Ward sat in the cabin in front of the fireplace. The only lights coming from the fire just like he preferred. He had his usual specialist outfit on. This time though it was bloodied and cut. He and Kara had been on what she likes to call a 'hunt'. Turns out that when you brainwash someone and suddenly they don't have the compulse to obey, these people get upset at the people who had controlled them. Who knew?

Yes he should really stop drinking, his inner dialogue was kind of an asshole. The thought causing him to chuckle and take another swill.

Kara walked in 'Gotta admit that was something new. Charging 3 Hydra agents that are armed to the teeth with only a pencil. You weren't trying to impress me were you'

Grant snorted. His relationship with Kara 'Agent 33' was entirely platonic. They both knew sex would only complicate matters.

'You OK' she persisted.

'Im fine. We were being tailed'

Suddenly Kara become alert. 'Who?' Grant simply shrugged. 'Don't know. Lost them'

Kara became agitated. She started walking around the room, a habit that she was prone to do when she became stressed. He knew her thoughts. Them hunting Hydra was one thing. Hydra hunting them was different. Her biggest fear was not death but becoming a puppet again. Kara looked at him with hidden fear. 'You sure we lost them'. Grant answered 'Unless they have access to satellite repositioning technology were safe'

Still even if they were tailed they had a backup plan.

Kara sat next to him. And picked up the bottle. Starting to drink straight from it. Smirking at his look.

Really had the woman not heard the word boundary.

Minutes passed into a nice comfortable silence, at least he thought it was comfortable until Kara spoke

'Were you brainwashed?'

'No'. Grant replied instantly

In all the months they had been together she had not pushed him into revealing his secrets and he had not pushed her into revealing hers. As if by not talking about the past would make it go away.

His heart was suddenly racing. He was going to lead this discussion in a certain direction. As he did so a part of him screamed not to.

'You've read my Shield file. You've talked about me when you were in Hydra?'

'Yeah' Kara answered back nonchalantly as if this was a simple conversation. if he wasn't so good at reading body language he might actually believe her. 'But you know records can be falsified'

Grant knew that Kara suspected the truth. Or at least part of the truth. He knew too much about how she was feeling. Could empathise with her a bit too much, for not to have gone through something similar.

And he was too damned tired

'You know when I was in Shield custody I… well. You know'

God why was this so hard. And why did he feel so compelled to tell her

Compelled. Funny right. A part of his drunken self thought. Just how many bottles had he drank here

Kara looked at him expectantly. Had she said something?

Kara repeated 'I know'

Fine. Why the hell not. He would tell her. Maybe, just maybe. It would make him stop feeling this way. And he owed it to her

'They thought they had broken me. It makes sense. I hurt myself a couple of times and then I started telling them about Hydra'

'Was it a lie' Kara spoke taking another swig of the drink. And he knew she thought it was.

'Yes and no. I did try to take take care of matters' Why was saying the word suicide so difficult. How was supposed to continue on with this conversation if he couldn't even say that. Maybe he shouldn't

'But I didn't do it because I was broken. I did it because I was afraid that I would break…. There are some secrets I could not. Would not tell'

A pause

'But I'll tell you'

Kara froze. It was as if the the entire world had gone still. She knew what it meant. He was a surviver. Hell he was the surviver. But for him to attempt the unthinkable, to keep the secret. Yeah she knew

And he waited for her answer