It's hard sometimes knowing he's the one. It's like I can feel him all the time. I feel his emotions sometimes like their my own and I read his thoughts and there's this thing about my dreams that it's weird it's almost like he's always been there even when I was a kid. I would look at mom while she had him and I just would smile and think about how cute he is and how he's mine and how nothing will ever hurt him while I'm around. When he's gone I can't breathe. I know that sounds cheesy but it's true. My breathing gets labored and my heart beats fast and I worry and I can't control it. Half the time it's sex and the other half I just want to look at him listen to his heart beat for a while make sure he's ok, that he's still breathing. If I could I would be touching him all the time, it's almost like he keeps me grounded like I'll fly off if he's not there and sometimes I feel like I will. Kissing him is the biggest high I will ever get, nothing comes close. Weed, drugs, alcohol nothing compares to the high I get when I kiss him. If someone even comes near him I get jealous, I start freaking out and bite the person's head off because he's mine he will always be mine and no one else's. I can't even think about him leaving me without having a panic attack and I don't get those. I need him; he's my life, my soul, my existence, my heart. I can't eat or sleep or even breathe when he's gone. It feels like someone is squeezing my heart when he's away even if it's only for a few minutes. I'd die for him in a heartbeat if I had to. Sometimes I feel like I might drown in all the love I have for him.

He'll do this one stupid little thing like lick his lips or look at me or even just take a breathe and that's it I'm lost floating away in his eyes or drowning in him. The thing is I don't want it to stop, he's the biggest adrenaline rush I have ever had and I can't get enough. I don't let all this out at one time because if I do it will overwhelm him I know it will. But there are times like now that I just can't hold it in anymore and I have to let it out. That's why I started writing in this book in the first place. Only it's not just writing it's doodles and hearts and pictures and song lyrics that remind me of him. This book it's like a freaking shrine to him and everything I love about him. In a way I want him to see it but in another way I'm scared to show him because it's all here everything since I started writing in it. I'm sitting here shaking writing this but I have to get it out. He's coming back I have to go.