Disclaimer: This is a story that I've wanted to write for a really long time, I just never wrote it because I was to into writing 'Gains and Losses'. Please review.
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A Reason For Living
By Savoy Truffle
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Ronald Weasley was walking around the basement of his best friend, Harry and his godfather Sirius' house. Just a month ago Sirius had been cleared of all charges and was given custody of Harry. Sirius had been so happy to finally be living with Harry.. But as for Harry, well, he's been acting really strange lately, nothing like the Harry Ron had known for the past four years. Both Sirius and Ron had noticed.
Harry hadn't been talking much lately. Every time he would be asked a question he would simply shrug or say yes or no. Sirius had been desperately trying to make him feel better but nothing seemed to work. Nobody but Ron knew , but Sirius cried at night, he hated seeing his godson like this.
Harry also spent a lot of his time in his room. He would lock himself in there and not allow anyone to enter. Ron spent a lot of time trying to get Harry to open the door. It never worked.
Ron was looking for Harry's diary. He was hoping that maybe Harry talked about his depression in there. Maybe the answer was in there and Ron and Sirius could help him. He wanted his best friend back. Sure, he had Hermione but Harry was different, he was so much more important to him.
Ron was walking across the room to the drawer set when he stepped on a loose floorboard. He bent down and removed it from the floor. There it was, the mother load! Paper, books, stories, poems, and most importantly, Harry's diary.
Ron opened the diary knowing that what he was ding was against all of Harry's wishes. But he needed to know. He needed to know what was troubling his friend; it was the only way that he could help him.
June 22,
I moved in with Sirius today. He bought this huge house just down the street from Ron's. I'm glad that I'm living with Sirius but at the same time I'm not. He'll probably notice that something is wrong with me. He'll notice that I'm not the same kid that I used to be. He'll probably end up nagging me to eat and talk more often. I really don't want to be a burden over him, It'll only make him send me back to the Dursleys. I was happier there
Harry Potter, age 14
Ron frowned. That wasn't very helpful. Sure, Harry had admitted that he had a problem but he still didn't know what it was or what had caused it. Ron turned to the next page.
June 24,
My life is so messed up! Every night after I fall asleep I dream about the same thing. The Third Task. I see Cedric dying over and over again and it hurts me. I feel so guilty, so many people died because of me. Mum, Dad, Cedric. And now Voldemort is back, it's all my fault. Sirius noticed that I'm depressed and wont leave me alone and keeps on trying to make me feel better. It's so annoying, why wont he just stop and leave me alone. I never get to be alone anymore, there is always somebody staring at me and gaping at my forehead. I wish that for one day I could just be Harry Potter, the ugly kid that lives next door, not 'the Harry Potter' or 'The Boy-Who-Lived'. It's so frustrating to be famous, nobody knows how you feel. I want to be a normal kid, just like Ron and Hermione.
Harry Potter, age 14
That was it! Harry was depressed because of the third task! He should have known. Now he could help him!
Ron read the next entry, today's entry. Harry must have written it this morning, it was already 9:00 o'clock. Ron had been at his uncle Bilius' at the time.
June 16,
That's it, I can't take it anymore. My life is one big lie. Ron and Hermione think that I am some brave kid that isn't afraid of anything. Actually I'm not. I'm afraid of a lot of things. Voldemort, fear, pain and most of all, expressing my true feelings and trusting others. I don't trust anyone, it feels like I have no one to turn to. Nobody ever knows how I feel. On the inside I am scared, frightened of the word around me. I can be murdered any day now. I'm depressed, holding so much guilt on my shoulders. Why is this happening to me? What have I done to carry such a burden? It's not fair!
I've decided to end it all. Tonight I am going to commit suicide, I can't go on any longer. Nobody understands me, not even Sirius. I don't deserve to be a part of this world, I am nothing but a danger to the others around me.
I have everything hidden in my bedroom drawer. Guns, knives, pills, ropes, everything it takes to remove myself from this world. Sirius has all sorts of stuff like this hidden in his house, he probably wanted to do this when he was a kid, his family was horrible to him. Nobody will miss me when I'm gone. Everyone will jus forget me like I was nothing, just a rag doll, a rag doll left alone in a toy box. I have no purpose in life.
I am so glad to have someone to turn to like you. I know that you can't talk or anything but I've always had you to express my true feelings, I've always been able to let everything out on your pages. Goodbye.
Now-Nameless (Harry is dead)
Ron gasped. Harry was going to commit suicide! His best friend was going to kill himself! He began to panic. He tried to drop the diary but his fingers wouldn't release it, he was too scared.
He ran up the stairs, carrying the diary with him. He needed to tell Sirius!
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Sirius Black was sitting at his kitchen table, flipping through a book that he had taken out of the library. The book was on depression. Sirius hoped that maybe he could help Harry with his problems. He didn't know what they were but he hoped that maybe he could still help him.
Harry well, to put it bluntly, he needed major help. He wouldn't talk, he would eat, he wouldn't do anything. Everyday he would lock himself up in his room and not allow anyone to enter. Sirius didn't know what he did in there but he wanted to know, as did Ron. He could simply used the 'Alohomora' charm but he didn't want to interrupt Harry's privacy, he didn't want things to get worse.
Sirius was about to turn the page but was interrupted by frantic screaming.
"Sirius?! SIRIUS?!" yelled the voice
"Ron?" asked Sirius
"Sirius, where are you?"
"I'm in the kitchen"
There was the sound of panicked running and Ron stumbled into the room. Sirius noticed that he was shaking. What was going on?
"What's wrong?"
"Harry's going to commit suicide!"
"He's WHAT?!"
"He's going to commit suicide tonight!"
Ron handed Sirius the diary.
"Look"
"You read his diary?"
"I had to, just read!"
Sirius read the pages of the diary, paling visibly. He began to shake uncontrollably. He looked at Ron with alerted eyes.
"Shit! I have to stop him!"
"I can help"
"I don't think that's a good idea"
"I want to help!"
"You're too young Ron"
"NO! Harry is my best friend and I want to help him"
"Listen Ron, just leave it to me. We don't know what he might try to do. I'll talk to him and once he's in a more stable condition I'll send him to you. Then you can help him with the more simple stuff"
Ron hesitated then nodded.
"Ok…just make sure that he doesn't kill himself. I couldn't live without him"
The last sentence came out as a whisper. A single tear rolled down his cheek.
"Don't worry, I will" said Sirius
Ron wiped the tear from his eyes and walked to the door. He gave Sirius one last desperate look before walking out the door.
Once Sirius was sure that he was gone he tore up to Harry's room. Once he reavhed the door he pulled out his wand.
"Alohomora" he muttered
A small click was heard telling Sirius that the door was unlocked. He slowly opened the door and pocked his head inside. Harry was sitting on his bed…a gun to his head.
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Ron sat on the bathroom counter. He wondered how Harry was right now. He hoped that he hadn't killed himself yet. Harry was his best friend, the most important person in his life. He was always there for him and never left him alone, though Ron had left him alone just the year before.
He was jealous of Harry at the time, he was always in the Daily Prophet or the Quibbler. Ron was never in any magazines or known to the public. It was always Harry. Harry! Harry! Harry!
But it wasn't Harry's fault that he was famous, he never wanted any fame. Harry didn't only not want any fame but he hated it. Ron should have known that but still he ditched him, feeling the jealousy that he wished that he would never feel.
He could have been part of the reason for Harry's suicide.
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"HARRY, DON'T SHOOT!"
Harry dropped the gun as Sirius frantically ran to him. Sirius grabbed Harry's wrists, keeping him from getting the gun.
"Harry, you can't commit suicide" Sirius whispered gently.
Harry's shoulders slumped.
"How did you know what I was going to do?"
"Ron read it in your diary"
"Oh…"
Sirius let go of Harry's wrists. He placed a hand on Harry' shoulder. Harry flinched under Sirius' touch but Sirius chose to ignore it.
"You can't kill yourself Harry, suicide is not the answer"
"Why don't you just let me do it. You don't want me, nobody wants me"
Sirius gasped.
"Are you completely out of your mind!? Of course I want you! I wouldn't have taken you in if I didn't want you"
"Really?"
"Of course. I love you Harry"
Harry burst into tears.
"You're lying! You just don't want mo to know that you hate me. You're only taking care of me because you have to, because you're my godfather!"
"Harry…"
"Nobody wants me, I'm a walking menace! Everything is my fault! Mum dying, Dad dying, Cedric dying, Voldemort coming back. EVERYTHING! Everyone who walks around me is in danger. Just let me die, then you can be safe and happy!"
"I won't be happy without you Harry, I really do love you. My life would be nothing without you. I want to take care of you"
Sirius pulled Harry into a hug. Harry tried to get away but in the end rested his head on Sirius's shoulder.
"You have to help me Sirius, I need help" Harry whispered
"Don't worry Harry; I'll do whatever it takes. I want you to be happy"
Harry suddenly pulled away.
"I want to show you something. I-I-"
"You can tell me Harry"
Harry nodded. He lifted up sleeve of his left arms, revealing a large amount of cuts, some still raw. Sirius gasped loudly and gently grabbed his wrist. He ran a finger down Harry's arm.
"Oh shit!"
He pulled Harry into a tight hug, shaking with silent sobs.
"Harry, you can't do it!"
"I wont if you help me"
"I will, I promise"
Sirius pulled away and held him at arms length. He looked searchingly into his eyes.
"I love you so much Harry, do you understand that. You're like a son to me"
"I-I- love you too Sirius"
Sirius beamed. Harry smiled back.
"Come on Harry, time for bed, it's getting late. I'll stay with you tonight just in case you try something stupid"
Harry wiped the tears from his face.
"Thanks Siri"
Harry and Sirius got into bed, Harry slightly edging away from him. Sirius laid a protective arm over Harry's chest.
"I love you Kiddo"
Harry cuddled closer, now more comfortable to his godfather's warmth. He buried his face in Sirius's shirt.
"I love you too Sirius"
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Harry stirred and opened his eyes, squinting as the light shone into them. At first he thought it was a normal day, seconds later he was jumping up and down on the bed, remembering what had happened yesterday. He was alive!
"Sirius! SIRIUS! I'm alive!"
Sirius didn't stir. Harry kneeled down next to him and grabbed his shoulders. He began to shake him furiously.
"Come on Sirius, wake up! I'm alive!"
Sirius slowly opened his eyes. His mouth opened in awe when he saw that Harry was living and breathing right next to him.
"Oh my God!"
Sirius jumped out of bed and did a little dance around the room. He grabbed Harry by the shoulders and spun him around in the air.
"YOU'RE ALIVE!"
They sat down on the bed. Sirius immediately burst into tears and pulled Harry into a hug.
"You're alive…you're alive…you're alive" he muttered over and over again as he rocked Harry back and forth. (A/N: MAJOR MOOD SWINGS!)
"Yeah Siri, I'm alive"
They stayed in that position for a couple of minutes until Sirius finally pulled away.
"RON!" Sirius exclaimed, wiping the tears from his face
"What about Ron?"
"I told Ron that you'd go see him. He's the one who told me about your diary. He wanted to see you so I told him that you'd go see him today"
"That's great, more tears"
"Well duh! Harry, do you know how many people care about you? Me, Remus, Ron, Hermione, the Weasleys, Dumbledore…even Snape!"
"Right…"
"No Harry, it's true. You're the sweetest, nicest and most caring person in the world, it would be stupid not to love you" (A/N: Sirius is NOT gay!"
"Aww…thanks Siri!"
Harry pulled Sirius into a hug. Sirius placed a kiss on his forehead.
"Quick! Go! Ron's waiting for you!"
Harry jumped off the bed, stumbling over to the closet. He quickly opened the door and chose some black jeans. He noticed that he didn't have any clean sweaters. He turned to Sirius.
"Um…can I borrow that?" he asked pointing at Sirius' bright yellow sweater.
"Yeah, sure"
Sirius pulled off his sweater and threw it over to Harry. Harry grabbed it and threw it on, along with his pants.
"Thanks! See you later!"
Sirius smiled as he watched his godson leave the room.
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Harry was walking down the street when he saw Ron. He was sitting alone in the grass on the side f the road, playing with what looked like on of Fred and George's inventions. He looked a little sad. Harry knew that it was because of what had happened yesterday.
"Ron! RON!" Over here!"
Ron looked up at Harry.
"HARRY!"
Ron jumped up and ran over to Harry. He pulled him into a hug knocking him into the grass.
"You're alive!"
Ron burst into tears and buried his head in Harry's shoulder.
"Thank you Ron, thank you so much. You saved my life"
Harry noticed that Ron was shaking uncontrollably He must have taken everything really hard. Harry was worried.
"Ron, are you okay?"
"Never EVER plan anything like that again! How could you be so stupid to think of such a thing?"
"I know, it was dumb"
"So many people care about you, including me! You're my best friend Harry"
"And you're mine. I was just depressed okay?"
Ron nodded into Harry's shoulder.
"I love you Ron, you're the best friend in the world"
"I love you to Harry"
"Friends forever?"
"Until the end"
Harry smiled. His life wasn't so bad after all.
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Disclaimer: Finally! This story took me forever to type because I've been doing it at school. I have no computer at home, you see. I really hope you liked it, I worked realy hard on it. Review!
The next chapter to The Perfect Family is in the middle of being typed. I'm having a lot of problems with computers. Thank you.
REVIEW!