Bless That You Make It Real
Spock was walking towards the observation deck due to an invitation from the Captain to meet there when his shift finished.
Things had been...complicated between them the past week.
After consummating their relationship and then introducing Sarek to Jim as Spock's mate things had started going sour. Sarek had been less than pleased at his son's choice of a male mate and this had made Jim begin to think that Spock wouldn't want to be with him anymore.
Spock had tried to reason with him logically, tell him that his father's approval didn't matter but Jim was stubborn.
This had resulted in Jim sleeping in his own quarters instead of with Spock in his and for conversation or contact to be reduced to only what was necessary within the confines of the bridge. The rest of the time, Spock would receive what Sulu had called 'the cold shoulder' from the blonde haired Captain.
The Vulcan missed Jim deeply, more than he ever thought logically possible.
He missed falling asleep in Jim's arms then waking up entangled around each other, their limbs stitched together as if they were one person. Simples things like the way Jim's eyes, still clouded with sleep, would look up at Spock as if he was the only thing in the universe that mattered.
As his footsteps echoed down the corridor, Spock could vaguely hear someone strumming on a guitar. It was faint but it was there. Rounding the corner, Spock raised an eyebrow when it became clear that the music was coming from where he was supposed to meet Jim.
Surely it couldn't be?
Spock wasn't aware that Jim could play the guitar. As soft singing began, Spock realised that it was in fact Jim playing and the Vulcan automatically frowned at the tone of his T'hy'la's voice. Jim sounded absolutely broken.
"There's so much craziness surrounding me,
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me,
You make it real for me."
Spock froze as the doors to the observation deck opened to reveal Jim, sitting with his back to the door, strumming an ancient looking guitar and singing softly. Stepping inside silently, Spock watched Jim's fingers move masterfully across the strings as he continued to sing. The lyrics began to become clearer as Jim's voice sung out slightly louder.
"When I'm not sure of my priorities,
When I've lost sight of where I'm meant to be
And like holy water washing over me,
You make it real for me."
Spock couldn't help but analyse the words, it was within his nature to make logical connections between things and seeing as their relationship hadn't been the best this past week, it would be perfectly reasonable to assume Jim had chosen the song because it held some significance to their current predicament.
"When my head is strong, but my heart is weak,
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
When I can't find the words, you teach my heart to speak,
You make it real for me."
Spock could never have comprehended just how talented Jim was when it came to music.
Not only did he seem to be playing and singing from memory, every note sounding like smooth, rich chocolate as it reached Spock's ears and just as if it was real chocolate, Spock felt intoxicated, craving more of this wonderful sound and wanting to approach Jim and gaze into bright blue eyes while entwining himself in the man's embrace.
Still, Spock knew that it was highly likely that Jim would desist if he knew of Spock's presence. This was made obvious by the fact that Jim had never sung or played guitar around any of the crew before and therefore probably wished it to be secret.
"Everybody's talking in words I don't understand,
You've got to be the only one who knows just who I am
And you're shining in the distance,
I hope I can make it through
'Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you."
Spock winced as one particular lyric hit home a little too hard. After being introduced as Spock's mate, Jim had become the main topic of conversation, Vulcan conversation conducted in Vulcan tongue, something Jim did not understand.
However, Jim's usually sharp instincts had told him that he was being mocked and they had, as usual been correct. Jim had tried to shrug off these unknown insults but Spock could see the hurt on his face and could feel the anguish through their bond. They had left shortly after they had arrived but Spock could see the damage had been done, Jim was devastated and there was nothing the Vulcan could do.
Jim's voice suddenly regained its softer tone as the music became slower.
"I guess there's so much more I have to learn,
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run,
You make it real for me."
Spock could hear the tears in Jim's eyes before he could see them. Unable to listen to anymore, Spock had walked silently to Jim and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Spock!" Jim exclaimed as he spun around in fright.
"I apologise for startling you Jim." Spock said calmly.
Jim smiled before the realisation of what he had just been doing and as to whether Spock had been listening or not hit him and his cheeks blushed crimson.
"You heard me didn't you?" Jim stated more than asked.
Spock just nodded, fully aware as to what Jim was referring to. Jim looked down at his guitar in embarrassment. Spock moved around to sit beside Jim, angling his body towards his mate.
"Did you wish me to? Was that the reason for you inviting me here?" Spock asked. Jim shook his head, his cheeks still burning.
"No, I just...didn't know what to say to you and singing normally helps calm me down or give me inspiration so I..." Jim trailed off, placing the guitar on the floor.
An awkward silence filled the room while both the men tried to think of what to say.
"Jim..." Spock started. Jim shook his head, gesturing for Spock to stop talking.
"Spock, I've been an idiot. More than usual and I'm really sorry, this is all my fault." He babbled, tears slipping down his face. Spock slid two of his fingers across Jim's, the Vulcan kiss seemingly calming the Captain.
"Jim, you have nothing to apologise for. Through no fault of your own, my father has made the decision to dislike my choice to have you as my bond mate. I should have made my thoughts clear to you after this and for that I am the one apologising." Spock explained. Jim looked into his lover's eyes, his own glistening with tears.
"What are you talking about?" Jim's words quivered as he spoke.
"My T'hy'la, no one could make me leave you for the very thought of not being with you is highly illogical." Spock said quietly, his eyes saying much more than his words ever could. Jim could feel his heart pounding away in his chest, feeling as though it could jump right from his ribcage with ease.
"Spock, I...I don't...don't know what I'd do without you." Jim stammered, tears flooding down his face. Spock took the man into his arms, holding him tightly, as if scared Jim might break if he wasn't kept together.
"I know I'm not good enough for your father or your people and I probably never will be but-"
"Jim." Spock said, interrupting the now nearly sobbing man in his embrace.
"You are good enough for me, more so than anything else." The Vulcan told him, his words coming from both head and heart and in a voice just above a whisper.
Jim began to freely sob, gripping Spock's arm in fear he would wake up alone in his bed and for the whole thing to have been a dream. Spock used his hand to tilt Jim's chin up and place a chaste kiss to his lover's lips.
However this wasn't enough for Jim as the man pushed his lips to meet Spock's again, slipping his tongue past the Vulcan's teeth and curling their tongues together in a hot, wet, passionate kiss that threatened to rip all air from their lungs. A low moan rumbled in Spock's throat as Jim moved to straddle his lap, coiling his arms around Spock's neck. Spock's hands fell to Jim's thighs, running slowly higher till his fingers grazed Jim's arse. Jim smiled as their lips finally parted, both of their faces flushed with heat.
"I've missed you so much." Jim whispered, nuzzling his nose against Spock's. Spock caressed Jim's face tenderly with one hand.
"As I have you T'hy'la." Spock replied, pressing a kiss to Jim's forehead, hearing the man sigh heavily.
"Jim, I do have a request that I wish to ask of you." Spock stated suddenly. Jim looked at him, confusion filling his eyes.
Spock gestured to the forgotten guitar, now sitting on the floor.
"Would you sing for me? You are extremely talented and I wish to hear more." He asked, raising his eyebrow when Jim chuckled.
Carefully slipping off Spock's lap, much to Spock's secret disappointment, Jim picked up the guitar and sat beside his lover, leaning over to place a soft kiss to Spock's cheek.
"Sure, I think I know the perfect song for us." Jim replied, his fingers arranging themselves accordingly on the guitar as the man began to play.
So...you like it? Spock seems a little OOC to me but such is life. If you're wondering what song Jim was talking about at the end it's on youtube,
/watch?v=lZp6pmgbZyU . The song he is singing at the start is You Make It Real by James Morrison. I'm working on new stuff atm so stay tuned! Review please ^_^ xx