained a difficult concept to a young child.
...I hate you Xiuci.
But my mom is still ranting... Meh...
"Tel No can log on automaticly..."
Yes, my Pok- Elf Gear can log other people's phones automatically...
"If make call, find it and log on."
Yep, she's lost it. Blah.
"So simply..."
I sigh, and take a deep breath.
"Very good..."
...Wait, is she done talking? ...Alright, now I'll get going.
Well, the lower floor of my house is pretty large, the stairs are to the right of the front door, the table my mom and my mom's friend are seated at is right in front of the door, there's a tv right in front of the table, and off to the left of the door, is our kitchen.
Anyhow, I decide to talk to my mom's friend, maybe she isn't screwed up...
"Hello!"
Yes, finally, someone that's not nuts!
"Youry to trouble..."
...I sigh before actually facepalming, not that anyone notices or cares...
"Do you know Mr. Gold?" She asks. I facepalm again, yet she keeps ranting...
"My daughter want to be Dr. Wu's Helper!" She continued, leaving me both confused AND bored out of my mind.
"She doesn't obey me..."
Oh, wow, too much info...
"Like Elfs..."
OH ARCEUS NO, TOO MUCH INFO.
Don't say anything, Gold... Be silent... Even if that does sound pervy to you...
"Very much!" She finished, at which point I decided I'd had enough and I was hungry. So I decided to see what my mom was cooking, making my way to the oven, and seeing it is indeed on.
"Mom, what're you cooking!?" I yell, waiting on her answer.
"VOLCANO BAKEMEAT!" She replies.
...
...Should I stick my head in the oven and end this now?
...Oh, screw it. If I'm stuck here, might as well help Dr. Wu, who I think is Professor Elm...
Anyway, I decide to go outside now, maybe some else is sane, too...
Well, right out the door, I found that odd fat guy that's always hanging around, so I decide to talk to him. Or rather, let him talk to me.
"Yo! Gold I heard..."
Weird stress on yo...
"Wusiji Dr. found new Monster!" He finished.
Wait.
Wusiji Dr. found a new Monster? Could it be whoever the hell is doing this? Maybe Xiuci?
That's it. time to make a beeline for the lab. It's just west of my house, so...
...Then I noticed an odd guy with red hair is hiding off to the side and looking in through a window. The kid looked about my age, and he seemed to have bad intentions. Being the semi-heroic guy I am, I decide to spy on him, so I sneak up behind him and wait...
"The famous Wusiji Monster Graduate School..." He mumbled in a low voice. However, just them, I stepped on a twig, and he wheeled around to see me standing next to him.
"Oh, uh, sorry," I say quietly, hoping I can get away before-
What!? Don't stare me always!" He yells, before grabbing me and shoving me back away from him.
Feeling tired of this, i just decide to see Wusiji Dr.
...I'm starting to think in this nonsense, aren't I?
Walking into the rather large lab, I find El- ...Wusiji Dr. sitting in the back, as always.
"Wusiji says..." He begins.
It's all I can take that I don't burst out into laughter there. Who the hell narrates their own speech?
"Mr Gold, I waiting for you." He continued, leaving me slightly creeped out. Waiting for me? Why?
...Relax, it doesn't mean what you think it means, Gold... It's just the bizzare language here...
"I call you today for something to request you," he continues.
Deep breaths, Gold. Everyone else here is stupider than you, and you aren't too bright either, which is terrifying. Just let things take their course.
"Now, I am making a new research into Elf, wish you to cooperate..." He continues to say, leaving me with a very odd mental image.
...I'm dirty minded. Don't judge me.
"In fact, I am writing its data..."
Wait, so is this the new Monster fat guy meant? IS IT XIUCI!?
...No, it's likely nothing Gold. Calm down.
"To publish in academy, and something to know for a long time..."
Oh, Wusiji wants fame, but wants me to do the work. ...Blah, i have no choice in the matter. May as well...
"I think, can you look after the Elf..."
So he wants to give me a Pokemon as a trade. Fair's fair.
"Grasped lately..."
Lost it.
I am now laughing, rolling on the floor, and no one cares. after about five seconds, I decide to get up and keep listening, since he paused in his speech to wait for me to stop laughing.
"...For me?" He finishes. I keep having silent giggles, but I manage to get out a...
"Y- yes, Wusiji Dr. I would be honored."
"Mr Gold," he continues, "Thanks."
"Don't mention it," I reply.
"This help my business," He responds. Fine by me, I get a Poke- ...Elf now.
"If this research is published," he continues, "We'll make more progress to uncover the fan of Elf..."
...Come on, Wusiji. This sounds pervy...
"Wait to see," he finishes. I've finished my laughing fit by now, so... Now what?
Just about then, I heard his email alert go off.
"Ah!" Wusiji exclaimed, leaving me wondering if it was work related or whether I should go.
"It's so!" He finished, leaving me in no doubt that he now wanted something done.
I resolved to stay silent and listen. After all, my hero Red used to do it.
Wusiji looked right at me, and began, "I have a friend called Elf Grandfather..."
...
...Come on, here.
"He found a very strange thing."
I'd say so, since he's called Elf Grandfather...
"It's a big find, spreaded greatly,"
...Really, Wusiji...
"Now he send a mail, wrote this is ture certainly, we all care the matter, but I and my helper are busy for the research..."
Yes, as you ARE A RESEARCHER. ...No, he's a Professor. ...No, this place is getting to me...
"Awfully, I feel shy..."
...Really, El- ...Wusiji? You don't want to do your job since you're shy?
"Do you see it, for me?" He finally asked.
"...Yes, Wusiji Dr. I see it for Wu, En?"
Wusiji then proceeded to walk over to the table on which he had Poke Balls. He then said "The Elf I want to breed..."
...
I facepalm yet again.
...I miss home. I really do...
"Is put into the box, for Mr. Gold."
...Wait, did he just...
Aww, HELL NO. I don't mind that kind of thing, but I'm 13, I'm in public, and I have NO interest in "that" with Pokemon. It's not my thing.
Wusiji just went up to an eleven out of ten on the creepy scale.
"The Elf will become his companion..."
...I'm gonna be sick...
"Select, please." He finished. I was scared as hell, now, but I figured the Pokemon didn't want "that" either, and we could overpower Wusiji then run like hell if necessary.
I decided to check out the leftmost Pokemon, Which I recognized as Cyndaquil.
"Wusiji says..."
...Gotta get used to that, I think...
"Do you change fired Elf into a big wind of fire?"
...Wait.
What. The. Fuck.
"...No, Wusiji." I answer, slightly apprehensively.
"Think slowly, and decide." He responds.
Okay.
I decide to check the middle Poke Ball.
"Wu says..."
Is he Wusiji, Wusiji Dr, or Wu?
"Water Elf, little crocodile will do!" He exclaims.
Hmm...
"...Sure, I'll take him, Wusiji Dr." I respond.
"Wusiji says, I think it's the best," Wusiji said, unaware that narrating that you're speaking is bizarre.
So, I have a Totodile now. And it's named Croc. ...Blah.
Hmm, I'll call him...
"...Your name's Aqua, Croc." I say, looking over his Poke Ball to see if it's any different than what I've seen before. It's not.
I'm really home, if THIS counts as home.
Wusiji had gone back to giving nonsensical instructions, so I opted to be quiet and listen.
"Elf Grandfather lives in front of Jieye City, a forthright leads here." He says.
...Okay, Gold thinks Wu says is weird speaking.
Wait.
What.
Never mind.
"Easy to understand," Wusiji said, completely seriously, with no irony.
Easy to understand, my ass.
"I tell you my Tel no. before if you have something, give me a ring."
Never calling you, Wu.
But, I was polite and logged his number anyway.
"If the Elf is injured, use the machine freely to cure." Wusiji said, pointing to one of those machines every Pokemon Center has. Guess he has one too.
"Thanks, Wusiji." I said in a polite manner, waiting to leave.
"Then, Mr. Gold, Request you." Wusiji said, leaving me confused until I realized he meant I could go.
Anyway, I walk towards the exit, when Wusiji's helper decides to, well, help me.
"Mr Gold!" He began, "I give you this for I trust you. Believed you will use it!"
He held out a potion, then said "Gold, Drug bag fuck."
...I usually don't think in chatspeak, but...
...Lolwut.
"What?" I ask, mystified.
The helper gives me a pitying look, as though he believes me dumb, then starts pointing.
"Gold."
He points at me.
"Drug."
He points at the potion.
"Bag."
He points to my bag.
"Fuck."
He makes an inserting motion.
...I wanna go home.
I sigh, take the drug, and decide to narrate it out loud since it seems everyone here is like that.
"Drug."
I take the potion.
"Bag."
I open the medicine part of my bag.
"Fuck."
I insert the drug.
He looked at me for a second, and then said "A little matter will make us in a mess, for we are only two men to deal with it."
Wait.
What.
So Wusiji's gay and this helper's his lover?
...I don't know.
This is going to be a LOOOONNNNG... However long it is.
Might as well write this in my journal...
AN: Well, well, looks like Gold here is stuck in Vietnamese Crystal hell. This is the start of a journey, difficult, and hopefully hilarious...
AFeralFurry, out.
Di.