Dark Lordship for Dummies
Disclaimer: We own nothing, save the plot.
Prologue: Moaning Myrtle
I was floating somewhere just past the u-bend in the very last stall of the second floor girls' restroom when something came flying at me. It bounced off of the rim of the toilet. If you haven't heard, I've had more books thrown at me in the past few years than is healthy, even for a ghost.(Around 72, just in case you were wondering) So, I wasn't too surprised to see... a book.
I bent down to pick it up, but remembered that, as a ghost, I can't touch things (Dur, Myrtle.), when I noticed the title. Dark Lordship for Dummies. I decided to go find Potter or someone and let them see if they could use anything in it for the war. I was floating out of the stall, when I tripped over the book. I paused. If I could trip over the book, then perhaps I could touch it. I tested my theory, and to my surprise, I was able to pick it up. I grinned.
Think really hard with me. I've been stuck in a school for nearly sixty years, the majority of it in the bathroom. I'm a ghost, so Voldemort can't hurt me. Yeah, I said his name, but the idiot already offed me, so I'm not too worried. And now I had the perfect weapon to torment him with. Another year in the bathroom pretending to be a over-emotional crybaby... or a year annoying the little bugger who killed me in the first place, telling him that he's taking over the world the wrong way. Myrtle, you've got a new hobby.
So there I was, sitting in the throne room (think sewer) of the greatest dark lord in centuries. Fun fun fun. He wasn't too happy to see me this morning.
"What do you want with me, stupid girl?" I smiled sweetly, and held up Dark Lordship for Dummies.
"I've come to teach you a few lessons about your running of the world," I said. He read and reread the title several times from his throne (think spindly-legged chair with soiled sheet draped over it.) He mouthed the word 'dummies', and said hoarsely, "Just what are you implying?" I smiled sweetly at him again, but said nothing. Then Voldemort recognized me. He gaped at me and I could see shock in his red, cat-like eyes.
"YOU!" he bellowed. "The one the basalisk killed." I smiled again, evilly this time.
"Well, well, well, Tom. We meet again," I said. "Beginning to wish you hadn't got your worm to blink at me? But then again, you never did like me much." I batted my eyelashes at him. "But I never dreamed it would lead to my death."
He pulled out his wand and shouted avada kedavra, crucio, sectumsempra , and reducto at me, in that order. (Just some advice, never try to curse, hex, or jinx a ghost.) Each one hit a different corpse muncher as they entered to bring him his breakfast. (I have been hit by plenty of hexes in my deathtime, and I've become so accustomed to it, I didn't even flinch when the little buggers zipped through me.) The last Death Eater was reduced to dust, something I deeply regret (cough, cough). Voldemort stood up and...well, we'll just say you don't want to know what he said to me. He also tried to curse me again (making sure no one was behind me), but since I'm, how do you say, DEAD, he can't do anything but yell and order me gone. And he did, for about half his breakfast, while I laughed. Afterwards, he stomped to his office, and I started flipping through the book to see what rule I wanted to 'teach' him first.
Oh Merlin, this is gonna be the best book ever.
AN: Sorry, it's not as long as we wanted it, but the actual chapters will be. We are taking suggestions for things Myrtle can 'teach' Voldemort. Just tell us in a review.
Chapter 1 would normally be out by next Wednesday at the latest, this weekend at the earliest, but our mom is sick. I'm having to take her in for some tests and stuff, so Alecto and Meg will be without my laptop for a while, and that is where what we have written of chapter one is.
Anyways, reviews are golden, even if they're negative. We like good ones better, though. :D
Tisi