Laundry Daze
"Once again, laundry day is upon me," Remy sighed as he carried his heavily loaded laundry basket down the hallway of the Acolyte base. "Yet another opportunity to let the miracle known as laundry detergent destroy what's left of my sense of smell."
He turned into the laundry room and saw Piotr patiently leaning against a wall facing a dryer. "Oh no! Don't tell me you're doing laundry today too?"
"Do not worry. I am almost done," Piotr looked over and assured him. "I am just waiting for my clothes to finish drying," He said right as a loud beep signaled the end of the drying cycle.
"Good, because this'll take a couple loads. I got my bed sheets in here too," Remy indicated his basket. "Thank goodness Mags finally agreed to have more than one washer and dryer in here. I hate it when I've got a ton of stuff and have to wait for a machine…whoa!" Remy yelped as he nearly tripped over Pyro who was sitting inside an empty laundry basket on the floor. "Hey, what's with the roadblock?"
"Ahhh! Another asteroid flies into view!" Pyro laughed happily while rocking the basket from side to side, making spaceship noises and seemingly oblivious to everything else. "Fire the antiproton cannons! Uh oh, they're not working! Switching to polaron-plasma torpedoes!"
"Hello, Pyro? Pyro? Earth to Pyro, come in please?" Remy tried to get his attention.
"Torpedoes away!" Pyro shouted and provided additional sound effects. "Boom! Boom! Boom! Yay! The asteroid is destroyed! Nothing can stop the amazing Captain Pyro! Hahahahaha!"
"Okay, what is he doing and what has he eaten lately?" Remy set his laundry basket down next to one of the washers and turned towards Piotr quizzically.
"I do not know. He has been like this ever since I came in here," Piotr said as Pyro let loose another maniacal laugh. "But he does not seem to be harming anyone."
"Yeah for now," Remy warned as he opened the washer and prepared to load his laundry. "Of course, you said the exact same thing when he was playing around with flour and a French horn and look what that led to…yuck!" Remy yelped feeling something already inside the washer. "What the heck? What are all these pasta noodles doing in here?"
"Hey, don't touch that!" Pyro shouted at him, having snapped out of his little fantasy. "You'll mess up the soup."
"Soup?" Remy blinked taking a good look inside. "You're telling me you went and filled this washer full of soup?"
"Yep," Pyro grinned back proudly. "Chicken noodle soup with rice."
"Why are you making chicken noodle soup in the washer?" Piotr asked. "Why in the world would you do such a thing in the first place?"
"Because there isn't anything else to make it in after Mags destroyed every single pot and pan in the kitchen during yesterday's Dancing Chicken Flambé fiasco," Pyro explained. "Not to mention ruining the rest of the meal. And after I worked so hard to cook and prepare it!"
"That's because he had flames leap out from his chicken and ended up singeing both his eyebrows and half his hair," Remy noted.
"Only because he peaked at it before it done," Pyro protested. "If he'd just waited a few more minutes it would've missed him and we'd have had a great dinner."
"You do have a point," Piotr admitted.
"Besides, you'll love this soup," Pyro said confidently. "It's one of my favorites. Unless you'd rather try and make something else in what's left of the microwave, oven and stove."
"Okay, fine," Remy gave in. "Just save me some and don't get any soap in it. Remember there's only one bathroom we can use between the three of us."
"You got it," Pyro grinned. "And make sure not to touch the dryer in the corner. I've got some cupcakes baking in there for dessert."
"Whatever," Remy rolled his eyes.
"This is strange," Piotr frowned as he counted up his clothes. "Four of my socks are missing. But I know I had them before I started my laundry."
"Yeah, that kind of thing happens to me too," Remy said throwing his stuff into a new washer. "I swear it's like these machines eat clothes. Last time I was short three shirts and a pair of pants."
"But where did they go?" Piotr checked inside the dryer.
"I know where they went," Pyro chirped. "They fell into one of the secret openings that lead to the dimension of lost clothes."
"Oh no," Remy groaned. "Not this stupid theory again."
"It's true!" Pyro insisted. "Every dryer has a secret opening where clothes mysteriously disappear, but actually end up in another dimension created by zipper companies. There they are brainwashed into becoming spies and sent out again disguised as socks to new washers everywhere. And when questioned they use the old 'divorced my previous mate' excuse to throw off suspicion. Then they gather information so that their evil masters can determine when to unleash their army of killer flying fish and try to take over the world!"
"Oh geeze," Remy moaned stuffing a few more things into his washer. "Every time I hear that dumb theory a few more of my brain cells shrivel up and die."
"It is very unlikely," Piotr said as he began to hang up his shirts. "But I do not know where my socks could have gone."
"I hope they didn't end up in the soup," Pyro thought for a moment. "Nah. I would have noticed them if they did. Hey, maybe Mags has them."
"Why would he have my socks?" Piotr asked looking confused.
"Well, they might have gotten mixed in while I was doing his laundry," Pyro scratched his head.
"Oh, was that part of your punishment for making the flambé?" Remy asked.
"Yeah," Pyro pouted. "He also made me polish his boots, helmet and breastplate. I finished them and his laundry and dumped the whole bloody lot outside his room right before I started on the soup."
"So he might have found my socks," Piotr nodded. "Do you think he has looked through his laundry yet?"
"AAAHHHHHH!" Magneto was heard screaming in the distance. "MY CAPE! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CAPE?! IT'S PINK! HOW THE HECK DID HE MANAGE TO DYE MY BEAUTIFUL CAPE PINK?! I CAN'T GO FLYING AROUND WEARING A PINK CAPE…NO MY GLOVES TOO! AAARRRGGGHHH!"
"Oops!" Pyro gulped. "That doesn't sound good."
"Oh man, can you picture Mags wearing pink gloves and a cape?" Remy laughed. "Just think of what we could do with pictures of him like that!"
"Maybe he will start doing his own laundry from now on," Piotr chuckled.
"Yeah right. He probably considers the whole process beneath him," Remy snorted tossing in some soap and shutting the door to his washer. "He'd never be caught dead doing something as domestic and mundane as laundry."
"He probably doesn't even know how to do it," Pyro scoffed. "I mean think about it. I can't recall him ever even being in here."
"Neither can I," Piotr said after a moment. "Do you think he even knows how to run a washer?"
"Well I gotta admit it can be kind of confusing," Remy stared at the various possible settings to choose from. "Permanent press, knits, heavy, hot, cold, auto rinse, soak. Oh, I'll just do ultra clean." He made his selection and started the washer.
"Hey what's this?" Pyro reached back down into his laundry basket and pulled out a sock.
"That's mine," Remy glanced at it. "Must've fallen out when I ran into you."
"Are you sure it is not one of mine?" Piotr asked.
"Yeah. It's not big enough," Remy said. "Toss it over."
"Here ya go," Pyro lobbed it at him.
"Thanks homme," Remy deftly caught the sock and opened up his washer.
SPLISH!
"Yahhh!" Remy yelped as some hot water splashed into his face. He accidentally charged the sock in his hand and dropped it into the running washer.
BOOM!
"Aaahhhhhh!" Pyro screamed from the water erupting from the open washer as the depth charge sock exploded, completely soaking everyone and everything in the room.
"Are you alright…yikes!" Piotr slipped on the wet floor and fell back against a dryer. This caused the box of fabric softener sheets sitting on top of it to fall and burst all over him.
"I think so," Remy coughed and tried to wipe off his face without getting soap into his eyes. "But I'm gonna smell like detergent for a week…uh oh!" He blinked at the washer lid embedded into the wall, having been blown clear off. "Great. How do you stop this thing?" Remy cursed and starting randomly fiddling with the washer controls.
"Uh, Gambit. Is it supposed to be moving like that?" Pyro asked as the washer began to shake and groan violently.
"No it is not," Remy gulped and slowly backed away as the washer jumped and started to emit smoke. "I think I'd better be going now…mmmppphhh!" He shouted as a very wet shirt shot from the open washer and hit him right in the face.
"What is going on?" Piotr asked getting to his feet and completely covered in fabric softener sheets. "I can not get these things off. They are all wet."
"Everything is wet!" Pyro shouted right as the washer spat out a wet sock and smacked him in the head. "Ow! Look out! The washer is armed and dangerous!"
"That's it! Nobody uses my own laundry against me!" Remy swore and started toward the rogue machine only to be pelted with more wet clothes. "Ahhh! Retreat! Retreat! Yeow! That hurts!"
"Wait for me!" Pyro yelled as he and Remy sought cover from the barrage.
Meanwhile Magneto was storming down the hallway with a pink cape in his hands and a furious look on his face. "Where is he? I can't trust that maniac to do anything right! First my hair and now this! He ruined everything! My socks came out striped blue! My black pants have been bleached yellow! That's it! Pyro is gonna die!"
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"
"Huh?" Magneto blinked and stopped dead as he saw Remy desperately try to flee from the laundry room while using a laundry basket as a shield.
"OUTTA MY WAY!" Pyro yelled as he barreled out of the room before having a soggy pair of pants hit him and wrap around his neck. "AAAHHHHHH! THE CLOTHES ARE ATTACKING! THE CLOTHES ARE ATTACKING!"
"Will somebody please help me?" Piotr staggered around still covered in wet fabric softener sheets. "These are very slippery…wauggghhh!" He stepped on a loose fabric softener sheet and slid down the hallway, knocking over his teammates and crashing into a wall.
SMASH!
KA-CHUNK! KA-CHUNK! KA-CHUNK!
The lidless washer bounced after them, its water and electrical cords straining as it continued to shoot out laundry like a machine gun.
WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
"OW! OW! OW!" The Acolytes screamed as they tried to survive the relentless washing machine assault.
Magneto just stared in shock at the sight for a few moments before turning around and heading back towards his room. "I don't believe this! I don't know what's going on, I don't know how it happened and I don't wanna know! Out of all the possible mutants in the world I just had to get stuck with them! If these are the idiots that stand to inherit the future the mutant race is doomed!"
Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution.