Disclaimer: Don't own anything and shun profit.
Summary: They gave each other a chance, but relationships are hard. Chuck/Sarah
AN: I didn't get a lot of response from my last fic, but I hope more than two people read it. This was originally titled "Tear my heart open". It was inspired by the song.
It doesn't really have a happy ending per se, but it isn't terrible. I want to warn you and ask that you give it a read.
The Story of the End
Bang. Bang. Bang.
Her assault on the door tears through my eardrums. My state of intoxication doesn't help the situation. She's been at it for a while now. If I weren't so pissed, I'd admire the tenacity because it's one of her sexier attributes.
"Chuck. Open the door Chuck."
I sigh and toss a bottle cap into the nearest trashcan. Nothing but net. The beer is cold as it slides down my throat. Where my earlier shots of vodka burned going down and intensified my anger, this just brings things into perspective.
"I know you're in there. It isn't what you think."
My snort is unstoppable and the liquid backtracks, causing me to sit up suddenly. I grab a tissue to wipe off the offending substance. I don't know who she thinks she is, but I know what I saw.
The Wienerlicious is empty when I enter. Calling her name several times to no avail, I venture into the storage area. My appearance is a surprise so I push the door open quietly. Just like the scene six months prior, Bryce and Sarah are involved in passionate lip lock. My heart falls, even as they break contact.
Bryce is the first to speak. "What about Chuck?"
She places her forehead against his and my teeth clench. "I…it doesn't matter."
Hearing enough, I storm away, not bothering to be inconspicuous. As I enter the parking lot, I hear Sarah calling my name. I don't turn back to meet her plea. Instead, I jump into the Herder and speed away.
Her betrayal hurts more than it did the first time. For months, we've been working on our relationship, establishing trust, and breaking down barriers. I'm baffled as to why she would throw it all away the minute he comes back into our lives.
After the Buy More holiday party, Sarah and I tiptoed around each other. The friend thing wasn't really working, but I didn't want to risk another heartbreak and she wouldn't even acknowledge feelings. That all changed one night when she showed up outside my window.
The tapping comes out of nowhere, nearly causing me to fall off the bed. I sit up quickly, looking around the room for the source of the noise. Sarah's face appears behind the glass and I frown. She takes my reaction as permission and enters my domain.
"What are you doing here," I question, putting aside my comics.
"I needed to talk…to you." She seems nervous and I start to wonder if something bad has happened.
"Shoot."
Her feet drag slightly as she paces the room. I really start to panic at her behavior.
"Sarah, can you please tell me what's going on? I'm kinda freaking out here."
The look she gives me is one of surprise. "It's nothing like that. I'm sorry."
She moves to stand in front of me. "It's about us."
"Us?"
Her lips crush mine. Her hands roam my body, tugging at my shirt before diving into my hair. I'm too shocked to react. After a few moments of one sided kissing, she breaks the contact.
"Wha…what was that? Not that it wasn't nice, but you…you said"
"I can't keep denying it. I tried to go back to just being you're handler. Harder than I expected."
"Well, I'm glad," I reply with a slight grin.
"Nothing can happen, but I wanted you to know the truth. I wanted to kiss you without the threat of imminent death."
She aims for the window and my look fades to a frown. Grabbing her arm, I halt her exit. It would be easy for her to break my grasp, but she acquiesces.
"What do you mean nothing can happen? We can be together now." I'm hopelessly optimistic or maybe it's naiveté.
"I just can't do it again. The thing with Bryce nearly destroyed me. You're my job. Not to mention the fact that I could disappear at any time. I refuse to do that to you," she forces out quickly.
"What about what I want?" I continue to hold her arm for fear that she'll flee from my room and my life.
"I can't Chuck. I'm not ready. It's too much."
I think I see tears glisten her eyes, but they're gone in an instant.
Anger creeps into my voice. "Than why this midnight rendezvous. You can't toy with me like this Sarah. It isn't right."
She looks to the floor and then into my eyes. "I know. Impulse struck and I didn't want to lose my nerve to tell you."
"I'd rather have gone on ignorant than knowing and not being able to act." My words are accusing.
"Yeah. Me too," she replies softly, puling from my grasp and escaping through the window. I just stand still for a moment, staring into the darkness. Something jolts me to action and I take off into the courtyard. I reach her just as the car door closes.
"Sarah, wait."
I kneel down by her passenger side. She reluctantly rolls down the window.
"What is it Chuck? You were right ok. I was being selfish."
"No, I was." She moves to protest, but I cut her off. "I was. I'd rather know than spend my days thinking my feelings were one-sided."
"Is that all?," she questions, moving to start the engine.
"Not quite. I want you to give us a chance…."
She shakes her head and I feel myself falling into the quicksand.
"I know you've been hurt and what it feels like because I have too. Ironically, Bryce had a hand in both feats."
I get a small smile from her rock solid demeanor.
"But I'm still willing to try. We can take things slow. No one has to know the truth. We can put our fake relationship back together. Casey and the talking heads wouldn't know the missions were real dates."
She's silent for a moment before saying, "Too much baggage."
"Please Sarah. We can work through it all. Do you want to look back five years from now and wonder if you missed out on something great? Please."
I'm begging and I don't even care. This woman captured me and I can't escape. Her eyes bore into mine like she's doing a diagnostic on my soul. I'm starting to get discouraged, until I hear the most marvelous sound. The distinctive noise her car makes when the doors unlock is music to my ears.
My full blown smile is unstoppable as I open the door and snake inside. "You sure."
"Yeah, but I'm serious about going slow."
I nod my head, half listening to her. She smiles at me and I press my lips to hers.
Finishing off another bottle, I look for more escape. It's no where to be found and all the liquor stores are closed. Damn. The end of my binge is probably a good thing. Alcohol and I don't mix well, which means the morning is going to hurt.
A sudden influx of silence reminds me that I haven't heard Sarah's pleas in quite some time. Hopefully she's on a plane to the Bermuda Triangle with Mr. Superspy.
Our relationship wasn't horrible, but I can't help feeling that my discovery was for the best. My heart has been beaten and nursed back to health an abnormally high number of times these past few months. She let me in on her life more, however, it still seemed she was holding back from me.
We took things agonizingly slow for weeks. She really was insecure about relationships. It contradicted everything I thought I knew. The pair of us broke up a handful of times in just a half of a year. I always thought each instance was the end, especially when she threw a knife at my head.
I give her one of my award winning smiles when she open the door. It quickly fades at the state of her undress and the 'I want to kill you' expression on her face. Despite the cool reception, I continue as if things are hunky dory.
"Ready for our date?"
She heaves out a big sigh and retreats into the room. Closing the door behind me, I turn to face a very moody girlfriend.
"What's wrong?"
Her looks tells me I should already know the source of her frustration.
"He saw us."
"Who?"
"Casey."
I am losing patience, but remain calm in hopes of quelling the oncoming storm. "And what did Casey see?"
"Damnit Chuck. He saw you rubbing my leg at the Weinerlicious today."
"So…."
Sarah doesn't have to tell me verbally. The look on her face and my own sense of survival indicate the carelessness of my comment.
"He suspected something even before we acknowledged things. If he starts to gather evidence and turns it over to our superiors, it's bad news."
I'm silent for a moment before replying, "I get it, but we can't constantly live our lives in fear of discovery."
"That's how it works Chuck. You're part of the spy world now too."
"I'm an innocent bystander who got caught up in your high stakes game of 'guns and robbers'. There's no Spy Chuck, it's just regular guy Chuck and I'm tired of you trying to take that away."
The look on her face is indescribable. "Take it away? Casey and I have moved into Snoozville so you can continue to meander through life with no goals."
"Snoozville huh? Well at least I have friends and family who care about me."
I regret the words the minute they leave my mouth. The one thing she is most vulnerable about is her lack of close personal relationships. Hearing the winds gusting, I mentally batten down the hatches.
"Look, why don't you just get ready and we can talk about this more at the restaurant," I plead slightly, trying to cut off her rage.
"Get out."
"Wha…excuse me."
"It's over Chuck. Just leave. I knew this would never work."
I step towards her. "Never work? Sarah, please calm down and think about things rationally."
"Things are clearer now than they've even been. It's all about the fantasy for you. Forget all the dangers because you got the girl who is out of your league."
Her words bite, but they are somewhat deserved. "You're wrong. Let's just forget about Casey ok. We'll figure out something."
Moving towards her again, I am quickly tossed to the ground by my survival instincts. The knife she threw at me lodges into a random picture frame.
"We're through. I'm transferring."
After the fear passes, I'm left with nothing but adrenaline and anger. I push myself up and leave the apartment without a single glance in Sarah's direction.
It seems like years ago, but really occurred just three weeks prior. Even though we made peace a few days later, things have been off kilter, especially with Bryce's reappearance. He came back to brief us on the Fulcrum situation. Apparently, some heavy action is going down in LA. The talking heads ordered him to stick around and assess the condition of my safety. Sensing my apprehension, Sarah assured me that I was the one for her and the old flame didn't change things.
Another laugh escapes my lips. I start an all out chuckle parade, until a sound at the door interrupts the fun. Someone is unlocking it, but Ellie and Awesome have shifts through the night.
Curse that ever resourceful spy. She must have gone to her car to get her handy dandy lock pick. I consider making a run for it. The path to my bedroom is clear of obstacles. After much drunken contemplation, I decided to remain strong and face the cheating woman.
She opens the door with a flourish and seems taken aback to find me sitting here so calm and collected. I love when I'm the one with the upper hand.
"I shouldn't be surprised you found a way in here. Breaking and entering is nothing for a big bad spy such as yourself eh?"
"We need to talk Chuck."
"I don't think we have anything left to say. I should have seen the writing on the wall when you tried to decapitate me."
"It was a mistake. He caught me off guard and things got out of hand."
"My ears work Sarah. I heard you tell him I didn't matter."
"You don't und…."
I don't let her finish. I'm on a roll. "Why in the world did I ever think I wasn't good enough for you?"
A look of sadness crosses her face.
"I wish I had cottoned on once I realized all the baggage you had, but you're so sexy and you know how to use it. That's your one true weapon."
"Please Chuck."
"No. We're done. Finito Over. I'm so damn tired of being strung along."
"We can fix this if you'll just let me explain."
I stand upon hearing her request. Planting myself inches away from her, I give the death nail to our convoluted relationship.
"You know what. Why don't you fix yourself because I'm tired of trying. The payoff isn't worth the effort."
With that, I walk out of the apartment.
My body shivers slightly as cool rain drops hit my body. I'm not sure when it started to storm, but it's poetic in a twisted sort of way. Sarah isn't running after me this time. I'm glad. Despite my anger, the memory of our greatest day together flashes through my mind.
It's late on Valentines Day when I creep through Sarah's hallway. Using the Intersect, I programmed her cameras to loop the image of an empty area so I could succeed in my mission. The items in my hands go through some rearrangement before I knock on the door. The look on her face is priceless.
Since the beginning of our relationship just a few weeks ago, she threatened me with bodily harm if I made a big deal about "that romantic holiday in February." I agreed, after some arm twisting (literally).
She should know by now that I'm not a good listener.
"Chuck, what are you doing here," she asks. Surprise fills her voice. I also detect the slightest bit of anger or maybe it's frustration.
I give her that smile that she can't resist. " I know you asked and I promised, but this is a major American holiday."
She opens her mouth to chide me.
"It's nothing major, but I made your favorite dish and was hoping we could spend the evening together."
Her eyes dart to the bags in my hand.
"Garlic Chicken?"
"Yup," I reply, as another grin materializes. I've got her right where I want.
"With brown rice?"
"Of course," I answer, moving past her into the hotel room.
She closes the door after me. "I guess you can stay for a little while, but I have a shift at the Weinerlicious first thing tomorrow."
I give her a peck on the lips. "I'll have you tucked in by 10pm young lady. If you're nice to me, I might even read you a story."
We eat dinner, play a few games, and just spend some genuine time together. I get more nervous as the night progresses. Hidden in one of my bags is Sarah's gift. The idea for it came to me after hours of contemplation and several trips to the mall.
"Are you still listening to me?"
I shake out the cobwebs and respond, "Yeah. Sorry."
Her foot brushes against my legs as she settles back into her position on the sofa.
"I have something I want to give you."
She doesn't look happy, so I quickly get up and grab her gift.
"You deserve to have something on Valentines Day."
I see the glint a protest in her eye, but she surprises me by taking the wrapped package from my outstretched hand. Her unwrapping is agonizingly slow. She takes it apart with the same precision and concentration she uses to clean her gun. Once the object is revealed, she stares at it before looking to me in a questioning manner. I think I've been holding my breath the whole time.
"What is it?" She has that 'I don't want to offend you' tone.
"It's a day calendar."
"A…day calendar?"
I sit down beside her on the couch. "Not just any day calendar. I made it for you. I call it "Spy Days 2008".
She's not giving much in the way of response and I decide a hands on approach might be best.
"It has a page for every day of the year. You see? And each page has a quote, saying, or tip on it. They all relate to the spy world."
She gives me a slightly more endearing look. "You made this."
I smile. "Yup. I just bought an old one, produced my own pages, and inserted them. You said that you were worried about losing your edge because of our relationship. I thought this could remind you how to kick ass."
She gives me a grin, but no other visible response. I begin to feel anxious.
"I know it isn't jewelry or anything like that, but you said you didn't want gifts and I thought this was a good compromise."
Still no response. I put my head in my hands.
"You hate it. Ugh…what a stupid idea. You're used to luxury and I give you a freaking calendar."
Her hand on my shoulder halts my pity party. I look at her face and see nothing but pure, unadulterated happiness.
"I love it."
"You don't have to. We can go to the mall and…"
"It's great Chuck. I've just never gotten something so personal."
"Personal?"
She fingers the calendar's pages.
"It takes more insight to give a girl something like this than it does to buy roses or jewelry."
I straighten up with newfound cheer. "I guess it does."
"Don't get all cocky on me Mr. Bartowski."
"Never."
She sets the calendar down carefully on the table and does something I can only describe as pouncing. My head hits the armrest when she lands on me, but I could care less. Her lips attack mine and things get heated.
The was our first time together and it was amazing. Other memories of our relationship play through my senses. It almost makes me regret the things I just said. Almost.
All I'm really left with now are scars and an ex-girlfriend I never really knew.
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It wasn't that bad was it? I may continue this and give things a different end, but I haven't decided.
I have two other stories that I'm working on. One is "Chuck vs. The High Seas" and the other is "Chuck vs. The Dark Side". They're both going to be multi-chapter fics, but I'm campaigning hard for a candidate right now so my time is limited.
Please let me know what you thought. Constructive criticism is welcome.