I miss you

I Wish I was with you

It's such a sad place

I miss your smiling face

I miss your green eyes

And now I want to cry

I miss your soft hair

How I wish I was there

I wish things were better

I wonder if you still care

I'm selfish, it's true

But all I want is you

I carefully folded the poem, and then hid it in a loose floorboard. With a sigh I stretched out across the dirty floor, lying on my back with my eyes to the ceiling.

It had been like this for awhile.

The endless days with a repeating pattern of holding on to reality, releasing to sadness... Grabbing on tightly until the tension pulled and pulled, at last I would snap into tears. Bending down to my knees, I would lay on the floor, my emotions in unfailing patterns of rage, then sadness, and at last numbness. Rage again...

Soon I would be to numb to carry on, and collapsing I would fall into a deep sleep.

Sometimes I would dream of you.

Those were the good nights, when I could just escape into my memories in the form of dreams; there was no sadness in them. It was a dusty sense of forever, kind of like when we used to hang around talking about nothing in particular. Gentle teases and little jokes. It was what we had built our world upon, and it calmed me greatly.

However, the beast had been only sleeping. Without matt I was even worse then before, my maniac highs peaking higher and my lows going lower. The strange attacks of emotion came more often.

I could deal with that.

What I couldn't deal with is the slow, spreading sense that everything was leaving me.

Which, if I thought about it was absurd, because really,

What did I have in the first place?

An orphan with violent anger outbursts, all I really had was matt.

I stretched out even farther.

It felt good like this, even if I wasn't very comfortable on the hard floor. It felt like I had extensions to my body, like I could reach until I could cover the world.

Yawning loudly, I tried to make myself feel tired, tried to feel anything but sad. A quote from some far off thing melted around in my mind.

With sudden inspiration, I ripped the floorboard off and uncovered my (admittedly awful) poem. Pen in hand, the words melted from my mind into the page

If ever such ordinary days were to end...

Hola, hope you liked the story! Just mello's thoughts on matt after he left. It can be yaoi, or just strong friendship. Sorry for my lack of writeing, got grounded because of stupid school XP. Please review if you liked it!(or hated it...)

peace out,

Blameless