In a way he had always known that it would come to this. Right from the first time he held her hand and felt the small electrical pulse burst as soon as their fingers touched. He had always known he would lose her, he was just too selfish to try and save her from it.
He smiles as Amy and Rory play in the sea, their laughter echoing through the air. It's funny what this planet can do to you, the responsibility of being an adult is torn away and what it left is the small child who just wants to play.
The Doctor sighs because he knows what will happen next, he can't fight it anymore and he's long since tried to stop it. He turns and walks towards the caves that he knows are in the side of the cliff to the left of him. The wind whips back his hair from his eyes and he finds that he can't hate the wind that make the tears roll, he can use it as an excuse for crying.
The caves are pitch black but he likes it like this, he likes to think of it as a type of void.
She walks towards him out of the blackness and he's not surprised to see her. His breath still catches as she smiles at him but he has learned to control the animal that makes him want to reach out and hold her close, hold her and never let her go.
"You don't look happy to see me," she comments and he smiles and turns away, looking back out into the light of the end of the tunnel.
"Because you're not real," he replies and she grins at him, sitting down on what he assumes must be a large rock, but he can't see and he won't ask.
"How do you know?" she asks, tucking her blonde hair behind her ears, it's grown since the last time he's seen her. He ignores the diamond ring glittering on her finger.
"Because I, surprisingly, know where we are,"
"And where is that?"
"We're in Imagination," he says and the words are familiar. Their conversations always starts like this. She makes him explain why he can't let himself kiss her or let himself look at her for longer than a second.
"And Imagination isn't real, hence you are not real," he finishes and she smiles at him, looking back out of the cave.
"But you wish I was," she states, not asks.
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't," he answers and shoves his hands into his pocket.
"Let's go for a walk," she says, jumping up from the rock, smacking her hands together and brushing off the dirt from the rock.
"We can't," he replies.
"Why not? Rory and Amy again?" she asks and he nods.
"What difference will it make if they see me?" she asks curiously and he smiles at her words, she didn't ask angrily and with frustration, she was just curious and her curiosity was one of the things he loved most about her.
"Because you're not even meant to be here. They believe this is real, that when I take them to this beach I am taking them to a real world. You are meant to be stuck in a parallel world, and they know that. They would recognise you and this world would shatter. You creep through into my Imagination because I miss you too much," he explains angrily and she stares at him sadly.
"Why don't you just stay here? With me?" she pleads and it takes every bit of his will power to shake his head at her suggestion.
"Because I am needed elsewhere,"
"You are too selfless for your own good, you know," she whispers and he shakes his head at her again.
"It's the price to pay,"
"The price to pay for what?"
"For my life. I watched them burn. Two of the greatest civilisations and I let the burn. I probably could have saved them if I really tried, but I didn't. I let them burn, and for that, I deserve the torture I receive" he explains sadly, watching as the first few drops of rain begin to fall from the sky.
Rose says nothing to try and make him feel better, she knows that there is nothing that she can say. Instead she grabs his hand and ignores as he tries to pull away. She walks with him to the opening of the cave and together they look out onto the beach.
"They won't feel the rain?" she asks, gesturing to Rory and Amy, who are still playing happily in the sea.
"No, they feel it. But it's not a bad thing like it is back on Earth, it just makes it more fun," he smiles as he watches his two companions stand together in the water, holding each other.
"How do they not see that this place isn't real, how do they not see it?" she frowns.
"This is like a dream to them, they never notice anything strange because as far as they're concerned this is their reality. They don't remember that when I open the TARDIS door to this planet they immediately fall into a dream like sleep, instead they imagine running onto this beach with as much laughter and excitement as the last time," he smiles, looking fondly at the pair of them.
"They really never realise?" she asks, her eyes wide as she looks out of the cave.
"Nope, or if they do they just ignore it."
A silence falls between them and it feels so familiar, so normal that The Doctor wants to cry.
"How long has it been?" she turns to him, leaning back against one side of the cave.
"Since what?" he asks, his voice wavering a bit. He knows what she's asking because she always asks it. She always wants to know.
"Since you last saw me,"
He clenches his jaw and rubs a hand across his forehead as if trying to wipe away the worry lines.
"I last saw you about a three months ago. It's been about four years since I've last seen her."
She nods and shakes her head softly, her eyes sad.
"What?" he asks her, wanting, no needing to know what had caused her pain.
"Three months," she repeats and he frowns, not understanding where she's leading this.
"You used to visit me weekly. Maybe, you're starting to forget me," she whispers quietly and her voice sounds so broken that he lurches towards her, grabbing her face before pulling away as if she'd burnt him.
"Don't do that," he warns fiercely and others would be scared. Others would be terrified.
"Do what?" she replies, rising to the challenge, pushing off from the wall.
"Make me want you. You're not real and it is not fair of you to make me love you still." He stares at her angrily and feels the lump in his throat.
"I could never forget you,"
The pair of them fall silent together and he tries his hardest not to look at her but as always he fails miserably. He can't help but watch her, he's been away from the real her, the proper her, for about 4 years and everyday without her is like another day of pain.
He can hide it with adventure and with long winded sentences, but the ache of missing her is always there. He wakes up everyday expecting to see her talking quietly to the TARDIS or sitting in the Library with a cup of coffee.
But it never happens, because she is never there.
"I'm sorry I couldn't give you forever," Rose whispers and he nods angrily.
Maybe she was his punishment, maybe she was his Hell.
"Don't be, don't apologize for her," he snaps, more harshly than he had intended. He tries to ignore it as she winces at his tone, and she presses on her face begging.
"I am her. I know that I am part of you, this whole planet is something you have created out of your imagination, but you didn't create her. Every word I speak is a word she would say, because I am her. The only difference is I'm a projection," she explains fiercely and he knows deep down that she is right.
He knows know how Rose had felt when he had left her with his duplicate, with someone who looked and talked exactly like him, but somehow he just wasn't. He knows how it feels, and he hates it more than ever.
"Let's go for a walk," he says suddenly and Rose looked at him in surprise.
Without saying another word the two of them set off, walking along the side of the cliff face, so that Amy and Rory remained oblivious to Rose's presence. He is still holding her hand and he can't bring himself to let go.
"Why do you come back?" she asks him and he shrugs, his young face staring at the ground.
"I can't help it," he answers and she frowns sadly.
"But you have River now?" she says delicately and he nods, smiling slightly at the thought of his frizzy haired friend. Or more than friend, he wasn't really sure.
"Yeah but the thing is, River isn't you. Sure she has a place in my heart, but you have the whole of it," he explains, hating how heart broken he sounds.
"But you were the one that left me," she says quietly, her words slicing through him.
"I didn't know what would happen. I was scared that if you stayed with me longer you would die and I mean properly die. At least I have the knowledge that you are alive out there, smiling and just being as fantastic as always," he replies and she shakes her head.
"How would you know differently?"
"I would feel it," he replies confidently. "I would break,"
She watches him silently and he stares right back. And that is how it always has been. The two of them watching each other, as though the world would end if they stopped.
"I have to go," he mumbles suddenly, breaking the gaze and letting go of her hand. Rose nods sadly, looking back at Rory and Amy who are walking back to the TARDIS, hand in hand.
"You'll be dropping them back off at Earth soon, won't you?" Rose asks knowingly, and he nods in reply.
"Yeah, they've had their time, I don't want to ruin it for them. I don't want them to get torn apart because of me. Because that's what happens Rose. I'm fire and if you stay too close for too long, you get burned."
"They won't want to leave you," Rose whispers.
"They don't have a choice," The Doctor replies quietly.
He looks back at her and memorises her face, hating that he can find new lines and wrinkles, hating seeing that his projection of her is ageing, just as the real Rose does. He knows that one day he'll return and her hair will be starting to grey or she won't be able to hear as well as used to. But he knows he'll always find her beautiful.
The Doctor winces as she smiles at him because he knows there will come a day where he will return and she won't be there to greet him.
He reaches out and touches her cheek for less than a second, hoping to pull away as quickly as he can but she grabs his hand and pulls him towards her. He stops just in front of her face, keeping his eyes fixed on hers. She's so close that he could drown in her, and that is just fine with him.
He doesn't know how but suddenly they're kissing and everything seems to explode. Her hair is in his hands and it's silk and she's too far away. He grabs her waist and pulls her towards him feeling her smile against his lips as he frantically clutches at her face, stroking the line of her cheekbones.
"Doctor," she murmurs and he pulls away from her suddenly, the spell has been broken and he shuts his eyes, thankful that he got out when he could because he's sure, so sure that a few more minutes, a few more seconds and she would have bought him to the point of no return.
He walks stiffly away from her, determined not to turn around and see her crushed face, and swollen lips.
"You'll come back," her voice floats to him on the wind and he hates the way it's not a question but a statement.
"I always do,"