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"The devil doesn't come to you with a red face and horns. He comes to you disguised as everything you ever wanted." - unknown.
Disguise... I scoff. Aren't we all in disguise?
I look down at my body and laugh. I am still in my Halloween party disguise and have to smile thinking how suiting this aristocratic vesture is for a Richards. Only the best for the best. But the best doesn't always suite everyone now
does it.
Annie is struggling with her exaggerated powdered baroque wig. She takes it off with a sigh and asks me to unzip her ridiculously huge dress with a voice that is supposed to seduce me...She's so predictable. I am sighing too. We could wrap it up as a tiring evening, the panic around that damned ruby necklace wrenched us all out. One million dollars gone like a drop of water down the drain. Damn you Cole Deschanel! Once a thief, always a thief. I just hope Caitlin comes to see you for who you really are, for who you are always going to be, the devil...
We could just go to bed and call it a day ...but I have a feeling my wife has other plans. She usually has "other plans" with me quite every night. Sometimes I wonder if it's really her desire to have me or if it's just to make herself feel good knowing that she turns me on.
But I have put her on hold for several nights now, for a good reason.
She smiles at me unsure. And I can't help smiling back but I smile back at Del. He sure left a part of him behind on the face of this Earth. Annie is Dels spitting image. Everything she does reminds me of him. Her mind constantly on a run to find situations where she can take advantage and profit from somehow. Everything she does serves solely the purpose of her benefit. That's Del. It crosses my mind that their resemblance must have been the reason they never got along. They were too alike. It's just that this time, she took it too far. Her benefit became my downfall and I can't take that. Nobody plays with a Richards.
"I'm taking a quick shower." She lets me know and steals a kiss from me. I don't even bother to respond, a tired smile should do.
I suddenly feel a chill running down my spine because I realize the joke that is my life. I can't help grit my teeth and feel like I could lash out at Annie right now. I could follow her inside the bathroom. She would think I'm in for a hot shower with her, one easy slip...it could look like an accident. Most life threatening situations happen at home. Would it be believable? Would I get away with it? No, no this would be too easy...
I think of all the times I have slept with her. All the times I had to convince myself that the kind of turn-your-brain-and-heart-off-and-get-along-with-it type of sex, that became my life could maybe change if would just allow it to. Now I know it never has for a good reason. My guts knew what my blind eyes didn't want to see. Annie, that rotten red head. The devil in disguise. She destroyed my life before I had the chance to even realize it.
I hear her in the bathroom, the water starts pouring and I enjoy the sound. It usually helps me calm down, but not tonight. I can't calm down and I certainly can't call it a day. Dammit! Not when the other devil is downstairs. The vision of everything I ever wanted, so close yet so far.
Annie has to come to terms with the fact that Olivia is the mother of my children and that she can ask whatever she wants from me.
Especially when it comes to asking for time with them. I could never deny her that. I could never deny myself that, I need to know she's doing okay.
I laugh bitter. Boy, the fact I told Olivia she could stay here for as long as she wants threw Annie off the fence. Just wait until I'm through with you, you'll wish you'd never have jumped over my fence in the first place.
I take off my costume with automated moves, not even realizing it. My mouth is dry and I Iook around the room, the glass carafe filled with what I'm yearning for. I move towards it to pour myself a glas.
Wait. No, nohoho. I grin bitter and look at the bathroom door where Annie is preparing for something that certainly won't happen tonight.
I put the glass back down on the table. I can't possibly risk to drink another one of Annie's improved waters. Not when both of them are in the house. I would feel like throwing up to sleep with her and think of...
Never mind, I'll get something downstairs. The shower is still on and I'm thankful that it seems to take her so long.
Am I really afraid of Annie drugging me again or am I searching for a reason to catch a glimpse of the devil who is still in my house? Downstairs.
My feet lead me to the stairs and force me to take one step at a time, slowly, carefully. I'm not even sure I want her to see me. Or that I want to see her. Do I really? Do I want to do this to myself?
Olivia is still in the living room with Trey. I'm mean and I have to admit it. She is not the devil as in something bad...but as in something that feels so wrong at this exact moment yet so tempting and so right that I can't keep away from her.
Why is she keeping the truth from me? Why does she team up with Annie after everything she has done to her, to us? My thoughts drift away the moment I lay eyes on her.
She still comes as everything I ever wanted. My Lady Guinevere.
I stop at the base of the stairs and watch curious like a little child. She cradles Trey in her arms and smiles at him while he can't help playing with the silk ribbon in her hair, tangling it with her curls. From time to time she mimes a "hurt oh", wich makes Trey laugh vividly. And he pulls at her hair again. She doesn't seem to mind tough. I watch her take the bobby pins out of her hair, and the ribbon that seems to catch Treys attention and makes him chuckle. She chuckles back at him, lowering herself repeatedly and playfully kissing his chubby cheeks, her curls bouncing wild and loose around her head. Trey is happy. I am happy right now. My heart fills with joy. Her giggles are infectious. I'm afraid I never cherished the melody of her laughs enough while I had it. This is a privilege reserved for Trey now. He loves her. I...
...I still can't help loving her. Adoring her. When did I forget what an extraordinary mother she can be? When did I forget how much love and affection she carries in her heart? When did I forget about the beauty of her being, of her existence? The universe created perfection the day she was born. The devil took her from me and made me forget...
Trey seems to calm down and that's good because it's too late and he must be exhausted. It all feels so peaceful right now. I could go to bed myself and close my eyes content and happy. But all of the sudden I hear wincing, an attempt to a silent cry. I look up and frown in confusion. It's her, she's crying, holding her hand to her mouth, attempting to suffocate her cry. It's pure desperation, torture, it's pain.
I understand her pain. I just don't understand why the hell she thinks that she has to subject herself to it?
I watch her squeeze him tightly to her chest, holding his head and rocking back and forth. It's not a rocking move for his comfort, it's for hers, to relieve her stress. Olivia...Liv. I can barely stand it to keep shut. I want to run to her and comfort her, the pain must be bad. Really bad.
The pain is eating her up, she's crying because of him. Not because he's a reminder of the suffered loss, as I presumed all this time, but because he is the reason for the pain...he is hers, ours.
I'm intrigued at her behavior and I need to know what is going on in that beautiful head of hers. Why is she still keeping this a secret?
It makes me sick to have to leave her here like this. But I can't stomach another fight this evening. If Annie finds me here with Olivia, they would probably start world war 3 within the bat of an eyelash. I can't take it today. Olivia will have to wait. My curiosity will have to wait...my concern and my feelings will have to wait.
Back in the master bedroom I notice my mouth is still dry and I still need to ease the thirst I feel. And the confusion, but that's not something I can fix tonight.
The only ease I can identify settling in my heart is the fact that Olivia isn't running to AJ for comfort. She probably knows he could never give her what she needs.
I'm horrible. Am I really finding joy in knowing that she's suffering alone? She's right about me in every way. I just can't help it. I can't help being glad that that joke of a man isn't by your side... I swear I will find out Olivia. I will find out what it is that keeps you from telling me the truth and I will do my upmost to make it go away. How often did I promise her that? I scoff again.
I take the glass from the small table again in my hands and inspect it thoughtfully. Annie rushes out of the bathroom with an anticipating grin. My facial expression must be horrible since I see her face drop.
"What's the matter?" She asks as I gulp the liquid without a second thought. There is nothing Annie could have spiked the water with that would get me in the mood. Not after what I witnessed downstairs. Not after I know the truth.
"I'm just tired." I say and funny enough, it's part of the truth.
"Oh come on...come here. Let me take care of that." She invites me to bed but all I can do is stare stupidly.
"Annie, I'm not..."
"Shhh. Come here." She drags me to her side and squeezes me to her chest. It feels cold. It feels empty. It's not comfort. What Olivia did was comfort, warm, full of love and passion. She made me feel love and comfort just by watching her. This on the other hand is...it's what I've chosen.
I close my eyes hoping that Annie will get the hint and leave me be. I need to sleep, rest my mind. I need to rest my urge to kill her with my bare hands, I need to rest. But I also need her to think that everything is alright so she won't suspect anything. I cuddle up to her. You will pay and pay dearly.
I need to rest and think of everything that I want.
Everything I want is downstairs.
I feel sleep taking over me.
The devil is in my bed.
The devil is downstairs.
Downstairs, Camelot will last forever.
Forever yours, King Arthur.
The end.