Smiling with cancer

by The Dessa

Ichigo never understood how she could always smile at his undeserving self, even with cancer. My Tanabata Competition entry 2010!

Dessa's Note: I finished my Tanabata entry! I was so worried I wouldn't able to finish this, I probably rushed it a bit, but I'm please with it all the same. I hope you enjoy and maybe learn something too.

Inspiration: 'Mom's Cancer' by Brian Fies. Life.

Disclaimer: Applied

She Smiles with Cancer

Ichigo loved his wife of one year; he also loved loving his wife, as he was thoroughly demonstrating to her at the moment. Orihime too, loved her husband, very very much and she often told him so. In fact, she proved her feelings to him more verbally than he but in equal effort to his more physical methods.

They were, as their friends remarked, a strangely extraordinary couple; she for being a robotic engineer, and he for being able to stick with not having as many spanners as she had. After hearing of Orihime's profession, most people would wave away Ichigo's occupation as boring… a doctor, who cares? He did, it made him more paranoid about his own health, a side effect he acquired while studying medicine at University.

But ever since being a married man, he no longer worried about himself, but transferred his anxiety at an almost obsessive level, to Orihime's health. He had no idea why she stood for his hypochondriac behaviour. Don't eat too much salt, don't eat too much sugar and don't put butter on your toast! They had only started living with each other once being married, and so, both members learnt of the advantages and necessary compromises that accompanied cohabitation.

Tolerating Ichigo's over protective nature was one of the few exceptions; it was both an advantage and compromise, to Orihime of course. At first she worried for worrying him, but quickly realised it as a medium to channel his affection. The advantage here was that she could respond by calming her husband; a power she truly treasured. Ichigo in turn had to compromise with the endless amount of strange wooden creatures she would concoct given a few nails and a hammer, not that he minded her creations; it was more the fact a hammer would be so close to her damned beautiful finger. He would always soften whenever she gave him one of these constructions, a 'little blue man' she called it, asking him to somehow use it in his life as a doctor.

One would think Orihime's innate ability to trip, fall or bump into things would wane away from her considering she favoured the use of power tools as a pastime. Unfortunately, she was still a klutz, causing her husband to constantly watch over her whenever she was doing anything; he almost had a heart attack when she brought home a metal welder from work. She tried not to shed tears when rationalised to take it back to where she found it, stroking it sadly. Even worse was the day he had come home to an outrageous racket, only to find Orihime in the back garden with a jackhammer, pounding holes into the concrete patio, ('What in blazing hell are you doing Orihime?' yelled he with hands to his ears, trying to hear his own voice.

'I'm getting rid of the patio!' she smiled her brilliant smile, and he, amazingly… softened.

'Why are you doing that?'

'To build an extension to the house silly! It will be our new dining room!' she subsequently kicked a slab of broken concrete out of her path of destruction.

Two fingers in between his eyebrows, he slowly said 'Orihime, you need planning permission from the council first'

'Oh' she said.) He did not even ask where she had gotten the jackhammer. The lesson learnt: consult and discuss with each other first.

But on one aspect the both of them never compromised at, was indeed the physical attentions conveniently allowed in marriage. Four years they had waited for an intimate relationship, Ichigo had never pressured her, respecting her wishes to abstain and she in turn gave herself wholly to him in marriage. He would often ponder how on earth he had managed to keep his hands off her in the past. But enough of that, his hands were definitely on her now.

He suddenly stopped. Orihime looked up in surprise only to be more surprised at seeing her husband frown slightly. Her husband never frowned while enjoying their more private moments, there was usually a different kind of face on, mainly accompanied by a ferociously intense stare. The unsatisfactory face caused her some hurt. Was there something wrong with her? Was he no longer attracted to her? Why would he frown at her?

'Ichigo?' he did not respond and her anxiety consequently increased rapidly. She followed her gaze where his furrowed eyebrows focused upon; it was on her right breast, where his hand remained. Now she was extremely confused. He never seemed to have had a problem with that particular anatomy before. Why frown at her breast? It never harmed him before… or could all their friends be right and he was indeed frightened of them? Oh No! Had she tortured him into tolerating her breasts in silent agony? Forced to fight his phobia, because of her? 'I- Ichigo? I'm s-sorry!'

The stutter in her voice caught his attention, a code blue on his radar. He looked up to her face and noticed swirling grey eyes brimmed with tears, an evident code red.

'Hime? Why are you crying? Damn, did I hurt you?'

'N-no, I'm not, I'm sorry'

'Why are you apologising?' he asked, now scowling.

'Because you frowned at my breast and then I realised you're actually afraid of them and that I caused you fear! And I made you suffer!' He simply stared in shock.

'What? Of course I'm not afraid of your breasts Hime! Who told you crap like that?'

Thinking it would be better not to name names, she averted her gaze, 'No one did'

'Hime, don't lie to me, we both know you're not good at that' he lowered his head closer to her face, forcing her to look at him.

Under his intense scrutiny she agitatedly mentioned Rukia's name and expecting her husband to explode or implode in some way, was surprised to see him smirk at her discomfort. Unable to help himself when gazing at his wife's adorably agitated form, he decided to end the phobia discussion by kissing her forehead.

'It's okay Hime. Just don't listen to what Rukia says' she bobbed her head in acquiescence, but was surprised again when Ichigo lifted himself off of her.

'Ichigo?'

'It's okay, just stay still for a bit okay?' his question resulted in a confused look on Orihime's face, but she complied and remained still. She watched as her husband connected the four fingers of his left hand together and make a raft of sorts with it, he then began caressing her right breast with it. It wasn't his normal way of touching her, he pressed into the tissue a little, as though trying to discern something from the flesh. He moved his hand clockwise, counter-clockwise, around the nipple but focused at a particular point. Ichigo visibly scowled, Orihime was very confused; he looked upon her anatomy clinically. She watched with wide eyes as he repeated the same actions on her left, this time he didn't scowl and she was pleased to see his eyebrows relax slightly.

Her husband then returned to the right side of her chest, 'This might hurt a little, okay?' he didn't wait for her answer and quickly used his two palms to squeeze the tissue around her nipple, she gasped a little at the sudden pain but it ended almost immediately. Ichigo scowled heavily at observing a small amount of discharge appear from said nipple. Orihime tried to make him look at her and answer her perplexedly worried face. He tried to relax the tense muscles of his face in a bid to relieve her worry, when that failed he opted instead to bend down and kiss her forehead again, asking her to sit up for a moment. She complied with a trusting nod.

'Hime, can you put your arms up for a moment?'

'Like Marilyn Monroe?' she enquired enthusiastically, excited by the prospect.

'Yeah, like her' replied Ichigo, willing himself to settle into a calmness that seemed to belong to someone else. He smiled lovingly when he saw Orihime apply herself into the asked for position, her arms held high and her smooth arm pits exposed. And there on her right breast was a deceptively innocent, treacherous and small but significant dimple. Ichigo tried his hardest not to let his face expose the incredible panic he felt. But he knew something must be mutinously sprawled on it as Orihime suddenly dropped her arms and enveloped his face in her hands.

'Ichigo? What's wrong?' he gazed at the swirling irises of her big grey eyes. Fear, in all its strength, gripped him in a choke hold. The need to calm the fear, to breath, was evident in his quickly averting eyes. Orihime made him look at her again and was astonished when he kissed her desperately at the moment of eye contact, the strength of his movements matching his fear. He pressed her body to his trying to weld the two together, so she wouldn't leave him. He kissed her passionately, grasping at her hair, grasping at her, needing her.

She pulled back when her lungs reminded her that she wasn't breathing. She took the opportunity to ask again, 'Ichigo?' upon glancing at her husband's visage, her own anxiety rose to his panic, 'Ichigo, please tell me what's wrong? Please!'

Ichigo, now breathing heavily but slightly calmer, gazed at her with intense scrutiny, what should he say? I think you've got cancer? Urgh, the word was now so much more criminal in his thoughts than when read matter-of-factly from old textbooks. He looked at her again, only worry for him in her eyes, her hands returned to his face, her fingers lightly stroking his forehead and cheeks.

He took her hands from his face and brought them to his lips to kiss them, he kissed every digit, every soft knuckle and every beautiful finger tip before looking back to her face, she always blushed heavily whenever he kissed her fingers. He didn't understand why such a simple act could induce such a face, especially when he did much more dramatic things to her.

Ichigo took his time to make both of them lie down on the bed, facing each other, his arms enveloping her small frame. He tried organising his thoughts before speaking, Orihime waited patiently, never waving her eyes from his face.

'Okay Hime, I have to tell you something, it will be a shock, but try to stay calm and know that I'm here for you and… and yeah.' crap, he was never good with words. She looked upon him with determined focus and nodded her head. 'I felt a- a- lump in your breast, I could be harmless, but I think we should see a specialist'

Orihime just looked even more confused, 'But my breasts are always lumpy.' And it was true. It had been a strange sensation to Orihime during development when she discovered her growing anatomy was indeed very lump under the concealing skin, something she wasn't too comfortable with knowing and chose to ignore most of the time. 'Why should I go see a doctor?'

'Because it's not a normal lump' he hoped she would get the message without him having to say that word.

'But I don't want to- to show myself' she involuntarily snuggled deeper into her husband's chest, her voice resulting in a muffle. Ichigo involuntarily held her tighter against himself, the idea of a person touching his wife, doctor or not, sent a bolt of irrational anger through him. Despite being one himself, he suddenly hated doctors.

'It can't be helped' he forced himself to reply between gritted teeth. His wife snuggled deeper into his tight embrace.

'What will they do to me?' she asked quietly, no hint of fear in her voice, only curiosity.

Ichigo sighed audibly 'They'll have to examine you like how I just did, then they'll make you have an ultrasound because you're too young for a mammogram'

'What's a mammogram?' she asked, tilting her head to face his.

'It's a machine which squeezes a woman's breasts to find any lumps, it's gets good images' He chuckled at Orihime's face of combined fear and horror, 'It's a very effective diagnostic tool'

'It sounds painful'

'It is, most patients get bruised a lot by it'

'Ladies! Ladies! Not patients!' reminded his wife, exhasperated with his medical lingo. Ichigo just smiled, 'But why am I too young for it?'

'Because young "ladies" have breasts which are too dense' upon taking in Orihime's confused face he continued 'It's easier to look at the breast tissue of an older patient because they have saggy boobs and it's harder with younger women because they don't' he smirked at his wife's disapproving face. 'So we use an ultrasound because it's the next best thing.'

'What will happen after that?'

Ichigo shifted slightly 'They'll probably do a "fine needle aspiration"' he didn't stop to answer the question on the tip of Orihime's tongue 'it's where they use a thin needle to err… take a sample'

'A sample?

'Y-yeah,'

'You mean from the lump?'

'Yeah,'

'From the lump in my breast?'

'Yeah'

'You mean they'll stick a needle into my breast?' panic or fear or incredulity was what was splashed all across her face. Ichigo tried to calm her down, stroking her arms and kissing her cheeks. She slowly moved her head to gaze at the anatomy spoken of, she lifted a hand to examine it, but was stopped by her husband, 'Please Hime, I don't want you to worry about it.'

She looked at him in understanding, her heart broke at the indiscernible look he gave her. She herself didn't really know what to think, she didn't know much about cancer, except that it could kill. Even then she couldn't feel much of anything except worry for her husband, the way he looked and held her just rose a heightened empty feeling in her chest. She nuzzled closer to his chest 'Are you okay Ichigo?'

He barked a quick laugh, 'you're the one who might be sick and ask if I'm alright?'

'Well are you?' she persisted.

He paused, 'I'll be fine.'

They were silent for a while just feeling each other's presences. Each worrying for the other. While clutched in an embrace, they slept.

'Ichigo, please stop fidgeting' pleaded Orihime, her husband restless in his seat.

'Damn' Ichigo tried to stay still but to no avail and opted to stand and begin pacing. 'All this stupid waiting is pissing me off.' They were at the local hospital's breast unit waiting room, waiting for the call to be seen by the doctor.

'Well, perhaps you could go for a quick walk to calm down?' suggested Orihime, glancing up from her magazine to smile at him.

'No' and with that Ichigo sat back next to his wife, taking her hand in his and stroking it with his thumb. He didn't want to be away from her sight for even a moment, that decision was made when he felt forced to go into work the day after he discovered the lump. All of a sudden time seemed impossibly short; all the possibilities with Orihime seemed guillotined and he felt tortured to not be near her. However, he was later glad that Orihime had pushed him to leave the house as it enabled him to at least push his worries to the back of his mind for the time being.

The door opened and a prim nurse stepped out, 'Mrs. Kurosaki' she yelled loudly, Orihime jumped in her skin as did every patient in the room. She turned and smiled a little nervously towards her husband she gripped his hand tighter as they stood up together. As they turned to walk in the direction of the nurse Ichigo cast a glance at the magazine his wife discarded… baby clothes, damn. He looked back at his wife who was unconscious to the actions of her husband; she smiled at him again and motioned for them to move. He gripped her hand tighter.

'No.' Ichigo's eyes fumed as they settled on the doctor in the executive chair, 'No!' he repeated angrily.

'Hello Inoue-san, please take a seat' said Dr. Ishida pointing the chairs facing the large oak table and effectively ignoring her husband.

'It's Kurosaki-san idiot!' shouted the husband hotly, Orihime glanced awkwardly between the two men and tried to maintain what little peace there was in the room.

'Ishida-kun, what a small world this is!' she said cheerily then turned to her husband imploring his patience, 'Isn't that great, Ishida-kun will be treating me.'

Ichigo just stared at his wife; did she not understand what was happening? Not understand the grave danger that had befallen them? 'We ask for a consultant and you come up? Why did you go into Endo anyway? (1) Perverted creep.'

'I don't think I need to prove myself to you Kurosaki.' was the first thing the doctor said to Ichigo, his eyes remained on the paperwork in front of him in cold ignorance.

'I want another one, the best one here.'

'You're looking at him'

'Wait a minute... You're head of this hospital's Breast Unit?' and Ishida nodded nonchalantly, not caring about the Neanderthal speaking, 'This is messed up.'

'Whatever you may say Kurosaki, I'm still the best one here, despite my age I've risen quickly. But I'd still be happy to leave you in the hands of the registrar if that's what Inoue-san wants.' Orihime turned to her husband, wordlessly seeking his opinion. This annoyed Ishida. 'Inoue-san, you are the patient, it's your decision to make, not his'

'All the same Ishida-kun, Ichigo's opinion is half my own.' This nettled Ishida, but Ichigo's eyes softened. What should he do? The idea of that idiot making decisions planning the treatment... touching his wife, was so unbearable all Ichigo felt like doing was throwing one good punch at Dr. Idiot and storming out of the hospital with Orihime slung over his shoulder. But this was not about what he wanted, Orihime's health and more was at stake. He could not turn his back on the truth that Ishida was intelligent, wise and capable as a doctor and heaven knows there're enough of the bad ones out there.

Without a word Ichigo grunted and folded his arms tightly across his chest as he sat down next to Orihime in the remaining chair. He said nothing but looking away sternly from Dr. Idiot. Orihime smiled and sought his hand from the folds of his arms, he did not resist.

'Good, lets get down to business, we'll talk a bit and then I'll examine you' Ichigo stood up like a rocket exploding, 'Do you have any objections? There will be a chaperone, but you're welcome to act as one yourself' said the doctor tersely, the other one just nodded and slowly sat back down. Orihime looked worried, 'Your GP has written to the unit about a possible lump in your right breast, did you discover this yourself?'

The couple blushed, one more than the other, the wife looked away mumbling something while the husband gave a directly smug smirk.

'No I didn't' Orihime finally managed to squeak out, 'It was Ichigo, he... found it, then said we should get it... looked at' to her surprise, Ishida's facial expression didn't alter; instead the questions flowed on endlessly. What was her medical history? Any allergies? What were her medications? Was there any discharge from the nipple? Did she find any dimples? Was there any inflammation or itching on her breast? Any pain? Was her nipple inverted? When was her last period? Any problems with her menstrual cycle? And so on and so forth. A lot of blushing was involved.

Orihime was patient, despite not knowing where all the questions were leading to. Ishida's doctor-mask was a little difficult for Orihime to accommodate herself with, he was so different to when she had remembered, to whenever he and Nemu-san had come to visit. Now he barely smiled, yet his detached professionalism allowed her to answer the uncomfortable questions with more ease than had he been grinning at her. Things became even more awkward when the questions steered for answers on her family history. Ichigo tried his best to shield his wife from the discomfort she felt, but it couldn't be helped. She didn't know much about her family but her brother had been healthy, maybe there was an uncle or two with diabetes.

'I think it would be time well spent if you can find something more about your family's medical issues. If say… you're aunt had cancer then that might help us identify what we're dealing with.'

There it was again, that word, 'cancer,' why is it so much uglier than he remembered it to be, mused Ichigo. 'I'll work on that end.' His wonderful wife smiled brightly at him.

'Good, now that that's done, would you mind changing into the hospital gown in the next room?' Orihime nervously nodded her head; Ichigo looked like he was going to be sick.

'Are you okay Ichigo?' her husband was amazed, she never thought of herself. Most women would be folding their arms shakily across their chests, but she was comforting him.

'I'm fine' but his voice rasped as though dead, he was not handling this very well, 'I can handle it'

'Okay, but if you need to leave then you can,'

'Yeah sure' he replied, suddenly feeling not so manly.

The consulting room was conveniently linked together by a connecting door that lead to the examining room, all that was there was a sink attached to the wall, a bed and a gown neatly folded on the sheets. While Orihime shakily undressed she remarked that it had been a while since she shakily undressed and that was due to her wedding night. She was suddenly jolted out of her potential daydream when a nurse had entered the room and startled her.

'Oh, I'm sorry' she said hurriedly, I'm your chaperone, do you need any help?'

'No-no I'm okay thank you. But, erm, do I really need to take off everything?'

'Yes, but just the top half'

Orihime nodded but could not help clarifying in a trembling tone. 'Even my bra?'

The nurse's eyebrows rose in sympathy, 'Yes I'm sorry. Don't worry nothing bad will happen' and she gave Orihime a comforting pat on the back. Orihime managed to smile. The hospital gown had no function; it was so thin and papery that it made her feel even more naked. When the door opened to allow entrance to the two doctors, Orihime unconsciously crossed her arms over her waist, securing the frail gown to her frame.

Ishida's prior emotional detachment came in helpful to Orihime and she was able to with-hold her tears before they leaked from her eyes. Ichigo was red with suffused and restrained angst, he momentarily forgot why the hell they were doing this shit before he came to his senses and the word sparked in his mind like a firework, cancer. The female chaperone stood quietly in the corner unable to lend further encouragement to the patient. Orihime knew she shouldn't think mean things in a situation where she was emotionally exerted but she felt the nurse only served as an added extra set of eyes on her.

At first, the examination was like what Ichigo had asked her to do... put your arms in the air, now on your hips. But then she had to lie on the bed, and that's where the touching was involved, much like the way Ichigo had first discovered her lump, but this examination had more probing involved. Ishida used the pads of his four fingers and found the discernable lump easily. (2)

'Okay now I'm going to have to take a sample' Orihime's shut eyes opened with alarm.

'What? Now?'

'It would be best to start dealing with this as early as possible'

'Will it hurt?'

'A little' and he motioned the nurse to retrieve the fine needle.

At the sight of the needle Orihime panicked for the first time, 'Are you going to use that?'

'Yes, it will be quick' he tried to assure her, but his lack of facial expression just made her even more panicked, Ichigo was five inches away from punching Dr. Idiot and sticking that needle elsewhere. Her husband could not bear to see Orihime in pain and his striving to stay in the room was nearing failure.

'Can you not use magic cream?' asked the patient with energy, trying unsuccessfully to look away from the needle.

'I'm sorry Inoue-san but we only use the anaesthetic cream for children'

'It's Kurosaki-san to you!' shouted Ichigo, unable to hold in much more irritation. Ishida glanced once at Ichigo then did a double take at how red the man was.

'Maybe you should step outside for a while?'

'I'm staying here' and with that Ichigo made his battle stance ready to fling at Dr. Idiot with more than just a Bankai, even in the hospital.

Ishida just rolled his eyes and then planted his doctor's mask back on when he once again faced the patient and prepared to inject the needle into her mammary tissue. Ichigo thought he would pass out with the scrunched up expression Orihime made when the needle went in. However, he stood his ground and made sure his conscious was intact as he knew his wife would only worry more if she opened her eyes to see her husband sprawled across the floor, Ishida would probably laugh. The couple's suffering only continued for a few more moments and before he knew it, Ishida was motioning for Ichigo to leave the room, but he shook his head vehemently and ordered the nurse to leave saying he would help his wife.

The moment they were alone in the examining room Ichigo rushed to Orihime and enveloped her intimately in his arms. He kissed her lightly asking if she was okay, she blushed and smiled at him in relief. He wanted to say he was sorry for making her do this, he wanted to take it away from her, he wanted to share her pain if not feel it all himself. But he said nothing, not trusting his voice and possible actions with Ishida just a door away. Instead he kissed her lovingly and helped her dress.

Back in the consulting room, Ishida glanced at the husband suspiciously but then focused once more onto the patient.

'Well, Inoue-san, I'd like to ask you to do an ultrasound scan because you're too young for a mammogram (3), and a blood test. The results of the fine needle aspiration will tell us if the lump is a benign cyst or something more' he looked up and saw a blank look on the young woman's face. 'Kurosaki didn't explain the difference between benign and malignant tumours did he?' she just shook her head looking more confused; her husband squirmed guiltily in his seat. 'Well a benign cyst is a lump that just grows and stays put really, it could cause harm by making ectopic hormones, which are hormones made in the wrong place or in the right place but just at an extra level. So adrenal cancer will make more androgens like testosterone or cortisone, but I digress. A benign tumour is usually harmless in most cases and breast cysts are mostly left untreated because they grow slowly and don't spread to other parts of the body. Malignant tumours, on the other hand, are more of a problem because they grow rather quickly and the cells don't have time to specialise into a particular function, so they lose their original function. Moreover, they usually break free from their tissue boundaries and spread via the blood stream or the lymphatic system.'

'What's a lymphatic system?' interjected Orihime, understanding most of what was being said and proud of herself for keeping up with the medical lingo.

'It's a series of vessels just like the blood circulation but involved more in the immune system'

'And what's a tumour?'

'Oh sorry, I should have mentioned that earlier, it's another word for a lump of tissue that should not be present'

'So a benign tumour is harmless while a malignant tumour can spread.'

'Yes that's correct, for most cases anyway.'

'So what treatment will I do?'

'We'll talk about that when the test results come back, but rest assured not all cancers are harmful.' The doctor finally smiled, but it was still slightly detached. The wife thanked the doctor while the husband just grunted. Within ten minutes another appointment was booked for the following week.

Ichigo was tense, his anxiety over Orihime had tripled after their first hospital appointment and it seemed as though he was suffering for the both of them. Orihime was not one to dwell on misfortunes so she acted nonchalantly, refusing to worry over a problem that might not even exist. However, Ichigo could tell she was adding effort to make him feel more at ease; surely it should be the other way round? A week passed by slower than anything Ichigo had ever felt, his wife just smiled her joy that he was with her. The ultrasound scan helped to distract the couple, unfortunately the radiography (a female one thankfully) was unwillingly to let the husband in, sensing he was one of those over-protective types. Orihime mentioned afterwards that the scanner was cold and made her shiver, particularly the gel. She was also pleased to learn that ultrasound scanners could be used to see not only growing wonderful babies in their mother's tummies, but ovaries and kidneys and tendons too! When she had asked the radiography excitedly why people would need to look at their kidneys or ovaries, the answer quelled her enthusiasm; it was to see if there could be any tumours lying around in the organs.

Ichigo insisted to accompany her for her blood test, but Orihime thought it wise for him not to come. What with the high anxiety levels he had been under recently, seeing another needle being injected would probably burst a vein.

The appointment came, it was malignant.

'But judging by your ultrasound scan the tumour looks to be less than two centimetres big, so we can do a lumpectomy and follow the surgery with some chemotherapy to get rid of anything that's spread. There is a high chance of success, it's lucky we've caught it early.'

'A lumpectomy?'

'It's a surgery where we simply take out the lump rather than the entire breast, that's called a mastectomy. The lumpectomy should leave the nipple and skin intact, so you won't look much different at all.' Ishida gave her an encouraging look upon seeing her confused face. 'Do you have any more questions?'

'Why do I need to have chemotherapy?'

'Because removing the tumour by surgery will only remove what we take out. If the tumour has spread it will be in only small amounts because we're starting your treatment before the tumour has had a chance to grow bigger and spread further. The chemotherapy will be able to kill off any cancerous cells that have spread.'

'O-okay' replied Orihime, feeling a little overwhelmed, her husband sat quietly, but he held her hand tighter, she wished she knew what he was thinking.

'Of course, chemotherapy is not the easiest thing in the world, but it's the best we've got. You will lose your hair (aplocia) from all over your body not just your head, the lining of your gut might be affected and you will feel quite tired by the whole process. There is also the slight chance of a secondary neoplasm.'

'What's that?'

'It's where the chemo causes another cancer to start, but that risk is small in our case, because the dosage needed will probably be reduced than for a patient at a later stage of their cancer'

'So I'm at an earlier stage?' she asked happily, the doctor assured her that yes, she had plenty of chances to work through the treatment and come out as healthy as she originally was. Ichigo was silent.

The surgery was scheduled for as soon as possible, and before she knew it, Orihime was being tightly enveloped by her husband before kissing him on the cheek to assure him of her well being. She received a harder kiss in return, as though he was affirming her existence to himself. This was unusual behaviour from her husband, considering they were in the lift lobby waiting with a nurse and several other people to be taken down to the operating theatre.

Ichigo had expressed a desire of being present at the surgery, but had easily agreed with his wife that maybe he shouldn't. His wife's arguments were 1. That he didn't look good in scrubs, 2. The funny slipper things the surgeons had to wear were would look funny on him, this would remind her of a penguin and she would probably laugh while unconscious in the theatre. Her final argument, 3. was that she would be worried about him, even in her sleep. Ichigo knew that despite being a doctor himself, he probably wouldn't be able to see someone else cutting his precious wife open.

Ichigo finally let go of Orihime and allowed the nurse to take her away. He felt cold, she took his warmth with her.

Orihime wished she could document how excited and nervous she was to be 'under the knife' which coincidentally was one of her life ambitions. The anaesthetic was injected into her top of her hand and travelling up her arm, she wished Ichigo could see how brave she was being by taking on the uncomfortable stinging sensation with a straight face. The anaesthetist made her count to ten, at 3 her head felt heavy, at 5 her eyes closed, at seven she was out. And then the surgery happened! She wanted to tell everyone every gory detail, but she couldn't because she could not remember anything. She opened her eyes and was in the recovery room, feeling sore under her arm pit.

Ichigo was beside himself waiting, he had threatened a few nurses for information but they just ignored him and mumbled something like 'doctors'.

Her fatigued face, with glistening cream around her eyes to protect them from dehydrating made her looked tearful and his heart immediately broke.

'Why are you crying?'

'I'm not' she croaked, trying to smile, which she managed but it was only a small one.

Ichigo knew that chemotherapy was poison, he knew it killed, but there was no other option. Hour after hour she had to endure a wire travel into her veins which dripped in the cytotoxic agents at regular intervals. Ichigo thought he would be able to handle it, but being a doctor made him forgot what it was like actually experiencing illness, he used to think that facing pain made you a better person, instead he found himself more irritated at the most insignificant things, he snapped more regularly and nearly wanted to stab himself when he frowned at his wife acting her silly usual self trying to ease him up a little. He tried to stay with her more often, even if she was dozing in her chair with the chemo suffused into her body, killing anything that grew.

She retched a lot, the cells lining her gut had been killed, leaving her nauseous and gasping. But she still smiled, and at him! The stubborn, impatient, fool was being comforted by his cancerous wife! What a husband.

Her hair started to fall. This more than anything seemed to frighten Orihime, not the anaemia, or the lethargy, or the septicaemia. She was frightened Ichigo would think her ugly, Ichigo found himself shouting his praise of how beautiful she wasacross he hospital ward; causing quite a few tired heads to perk up in interest. Her husband had always loved her hair, loved how it spilled over his finger and adored how it framed her beautiful face. He admired the little hairs on the back of her neck and the light hairs on her arm resulting in a feather-like feel that he cherished with kisses. Now she was bare, but her eyes were even more salient without eyebrows or eyelashes to protect them. She laughed when buying different scarves to wrap around her bolding head; she even amused herself by putting on a Californian accent; speaking about crashing waves and surfing the ocean. She started calling her husband 'duuuude', he laughed with her sometimes.

The boring hours of chemotherapy made Orihime restless when her husband could not be there with her, this enabled Orihime to make friends with the other patients in the hospital ward, all also undergoing chemotherapy. Orihime later scolded herself for feeling regret on her actions, one of the patients she had befriended thanked Orihime for amusing her, saying she hadn't laughed since the termination. Orihime suddenly turned wide eyed.

Termination? As in, abortion?

Her new friend covered her mouth in shock, but then slipped it away trying to wipe away the tears that were rapidly flowing.

'The doctor said I couldn't have chemo if I stayed pregnant, and if I didn't have chemo then the both us could- could die.' Orihime didn't know what to say, so she said nothing and stroked her friend's back with her un-injected hand.

It was only later that Orihime discovered how lucky she was not to have gotten pregnant, she didn't even want to think about what kind of decisions she would have had to make, what Ichigo would have made, had they been in that situation.

When Ichigo came to visit her that night carrying wasabi and red bean paste, he noticed how Orihime did not seem as lively as she usually was; chemotherapy or not. He did not stop pestering her for answers until she gave in and explained what had happened in the afternoon. The story she retold muted him from saying much, he knew she wanted children, six children in fact, but they had only married for a year, he still wanted Orihime selfishly just for himself. However, after talking it over, Ichigo was made to believe that his wife eagerly looked forward to having children, but had kept quiet knowing Ichigo was not in much a hurry to expand their family. He could not refuse anything she asked for.

A year later, Orihime, in full health, gave birth to an equally healthy baby girl.

The End

Dessa's Note: Aah, finished. A happy ending for one, a sad ending for many. Be breast aware. .

1. Endo = Endocrinology, study of hormone systems in the body.

2. Self breast examination is available at .org/symptoms/testing/types/self_exam/bse_?gclid=CIyjzMH58KICFdWX2AodKEhPmw

3. Mammogram is the usual breast screening method but you need to be older to do it, it's really terrible, it's just planes of glassy material squishing you breast at all possible angles to get an accurate constitution of what's inside the breast. Bruises are expected.