Livi-Love told me to do this and I have complied. This is my Christmas gift to the turtle fans, I guess, even though it got weird and depressing at the end. We had an alcohol related tragedy in my family this month and that's probably why. The song is "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues. I only wanted to do it for the really funny bit in the middle.
Casey led the bums and winos in another rousing chorus of "Silent Night". Christmas Eve in lock up wasn't all that bad. Maybe it was the liquor talking. "You know," he slurred to the guy next to him, his dirty cap askew with mirth. "My best friend abandoned me. He calls it 'ninja vanish' but it's really just running away when you think about it."
"Your best friend is a ninja?" the wino asked, smiling so that all his few teeth and plentiful gaps showed.
"Yeah, he's a ninja. Best guy in the world. Sure, he's only got three fingers on each hand and he's prone to psychotic black outs, but other than that he's awesome. I called my girlfriend. I think she's coming to get me."
It was Christmas Eve babe
In the drunk tank
An old man said to me, won't see another one
And then he sang a song
The Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
And dreamed about you
The sound of catcalls announced the presence of a female.
"There's a hot redhead coming this way," said one of the bums as he wiped a tear away from his cheek after the last verse of their Christmas carol.
"That's my girlfriend!" Casey said, lurching to the bars. "Hey, babe!"
His redheaded angel stood at the bars, her arms crossed, her beautiful face red with either rage or the cold. "How could you do this! It's Christmas Eve and you're in prison!"
The wino said, "This is jail. You go to prison if you're up on federal charges. See, public drunkenness is a misdemeanor in the state of New York…"
"It wasn't my fault!" Casey cried, reaching through the bars to grab hold of her purse strap. "It was Raph! He brought the beer!"
"Raph's fault? He's sixteen! You're the grown up. You're supposed to be responsible for him."
The drunks gasped in unison. The wino pointed a dirty finger at Casey in accusation and said, "That's corrupting a minor, you dirt bag."
"If you guys knew Raph, then you'd know that he was corrupting me."
April's mouth twitched, fighting off a smile.
Got on a lucky one
Came in at ten to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So Happy Christmas
I love you baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true
Casey staggered into his apartment and grabbed the couch for support. "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year," April said coldly as she darted back out the front door before he could catch her. "Have fun sleeping alone!" she yelled back through the door. He could have sworn that she was smiling when she said it. He could never tell if she was really angry or not. That was part of her allure.
They've got cars big as bars
They've got rivers of gold
But the wind goes right through you
It's no place for the old
When you first took my hand
On a cold Christmas Eve
You promised me
Broadway was waiting for me
Hamato Leonardo, the leader of the Hamato clan, stood on the rooftops, scanning the crowd for his wayward and probably inebriated brother. Why did he drink so much? Why? Leo didn't really care about Raph's personal safety at the moment. Only about the personal inconvenience and the cold eating his toes through his boots.
He could be in his warm home right now with his brothers decorating the Christmas tree or rewrapping his Christmas presents with Mikey or watching "A Charlie Brown Christmas." But no. He was standing here, shivering, looking for Raph.
Raph had promised to stay home tonight. He never kept his promises.
But he could see the appeal. The yellow taxis parked at the intersections. The bright Christmas lights. The green and red Christmas displays in the department store windows. It was much more colorful than the dull brick of the sewers.
You were handsome
You were pretty
Queen of New York City
When the band finished playing
They howled out for more
Sinatra was swinging,
All the drunks they were singing
We kissed on a corner
Then danced through the night
Casey turned on the television and tried to watch a soccer game, but the ball flying around the field made him dizzy.
Last year, he and April went ice skating on Christmas Eve. And she giggled whenever he said anything and they went to that bar on the corner and kissed on the street corner as the snow fell.
Now he was sitting in his apartment alone. Didn't even have his gruff teenage mutant to keep him company anymore.
The boys of the NYPD choir
Were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day
There was a polite knock on Casey's window he yelled, "Raph! You fucking deserter!"
The window slid up. "It's Leo, actually. May I come in?"
"Yeah, sure! Why are you always so polite? Just come in."
Leo stood next to the couch, his hands clasped together, almost with an air of piety and watched him for several minutes without saying anything. Casey turned up the volume on the TV to block out Leo's silent awkwardness. "Get yourself a beer."
"Oh, I don't drink, Casey," Leo said. He pulled off his gloves and hat. "Do you mind if I sit down?"
He motioned towards the other end of the couch.
More silence.
"What are you watching?" Leo asked.
"NYPD Christmas special. They sing on PBS every year. Guess they don't have to be on duty or something. Want a beer?"
Leo unfastened his coat. "I'd rather not. Have you seen Raph? I'm looking for him. I thought he might come back here. Do you mind if I wait for him?"
Casey looked Leo up and down. He didn't really like being alone with Leo. He made him nervous. Too stiff and quiet. "Yeah, whatever. Want a beer?"
Leo sighed. "No thank you, Casey. But thank you for offering."
They listened to the NYPD choir sing "Galway Bay."
You're a bum
You're a punk
You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas your arse
I pray God it's our last
Leo slammed his beer on the coffee table and yelled, "Raph's such a horse's ass!"
Casey laughed until he choked and Leo absently thumped him on the back.
"Why'd he do that? He's always thinking of himself." He muttered to himself in Japanese. Casey thought it sounded like an evil spell.
"April left me," Casey said, hinting around at pity.
Leo gasped and said, "No! No! You can't break up! You two have a beautiful relationship! Raph should leave and never come back. Maybe I can have his Christmas presents. Shit, I have to piss now. Where's your bathroom again?"
The kid was much more amusing when he was drunk, just as Casey had suspected. Leo tripped off towards the bathroom, humming "Galway Bay." He watched as Leo stood at the toilet, urinating without bothering to shut the door. He had a momentary flurry of curiosity about turtle anatomy and craned his neck to see, but realized how pervy it seemed and sat back down.
"What do you think April's doing right now?" Casey yelled over the sound of Leo's urine.
"Oh, how the hell should I know? Do I look I'm the sleeping with her! What the fuck? My penis is huge. Did you notice that before?"
Casey screwed up his face. "You cuss a lot when you're drunk, Fearless."
He giggled loudly. "Yeah, I think it in my head a lot. But I don't say it. Oh, I hate Raph! When I see him again I'm going to punch his fucking face in. Then I'll..." the sentence ended in vague Japanese threats.
"Why do you want him to come back so much if he just drives you nuts?" Casey asked as Leo joined him again and finished his beer.
The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas day
Leo sat at the other end of couch with an empty beer can balanced on his forehead. "I want a girlfriend. Find me a girlfriend, Casey."
"Aw, you don't want a girlfriend, kid. You're better off like you are."
He sat forward and his beer can fell off his head. His eyes were wet and red with drunkenness. "I do too! I want to have sex. I miss that. I never had it but I think I miss it. Why do you think I exercise eight hours a day?"
I could have been someone
Well so could anyone
You took my dreams from me
When I first found you
I kept them with me babe
I put them with my own
Can't make it all alone
I've built my dreams around you
Casey looked over at a picture of himself and April, holding each other and sticking their tongues out at the camera. "Too much trouble. You got to communicate and be romantic and read her mind. And not land in jail on Christmas Eve."
Leo narrowed his eyes at him, as if he had just said something really confusing. "Communicate? Blech. Hitting each other is communicating right?"
"Well, luckily April don't hit me when I say stupid things. You don't need to bother with a girlfriend. You already got a bitchy girlfriend."
Leo lifted his beer can to his mouth and whined when it was empty. He thought hard for a minute, wrinkling up his forehead. He mouthed the word "girlfriend." "Raphie can't be my girlfriend," he said, elbowing Casey so hard that he almost tipped over. "Raph's too high maintenance to make a good girlfriend. Is April a good girlfriend? She seems like it. She's smart and pretty and has all her real teeth and owns her own business. What's she want with a guy like you?"
"You're getting weird on me now, Leo," Casey said, moving his partial around with his tongue.
The boys of the NYPD choir
Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells are ringing out
For Christmas Day
Raph climbed through the window and Leo jumped to his feet and cried out, "Raphie!" with huge smile. Raph froze in his tracks, his eyes wide like an animal caught in headlights.
"You drunk, Leo?" he asked, one foot still out on the fire escape and one foot on the floor.
"Uh, huh. Are you?"
Raph slapped Casey on the back of the head as he passed him, which was his idea of a friendly greeting and then shoved Leo back down on the couch. "Not anymore. What's up?"
Leo jumped back up and patted Raph on the shoulders several times, like he was playing a bongo. "Casey was saying that you're my wife or some shit. You can't be my wife. You're not worthy!"
Raph pushed him back down on the couch. "Shut up and get dressed. Hey, Case, how'd you get out of the clink?"
"April bailed me out." Raph gave him a sneering smile.
Leo looked back and forth along the floor for his clothes as if they were scurrying around his feet. His foot flew up out of nowhere and hit Raph in the crotch. He growled. Leo said, "Put my boots on, wife."
Raph pushed Leo back into the couch cushions, his finger in front of Leo's red and giggling face. "No more of that shit. Okay."
Leo's face mutated slowly into anger and said, "Maybe it would be better if you just stopped coming home! Just go away and don't come back!"
Raph blinked, but didn't answer him. Then he said, "Yeah, maybe this'll be our last Christmas together."
It was a testament to how often they fought because Casey didn't even notice that they were arguing. The cops had stopped singing long ago and now some smiling people wearing yellow square dance costumes singing "Silent Night" danced the Charleston on "The Lawrence Welk Show." Casey said, "I'm going to bed. Let yourselves out." He turned the lights off as he left, knowing that they operate in the dark a lot anyway.
Then Casey froze as he heard Raph's voice mumble, "Maybe I'll get myself killed and then you can finally be happy. Won't have to go looking for me anymore. You'll know right where I am all the time."
Leo slapped Raph across the face as hard he could. Casey heard Leo's hand hit Raph's cheek and turned to see him, holding his hand in the air, threatening to hit again.
Should he go back and rescue his lamp?
But they didn't fight. Raph's eyes burned with rage and hurt. His shoulders moving up and down as his chest heaved. Leo sniffed through tears as Raph rammed his clothes back on with enough force to break a man's bones and then led him towards the window with a few angry grunts.
Casey picked up the phone and dialed. "So, babe. Merry Christmas. What do you want to do today?"