Wednesday

September in Viridian City tended to be perfect. The forest was just starting to turn colors, becoming a riot of red and gold, yellow and brown. The temperature, which in summer tended to hover around 'fry an egg on the sidewalk' became something much more pleasant, to be enjoyed instead of endured. People were far less inclined to kill each other when they were able to breathe easier and the smog merely threatened.

The only place that was never pleasant in Viridian, no matter the month or season, was the sewers. Dank, dirty, and disgusting, the stench was enough to warn even the filthiest of homeless away from the dubious shelter inside.

Mewtwo really had to wonder why he and Brenda were walking through them, dodging things he really didn't want to think too hard about.

"Stop making those faces. It could be worse."

"I really don't see how, Detective. And don't say 'it could be worse'."

"Is that a rule now?" Brenda dodged a dirty diaper, and consulted her map. "Okay, we turn left here and we're good."

"It's not a rule and- is that clean air?" Mewtwo lifted his head and sniffed at the air, and immediately regretted it. "Ew…"

"Yeah, don't do that. New rule."

"Fine. Then here's one of my rules- no talking about my apartment in any way, shape, or form, if it's a complaint."

Brenda wrapped a few wayward strands of hair around her bun, and grinned over her shoulder. "How about your new neighborhood?"

"That either."

"But I hate both of them."

"And I'm on a budget, now be quiet."

The detective shrugged, and continued on. Really, she thought, Mewtwo was being an idiot. He could have afforded something outside of The Shades, something that wouldn't have drive by shootings every weekend.

Mewtwo blinked, and shook his head. He really needed to concentrate on not reading Brenda's mind. She hated it, and he didn't want the peeks he kept getting. Who thought that way about coffee, really?

And there was no such thing as a 'coffee god'.

"Here we are!"

Mewtwo stepped wide around a puddle of liquid, and stopped beside Brenda. "And where would here be? And why did we have to walk through the sewer?"

"New rule, stop whining. And here would be right here, and that's why we had to walk." Brenda pointed up at the ladder just ahead.

The ladder that went up to a manhole. The one that just happened to have a body tied to it.

Mewtwo walked closer to the ladder, considering the situation. The body- male- was tied by one arm and the neck. His feet were dangling, and he only had one shoe. The other was at the base of the ladder. His pants were down, and-

Mewtwo looked away, just as Brenda laughed.

"Hey, cool," she said, as he turned to stare. "I haven't been called out to an auto-eroticism gone bad in ages."

"Have I mentioned that you're a sick, twisted human being?"

"Not recently, and I think you should put up your illusion now."

He sighed, and did, just as the crime scene technicians rounded a corner and joined them in staring up at the dead body.

"You don't know its auto-eroticism," he said, doing his best to ignore his surroundings, the CSI, and the aroused dead man hanging above their heads. "You're just guessing."

"Come on, Smith. Pants are down, he's in a place where he won't be disturbed, and he strangled to death. What do you want to bet we find a watch or something in his mouth?"

"New rule- no betting over dead bodies."

"Spoilsport."

Mewtwo just shook his head and folded his arms. "Why do we have to be down here?"

"Didn't I just say a rule about whining? Like, don't do it?" Brenda shrugged. "Anyways, you didn't want to go for a coffee run."

"Didn't I make that a rule? No sending me off for coffee?"

"No, the rule was 'don't consider Smith a gopher', which you seem to think includes coffee."

"It does."

"Now you're just being mean."

He shrugged, and pitied the poor CSI that had to climb up and take pictures of the body. How they were going to get it down, he didn't know. Then again, he didn't care, either- it wasn't something he had to worry about.

"Tell me again why we have to be down here?"

"Better view?" Brenda suggested. She hadn't stopped grinning since seeing the body, but something about her voice hinted that she was in an even better mood then he'd thought.

"Detective. Really."

"Okay, fine. The truth is that up there is the yuppie neighborhood, and I don't want to deal with the questions. 'Who is it' and 'what happened' and 'should we let our children out' and shit like that. Like I know right now."

"Right." He was starting to get a headache, though it was probably from the stench, not the Detective's logic. For once, Brenda had given sane, reasonable excuses for what she had decided to do. "To be perfectly honest, I don't want to deal with those questions either."

"There, you see?" Brenda clapped Mewtwo on the shoulder. "Now, this is going to be a fun case. No murderer, we just have to tell some unlucky family that the dead schmuck liked being strangled."

"You're taking an unholy amount of glee from this."

"Hey, Ceallach is all about unholy glee. Islander God of misfortune, you know."

"New rule, don't talk about your gods. They frighten me."

"No," Brenda corrected. "You want to debate whether belief in them is smart or not. And I've promised to kill you if you try."

Mewtwo just shook his head, and watched the CSIs cutting down the body. It seemed the man who'd climbed up to take pictures was also responsible for cutting the ropes and carrying the body down.

Brenda and Mewtwo walked over once the body was laid flat on the stretcher. "So," Brenda said. "Anyone look in his mouth yet?"

One of the CSIs gave her a dirty look. "That was next," she said.

"Well then."

The CSI eased the dead man's mouth open, and made a small sound, rather like a baby meowth. "Watch," she said, and took a picture with the camera. Only once it had been documented did she pull the object out with forceps. "And look, the glass was popped off."

"So he could feel the second hand ticking," Brenda explained to Mewtwo. "That's common. Some sort of time keeper in the mouth, because the hearing goes when you're being strangled."

"Please tell me you don't know this from experience," he said. "Because if you do, I don't want to hear about it."

The Detective smirked, but shook her head. "Guess you were sick the day they did this stuff in college," she said. "Or your memory's going. Either works for me."

"Detective."

"Fine. The basic ideas with auto-erotic people is to strangle themselves for like a minute, then step back- or up, I'd guess- and catch their breath. You know, so they don't die?"

Mewtwo waved one paw, and looked up at the ladder. "Let me guess. He slipped off?"

"Yup, and couldn't manage to get back on. Looks like he died before he was finished."

He shook his head, and took a few steps back from the body. "Where do humans get their ideas for this sort of thing?" he asked, for Brenda's mind only.

Brenda frowned, then arched one eyebrow. "Hangings," she whispered, quiet enough that only he would be able to hear her. "At least half the time the guys necks wouldn't break, so they strangled and got a woody. People noticed, figured why not try it, and it's been something of a Darwin Award tradition since."

"New rule, don't refer to Darwin Awards."

"You're only objecting because you haven't heard of them."

"No, I have heard of them. Anything that talks about people dying in a humorous manner-"

"Okay, now you're just being a prude."

First he was an optimist, now he was a prude. Just what was wrong with Brenda? Besides the obvious, of course.

Mewtwo closed his eyes, the better to stop staring at the Detective like she'd grown a second head, and sighed. "New rule, don't call me a prude."

"Seems like a stupid rule."

"Detective."

"Yeah, yeah." Brenda folded her arms. "We'll bag him, tag him, find out his name, be done by lunch, I bet."

"Well, according to you this is a simple case."

"Yeah. You can do the paperwork."

"New rule, no dumping paperwork on me."

"Ehnh, sorry, no go. I rank you, therefore I dump paperwork on you. Fact of work, no changing it."

Mewtwo sighed, and shook his head. He shouldn't have expected otherwise. "Fine. I take it we're stopping at a Tim Horton's so you can get your coffee, never mind the smell?"

"It'll save you when you go back to The Shades."

"Stop calling it that!"

"Fact, Smith, but everyone calls it that. Come on, let's get out of here. The smell's making me nauseous."

End Notes

Look! I changed how Mewtwo's speech is written! The brackets were just really annoying me- mostly because I'd forget to put them in, then have to go back and fix them. At least this way if I forget to put his words in italics, it's nothing more then click-drag-click the button.

Anyways. Partnership has now introduced the newest running joke in Sword 'verse- not sure how long it'll stick around, but 'The Rules' will be added to. Just watch. And up next, Chosen Fate. To get the tiniest hint of what's to come, listen to this video on YouTube: http (:)(/) www (.) youtube (.) com (/) watch (?) vKNuBNwMIdXM Just remove the spaces and brackets and you're good.