The Hunger Games – Looking Behind You

Life is not fair, Snow made sure of it

"I'm so sorry, Katniss"

She woke up with a start, and she instantly curled up in a ball, shutting her eyes and trying not to start sobbing. Prim would wake up soon, she'd come looking for her big sister, and it wouldn't do for her to find her crying. Again. To Katniss, it felt like she had been crying years worth of tears in the last few months alone. Even after her loving father died she had not cried so hard.

"Katniss, Katniss"

Once Katniss was crowned as the winner of the 74th Hunger Games, and she was allowed to return home, for what it was worth. Her mother looked ever so solemn as Prim clutched to Katniss, all too happy that her sister was back, but their mom understood what had happened on a deeper level, Katniss knew it just from looking at her. For once in a long time, Katniss knew her mom was back, but she wished it wasn't for this, it wasn't for Katniss's victorious return.

"Look at us now, Girl on Fire!"

Gale embraced her the moment he managed, but his face could not lift Katniss's spirits. He was her best friend, he was a great guy, and he wasn't Peeta. They were the same age, they had all been young and innocent, and now, now Katniss was touched by the Hunger Games' hooks, Gale had stayed behind and untouched, and Peeta–

"Ms. Everdeen, my congratulations on your win"

They moved to the Victor's Village right away, Prim was happy due to all the food available, the lack of struggle on that end, and their mom was glad she didn't need to worry about them all freezing to death. Katniss said nothing on the matter, even as her sister ran around their new mansion, and she shared a soft smile with her understanding mother. She got it, she knew it.

"Oh, Katniss, you did so good!"

Everyone had congratulated her once she'd cleaned up and Snow presented her to the Capitol, to all the Districts. Snow had smirked at her in such a way she wished she could stick an arrow to his eye just to see if he would stop it with his arrogance, then, however she hung in there, she smiled at the crowds, wore a pretty dress and was the person she was with Caesar Flickerman, as charming as she could possibly be.

"It will be alright eventually, Katniss, you'll see"

Life as a Victor was easy, so easy, without needing to hunt, to ration things. The Everdeens shared with their friends, especially Gale, and there was still enough food to go around, there was enough of everything the entire District needed to survive. Whatever glory Katniss had brought to the District 12 had not translated to a better life for most people, but she tried. It wasn't like her little family needed that much food alone.

"Things could be worse, but it still sucks, huh?"

Haymitch was the one bright spot in the Victor's Village, even if still drunker than anyone that had ever existed. His bitterness, however, made Katniss smile because she wanted to be like that, to have nothing and no one to live for and still continue living. They spent a lot of time together, since neither of them had anything better to do, and Katniss found herself leaning on Haymitch much more than anyone else.

"I'm so happy you won, Katniss!"

Snow kept sending her little gifts, a lot of white roses and berries that she instantly threw out without even looking at them, plus extravagant dresses she was not sure if even Capitol residents would wear on a regular day. Cinna sent her much more mute, sober outfits, his accompanying letters and notes always sweet and encouraging. Effy sent her pretty make–up and hair accessories that Prim always gushed at, since they were the only things she could wear herself. Their mom would even giggle a little at the silliness of the extravagances, and Katniss sometimes followed her.

"I want to be just like you, Katniss!"

Katniss Everdeen was a hero to the masses, beautiful and courageous despite having little to no advantages at the start, both because of not being a Career and having few sponsors, and even after she retreated to District 12, she continued to at times receive letters and videos from small children who for some reason saw her as the person to imitate.

"You don't have to be strong all the time, Catnip"

When the time came for the Quarter Quell, Katniss watched as Snow cruelly chose candidates out of nineteen through twenty five years old, and she felt so relieved that the rule excluded Prim and Gale, even if it meant some people she had grown up with ended up on the stage beside Effy, frozen with utmost fear over the horrible future ahead of them, whether they won or not.

"You win, Snow"

Life continued on, the Hunger Games kept going, and Katniss somehow managed to keep on walking. Haymitch tried to soothe her and tell her that things would work themselves out, and hey, she could take up drinking just like him. She grimaced and refused his offer. She had more than enough ghosts to weigh her down, she did not need new ones that something like alcohol might bring out of her, so thanks, but no thanks.

In a world where Katniss won the Games alone and never became a beacon of hope.