He Started It
The commissary was quiet and for the four members of SG-1 it was just the way they liked it. Their most recent mission, the one they had returned from just a mere five hours before, had been tiring. No injuries and no major hitches but the negotiations had lasted for what felt like an eternity. Exhausted and slightly hung-over from the local liquor they were happy to be here alone. Post-mission check-ups and briefing over it left them with eating dinner, just the four of them as it always was following a mission. Past dinnertime on the base the chefs had saved what was left for them, the food awaiting them once they returned from their latest adventure on P9X-183.
"God I'm exhausted," Sam remarked as she moved her food around with a fork.
"Me too," Daniel agreed taking off his glasses to pinch the bride of his nose.
Sitting across from them Jack couldn't agree more. While none of them were official residents of the infirmary the mission had been long. Plus the dull headache he and no doubt his other two human counterparts were feeling was wearing him down. That's the last time, he swore to himself. The last time he and his team decided to taste the local hooch. Why hadn't they learned on P6J-224 or even Abydos Jack wasn't sure but no more. Too bad Teal'c couldn't feel the aftermath of the moonshine….damn Junior.
"Look on the bright side kids, we're home safe. The Napoleonic Power Monger will not rule this time," Jack smiled.
"Yeah I guess your right," Sam shook her head.
"I believe the negotiations were successful O'Neill, General Hammond appeared to be pleased," Teal'c added.
"While their technology isn't exactly, you know advanced, at least it didn't lead to another debacle like on 639," Daniel said.
Oh, he had to bring that up. That had been an interesting ending to a mission right down to the part where Jack and Teal'c had to carry Daniel through the Gate with an arrow in his side. Sam hadn't been too lucky either as she limped behind them. Jack remembered seeing the Jaffa in the infirmary as they licked their wounds. Janet hadn't been impressed and Hammond had been livid. After all Jack had shot off his mouth at the precise inopportune time once again. And Daniel playing the peaceful explorers card didn't help them any, it only made the situation slightly worse.
"Nice to bring that up again Danny Boy," Jack scolded the archeologist who in turn didn't make so much of a snicker.
"Sorry but you weren't the one with an arrow in your gut," Daniel shot back.
"Oh so in the arm is okay….," Jack trailed off.
"Jack…," Daniel looked up.
"Daniel…," Jack returned.
Oh for the love of….Not again. "Guys," Sam scolded, the ever-present big sister.
"What?" Daniel and Jack said in unison looking at Sam.
Teal'c could only cock an eyebrow in his customary manner. After three years he was finally getting used to the banter that occurred between Col. Jack O'Neill and Daniel Jackson. Now was no different as they exchanged friendly barbs egging each other on while Sam just oversaw and disapproved. It was what made them special, what made the four of them family. Teal'c watched further as Jack suddenly cracked a mischievous smile, he was up to something. Upon closer inspection he watched as the colonel scooped a large amount of pudding on his spoon. Lifting it up off the plate he used his other hand to cock it back prompting yet another cock of the eyebrow on Teal'c's part. Then in a surprising turn of events he let go.
"Ah!" Sam yelped as the pudding missile hit its mark.
Daniel flinched away as Sam jumped in her seat watching in surprise as vanilla pudding now dripped from her face. Mouth agape Sam could only wipe her eyes before turning a surprised yet angry eye on Jack. With a raised eyebrow Teal'c stared at the major while Jack continued to smile. Daniel added his own shy smile watching as Sam tried in vain to wipe the pudding from her face.
"Colonel?" Sam asked when she found her voice.
"Sorry Carter, I was aiming at Daniel," Jack smiled.
"What for?" Daniel asked skeptically.
"No reason," Jack shrugged his shoulders.
"So you just happen to hit me who just happens to be sitting nowhere near Daniel and just so happens to be across from you," Sam explained.
"Oops," Jack said after a moment.
Still in shock that her CO had actually hit her with pudding during their quiet dinner Sam devised a plan. Pudding still on her face and uniform she looked at Jack, then Teal'c before turning a quick glance to Daniel who remained quiet. She had her idea in mind now as an equally sly grin came to her lips. Eyeing her mashed potatoes she picked up a handful when nobody was looking and turned to her right. She was happy Daniel turned to face her because it gave her just the perfect opportunity. With one quick flick of the wrist she flung the mashed potatoes at Daniel covering his face, glasses, hair, and uniform. Oh did that feel good, she thought to herself as she looked at Daniel who now wore the surprised gesture and open mouth.
"What was that for?" Daniel remarked wiping his face of the thick substance and taking off his glasses to set on the table.
"He was aiming at you," Sam explained with a smile.
"That's my girl," O'Neill said proudly.
Oh he shouldn't have said that….Now it was time for revenge. Setting his glasses on the table Daniel now slowly formulated his plan all the while he tried to wipe some of the mashed potato from his eyes. Now it was his turn as the same grin that had played out on Sam and Jack's faces to come to him as he spooned up a large amount of blue Jell-O. With all his might he flung it directly at Jack. Splat! The look on the colonel's face was priceless.
"Daniel what was that?" Jack flinched his hands held out in front of him as he motioned towards Daniel.
"You started it," Daniel replied simply.
"Real mature," that was rich coming from the Colonel.
"Why do you engage is such a food battle O'Neill?" Teal'c asked with raised eyebrow.
"Food fight Teal'c, food fight," O'Neill corrected.
"Is this a Tau'ri right of passage?" Teal'c added.
"Let me show you T," Jack responded with that mischievous gleam in his eye.
Sam and Daniel could only stare at Jack as the colonel was slowly reciprocating what he had started. Before they could even respond a spoonful of mashed potato launched at the Jaffa. As stoic as ever Teal'c merely flinched slightly as the offending food hit him squarely in his face. His eyes closing for a moment they reopened to focus on the colonel who was now smiling gleefully. Sam and Daniel just watched wide-eyed anticipating the next move. What happened next had surprised them all as the Jaffa suddenly slipped. In a blink of an eye Teal'c scooped up a decent helping of his pudding before returning it at the colonel. O'Neill flinched wiping the pudding that had joined the blue Jell-O on his face, his other two teammates just watching silently.
Jumping up from their respective seats, Teal'c included, the real war began. Daniel aimed for Teal'c, who had taken a cheap shot at the archeologist, while Sam ganged up on Daniel. O'Neill just aimed for his 2IC as she was too occupied at hitting the archeologist to look the other way. Whether it mattered who was aiming at whom food went flying everywhere. One thing was constant though, everyone had somehow decided to gang up on poor Daniel. That was until he retaliated.
Daniel retaliated in true SG-1 fashion managing to hit Teal'c and Sam at the same time right before sending a handful of mashed potatoes directly into Jack's face. Jack gave it right back with Jell-O while Sam turned from Daniel to attack her CO after having half a pie thrown in her face. Teal'c still had his sights on Daniel, possibly a remnant of his water gun fight with Ally a while back. But all in all it was the perfect way for SG-1 to let out any frustrations they may harbor towards each. What they hadn't expected was for any hitches to arise….
"What in the name of Sam Hill is goin' on here?" the booming Texas drawl caught O'Neill in mid throw. And to make matters worse Daniel had stepped aside to look at the new visitor at the wrong time. So instead of the pudding's intended target being the archeologist it went long hitting General Hammond square in the chest. The general flinched as the offending food soiled his uniform, anger rising quickly as he gazed at his flagship team.
"Mind telling me what the hell is goin' on," if it was possible Hammond's accent got progressively worse when angry.
"Well General, there's a perfectly good explanation for all this," O'Neill's swagger was in full swing.
"Care to explain," Hammond wasn't buying any of the innocent speech nor was his anger lessening, if anything his face was steadily getting redder.
"He started it!" both Sam and Daniel chorused together fingers pointing at Jack, which Hammond chose to ignore.
"Well you see, I accidentally dropped some pudding on Carter and she dropped some on Daniel," O'Neill lied.
"Dropped sir….You threw it at me!" Sam countered her eyes wide.
"And Sam nailed me with the mashed potatoes," Daniel added at the same time squinting through pudding and potato covered lenses at the General.
"Yeah some of that's true….," Jack's words trailed off.
"I believe O'Neill initiated the food battle," Teal'c explained.
"Food fight T….Food fight!" O'Neill corrected again and found it was a big mistake the moment Hammond's eyes trained on him. "Crap".
"While I have no doubt Colonel O'Neill was the one who started this ya'll sunk down to his level by following along," Hammond's voice suddenly reminded them of a scolding father, but in light of what they had just done he was being exactly that.
"Sorry sir," Sam said quickly.
"Sorry," Daniel's small voice was right behind Sam's.
"I am indeed sorry General Hammond," Teal'c's baritone added onto the other two softer voices.
"Yeah, we're all sorry general," Jack was no longer playing around.
"Have you all completely lost your minds! You will clean this mess up! In fact all four of you have commissary clean-up detail for the next two weeks" Hammond ordered.
"Yes sir" "Yes General Hammond," SG-1 said in unison.
"Dismissed! Get to work!" Hammond snapped before turning to leave.
"Oh not good," Daniel lowered his head.
"Well that was fun," O'Neill said.
"I believe we must get to work," Teal'c suggested.
"We are in so much trouble, briefing tomorrow's going to be interesting" Sam had that little smile she had when nervous and her eyebrows raised.
And that spelled an end to SG-1's food fight of the century. Now the four members were left with the massive, sticky and gooey mess they made that now covered the tables and surrounding floors as well as the wall closest to them. Oh this was going to be fun. Adventurous some might say but for now all they could think of was tedious. They were never going to live this one down because when the SGC caught wind of their little midnight adventure SG-1 was going to be the official jokester team of the mountain. Little did they know their general was officially concerned for their sanity. Maybe they were insane but all that counted was that they had fun.
As Hammond stepped out of the commissary leaving his flagship team in charge of the clean up of the SGC mess hall he was truly considering telling Janet that all four members of SG-1 needed to have their sanity checked. Pulling his soiled uniform shirt away from his chest he looked down at the mess O'Neill made. Cold pudding was beginning to seep through the fabric into his skin leaving him feeling like a sticky mess. What the hell had become of them.
SG-1's gone done it now…..Maybe it's time to give them that overdue leave after all.
Shaking his head Hammond secretly smiled, one word coming to his lips to accurately describe those four he considered family, "Children".
Disclaimer: Stargate is the property of its producers, I don't own anything.