Disclaimer:
Regret: We do not own Kingdom Hearts.
Cat: If we did we would be very rich! And Roxas wouldn't have died.
Regret: He didn't…
Cat: SHUT UP! (In a Roxas-ish kind of way) It's more dramatic that way.
A/N: This story was done in cooperation with my sister and colleague (wtf?!) theCatandtheCow. This story is a crack fic which makes it AUish.
Axel and the Bee
Axel was walking down the halls of the World that Never Was when he saw a T.V. broadcasting a commercial. Xemnas' face appeared on the screen and he pointed at Axel and said, "YOU! JOIN THE SPELLING BEE! WE NEED THE MONEY TO REBUILD KINGDOM HEARTS AGAIN!" Axel was bored, and he needed to do something.
So he took the offer from T.V. Xemnas and went to the local pizza man. He knew a guy who knew a guy who had a cousin who was on the official World Spelling Bee Tournament committee. He gave him a spot in the tournament. He was so easily swayed because he heard the guy who wanted the spot had flaming discs of torture and wasn't afraid to use them.
Later in Atlantica…
King Triton screamed "WHERE IS MY SPONGE BATH!???"
Whoops…wrong scene…where's the scene, where's the scene…Ah! Here it is! Rolling…and ACTION!!!
Later in Hollow Bastion
A whole bunch of people from all different worlds were gathered here. They were the best spellers EVER!!!
Axel looked at Xemnas with a bored expression, "Why am I the only one here?"
"Because…" Mansex- err… 'Xemnas' said in a smart tone, "You're the only one who's always running around spelling things and then asking if we have it memorized."
"Hey… it's fun! F-U-N. Got it memorized?" Axel replied without thinking… as usual.
"See what I mean?" he asked the authors and other readers.
There was, however, one other competitor. It was a turtle from the World of Turtles.
They stepped out onto the stage, where the audience - I mean Xemnas - watched, ready for the spelling bee to begin. The announcer stepped up to the mic and revealed himself.
"Welcome everyone!!!! - I mean, Xemnas - I'm your host and dictionary reader, SORA!!!"
"WHAT!!!!" The audience exclaimed. "I need to kill you!!! I need to re-build KINGDOM HEARTS!!!!!!"
"And I thought you never read a dictionary before in your life." Axel stated to Sora.
"Audience and competitors, please remain silent at all times. Now Axel, please walk up to the podium (Regret: Why not stand? Cat: Podium sounds smarter. :D) ." Axel complied. "Your word is… car."
Axel was quiet. Sora stared. Xemnas stared. The turtle ate a piece of lettuce.
"Uhh… Axel? Spell car."
"But you told me to be silen-"
"SHUT UP, AXEL!" Roxas suddenly resurfaced in Sora, "YOU LOSE!! THE TURTLE WINS!"
"WHAT?!" Axel and Xemnas exclaimed in shock.
The turtle blinked. Then it chewed.
Sora shook his head, "Roxas, I hate it when you do that. WELL, IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE AN IDIOT, SORA. Stop it!! I look crazy! YOU ARE CRAZY!"
The intergalactic police soon came in a white van reading, "Home For The People Who Yell At Themselves Since They Think They Have An Alter Ego". They took Sora/Roxas away as they screamed.
Axel waved and said: "See you in the next life!"
Xemnas and the turtle stared at each other as Axel turned around to face them. "So… I guess this means that you're not getting the prize money to re-build Kingdom Hearts, huh? Heh heh…" Xemnas stared at Axel angrily. "Well, I think we've all learned a valuable lesson here. If you want to win prize money from a spelling bee, make sure the host is not crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y. Got it memorized?"
Xemnas chuckled. "That's not the lesson I learned…"
Later, Back at the World that Never Was…
"The lesson I learned, is not to make one of your organization members a read headed pyromaniac who spells out everything." Xemnas said as he petted the turtle from the spelling bee. "Welcome to the organization, number VIII."
THE END
Meanwhile, back in Atlantica
"I NEED MY SPONGE BATH!!!!!!!"
THE END of THE END
A/N:
Regret: We thank you for wasting your time on this positively pointless oneshot.
Cat: I know we wasted our time writing it, so it's only fair that you are tortured by reading this and are plagued by the sheer stupidity of spelling bees. I just wish there was more Roxas… now he's insane.
Meanwhile… Somewhere distant…
"Stop yelling at me! NO! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!! Roxas, please stop, the police officers might shorten our sentence."
"Your sentence is… 5..."
"Phew…"
"Million years."
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT, SORA!!!! No, it's not!"
THE END of THE END of THE END
A/N:
Regret: And do you want to know what happened to Axel?
Cat: No. We don't need any flames from Axel or the readers.
Regret: But I'm having trouble lighting this bonfire.
Cat: …shut up. -to audience- Please waste some more time with a review. Thank you. -bows-
Regret: …Way too formal.