Inside

A Maria-sama Ga Miteru Fanfiction

The first time it happened, I wasn't sure what to think.

It was a Saturday, and I had been awakened that morning in the same way I started every Saturday - with a phone call, and that bright voice I knew so well on the other end of the line saying, "What are we going to do today, Rei-chan?"

It seemed it had been this way forever, but I still hadn't tired of it. My response had never varied once: "What would you like to do, Yoshino?"

And she would want to see a movie, or go a museum, or the park, or anything that happened to catch her interest. Since her surgery, she never wanted to stay home, as I preferred sometimes. Maybe I'm a pushover, but I always let her have her way. Just being with her is enough for me. I always looked forward to seeing her approaching me from next door, and especially the sight of my rosary around her neck. Even if I knew, logically, that not everyone was aware of its significance, it still felt like a declaration to me, as though I were saying out loud, "This girl is my petite soeur. She wears my rosary. She belongs to me. We belong to each other." It gave me a swelling sense of pride. Of happiness. Of love.

Which is why, when she appeared that particular day without it, I couldn't return her cheerful greeting.

She looked lovely, of course; she always does. And a long necklace swayed against the softness of her sweater, but I could tell in an instant that it wasn't my rosary. I felt her hand slip into mine, vaguely registered her shoulder pressing against my chest, but couldn't move, couldn't speak. I could only look at the imposter around her neck.

She followed my gaze and, mistaking it, coloured slightly. "Rei-chan," she said, my name a gentle admonishment. I blinked, realizing what she must think, and laughed awkwardly, tearing my eyes away to meet hers.

"Sorry, Yoshino," I said, trying desperately to save face, although her look told me that she was already convinced I was being impolite. "Is that sweater new?" I was grasping at straws and she knew it, but she linked arms with me and came to my rescue anyway.

"It is." She began walking, pulling me along with her. As usual. "I'm glad you noticed." Her tone was playful, her sidelong glances full of mischief. Any other time, a mood like this would have set my mind going in a million directions, but I couldn't stop wondering why in the world she wasn't wearing my rosary. I mentally ran through the last few days, wondering if we'd had another fight. But if that had been the case, I wouldn't have felt her side warm against mine, wouldn't be walking with her at this moment.

So what was it?

Maybe she'd simply forgotten to put it on? But no, she'd remembered a necklace well enough. It had to have been intentional. A conscious decision to not wear it.

I fretted all day. To myself, of course; I did my very best to keep my face impassive, so as not to worry Yoshino. But once we'd parted ways and I was alone in bed, my worry showed through such intensity that I thought it would be etched in my features forever. Maybe I'd be like Yumi, with my every emotion as transparent as glass. Thinking of Yumi took my mind down another path. Had she ever appeared without Sachiko's rosary? Somehow I couldn't imagine it. Her devotion to Sachiko was some of the fiercest I'd ever seen; it wouldn't surprise me if she never took the rosary off at all.

Finally I decided that I should stop thinking about it and try to get some sleep. But as I closed my eyes, I knew that that would be more difficult than it seemed.

Monday came and with it the return of my rosary. It was as though Saturday had never happened. Yoshino herself was acting perfectly normal; in fact, everyone was acting perfectly normal. The air in the upper room of the Rose Mansion was quiet as we each concentrated on our work. Only the occasional tink of teacup against saucer broke the stillness.

I had read the same line of text four times and still had no idea what it said. I stole glances across the table at Yoshino, who was engaged in some worksheet or another. Finally she noticed me looking and, after sweeping her eyes left and right to make sure no one was watching, winked at me. Warmth flooded through me and I dropped my gaze back to my book. She could be so bold sometimes.

We walked home together, close but without true contact. It was as though our school uniforms emitted an invisible barrier, making it seem wrong to touch each other while wearing them. We told each other about our days, and with each step I felt a bit better. Saturday had been a fluke, a mistake. There was no meaning behind it. I was reading too much into things. I'd always known that one of my most defining features was the dichotomy of my boyish exterior and my inherently feminine nature. I was too sensitive sometimes.

When we reached my gate, Yoshino swung around to face me. "I'll bring my homework over as soon as I change clothes." I smiled. It was never a question, whether she'd be coming over after school. It just happened. Some days we'd finish all our homework. Some days we didn't get any done at all. As I entered my house and went up to my room, I wondered what sort of night tonight would be.

I'd almost forgotten about the incident when it happened again. A new week, a new Saturday, and there was her neck, bare. And still she behaved as though nothing was out of the ordinary. She held my hand all through the movie, even leaning her head on my shoulder. And while I tried to concentrate on what was happening on screen, I couldn't, because my eyes kept drifting back to the space around her neck. It looked so empty.

It happened a few more times before she noticed that it bothered me.

We were walking home from the day's excursions; even now I can't remember how we'd passed the time. She had wrapped herself around my arm, in the way that she does, and I was striding along with my hands in my pockets. I must have had a certain expression on my face, because she murmured, "What's wrong?"

I startled out of my thoughts and glanced down at her. She was gazing up at me, brow wrinkled, her look very intense. Then again, she doesn't have a look that's not. I shook my head. "What makes you think something's wrong?"

She stopped, released me, and planted her hands on her hips. I knew this posture, and I wasn't going to win this fight. "You've been walking around all day with your chin on the ground," she said, looking like a samurai from one of her novels. "And come to think of it, this has happened more than once, hasn't it?" I stayed silent, not moving. I couldn't properly vocalize what was bothering me. The idea of doing so made the problem seem trivial. Because if it didn't bother her, why should it bother me?

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't really see her soften, but I felt it. She lost her warrior's stance and came very close to me, laying her hands on my shoulders and looking up into my eyes.

"Rei-chan," she said, her voice noticeably softer, "Please tell me what's wrong. I'm your cousin. More importantly, I'm you're petite soeur. And most importantly, I'm…" She stopped and we both looked away, colouring. We hadn't given a name to that. "Please," she finished simply.

I steeled myself. "You…" I shook my head, lifted my hand, and very lightly laid my fingertips against the soft skin at the base of her throat. "You're not wearing your rosary," I finished, feeling hopelessly ineloquent.

She blinked at me, then bit her lip, smiling. I could only stare at her as she released my shoulders and began laughing merrily. "Oh, Rei-chan," she sighed as she finally came back to herself. She wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and replaced her hands at her hips. "Is that what this is about? You thought my not wearing the rosary meant a lack of devotion to Mother Mary?" She tossed a braid over her shoulder, almost smirking at me. "Or maybe to you?"

My face was hot as I tried to defend myself. "The only other time I've seen you without it was when you returned it to me," I explained. "I thought maybe…"

"You thought I'd removed it out of anger?" I nodded. She shook her head. "Idiot," she said, but the word was positively soaked in affection. "Didn't you ever think for a moment that maybe the rosary just didn't match my outfit?"

I was speechless. I never wore jewelry, myself, and the idea that even a rosary ought to match one's clothes was a bit foreign to me. While I tried to wrap my brain around the fact that my anxiety had been caused by such a minor misunderstanding, Yoshino took my face in her hands, stood on tiptoe, and pressed her lips against mine. Suddenly the rosary mattered considerably less and I slipped my arms around her waist, holding her close.

After a moment, she pulled away, smiling fondly at me. "Look at it this way," she said pragmatically. "Even if I'm not wearing your rosary out here," she gestured to herself, "I'm wearing it here." With that, she took my hand and laid it against her chest. I could feel her heart, stronger than ever, beating beneath my palm, and I smiled. "Come on," she said, stepping away from me and taking my hand. Once more, I was being dragged along with her. "Do you want to stay over tonight?"

My smile widened and I nodded wordlessly. I was already feeling much better as we made our way home. And I was sure that it would only hearten me more to spend the night with her, getting a closer look at the rosary she wore inside.

~* Fin *~