I'm Only Happy When It Rains
It was raining again. That day. You know the one. Not that there weren't many. Of course you know. Why wouldn't you? You were the only one who was ever there. With me. Saving me from myself. Only you. And it's something you did better than I like to admit. Sometimes.
Because the pain is too much. It's far too much for me to bear on my own. But when you were there, everything was always better. Somehow. If only because you were by my side.
But you left me, somewhere along the road. You left me and you found her. Why? Was I not good enough for you? Was she somehow better that I was? To you? Overall? It must have been something. You never left me before. Not once, not ever. It never mattered the reason and you know it. I know you do. It's buried in my heart and if you lied. Well. That would only be one more pain to add to my heart. One to the many that will already never leave.
I couldn't live without you. You always knew it. Long before I did. Long before I knew what I had gotten myself into. Long before I knew anything at all. But it always came back to you. It doesn't matter when. You're there. And you are there with me. For me. Forever at my side.
But forever didn't last very long, did it? Hardly a few years. It all passed in the blink of an eye. Because I had you to keep me company. The years seemed to go on for an eternity, but I would take that eternity over this pain. Too much more of this and I'm sure to break. This time. And you won't be here to catch me. Or save me from myself.
I want to be able to remember those days of old. How they used to be. So perfect in their imperfection. Beautiful in their simplicity. Caring in their complexity. And almost loving in their devotion. Almost. But the pain you caused me, no matter the reasons, will always be there. Staining it upon my heart and my memory. Leaving a scar upon my soul. Because you were too much. Far more than you ever should have been. And no one ever told me to stop.
Certainly, not you.