A/N: Hey guys! Please don't hate me for starting this when I haven't updated All the Reasons Why in like a week. I've just hit a massive writer's block on it, and this has been floating around my mind for a while now. Anyway, for this story, Serena's reason for leaving was the same, but she came back for different reasons that will be revealed later. Eric has never tried to kill himself in this – she's come back sooner so his depression didn't really get as far. I hope you enjoy! And if you read, please review, even if it's only one or two words.

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Gossip Girl.

She sat on her queen-sized bed. Even at eleven thirty in the morning it was still immaculately put together from earlier this morning when the maid tidied up. She spun the cold, black metal piece around in her hands and slid it back under her bed. She couldn't do that; it would be too terrible a scene for whoever found her, and that's not what she would want for anyone to have to deal with. No one deserved to put up with her mess anymore; she wasn't worth the trouble. Luckily she was Upper East Side born and bred, and the rich and beautiful were nothing if not heavily medicated. She rose slowly from her thousand-thread count comforter and walked to her en suite bathroom.

She looked in the mirror as she poured a glass of water from the faucet. She couldn't understand what had changed and why. She looked the same as she always had; long, wavy blond hair, deep blue eyes, and tanned skin. The problem wasn't what she looked like or really even the things she did – it was her. It was her once carefree laugh and her disappearing acts and the way nothing bad ever seemed to happen for her like it did for everyone else. She reached into her medicine cabinet to pull out Valium and sleeping pills, both courtesy of Lily. Walking back to her bed, she caught sight of the tequila bottle she had hidden under her bed from before she went to boarding school. Looking down at the glass of water in her hand, she poured it out onto her carpet and filled the glass with the liquor. She twisted and turned the cup, watching as the amber liquid swished around the edges of it lackadaisically before tilting her head back and taking a long gulp of it.

She wasn't perfect. She wasn't perfect and everyone she had ever cared about knew now and they hated her for it. She opened the bottle of Valium and the sleeping pills and tossed the caps on the floor next to her bed. Serena emptied each bottle onto her comforter and stared at them with tears in her eyes for a moment. She began taking them one by one, pouring more tequila when necessary, and when not. She rotated between the two types of pill: Valium, tequila, sleeping pill, tequila, valium. She hadn't written any letters – what was the point? She always thought it was kind of selfish when people did that anyway. 'I love you but not enough to stay alive' seemed so…terrible. The only person who really deserved one anyway was Eric.

Eric. Her little brother was the only person who could stand her, and she'd even managed to isolate herself from him in these past months. No, she wouldn't make Eric feel that. She reached down and took another Valium, then tequila, then a sleeping pill. She was down to only four more Valium, though, no surprise there – her mother wasn't even that anxious.

She was so tired, tired of partying, of loving Nate and missing Blair and arguing with Chuck. She was tired of having to pretend to be a mother to Eric because theirs wouldn't do it herself. She couldn't even take care of herself. Being left alone with Eric, trying to advise him on what to do was probably just causing more harm than good. She was tired of trying to beg for Blair's forgiveness, and proving to her mother, to everyone, that she wasn't the same girl who left for boarding school. She was tired of her father being off the map, and of guys old enough to be her dad trying to talk to her and fake interest in anything other than sex.

The thing she was most tired of, though, was being so sad. Her perfect smiles had become a little narrower, and her carefree laugh didn't sound as full these days. She was tired of having to pretend to be happy when she wasn't, when all she seemed able to do was make the people around her unhappy. She was just so tired. She leaned back on her pillows with the glass of tequila half full and loosely in her hand, teetering at the edge of her bed. Her eyesight was blurring and her thoughts were becoming more slurred together. The best thing that had happened to her lately, she thought, was that now she could finally get some rest.

Nate Archibald walked off of the elevator and into the van der Woodsen suite at seven o'clock. He had been on his way to meet Blair and Chuck, but he couldn't get over the massive fight he and Serena had had a couple days ago. He loved her, and her running from him just hurt so much, but he knew that he and everyone else was hurting her now, too, and he didn't like to think about the pain he'd seen rooted deep in her eyes lately; they weren't as bright as they used to be, weren't as carefree as he remembered them.

Walking through the mostly quiet apartment, he saw Eric lying on the couch. When Serena had first come back from boarding school he was in better spirits than he usually was, but since Serena had changed when she came back, his mood didn't last very long. "Eric" he called out to the younger blond boy on the couch. When he turned around, Nate continued, "Is Serena here?" he remembered that normally by this time Serena would have been bounding down the steps, ready to go out and do something, anything, so he hoped he hadn't missed her.

"She's here. She's been in her room since I got back though, and when I knocked she didn't answer". Nate's brow furrowed; Serena always had time for Eric, even when she was pissed off or upset. "I'm gonna go up there. Maybe she'll answer for me" Eric looked skeptical; he wasn't as oblivious to everything that went on, and was still going on, between his sister and her group of friends. When she came back, everyone on the UES was forced to take sides or be destroyed in the crossfire, and not many chose to stand behind her, in fact, none did. Regardless of this, he hoped that maybe making up with Nate and eventually Blair and Chuck would bring back the sister he used to have, so he nodded in Nate's direction to do as he pleased.

Nate walked up the stairs and towards Serena's room. When he arrived at her door, he knocked on it a few times, "Serena, it's me. Can I come in?" he called through the closed door. He noticed there wasn't a light on, which was odd because it had been dark for a couple of hours. He knocked again when he didn't get a response before grasping the door knob and pushing it open a little. "Serena, why aren't you answering?" he walked into the room, and walked over towards the lamp near her bed where he could tell she was laying, but as he got close to it he stepped on something. What the hell was that? He took the last couple of steps necessary to get him to the lamp and when he flicked it on, he looked back to see what he had stepped on. It was a broken glass there was a wet spot next to it too. What's going on… He shook her gently from where he was, she wasn't under the covers or anything which he thought was odd of her, because she always wrapped herself in blankets when she took a nap. He looked down the bed, though, and saw pill bottles and the empty bottle of tequila, the one they had hidden long ago in her room. "Serena!" he shook her more urgently; he couldn't believe this was happening. He reached for the pills and noticed that one was empty and the other was pretty close to it, "Serena, wake up! You have to wake up!" he didn't know what to do. "Eric! Eric call an ambulance, now!" he continued to shake her, but she said nothing.

Eric's head poked into the room. As he saw what Nate was doing, he got scared. "What's going on, Nate? What's wrong with her? S!" his voice was getting higher with each word, panic lacing it. "Eric, she took some pills or something. Call an ambulance! How long has she been up here?" he questioned, unable to understand how no one had even come to check on her. "I don't know! I got back from my lessons at four, but I don't even know if she left today" he responded while dialing. "How could you not know? She's probably been planning this for days, or even weeks!" he didn't know what to do. He ran to her bathroom and cupped some water, but quickly realized how ineffectual that would be. He went back to her bed and scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bath tub. "How did I not know? You and Chuck and Blair are her best friends and you didn't know! All you've done since she came back is bitch at her! This is your fault!" Eric yelled at him from the other room. "I've been on hold for fucking ever" he muttered in frustration, kicking the desk chair that was next to him. "How the hell is the 911 number busy?"

Nate was unsure what to do. "Call Lily, or your family doctor. He has to come, right?" Serena's color was returning a little bit, but he knew she needed real medical attention; he wasn't sure how many of those pills she had swallowed.

"She's out of town. I don't even know where she is"

"Then call someone! Jesus Eric, call someone who can help!"

"Like who, Nate? We've been blacklisted from everyone in the city! I don't remember the last time there was a voicemail left for anyone but my mother!" He was right, Nate knew, because Blair had told him that this was her plan. He didn't think it would actually happen though, he never thought… "Call Chuck" He could hear him dialing the once familiar number. "Keep pouring water on her, Eric. Give me the phone, okay?" he took a deep breath and motioned for Eric to do the same.

"Chuck Bass" he heard through the receiver. "Chuck, you need to get Arthur and bring the limo over to Serena's right now" he heard a hollow laugh. "Nate, Blair will kill us both if she finds out either of us went over there, especially you. Besides, I thought you were on our si-"

"Chuck! Bring the limo! She's took something, a lot of it and she won't wake up and this is our fault and just do it!" He was met with silence before he heard Chuck respond. "Blair's here. We'll be there in less than five minutes. Have her in the lobby in three" and then the line went dead. "Eric, help me get her down there".

As they hoisted the blond up he could read all the questions in Eric's eyes, questions that he assumed were in his too. "It'll be fine. I promise", but they both knew promises were meant to be broken. Chuck was there when they got to the lobby, waiting with the door open and Blair standing next to him, wiping at tears on her face. He ignored the questions of Vanya, telling him to "have Lily call one of us if she calls the suite" and then walking out the door. He deposited her into the limo before Eric, then Blair, and then Chuck climbed in as well.

"Nate, what happened?" Blair asked softly, but before Nate could respond Eric looked up with glassy eyes. "Don't ask that. You all know what happened. She came back to the city, and all three of you happened". "E, we couldn't have known this wou-"

"Shut up, Blair! What, you didn't know she would be destroyed? Didn't know that she would feel as if she had no one? Because you did know, it was your goal. It's what you do to anyone who you think crossed you. Obviously her being your best friend didn't change that, but at least those other girls had true friends to turn to when it happened. All of Serena's were the one's doing it, and I know I'm just 'Serena's little brother' and I don't get it, but I do. I know more than you think, and if the things I've heard are any signal of what's been going on then I'm right. So all three of you just shut up, and you can leave once she's checked into the hospital".

The eldest three in the car shared looks between each other. Eric was right, this was their fault, and nothing could ever be the same. They looked over to Serena's motionless form; things were already so different, and none of them took the time to notice.

A/N: I hope everyone liked it. Review please. Oh and I plan to update pretty frequently, as well as update my other story sometime this weekend. Until next time…

Aryn