He watched as birds chirped and fluttered in small numbers around her. For her to understand birds was a unique gift only she had, and he enjoyed simply being with her. Eyes closing to take a nap, he grinned as Preystinger heaved a sigh beneath him. Both of them felt the daystar's warmth on their skin and fur.
In and out he drift from napping. Once or twice a bird came close enough that Preystinger would abruptly lift his head up to see them. Every time the birds winged away before the wolf could move any further. Halfkin paid scant attention to Snowbird's little visitors. Instead he stayed in tune to his best friend's movements, waking briefly whenever she moved from where she sat. Lately those moments were getting more frequent. He could hear her unusual restlessness that had taken her for the past hand or less of moon turns. It affected his usual slumber visions. His dreams were blurred memories of recent and distant turns of the season, but mostly of the recent. They mixed completely.
Holding his younger sister as his father stayed by mother's side. The so faint mewing his sister managed to sound made his heart ache along with the worried hurt for his seriously ill mother. He could almost feel her life fading. Anxious, he looked where his parents were. Only now it was Snowbird kneeling beside Wind Dancer, who was bleeding red over her white winter clothes.
The blood stained white furs shifted. It slipped off the mourning Snowbird. Twisting to slowly form an animal. He stood frozen as the shape of a snowcat formed and lunged at him. Its eyes locked with his. No longer was his dying sister in his arms as they danced the dance between life and death. Staying so close he could feel its fur brush his whole body. It mocked him. 'Choose. Let your pack starve one more day or die.'
And a strong arm pulled at him. Begging he should live, but it made him misstep the dance with the snowcat. It snarled in victory as it swiped death into his side. The pain hurt as he fell to the ground. He looked for the eyes of the arm that had grabbed him. Instead he saw his mother's grief stricken gaze. In her blue-grey eyes he saw his father, Freshtwig, found dead in a patch of strangleweed; his sister, Fading Star, dead. Right next to her was an equally stricken Snowbird. In her brighter blue eyes he saw Elkpacer and Wind Dancer dead. Slowly those images vanished.
A comforting arm around his shoulders made him turn his head. His father appeared, concerned. He felt himself mouth a question. Freshtwig directed his gaze to his own ribs. They were stained red from the snowcat's claw. Strange, it didn't hurt anymore. Questioning he looked to his father who simply tightened his muscles in a hug. In the crock of Freshtwig's other arm lay a healthy cub.
'Fading Star?' Confused he looked closer. His sister burbled a laugh as she reached out a small, waving hand.
'Come on, Grehn. We can't keep your mother waiting,' Freshtwig said lovingly. They both knew he was dying even now. He could feel the loss of his own life, as he grew more solid in the spirit world. Only one tie was left and it called to him.
'Can't I say goodbye to Bird?' he asked. It comforted him that at least she wouldn't mourn alone this time. Wind Dancer was back at the Holt waiting for her. Freshtwig sighed exasperated, but smiling. His father was just about to say something when terrible pain struck. It jerked him back to his dying body. He sensed Snowbird sending to him. Trusting her completely he opened his mind to her fully, trying to contact her. Surely she would end his pain. He wasn't prepared for the anger and inflicted pain she gave him instead.
Slow to block his best friend, he was struck again and again with pain. He had to stop the pain! Alive in a dying body he fought back. But Bird only lashed out from a distance with her mind, he couldn't move to stop her. Unable to shake his hurt confusion he simply reacted. Wolf blood responded as any provoked, wounded animal would. There was little strength anymore. He couldn't block Bird's black sending, if he wanted to now.
Halfkin woke with a startled jerk. Above the birds chirped louder in what he supposed was in warning. They still didn't like him around. Without looking up at Snowbird he got up and padded off to the river. The memory-dream had left him thirsty and hot. Perhaps the cool water would help.
Preystinger went back to sleep, but Flashfur pulled herself to her feet to follow him. Despite the other nightmares she still kept by his side. So they made their way quietly from beneath Snowbird's tree and went to the nearby water. The rushing water burbled and rippled in a reassuring sound.
"What's wrong with me, Flashfur? Sleep brings back thoughts. I cannot remember them when I wake up in a sweat." The she-wolf just lapped up water at the river's edge, not replying at all. Restless, Halfkin bent over and flattened himself to the ground, taking a drink as his bond did. Both of them heard the approach of Snowbird over the river's burbling. Only Flashfur could physically flatten her ears.
He turned his head, seeing her feet walk towards them along the river's edge. She was becoming like a second tail. It just made him feel slightly cornered but he held on for her sake. After all she was� The thought never finished as Snowbird made herself comfortable a spear-and-some length away. Her posture spoke volumes of tension, constant alertness from being separated from a moving pack. In fact, she resembled Flashfur.
Strong feelings of friendship and learned habit made him get up to go sit by her. As with his nervous wolf-bond, he approached plainly without any movement to show his own tension. She didn't seem to notice any difference. He pulled her into his arms even as he settled down. Both of them were tired, he knew; he from restless dreams and her for the nervous Flashfur behaviour. But she was too edgy to sleep for long.
Amber eyes closed as he worried. Rocking her ever so slightly he managed to somewhat relax her. Snowbird was talking. He could feel her throat purr from the sound, but he listened more to what her body said. Gentle manoeuvring got her to lie across his lap. Physical contact seemed to help her rest for minutes, later she slept.
Content, he watched her even breathing. Flashfur herself stretched out behind him, close enough to touch by reaching out. Halfkin grinned. The two most important females to him were sleeping soundly. Lazily he kept dragging his fingers lightly over Snowbird's arm as he thought. A gently mind-touch to Preystinger, who was still where they'd left him, showed the wolf was also asleep. The warm air and soft sounding birds could lull anyone to rest.
Still, Halfkin needed to think. His best friend seemed so like a cub needing a parent around to hold on to. He'd never seen his strong, independent friend this way before. Always she was the strong one.
"You got Elkpacer to let me den with you as a cub. I heard you talk after you thought I slept," he recalled aloud. The memory brought a smile to Halfkin's face. After finding out she could talk to birds he'd stay with her all day only to fall asleep. Running with the wolf pack at night and with bird-talker, Sparrow, all day. His father put a stop to it after a moon, but what a moon turn it had been!
"But no wolf cub in the den. He was firm on that." With his first wolf-bond cub he'd brought it up for Sparrow and Elkpacer to see. He couldn't picture the dead elf's face but he remembered his scent. Snowbird didn't realize what he remembered from long ago whenever he smelled her scent. She didn't realize how special she was to him. Not only was she the only friend who understood his knack for wolves and shared the gift, only with birds, but she let him recall distant moons he never wanted to truly forget.
During the moon turn he'd spent all day with Sparrow and Elkpacer, then all night with Freshtwig and Bitter Root and the wolves, scents had mixed. Halfkin would fall asleep in Sparrow's den, their scent in all around, and wake up in his parent's den. As a cub he dreamed about the two pairs of lifemates. And when Freshtwig had died to be shortly followed by Bitter Root, sorrow had pulled him down until the
comfort of Sparrow and Elkpacer reached him. While the scent of his parents slowly disappeared the feeling was already mingled with the scents of the living lifemates. It helped him ease away from grief.
But Snowbird didn't know.
Another memory was of her despair as Raven. She didn't have the comfort of scents mixing to help comfort her. And her mind would not accept his attempt to share it. Then she had to be the image in forever mourning. For awhile he lost his best friend, who used to tell him what the birds sang, and his link to his parents. It was the loss of a friend that hurt the most. He helped her in any small way he could, but he disapproved of this leaving the Way so totally.
Many seasons turned before Raven was replaced by Snowbird. The sudden change had shocked him. He was again that cub that was constantly amazed. And she started letting him back into her life, bringing the memories back like a gift. She was so strong in spirit as she once had been.
Joy took him when he learned Snowbird had found a new lovemate in Wind Dancer. Halfkin had so hoped she'd find the happiness she seemed to crave for a family. He'd even started to become friends with the loner who played the pipes in imitation of the birds. Regret of his best friend's lovemate's death still took him sometimes when he saw her looking at the cubs. But he rarely reminisced or remembered. He preferred the NOW to the THEN.
Slowly he emerged from his thoughts. His body wanted to sleep, as was habit during the day. Slowly, so as not to wake Snowbird, he let his body stretch until his head rested on her hip. The hand that had been tracing along her arm simply draped over loosely. And his weight gently sifted to settle down in a comfortable position. It was almost perfect in symmetry as Snowbird lay with her head on his legs and his head on her hip.
Only the sound of crying kept him up further. Opening his eyes reluctantly he caught a flicker of someone darting away in a tree branch. Black hair and green dress was all he caught before the elf vanished. Halfkin didn't budge, but he wished no one needed to cry. He feel asleep in moments as the crying left, leaving only the steady breathing of his two most important females sleeping content, and Snowbird's scent in his nose.
This time he dreamed of being a cub, who ran barefoot without a care, when the moon turn hadn't ended.