Serendipity
Katara never thought she would feel this way about going home. For months she'd dreamed about coming home; seeing the wide, white, snowy desert that she'd grown up in. She'd had friends, best friends, that she'd left behind in order to do what was right. She'd had plenty of time to plan, dream, wonder about her home coming. What would her friends do? In her mind, she'd built up this fantastic party with balloons and candles and new seal skin dresses waiting for her in her cupboard; a feast with sea prunes and salted meats. Wine—that forbidden luxury that she hadn't yet indulged in—cups of wine that would make her nose warm and her lips red. She'd expected a huge bonfire with flames that shot high into the night sky, tickling the stars with their feathery fingers.
But now, as she boarded the boat that would take her to this wonderful fantasy of the world, she couldn't help but look over her shoulder at the giant world she was leaving behind. Her eyes skimmed over the golden sand and rolling green hills that made up the Fire Nation. The heavy smell of salt water blended with the firelily's sweet scent in the wind, and tickled her nose, almost as if saying goodbye. The sun was warm, though not unpleasantly so. It seemed that it was the first time that she'd noticed just how warm the sun was here, and she felt sorry that she hadn't noticed it sooner. As she looked out over the small group of people gathered to watch the ship set off, she noticed that the crowd was lacking one face in particular. Her heart fluttered in a sudden and unexpected rush of disappointment. After everything, how could he not be there?
The ship left the dock shortly after, and started on its long, tiring trip back to the Southern Water Tribe. Katara, Sokka, and their father stood on the deck to wave goodbye to the crowd of people that had gathered to see them off. Soon after, while Sokka and Hakoda left to join Bato and the others below ship, Katara's eyes remained fixated on the slowly disappearing shoreline. The sky had dimmed to a muted shade of navy blue and stars had begun to poke through the darkness and dot the sky with light before anyone had come back to look for her. Sokka asked her if she wanted to come join in the festivities with the rest of the crew. She quietly declined and instead went to her room. She could hear the detachment in her own voice.
As she entered her room, Katara let the heavy curtain fall closed behind her with a soft thud. Candles had already been lit and carefully set in thin glass globes. Their flames cast warped shadows through the glass and set everything in a warm, orange glow. She picked up one of the candles, careful to avoid the flame spouting from the top, and placed it on the little table just beside her bed. Having the idea in her mind to study some of the bending scrolls that Aang had purchased for her, she opened her pack and started pulling out the things that she had long since forgotten; an old hair ribbon, a whalebone comb, a sash. It was then that she noticed a slip of paper, rolled neatly and tied with a dark maroon ribbon was tucked at the bottom of her bag. With a little smile on her lips, Katara unrolled the paper, and checked the signature on the bottom. Zuko. Her eyes flew up to the top of the page and began reading.
Katara,
There's something I have to tell you. I don't know when it happened, and I don't know why it happened. Hell, I don't even know what happened! But I do know that something happened to me. Don't worry, I'm not sick. I'm not hurt or anything like that.
Listen, I know its probably too late for this. And honestly I don't care because I have to get this off my chest. I don't want you to disappear. I didn't want you to leave me. I know that you're with Aang, and I know that you had no idea about the feelings that I have for you, and that's why you need to read this. I'll understand if you don't, though. Its okay if you throw this in the fire and let it burn up. But if you do, you'll never know what I have to say.
The day that I first saw you in the south pole, I didn't even notice you. You were just another thing that was in my way of getting what I wanted. I figured that you'd just fade away like everyone else has. It's not like I'd gone three years without seeing some very attractive women (trust me... they were there), but they had all just been little crushes that went away or the occasional thought gone astray. And then there was you. You were always there. Everywhere I turned you were there with Aang, looking at me like I was some kind of alien. I knew you must have hated me. I hated me. So, for the longest time I tried to avoid you. But then I found your necklace on that prison ship. I didn't know what you'd been through, why you were there, or why I knew that it was your necklace. I never told anyone this but I never let your necklace out of my sight. I kept it tied to my wrist so I wouldn't lose it. I did some research on the exchange of necklaces in the Water Tribes. Marriage? After I found out what it meant, I just kept thinking about you. You had a husband somewhere, but you were out helping the Avatar. I regret using your necklace as leverage everyday. If I had known that it had belonged to your mother, I would not have been nearly as savage. (Though savage was kind of my thing)
I have a question. Why did you offer to help my uncle? That day where we all stood together against Azula in the Earthkingdom? We were your enemy...I was your enemy, and yet you offered your healing abilities. I lashed out at you, and for that I'm sorry. I could have burned you (or anyone else for that matter). I know I shouldn't make excuses, but I was so upset that I was crying and upon thinking about it now, I guess the only reason I wanted you to leave was because I didn't want you to see me cry. Yeah... I know... how macho can you get? But, I didn't want you to think less of me. Then, I got sick. And all that would help was the water that Uncle kept giving me. I really don't remember much about my sickness...only that I was really hot and in a lot of pain. But the one thing besides discomfort that I remember was how much that little bit of water helped. Every now and then, in my dreams, you would be there, reaching a hand to me, reminding me of your healing abilities, but when I would reach back to you, you would turn to ash. It was then I realized that I would only ever hurt you. So when the day came that we found ourselves below Ba Sing Se, I wanted to keep my distance. I didn't want to hurt you. But then you said that you'd lost your mother to the Firenation, and I knew all of the pain you were already in. No one should go through that alone. I opened up to you because I didn't want you to be alone (and I suppose because I didn't want to be alone). I thought that maybe if we found some common ground, we could start trusting each other. Maybe even start over and be friends. There's another question that's been bothering me: Why did you want to heal my scar? After everything I'd done to you, you still offered to make me... better. This is going to sound creepy... so brace yourself... You are the only person who has ever touched my face like that. And I didn't let you do it because I wanted to be rid of it. I did it because something changed in that cave. I didn't fall in love with you. No, not quite love. Maybe friendship. You were the first person I had considered a friend in years. And I couldn't have screwed it up worse. I'm truly sorry. I know I hurt you that night. You might have forgiven me, but I haven't.
I understand why you rejected me when I asked to join the group. I would have done the same thing. The first night I spent at camp after you and the rest of the group had finally caved in, I didn't sleep. It wasn't because you had threatened my life. No... that wasn't it at all. I was thinking about Uncle and how much I had betrayed him. I couldn't believe that I was sleeping under the same roof as the Avatar... the person that I'd been searching for for the past three years of my life. I couldn't believe that the girl that I once-no matter how briefly-had considered a friend... the same girl that I broke and beat and ultimately let down. Do you know how many times that night I had thought about walking down the hall, waking you up and crying? I'm not kidding... I wanted to cry and apologize and prove to you that I would never hurt you again. But my first priority was helping the Avatar. Anything I had to say to you would have to wait.
The day that Azula attacked the Western Air Temple, to me anyway, was a breaking point. When I saw that ceiling crumbling above you, I don't know what exactly took over me, only that I couldn't let you die. I admit now that my method of getting you out of the way was probably a little on the awkward side... with me landing on top of you and all... but at least it was effective. Later that night, when we had settled around the campfire, and you stormed off, I knew it was because of me and I knew I had to follow you. I'll never forget your words that night. "Oh, I know... you could bring my mother back."
It was true. You know. What I told you the next morning. I had waited outside for you all night. It was stupid, but necessary. You hated me for what I had done. I could plainly see that. But when I told you that I could help, your eyes lit up. I miss your eyes. They always knew how to make me smile, even if they, themselves, were teary. Nevertheless, I do have a point to this long letter, one I am getting to shortly.
I must admit, I didn't think you would defy Aang the way you did. I was surprised, excited, proud even, that you would stand up for yourself. Aang may be like my little brother, but he was really controlling over you... I know how much he tried to change you. (Right now you're probably covering your mouth thinking 'How could he say that?' But its true. I saw it with my own eyes.) I was genuinely thrilled when we took off on Appa that night. You were mine to comfort, to listen to, to be there for. And that's really all I wanted for us. But then I saw you bend that man's blood. I had seen you cry before that night, but never quite like that. You wouldn't look at me, (I know you remember this, and don't pretend you don't) but I wouldn't let you be alone. You fought against me. But finally, you gave in and let me hold you. I'd never really comforted a girl like that before, but it felt right. You were asleep before too long, and that's when I admitted it to myself; I looked at you asleep on my chest and whispered "I love you."
I suppose that's the reason I'm writing. To say that I love you. I could never bring myself to say it out loud again other than that night. Well, I had thought about it. The next night when we were at that stupid play. During the intermission when you and Aang were having your little love-fest on the balcony. That's when I was going to tell you, but I saw him kiss you. And I knew that if it was me or the Avatar, you would have picked him.
And by what I saw of you two on the balcony of the Jasmine Dragon, I guess you did. There's a reason I put this letter in your bag instead of handing it to you. You would find it in your own time, when you got home and settled in, and maybe reply. I'm sorry it had to be this way.
With love,
Zuko
O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
ZUTARA WEEK TWOTHOUSANDTWELVE! YEAHBOIIII! Haha! I'm super excited about this week, and I have a few notes to make.
One: Zuko's letter was taken from a previous fic I did. The chapter Bleed in "Kiss Me"
Two: I am currently working on my next chapter for A Broken Past, my Moonacre FF. So if you're reading that, please be patient. I want to give you guys something great.
Three: I know, I know. You want an update for RITML. I'm sorry guys but I've been uber busy. I know what I want to happen, but its just not happening the way I want it to. :(
Thanks for the read and I hope you enjoy tomorrow's as well. :)
~She Poe