Somewhere in France inside a Churchill - 1944
"And that Watkins was how I single handedly captured a German trench with nothing but my service revolver and my very sharp wit," The old Churchill commander told his gunner.
"I must say sir that was a rather spectacular tale," The driver said in response. "It was very sporting of you not to shoot the Germans whilst they were reloading."
"Well we British are the most sporting people in the world, I mean we're all British in here after all," The Commander stated.
"How dare you!" The driver retorted with a thick Scottish accent.
"See anything gunner?" The commander asked, completely ignoring the little outbursts.
"Nothing of any major importance, other than what looks to be a very large lunchbox in the middle of the road," The gunner told the commander.
"What do you mean by large lunchbox in the middle of the road?" The confused commander asked? "Are you sure you're still not suffering from that heat stroke you got back in Africa?"
"Well that is a possibility sir but I think you should look for yourself."
"Alrighty then what do I spy with my little eyes?" The commander asked rhetorically as looked through his periscope. "Oh I see what you've gone and done old chap, you see that is not in fact a lunchbox but instead a German Hetzer, but then again I can't blame you, they look very bloody similar," The commander explained.
Inside the Hetzer
"No, you see Klaus that is actually a British Churchill tank, they can easily be mistaken for looking like a tank from the last war anyway fire!" The German commander ordered as they fired a shell at the Churchill which harmlessly bounced off its thick armour.
"Well don't just sit there like you're having a pint, shoot back!" The British commander told the gunner who fired a shell at the Hetzer, which bounced off the sloped armour.
"Did we get him?" The Churchill commander asked eagerly.
"Well I heard a large bang, but it didn't brew up like one of those American tanks," The driver said.
"So want you're saying is that we failed to penetrate and kill it with one shot. Okay fire again!" The commander ordered as another shell was launched at the Hetzer, yielding the same result.
"Fire!" Said the Hetzer commander, they to yielding the same result as before.
"Fire!"
Bong
"Fire!"
Bong
The back and forth firing continued for several minutes, neither tank being able to penetrate the armour of their adversary. Due to this frustration the Churchill commander emerged from his hatch.
"Stop stop stop, this isn't working!" He yelled to the German tank.
The German tank commander soon emerged from his hatch.
"What do you mean, can't you see we're winning," He said with an annoyed tone.
"Winning? All you've managed to do is scratch our paint," The British Commander retorted.
"It's more damage than you've done to us, we don't even paint our tanks anymore," The German commander countered with.
"Well that's because you can't afford to I mean the less said about the German economy the better," The British Commander argued back.
"Okay that is one thing I will agree on with you, but we're still winning, gunner fire again," The German yelled as the Hetzer flung another unsuccessful shot at the Churchill.
"Right I'll do you for that!" The British commander shouted at the German commander. "Gunner fire!" The Churchill fired sending yet another non-penetrating shell into the Hetzer.
Several more shells were exchanged resulting in the same outcome as before.
"Sir I have an idea," The driver said speaking up. "Why don't we use the radio to call in a tank destroyer?"
"That sounds like a marvelous idea and if that doesn't work we can still throw the radio at them, it's got to weigh at least a couple pounds which should be enough to do some damage," Said the British commander.
"Heinz get on the radio to command for support and if Göring answers and offers us help from the Luftwaffe again just hang up and call again, someone else might answer," Ordered the German commander.
Some time later
"Sir a friendly tank is coming up the road behind us," The Churchill driver told the commander as a Sherman Firefly made its way towards them.
"Good, that should tip the scale in our favour."
"Commander we now have Tiger support," A member of the German crew told his commander.
"Ah now we shall prevail."
The two new tanks stopped behind their allies, firing a single shot at the opposing one simultaneously, knocking each one out with a single shot leaving the Churchill and Hetzer the only two tanks again.
"Well cock," The British commander said to himself.
"Well scheisee," The German commander cursed to himself.
"Well now what do we do?" The British Commander yelled to the German commander.
"I guess we just wait to see who runs out of fuel first?" The German commander suggested.
"That seems fair," The British commander said as he went back into the tank turret. "Watkins stick the kettle on, we might be here a while."
"Klaus pour us all some beer, we may be here a while," The German commander said as he also went back into his tank.
Till this very day it is unknown which tank prevailed in this stand off.