Selfish

Disclaimer: I be not the writer of Fruits Basket. I be owning nothing, nope, nuh-uh.

Hana-chan be striking me down with her supreme goth-wave powers if I be lying, yup, uh-huh.

Alternate Disclaimer: (Because it's funny and it only works for this fic.) May Hana-chan, the all-mighty witch who possesses awesome demonic powers smite me with said awesome demonic powers if I lie.

I...am the owner of Fruits Basket! I am NATSUKI TAKAYA! Fear me! Hi-ya! –attempts judo chop-

-thunder rumbles ominously-

Hana-chan: Z-zz-ZZ-z-Zz-Z-zzzZ-zzZ-Z-ZAPPPP! -smites me where I stand-

Audley: -is charcoal and ash-

I would like to be selfish.

I would like to say, 'You can't have her,' like she is a possession one can simply claim.

I would like to say claim her as mine—my own, my first, my dearest.

I don't want to give her up. Not to anyone.

'She's mine, and mine alone,' I would say. 'I won't share her. You cannot have her.'

I want her for myself. Not to share. She can always be mine—my own, my friend, my precious.

She wouldn't mind, I think. I know she loves me—she loves us all. In the same way, I think.

It has been said that love is selfish. To want someone all to yourself is love. To want them to be all yours, to love only you, is love.

If that is true, then I love her. I would like to have her love me a little bit more—just enough so that I am number one in her heart.

I would like things to be that way. I would quite like it.

I would like to be selfish and keep her all for myself.

But I can't.

I could have, once, before the Sohmas came. I could have kept her to myself and shielded her from anything that could have torn us apart. I could have.

She would not have noticed, most likely. She is—luckily—oblivious to love. Or she was.

She just loves—freely, unconditionally, unselfishly. She wasn't one to notice it returned. She's adorably dense like that sometimes.

But lately...

I suppose it's as Arisa said once—that without anyone knowing it, a person can bloom.

She bloomed. She blossomed. She opened her eyes to the love surrounding her and before I knew it...

..she was gone.

Not really gone, of course, for ours is the bond that never fades. But still...

She was never mine.

She was his. She became his.

It is perhaps rude of me to think of her this way...she is not some priceless item to be given or stolen.

All right then...she fell in love with him. And he loved her.

They are in love.

And I would so like to say, 'Give her back. She was mine first.'

She was mine first—my friend, my love, my saving glory.

And I would like to think, 'So give her back. You don't deserve her. She was my friend—she helped me—she loved me before any of you came along.'

I would so like to be selfish. I love her.

I know she'd agree—she always puts others before herself. She would care more for my well-being—my happiness—than her own.

Which is why I cannot say any of the things I so dearly wish to say.

Which is why I cannot claim her like a prize.

Which is why I cannot be selfish.

All I can say is, 'Be happy, dear Tohru-kun. Be happy with him.'

All I can do is be happy because she is happy.

Because I love her.

Author's Notes:

I normally don't support Hanajima/Tohru...or even anything slashy or stuff in general...but I had an idea bouncing around in my head for months and suddenly it popped! out and here was the fic. That's a lie--it's okay if it's well written. Like, one-sided Aaya/Tori is okay, obviously I think one-sided Hanajima/Tohru is okay, and a few other pairings are okay if they're one-sided--and if they're written well. That's it though. Male/male and female/female lemon/limes stuff just simultaneously pisses me off/grosses me out. Like Kyo/Yuki. Makes me gag and twitch simultaneously. I pulled something the other day when I glanced upon a summary...UCK. I don't read them.

It's one-sided Hana-chan/Tohru...I figured that Hanajima loved her a little more than a sister...just a little more. Or more than a little more. Has anyone read Cardcaptor Sakura? I see Hanajima and Tohru's relationship as being like Tomoyo and Sakura's...one-sided love, the other never getting it, being happy because the one you love is happy...beautiful stuff like that.

No seriously—I love Cardcaptor Sakura. It has some really great themes going on. I liked it so much I named one of my cats after Sakura. Of course, I love Fruits Basket so much I buy all the stuff and named a cat after a character—Kyo, if anyone's interested—AND write fics for it AND bore all my friends to tears by talking about it...you see my point? Anyway, Cardcaptor Sakura is a great series. If you haven't read it you should. It's one of CLAMP's best works, like, ever. (I also think Chobits is great...way risqué, but still great.)

WHOA, that was some serious rambling. But it pertains to the story...I think. There is much evidence in the manga that Hanajima loves Tohru just a little bit more...I think you get it by now.

This is a one-shot as of yet. If I feel like writing a sequel I will.

OH YEAH! The 'him' I keep mentioning? He's...he's...well, I'll let you decide. He's whoever you want him to be. He's a Sohma, duh, and a member of the Zodiac, that much is obvious, but you can put Tohru with whoever you prefer. I like to pretend it's Kyo, but if you are a Yukiru fan, pretend it's Yuki, that's okay...-twitches- No, really, I'm fine, it's okay, you can put Tohru with YuuUkiiyo...Sorry, my hand seems to have involuntarily twitched of it's own accord as I typed that...Ahem. Yes. I'm nice like that.

Ciao!

Audley FORGOT TO SAY PLEASE REVIEW! –gasp–