Chapter One: Stan's Party
Casa Bonita was filled with the cheery faces of people having a good time. Tweek had sprung himself into the pool after having been given coffee- laced with Tabasco Sauce by Craig, Bebe was talking with Token casually, Clyde was having a good time in the pool, and Jimmy had decided to sit down and rehearse some knock knock jokes with Timmy.
"Kno-... Kno-ooock Knock"
"TIMMY!"
There was really only one person in the whole place who wasn't happy to any extent.
Eric Cartman was sitting in front of an all you can eat buffet, at his favourite place in the world, and he just couldn't shake off a strange feeling of frustration. That of course didn't stop him from eating to his hearts content.
Sitting at the table with him were his blonde 'friends' Kenny and Butters. "Damn it Cartman, let me have some" Kenny implored, receiving only a snort and some muffled snickers in response. Kenny had not expected any different answer, but he gave him the finger anyway. Butters, handed Kenny a small box labelled 'Nachoes' and smiled nicely. "Here you go Kenny, I got this for you while I was getting everything for Eric" he said, before have the Nachos swiped from his hands so fast that he didn't even have time to register that they were out of his hands before Kenny had ripped off the cardboard lid and filled his mouth with as many nachos as possible, as though he had not eaten in a week. Living in poverty and being friends with Eric Cartman, meant that that was entirely possible.
For the first time in almost six months, Kennys words were muffled, although not by the orange parka that he usually sported, because due to an unfortunate growth spurt, he couldn't wear them anymore, and was forced to wear his older brothers clothes. And Kevin nevercleaned his clothes, nor did he remove any illegal narcotics from his pockets before he gave them away, which resulted in an incedent with Officer Barbrady that ended with a pack of drug-dogs tearing him to pieces.
But at least the parkas made an awesome blanket.
Butters managed to decipher the words 'thank-you' from Kenny's muffled sentence, and said "your welcome".
As Cartman continued to shove food in his mouth at an alarming rate, he sent a small glare towards Stan. He had a feeling why he was feeling frustrated, and it was most likely him. Stan was sitting at a table next to the pool, talking with Wendy, his longtime girlfriend. Cartmangrowled too himself. Just because it was his birthday, Stan got every-ones attention? Stan got best wishes from everyone in class?
Fuck that.
Butters gently placed one of Casa Bonita's special turkey chilli taco's onto his yellow paper plate, and saw the wanting stares that his food was receiving from his two food-crazed friends, so he pretended to sneeze on it. Slowly, Kenny and Cartman withdrew their eyes and payed attention back to their own meals.
Butters smiled. The only reason that doing that worked every time was because Kenny had died once after eating something that Butters had sneezed on. Butters had always believed that the car slamming him into a telephone pole at eighty miles per hour was to blame for it, but everyone else seemed to think differently.
After hastily eating his taco, because even after sneezing on it, it wouldn't take long for Cartman to start eyeing it again, Butters gently wiped his mouth with a napkin, and let out a loud burp. "Oh, uh, excuse me" he said. Kenny gave him a thumbs up, and took some nacho's from Cartmans plate while he was distracted.
"So uh, guys, what'll we do know? Should we wish Stan a happy Birthday?" asked Butters. Cartman snorted, and swallowed an inhuman amount of food. "No way. Stan's an asshole" he replied. Kenny nodded, "Yeah, the only reason I'd go over there would be if he bought me some food. Don't get me wrong, Stans my friends and all, but he could have at least put some free cake around here somewhere" he said.
Butters blinked. "Uh, didn't they have to throw it out after what Eric did to it?" he asked. Kenny shot Cartman glare, as a smug smile decorated his face. Shelly had thrown up all over the place. Not to mention weak-stomach Stan. It was Kick-ass.
"Damn it Cartman! Now nobody gets free cake! Why have you been picking on Stan so much lately anyway? I mean I understand why you go for Kyle all the time because of that anti-semite thing of yours, but why Stan? he's not bad" Kenny said, before leaning backwards and folding his hands behind his head.
Cartman snorted, "He's an asshole Kenny, I mean, seriously, who has their birthday parties at Casa Bonitas, anyway?" he asked. "Uh, weren't you planning your thirteenth birthday party here, Eric?" Cartman shot Butters a heart-stopping glare in response, before licking his plate clean of any cheese of sauce.
Kenny stood up out of his chair, and stretched his arms. "Well guys, I'm going to go mingle before a plane lands on me or something" he said, before making a beeline for a group of giggling Raisins girls.
"Mingle? what kind of fag says mingle?" Cartman muttered to himself. "C'mon Butters, lets go do something kewl" he announced, before striding toward the water slides with Butter in tow.
Cartman had what he would call 'slidey-fun' as he shot down the pipe like a bullet and landed with a giant splash into the water, and then hurried out and pushed people out of his way in the line before he would go again. Both activities, he enjoyed just about equally. Butters decided to wait in line patiently only to find that he had only gotten to go oncebefore his seven thirty curfew. As opposed to Cartman, who had managed to go over two hundred and seventy times in only twenty minutes.
Butters said his good byes and wished Stan a happy birthday before leaving in a hurry, and hoping that he wasn't going to get grounded again.
And so, Cartman was left alone, in his favourite place in the world. And still, he couldn't seem to really enjoy himself. He glanced at Stan again, and saw him talking with Craig, Clyde, Tweek and Token with Wendy and let out a small growl.
Kyle had tried to distract him by leading him to the buffet, but now that Cartman was alone, he was free to make a plan, and ruin the party. Cartman grinned his 'plotting' grin, and rubbed his hands together.
This wasn't good, for anyone.
Stan Marsh was having a very good time. He and Wendy had been sitting underneath a red and white umbrella just next to the pool the whole night, and he couldn't be happier. Even though he couldn't help but keep wondering why there was a poolin a restaurant, which was one of the curses that came with being one of very few residents of South Park with a grasp on logic and/or reality.
Everyone had come by and wished him a happy birthday, and Kyle had even led Cartman to the all you can eat buffet to distract him from doing anything to ruin it. Kyle hadn't even wanted him to invite him, but they both knew that he would just show up anyway.
"So anyway, I can probably get into Harvard or Yale if I keep up my remarkable grade point average, pretty cool huh?" Wendy asked him, with excitement evident in her eyes. "Yeah thats cool and all Wendy but college is ages away. We should all just relax" said Stan.
Wendy smiled, "You've been hanging out with Kenny too much" she said, and the two laughed softly with each other. "So what do you want to do when you leave school, Stan?" Wendy asked. "Well, I don't really know. I'd like to do something to maybe bring a little sanity back into the world. Maybe I'll tell everyone the truth about Scientology or something." he replied with a smile.
Suddenly, he spied a familiar red jew-fro in the corner of his eye, in the pool. Stan sent Kyle a small wave, before returning to his conversation with Wendy. Then, the sound of retching echoed throughout the restaurant. Stan looked back at the pool only to see Kyle vomiting into the water, bits of carrot and green/yellow slime began to drift through the water. Immediately, everyone in the pool let out a shriek and leapt out of the pool.
At the sight of Kyles throw-up, Stan also vomited, directly onto Wendy's face. She flinched and gingerly wiped the sick off of her face, when suddenly the fire alarm thundered through the air, almost deafening most of the children. Then, ice cold water began to spray down from the ceiling.
As it sprayed, the pool slowly emptied, and just as Kenny took his first ride down the water slide, the water was gone and he smashed into the cement with a loud crunch.
"Oh my god, they killed Kenny" Stan mumbled through vomit spasms. "You bastards..." Kyle mumbled on his way outside of the restaurant. Wendy slung Stan's arm over her shoulder and helped him walk outside.
The manager was trying desperately to calm everyone down before another riot broke out, while Wendy struggled underneath Stans weight. Kyle approached the couple slowly, looking heavily disorientated. "Uh, they think someone pulled the alarm" he mumbled to them.
In the corner of her eye, Wendy spotted a very familiar red jacket. A red dry jacket. Wendy sweetly asked Kyle to hold onto her boyfriend, before jogging down the footpath.
Cartman was mumbling angrily to himself when he was grabbed by the back of the collar.
"AY! WHAT THE-"
He was about to say, before he found himself face to face with a very angry Wendy Testaburger. "You fat bastard! How dare you ruin Stans party! What did he ever do to you?" she seethed.
"Look, I-"
"NO! Fuck you Cartman! I've seen you picking on Stan more and more, but this is the last straw. You fuck with him one more time and I will end you" she threatened, as she resisted a very powerful urge to start throttling him or something. Instead, she turned around and walked off in a huff.
Cartman stood up and straightened himself out. "Whats the matter with that bitch?" he mumbled angrily to himself. "I didn't ruin Stans party. I wish I had though, making Kyle throw up and all that was kewl"
As he continued his walk home, alone, he continued to mutter the many different kinds of bitch that Wendy Testaburger was and is.
Scott Tenorman removed his binoculars and put them back in their black case. Then,, he took out his cell phone and made a call.
"It worked"
With that, he hung up and got into his truck and drove off.
He couldn't stop smiling. Not only was Eric Cartman going down, but his gay little friends, McCormick and Stotch too. It was going to be a terrific year.
TBC
(Authors Notes:This will be the shortest chapter in this story by far. I prefer ten thousand word chapters. Please review, and tell me if the characters are written correctly and see if you can guess the pairings. (Hint; most are Het, any Slash will be like background music.) Also tell me if you think the plot is original. If someone has already written something like this, I'll take it off straight up.)
- J. Coffison; the teenage stereotype.