Title: My Best . . . Something

Summary: James and Lily have been dating for the past six months and Sirius has become more distant the past few weeks. What will James find out when he decides to confront his best friend?

Pairing: Sirius/James

Rating: T

Warning: Slash

Sirius groaned angrily as he put on his clothes as slowly as he possibly could, one piece of clothing at the time. He could hear the sound of James and Remus laughing from the common room making his heart ache even more. He had been in a sour mood for six months now, but the two past weeks had been by far the worst. Above that, the weekend had arrived making it even harder for Sirius to avoid James than usual. Because now he could no longer avoid James only when Lily was around, in the beginning that was the deal. It had hurt too much to watch his best friend be happy with someone other than Sirius himself. But as time went he had started to avoid James all together. This only added more to the pain, because now he wasn't able to see James at all. One part of him wanted to tell James the truth, and the other cared too much for their friendship to ever do something like that.

He pulled his long black hair backwards but it only fell back gracefully a second later. He wore a pair of loose black jeans and a tight fitting jersey. He wore muggle clothes as a way of distancing himself from his parents, and every time he saw his brother snarl in hatred he felt a certain pride that he succeeded. He looked at himself in the mirror.

He knew that James wouldn't notice the dark circles underneath his eyes and decided not to cover them up. He sighed deeply, taking his wand and putting it in his pocket before walking down the stairs. The first thing that greeted him as he entered the common room was James Potter himself.

Sirius eyed him from head to toe, it only took a second for him to memorize what James looked like today and then he looked away.

"Sirius," James called out, his voice filled with happiness as he raised his arms appearing to want Sirius to hug him.

Sirius tried smiling at him, but could tell by the expression on Remus face that he looked more miserable than happy. James pulled his hand through his messy raven coloured hair and it itched in Sirius fingers to run his own fingers through it. To feel the smooth hair, to smell the shampoo, he longed to do those things, but most of all he longed to be close to James.

"Not now, Prongs," Sirius said, not slowing down or stopping but simply making his way out of the common room.

James raised his arms in the air once again, this time looking upset.

"Oh come on mate," James called this time sounding pleadingly, Sirius tried smiling again, this time even he could feel that the agony had left a permanent mark on his face.

That smile couldn't have fooled anyone. He turned his back to his friends and raised his hands as if waving goodbye.

"Not now Prongs," he called for the last time.

The portrait swung to the side and he left the common room, letting out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding. He hated this. He hated every moment of it, of having to run away from James. He detested the thought that he could never tell James what he truly felt. But there was nothing else to do. If he told James then he would lose his best friend, his brother and there would be nothing for him to gain.

Remus and James sat silently in the common room after Sirius left. Remus watched the raven haired boy who sat next to him a frown covering his face. The werewolf didn't know whom he felt most sad for.

Sirius, who was in love with his best friend but too scared to tell him, or James who was just too dense to even notice what was actually going on in front of his very eyes?

He sighed once more, and noticed for the first time that James was watching him. His hazel coloured eyes were filled with concern and he were leaning the palms of his hands against each other. He waved his legs back and forth as if he couldn't sit still, and during those moments he just watched Remus as if he had all the answers.

"What is wrong with him?" James finally asked.

Remus mentally cursed as he tried to put up his most innocent look on his face, lying had never been his strong side. Especially not when he was going to lie to James, it was like trying to rob a robber. Or con a conman.

Remus shrugged, and after having gathered enough courage to give it a try he opened his mouth to answer.

"I don't know," the grin on James face told Remus that he had failed miserably in lying.

"Oh yes you do Moony," James stood up and walked over to Remus a grin covering his face. He stood in front of his best friend, his arms crossed over his chest looking down on him thoughtfully chewing his lower lip. "Don't try and lie to me I can tell that you know. Now spit it out."

"I can't tell you James," Remus sighed deeply, a frown appeared on James' face his allowed his arms to fall to his sides.

Remus could see that was getting more worried every moment that went by and was yet again amazed by how much James cared.

Not just about Sirius but about every person that meant something to him. Even if that person was just a friend that he had known for a year he still cared as much as he would have done if he had known that person for his entire life.

"He's my best friend too Remus," James said, sounding as if he was trying to hold himself back and not lash out. His eyes were filled with concern and sadness as he thought about something possibly being wrong with Sirius. "I think I deserve to know if he's some kind of trouble."

"No, look its nothing like that." Remus said not looking away from James, but merely keeping his eyes on the man before him.

"Then what is it?" James began pacing the room, pulling his hand through his hair making it look even messier than it was before. Remus couldn't help but grin. Lily detested it every time he did it; Sirius on the other hand loved it. "Why has he been avoiding me like the bloody plague?"

"Like I told you before James, I can't tell you why." Remus said sadly, James stopped mid-movement and looked at his best friend.

Sadness evident in his eyes as his frown deepened.

"You really can't?" he asked again, sounding both pleadingly and uncertain.

"No," Remus stated again, James looked down on the ground and cursed to himself, appearing to have thrown a punch at someone in front of him. Remus felt sad watching him. He thought that both boys needed to talk. Sirius needed to tell James what was going on, and James needed to find out before he went mental. "But I do think you should talk to him."

"How in the bloody hell am I supposed to do that?" James asked sarcastically smirking at Remus whom didn't react to the sarcasm what so ever. He was used to both James and Sirius sounding cruel when they were worried. "Unless you missed it Moony, he just ran out of here and I have no idea where he went."

"The astronomy tower," James' whining stopped and he looked at Remus with a questioning look on his face. "That's where he goes when he needs to think. Something about the height makes him concentrate more."

The smile on James face grew and he patted Remus head before running out of the common room.

"Thanks mutt," he called out before vanishing out of the room.

Remus chuckled, holding his fingers crossed in hope that everything would work out and that he, by sending James, hadn't made things worse.

James walked casually through the corridors as he with ease made his way towards the astronomy tower. As he walked he couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Sirius. Had he gotten someone pregnant? Nah, James almost laughed to himself. In order for someone to get pregnant you would have to have sex, which Sirius hadn't had for the past six months.

James frowned deeply; he had noticed right away when something was wrong. But he hadn't asked. He had been to wrapped up in his own little bubble of happiness with Lily that everything else became less important. Guilt appeared in his chest and James mentally cursed his own stupidity. Sirius was his best friend; he was supposed to react right away. He wasn't supposed to have let anything get in between them. And yet, because of Lily, he had walked around for months knowing that something was wrong but he had never done anything about it.

As soon as he placed his foot on the last step in the astronomy tower Sirius looked over at him, disbelief covering his face.

"Oh look I found you," James said casually as he grinned happily at the man before him.

Sirius had been lying down when he came but as James walked closer to him, he quickly stood up looking uncertain.

"What are you doing here James?" he asked with worry and anger etched in his face.

James crossed his arms above his chest merely looking at him with his head slightly tilted to the right.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, Sirius didn't seem to hear him but continued talking loudly.

"How did you even know I was up here?" was his next question followed by a thousand more as well as several theories on how James could have possibly found out where he was.

"What's wrong with you Sirius?" James repeated for the second time, sounding a bit more annoyed as Sirius continued rambling on how James could have found him.

"Did Moony tell you? I swear to Merlin that little punk is . . ."

"SIRIUS," James called out causing the boy to stop talking as he looked at James, a neutral expression on his face as if he for the first time felt absolutely nothing. James hated that look on his face, because in that moment he looked more like his brainwashed cousin than ever before. "What's wrong with you?"

"There's nothing wrong with me," Sirius stated, with little conviction in his voice.

He knew as soon as he had spoken that James wasn't going to believe him. He was right, James didn't believe him.

"Really," James said ironically, by habit he pulled his hand through his hair, missing the look of endearment on Sirius face. "So you've just been avoiding me for the past two weeks for the fun of it? I don't buy it mate. Something's wrong and I am going to find out what."

James walked over to the other side of the room, leaning up against the wall. He placed his arms in front of his chest looking at his best friend, appearing to be waiting for him to say something. Sirius shrugged and sat down on the other end.

Both boys were determined not to lose, not to give up. It was one of their strong and weak sides. Neither would ever give up if they were fully convinced that they were right. As they sat on each side of the room both noticed that they appeared to be worried. They just weren't worried because of the same thing.

"You can sit there all day James," Sirius said breaking the silence; he flicked his hair to the right, smirking at his best friend. That constant pain was there again. And he wished deeply, that he and James could be together. He wished that things were different. "I won't tell you."

"I seriously doubt that," James stated leaning his head at the cold brick wall. Sirius scoffed and James merely smirked at him. "You've already agreed to something being wrong, now all I have to do is wait a few more minutes to find out what."

"Why do you care so much huh?" Sirius asked, his voice was filled with anger and yet he wasn't screaming. James mask of concern turned into one of disbelief. "Why do you wanna know so badly James, why can't you just trust me when I say that nothing is wrong?"

"Because I know you Sirius," he stated calmly, trying to hold back his anger. Screaming and shouting wouldn't change anything, it would more likely make this into a fight and that wasn't what James wanted. "Something is wrong because otherwise you wouldn't have avoided me for the past weeks. You've been avoiding me ever since Lily and me . . . Lily?"

Realization hit him and he frowned deeply at Sirius whom only sighed deeply. Sirius looked down on the ground with a bored expression on his face as he pulled his hands through his hair.

"What's with her James?" he asked, when Sirius looked at James he noticed that something was different.

Instead of looking worried, James appeared to be angry. Not even angry, furious. You could practically see the flames shooting out from his eyes and it appeared almost as if James wanted to kill him. Suddenly he snapped and grabbed a rock, throwing it at Sirius. It hit his head, causing Sirius to yelp in pain.

"Ouch, what the hell James," Sirius said, placing his hands on the top of his head, he looked at his hands in disbelief while looking for blood.

He was just about to ask what that was for when James answered the question for him.

"Tell me that you're not in love with my girlfriend," James said, at that moment Sirius didn't know if he was supposed to laugh or cry.

"Oh for the love of everything that's holy, no mate. No," he finally said, a tired sound to his voice as he washed away the tiny amount of blood that had stuck to the palm of his hand. "I do not fancy your girlfriend, are you happy now? That bloody hurt,"

"Then what's wrong?" James asked again, causing Sirius to stand up and pacing around the room.

He muttered and appeared to be fighting himself as he tried to decide what he was supposed to say. James simply waited, he didn't rush his friend nor did he ask what was going on. He stayed quiet and waited until Sirius stopped mid-movement and faced him.

Sirius face was filled with sorrow and pain, he appeared to have grown older in the last few minutes and it hurt James that he was part of the reason why.

"You really wanna know?" Sirius asked, and James nodded his head fully understanding how important this was. "Even if I tell you that this will ruin our friendship for all eternity?"

A chuckle escaped James' lips.

"Nothing can do that Sirius," he then simply stated, Sirius laughed bitterly and then stood still in the middle of the room.

James stood up and began walking closer to his best friend, knowing that he was going to find out what was wrong any second now. And he didn't want to be on the other side of the room when that happened.

"Oh but your wrong there James, see here's the deal. The reason why I've been avoiding you isn't because I fancy Lily," Sirius said, but was interrupted by James whom sounded desperate.

"Then what is it?" His voice sounded whiny and pleading, for a moment Sirius almost believed that he was going to fall to his knees and beg Sirius to tell him. "I thought we were best friend Sirius."

"James we are," he said tiredly, but in that moment he couldn't even make him believe that, much less James.

"No Sirius, clearly we aren't." the boy exclaimed angrily, for the first time not being able to hold anything back. He desperately wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to know so that he could make everything better. That was the only thing he wanted to do, and yet Sirius didn't seem to be able to get that through his thick scull. "Because if we were you would tell me what's wrong, you would tell me the reason why you've been avoiding me."

"You don't want to know," Sirius took a short step backwards.

James stepped closer as he decided that they weren't going to move to other sides of the room, not now.

"Oh for the love of god Sirius," he said, sounding even more desperate than before. Sirius could almost hear him give up and in a way that amused him. James wasn't used to not getting what he wanted. Even Lily caved into his charm; Sirius on the other hand was the one person he never seemed to be able to persuade. "If you can't tell me why then at least give me someone to blame. Who is the reason you keep avoiding me?"

"YOU," Sirius suddenly screamed, James stopped talking and just looked at him.

Confusion was the only thing he felt and he opened and closed his mouth several times trying to come up with something to say.

"What?" he ended up asking, Sirius sighed deeply taking another step back and this time James didn't follow him.

James stood completely still on the same spot as before, appearing to have frozen to the floor.

"You're the reason I'm avoiding you and Lily," Sirius said backing away until his back hit the wall with a thud.

His voice no longer held the same certainty it normally did. Instead of standing straight his shoulders were slightly bent down as if he was expecting James to attack him or scream at him. The confidence he was known for had completely vanished.

"Me?" James asked, still sounding confused. "Why?"

"Oh bloody hell," Sirius said sighing deeply. He rubbed his hands in his eyes, before turning around placing his palm on the cold wall. He closed his eyes and put his weight on his hands as he prepared to tell James everything, as he prepared to lose his best friend. "Because I am in love with you Prongs. And it hurts so badly every time I have to watch you two together. Every kiss, every hug, every sweet whisper, it hurts so much James because it reminds me that I can't ever do that. Sometimes I just wished it would all end, because I can't take much more of this. I just want the pain to go away."

It only took seconds for James to walk across the floor, to turn Sirius around and to attack him with his lips. James abused Sirius lips as he kissed him violently. In the back of Sirius mind he couldn't understand what this meant, what he was supposed to do with this. But in the end he just stopped thinking responding by hungrily kissing James back. James' arms sneaked inside his shirt tearing it apart, as his hands explored Sirius torso and Sirius hands went through James hair. It was raw, it was lustful and it was everything Sirius had ever hoped it would be.

After a while both boys stopped and James forced himself to back away. He felt his tender lips and saw the state Sirius was in. Shock entered his head and for a moment he didn't know what had happened. He had just kissed his best friend, and he had loved every moment of it.

"What does this mean?" Sirius asked, ending the silence.

James looked over at him, his expression dazed as if he wasn't sure that this was even real. Sirius heart broke as the boy took yet another step backwards, appearing to be on his way out of there.

"It means that I need you in my life," James said, as he stood on the first step down the stairs, he thought more deeply, a frown covering his face. "It means that you are important to me."

"Is that all?" Sirius asked, not being able to hide his disappointment.

"I don't know Sirius," James merely said, his voice filled with sorrow as he watched tears begin to make its way down Sirius face. He felt his own heart breaking at the sight and yet he didn't know what he was supposed to do. He couldn't lie to Sirius, never could have. So he settled on telling the truth, no matter how much it would hurt. "I'm sorry but I just don't know."

THE END