I know it's been a while, but I finally had a chance to finish writing this, I hope you enjoy it. As always any comment or criticism will be appreciated.
Also I owe a huge thanks to Nebula2 for the beta.
I don't owe Criminal Minds or any of his characters.
OoOoO
Title: Rays of Light.
"The joys of parents are secret, and so are their griefs and fears." - Francis Bacon, Sr.
It was already noon in the BAU and Hotch sat in his office working on some financial papers of the unit, covering a yawn with his hand.
It seemed that Dave had been right when he said he had a bit too much to drink last night, because when he woke up, after a couple of hours of sleep, he had a severe headache that he had not had for years.
He had not been able to sleep very well again, but not for the same reason as the nights before. This time he had been a long part of the night thinking about what Dave had said and what he would tell his son. In the morning, when he woke up, he still had no idea how he would try to explain everything to Jack.
He rubbed a hand over his face. Not for the first time, he wished Haley was still around. He knew she would have helped him with this, helping him to find the best way to do it, and she could have talked with Jack too. After the divorce, apart from having contact for Jack, they were still good friends. Not as good as before their marriage, but enough so they could talk about anything.
He sighed deeply, closing his eyes. It didn't do any good wishing for that kind of thing. Things were like this and there was nothing he could do to change them. No matter how much he wished otherwise.
He took a moment to look at the clock on his desk; he pressed his lips into a tight line. Jessica should be going to pick up Jack from school right now. The idea of going for Jack at the school had crossed his mind, but he decided it would be better seen him at Jessica's.
Taking a last look at the documents on which he had been working, he stood up and left his office. He walked to the office next to his and knocking on the door, coming in after the older agent called him inside.
"Hi"
"Hey, you need something?" Dave asked, averting his gaze from the file on which he was working to look at Hotch.
"Yeah, actually I came to ask if you don't mind taking care of things around here, just for rest of the day. I'm going to see Jack." Hotch said quietly to his friend.
"Of course not. Do you need anything else?"
"No, thanks. I'm going to Jessica's house, but if there is a case or something happens you can reach me on my cell phone."
"Not gonna happen," Dave said seriously. "It's just one day, I think the team and I can handle it. Besides, the last thing you need is a call to return to work while you are with Jack."
Hotch frowned, about to protest but only shook his head, realizing that his friend was right. Again.
"Yeah you're right. I'll see you tomorrow then." Hotch turned to go, hand on the door knob, he paused his eyes meeting Dave's again.
"Thanks for everything"
Dave nodded slightly "You're welcome."
Leaving the office, Hotch quickly headed for the stairs noticing the prying eyes of his teammates as he walked by the bullpen. He only nodded in recognition as he kept walking.
As he was driving to Jessica's house, he stopped at a red light opposite of a toy store. He thought of buying something for Jack, but almost immediately he brushed the thought away. He would not buy the love of his son with toys or gifts, he wanted his son to love him for himself and for trying to do what he believed was best for him.
About 30 minutes later he pulled up in front of Jessica's house. Her car was not there, so she and Jack hadn't returned yet.
Letting out a breath he don't know was holding, he went out of the SUV and walked slowly towards the small bench in the garden, sitting down to wait until they got back.
It didn't take more than 5 minutes for Jessica's car to appear on a street and parked it behind his SUV.
He got up and couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face when a car's back door flew open and he saw his little boy running toward him.
"Daddy, Daddy!" Jack shout excitedly running toward his father.
Hotch knelt down, opening his arms as Jack threw himself at him, putting his little hands around his neck in a fierce grip.
After a little bit, seeing Jessica come close he loosened his grip on his son to get up only to have Jack tightening his around his neck, so he picked him up in his arms.
"Hey"
"Hi, it's good to see you." Jessica said, smiling looking at them. "Well, I think I'll go inside to make some cookies. I'll see you both inside. "
She started walking toward the door with Jack's backpack in her hand.
"Hey Jess," Hotch called.
She turned.
"Thanks for everything." He said with an unreadable expression.
She just nodded with a smile and entered the house.
Looking at the little boy in his arms, he began walking toward the bench where he had been sitting.
"You and I have some things to talk about, right Little Man?" He said his voice gentle.
Jack looked up, his eyes watery.
"Hey, what's wrong buddy?"
"I thought you hated me, "Jack whispered, his lower lip trembling.
Hotch's heart stuck in his throat.
"Why do you say that?" Hotch asked trying to keep his emotions under control.
"Because I was bad and said mean things." Jack said his voice breaking.
"Oh buddy, I could never hate you. You know why?" Jack shook his head. "Because I love you a lot, and no matter what happens, I'll always love and will be with you."
"I love you Daddy." Jack hugged him tightly.
Hotch hugged him too. He knew that Jack was sorry, but he could not let this go so easy.
"It made me very sad to hear you say that, but I know now that you don't mean it, so I'm okay now. Just don't say that again and always remember I love you more than anything in the world."
Hotch felt Jack nod against his chest. He pulled back and kissed Jack's forehead.
"Now is daddy's turn to say he's sorry."
Jack scrunched up his face for a minute and then said, "Why?"
"Well, because when you said that, it made me angry and I scared you," Hotch said softly.
Jack nodded. "You seemed really mad and you took my arm pretty tight."
"Yeah, sorry about that. It scared me too."
"But you're not afraid of anything Daddy" Jack said, his expression serious.
Hotch chuckled, relaxing slightly.
"Of course I am buddy, and that's ok. Everybody is afraid of something."
"Really? Even Uncle Dave and Uncle Derek?"
"Yeah, even Uncle Dave and Uncle Derek," Hotch said amused.
Hotch took a deep breath, getting serious again.
"I was afraid I could hurt you."
Jack's little brows drawn together.
"But you love me, you will never hurt me."
Hotch swallowed roughly before answer. "Sometimes, people hurt people they love without wanting to."
Jack looked at him expectantly.
Hotch drew a deep breath, choosing his next words carefully.
"When I was a kid, my father was a very serious man and when he was angry he yelled at me very loud and that scared me."
Jack thought about it for a little bit.
"Like Tommy's dad?"
He was taken aback by that. "Wha- Who?"
"Tommy's dad, he's my friend." Jack said simply.
"Why'd you ask if like Tommy's dad?"
"Because Tommy's dad is a bad man. He yells at Tommy a lot and he made him a bruise like the one I get when I fell off my bike, but his was bigger." Jack said seriously.
"Do you know if he is bad with Tommy's mother, too?" Hotch asked softly after a moment.
"Yes, Tommy said that his father was mean with his mom too, and she was sad all the time."
His stomach knotted painfully as memories flashed in his mind. He shook his head.
"Do you think you could show me who Tommy is when we go to the school?"
Jack shook his head.
"No Daddy, Tommy and his mom are far away from his dad now."
Hotch let out a sigh of relief.
They were silent for a while, until a small voice broke the silence.
"Your dad hurt you like Tommy's dad?" Jack asked softly, watching his father's eyes.
Hotch opened his mouth, but no words came out. He felt tears building, but fought them back.
He swallowed hard. "Yes."
Jack hugged him again, squeezing tightly. "It's ok, Daddy."
He couldn't help but laugh lightly as a single tear ran over his cheek.
He hugged his son back and raised a hand to wipe the tear away.
Jack pulled back looking to his father in consternation.
"Why are you crying Daddy? Are you sad?"
Hotch kissed the top of Jack's head. "No buddy, I'm crying because I'm happy to see you. I missed you a lot"
"I missed you too daddy, " Jack said, hugging his father slightly.
"So am I forgiven?" He asked Jack, with a small smile.
Jack faked thinking about it, "Of course you are silly!" He laughed happily.
Hotch couldn't help but laugh too.
"What do you think if we go to help Aunt Jess with those cookies, Little Man?"
"Yes!" Jack shouted excitedly.
He took Jack in his arms and together they entered the house.
"Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad." - Unknown.
OoOoO
... So, what do you think? Like it? Hate it? Please let me know :D
A/N: Thanks to all who read it. I hope you all have enjoyed and as always feedback is appreciated. Thank you all.