*Spotlights are turned on, revealing two figures in plush leather chairs*
Cheery Voice: Hello and welcome to ! And here are our hosts, Ghirahim and Fi from Skyward Sword!
Fi: I predict a 95% probability that the oddly high and cliched voice used to introduce us will have left approximately 84% of our audience feeling highly annoyed,leaving around 16% feeling only mildly irritated.
Ghirahim:If you'd allowed me to deafen our 'audience' with the sounds of their own prolonged, tortured screams, they wouldn't have to worry about annoying noises.
Fi: Information: If you had used your... questionable torture techniques, approximately only 12% of our audience would have survived with their bodies and minds intact.
Ghirahim: No! If I was in a particularly bad mood I would only leave 9%... How do I put this, alive? So the point of this nice little show is we ask Brawl contestants various questions and they have to answer, or else I get to torture them! Weee! So first up we have that man with the light, young body, the one that I would just love to strap to my table in the dungeon and take a knife to his smooth, supple skin. Oh yes! I would slice him open and revel in his sweet, sweet screams. Ohhhh, I can almost hear them now, echoing around that room as I laugh and laugh and...
Fi:I estimate a 73% chance that all potential viewers have been deterred by that... strange statement.
Ghirahim: Wimps! Fine, here he is, Link!
Link: I don't want to come out after hearing that.
Ghirahim:According to your legally binding contract, if you don't come out, I am legally able to enact that fantasy of parting your well moisturized skin from your sturdy, snow-white bones.
Link: *hastily walks out, face bone-white*
Ghirahim: There,was that so hard? Anyway, our first question comes in from PeachyPrincess777(Oh, how original, Peach...) who asks: "Link, why aren't you going out with Zelda yet? You two are such a cute couple and she's obviously totally into you. Love, Peach 3"
Zelda: *from backstage* Remind me that I owe Peach a slap.
Link:Well-
Fi: Because there is a 99.99999784% chance that Link prefers my shapely form to the flawed,inferior form of Zelda.
Zelda: Link, is that true?
Link: Well... Uhhh...
Fi: Would now be an inappropriate time to mention the many times I heard you lovingly whisper my name when you thought I could not hear you?
Zelda: WHAT?
Ganondorf: Cat fight! Meow!
Link: *Grabs Toon Link* Gaze upon his cute, impish face and forget your argument! Please?
Toon Link: What's a cat fight?
Zelda: Now you're hiding behind a CHILD? So you're not just unfaithful, you're a coward too! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
Lucario: *Drags a hysterical Zelda offstage*
Ghirahim: I haven't that much fun since the last time I was in the torture chamber! Our next victim is Toon Link! Your question is from MasterSword4ever, (really Link? You couldn't come up with a better username?)who asks: "Toon Link, how does it feel to be inferior to Link in every way?"
Zelda: MasterSword4ever? So you do like Fi better than me!
Toon Link: I'mcuter than him!
Fi: 84.623% of fangirlswould like to disagree with you.
Toon Link: Not the six year-old fangirls!
Ghirahim: The very fact that six year-old fangirls exist reminds me of how delightfully twisted this wold is.
Fi: Moving swiftly onwards to hold on to the miniscule percentage of viewers still paying attention, our next interviewee is Zelda.
Zelda: *floats onto stage* Link, I love you thiiiiiiiiiis much!*holds out arms wide*
Fi: Judging by Zelda's more irrational than usual behaviour, I would suggest that there is a 52% chance she has had an overdose of valium. There is also a 48% percent chance that she has overheard the insufferable pink ball locally referred to as Jigglypuff attempting to sing.
Zelda: Oh, yeah... Lucario took me to a Jigglypuff concert!
Ghirahim: Anyway druggy, your question also comes in from PeachyPrincess777 (We should limit Peach to one question per episode...) who asks: "Zelda, why aren't you and Link going out yet? He's a real cutie and you two make a great couple! Love, Peach 3"
Zelda: Did you just call my boyfriend a cutie? Is everyone after my boyfriend! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
Fi: Recommendation: Zelda should attempt to calm hersel-
Zelda: YOU CAN SHUT UP TOO, YOU SLUT!
Lucario: *Drags a hysterical Zelda offstage again* This is becoming a habit for me...
Link: Ghirahim, how long will Jigglypuff's song's effects last?
Ghirahim: I don't know much about sleeping songs, chloroform is my area of expertise. Anyway, next time we're torturing/interviewing Fox, Falco and Wolf!So please send in your questions!
Cheery Voice: Thanks for watching ! Goodbye and goodnight!
Ganondorf: Hey, aren't I enough of a major villain to deserve a ques-
*Lights turn out*