A/N: Redoing the entire story of i'm so sorry. I felt like the direction I was going into wasn't the right one. I hope you all enjoy the new reworked version if it. Song: Lykke Li &Kleerup- Until we bleed
The rain was strong, and came down hard against my skin. As I was running the force of the wind made the rain droplets smack forcibly against my skin. It should be freezing, especially with what I'm wearing, but I feel nothing of it. Nothing that covers my body is dry; I'm drenched completely.
I ran further and further away from my house. The signature red door was no longer visible. Now it was a speck in the distance, barely recognizable. I had no idea why I was going in this direction; why their house. It was as if my feet had minds of their own; as if they knew that I needed to go to their house. I had no control over this; it was the strangest experiences I ever experience: having no control of where my feet were taking me. Deep down I knew they would help me, because they loved me; didn't they? They would surround me with care and love, and take me deep within their arms and let me cry the tears desperately wanting to escape. Deep down I knew it was okay, but they love him with all of their heart, and I couldn't dare look in their eyes and break theirs.
It was quick. So quick it took me a minuet to realize it was over, that he was no longer hovering over me. That he was no longer in me. I clenched down on my jaw when I thought of the recent events that just had happen. As I try to focus on my running, afraid I might miss a step and fall to the floor, I can't help but recite the one sentence I can't get out of my head. He didn't mean it, HE DIDN'T MEAN IT.
Before I know it, two grand doors are before me. "What am I doing here? I can't be here. Nathan, Haley, Oh gosh Jamie…He can't seem me like this!" I have to go back; I have to return and go back and deal with this myself. I can deal. Why in the hell did I come back to this godforsaken town!? "It's your home" My mind shouts back at me. "Not anymore." I can't do this. I turn around; ready to walk back through the rain, to get home when I hear the doors open with a loud bang.
"Brooke!?" I whip myself around so fast that I almost slip on the slippery wet grass.
"Nathan," I say in a low inaudible voice. I lift my head up to see him on his porch, his eyes seem brighter, more bluer. Reminding me of someone's I had loved so much. As I stare at his, he eyes masked with worry, but soon open wide when he finally gets a look at me. And before I even notice her standing their, a gasp comes out of her mouth. I finally get to stare into her eyes to realize that they have seen the truth in all of this. They see the blood that had slowly dripped down my legs.
I can't handle them seeing me like this. My shaking body slowly falls towards the ground, like a movie, I'm pleading for forgiveness. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking damn sorry!" I don't know why I keep on repeating it, but I can't handle the over amount of emotions. They've won, the emotions had over taken my fight to stay strong it's to late to retract and hide them. The un-shed tears become know. Tears come out, like a damn has been broken, and they are no longer at any point going to stop. I curl into a ball; when I feel them come towards me, a way of saying please, please don't touch me. Nathan knows this, but he does the opposite, he picks me up. I know they are speaking to each other but their words are jumbled in a mess.
Now all I recite in my head is: it's my entire fault.
I know it is. I should have stopped him. I was so blinded by his words; by the mere thought that maybe he did love me. That he really did have feelings for me, and cared about me. I shouldn't have gotten this far.
I sob into Nathans shirt, soaking it with my tears, I noticed blood dripping on the floor, and all I repeat is that I am sorry over and over again, ashamed and afraid.
"Brooke? Sweetie, Brooke?" I hear Haley's voice yet, I can't respond, I am lost, alone, in my own world. I am slowly trying to comprehend what happened, trying to understand.
"Brooke, Brooke talk…."Nathan, I hear Nathans voice next, I can't do this... I can't
I looked around; I am not in Nathans arms anymore. I'm in a room, sitting on a towel. I lay my head on the bed and slowly close my eyes; wanting to forget what happened. I hear there voices calling for me but I cant stay awake, I can't.
"I am sleepy, so sleepy," I say is soft whispers, and fall into a deep sleep.
"Brooke, I have loved you since the day on the river court. The day that court became part of you're world and only yours. She would never have a part of that. It has always been you, never her. I came here to tell you that. I hope that maybe one day you can forgive me for what I have done to you. I'll love you forever."
"No! You cheated on me twice with her. How does that show me you love me!? You have loved her all along, you fought for her, you saved her! You've never done anything like that for me. You were never there! I wouldn't do this to her…I am not her! I would never stoop down to the level, to go that low, as she had once did. I am not her, and I'm not you!"
"No," he says "I love you, Brooke Davis, it's always been you!" He yells at me
"Why are you doing this to me? Why are you once again trying to convince me of these lies, when we all know you'll go back to her? It has always been Peyton and Lucas! It will always be like that. Do you honestly believe that it's okay to come over and pretend to care? Of course you do, you are here! It's been years,Years since there's been a WE , an Us, we ARE Friends or at least we WERE, but after this I don't know if we will ever go back to being friends." I screamed.
"No Brooke don't you understand that I love you, that I-I came over to tell you this" He said walking towards me.
I thought at this very moment he was telling the truth, that in his heart he loved me.
I look into his eyes, but I don't see sincere or love.
He's lying
"You're lying; I can see it. You're mad; you're hurt, and scared. You're also very drunk! You came over here because you thought you would find comfort in me somehow. You're mad at her, so you came here. All you want it my…."
I'm naked
I'm numb
I'm stupid
I'm staying
And if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin'
I was caught off guard by his lips crashing onto mine. I want to yell, scream anything, but there is no fight in me anymore. I love him to much, and he loves me; right? This isn't me, I don't go down to this level; I put up the fight and fight back, but I love him to much. He wants more, He deepens the kiss and I let him. His tongue slowly caresses with mine, yet, he's hard and mean, not gentle, not OK. Stop I want to scream, but I think its all in my mind, he loves me. God damn it he does, I know he does.
Lights black
Heads bang
you're my drug
we live it
you're drunk, you need it
Real love, I'll give it
We move to my room, slowly by slowly, our clothes come off.
Where by the bed, he lifts me to the top of the bed,
He says he loves me over and over, yet his actions show something else.
So we're bound to linger on
we drink the fatal drop
then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts
He looks at me, deep into my eyes; I know what he wants he's asking if it's ok,
All I can do is nod my head, He enters me at first I think he does it slowly because he loves me, but slowly, he gets harder and harder and each thrust hurts more and more. I look into his eyes I see anger. I thought he loved me?
You wasted your times
on my heart
you've burned
And if bridges gotta fall, then you'll fall, too
"No!" I screamed, I found my voice "No please, no you're hurting me Lucas, stop, it hurts" I say with tears welling up in my eyes threatening to fall.
I scratch his back hard, thinking it might make him stop.
But instead, he thrust into me harder, it hurts, it all hurts.
"Lucas, stop please stop, Get off, Lucas gets the fuck off of me" I yell but he doesn't hear me.
He continues, over and over, I can tell he is going to release, he's at his climax, and soon he releases into me and rolls off of me. He looks at me and sees what he's done; I look at him, with pain and hurt, I look down, there's blood on the sheets, I look at him, I know he see the blood.
He shakes his head, and says "I am so sorry pretty girl, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I am sorry! Please I was mad…I was mad at her…." he stops hi self, but he's to late, he said it. I am angry, the words "I was mad at her" hit me like a ton of bricks.
"I didn't mean that pretty girl I was mad at me, I was- I was," he stumbles over his words.
I don't say anything; I turn my body looking away. I hear him sigh, I hear him grunt and fidget with my sheet. I hear him curse under his breath. I can finally smell the alcohol; it's suffocating.
He doesn't move for the longest time. He doesn't try anything. And soon after I see the clock hit midnight he gets up and grabs his clothes that had been thrown all over my room. He doesn't say he's sorry…he just leaves. Like I'm some whore he picked up on the corner.
I hear my door slam and I jump slightly as the sound vibrates through my walls.
Doors slam
Lights black
You're gone
Come back
Stay gone
Stay clean
I need you to need me
An hour passes and the overwhelming feeling of running came across me. I jumped out of bed, put new clothes and ran out the door. As soon as I came out of the thresh hold, the rain came crashing down against me, an the feelings of pain came with it. I started to run as fast I could….
"No, No please stop Lucas you hurting me, please….please"
So we're bound to linger on
we drink the fatal drop
then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts
My body shoots up. I'm drenched in sweat. I look around my surroundings. I realize where I am; I look at the clock by the night stand and see that it's still early in the morning, not even six, but as I look out the partly open window I see the morning gloom has come early. The sun was slowly rising, and with that light I see Haley beside the bed, with her husband next to her, their hands interlock. They both had fallen asleep with worried faces, visible tear trails still evident on their faces.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper into thin air.
Now we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts