MAJOR SPOILTRY FOR CHAPTERS 49 AND 50. I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE TO SPOIL THAT EPICNESS FOR YOU. BECAUSE THOSE TWO CHAPTERS WERE MAKING ME SPAZZ. SO READ THEM BEFORE YOU READ THIS, PLEASE. :D
A Wishful Thought: Deadman Wonderland is one of the best mangas out there. And it makes me sad that there's a general lack of fanfiction in this category. So I thought I'd make a small contribution. It's the least I can do for this amazing series.
This is a little short, but I like how it came out. Yosuga/Toto forever.
Disclaimer: No. I don't own Deadman Wonderland. Because if I did, Toto would be the most innocent thing in the world. :/
P r o m i s e.
She can do nothing but watch in horror.
Her Toto.
That's her Toto.
But as that man—Senji, was it?—tears through her Toto's body, she feels her insides drop.
"Right on target."
No. This isn't happening.
Not to her.
Not to him.
Not to them.
It was never supposed to be like this.
She wants to do something. Her heart, her very soul is screaming at her to do something.
But she can't.
There are no tears. No falling on her knees. No whimper, no cry, no sound whatsoever.
Just that horrible, horrible feeling.
The building behind him was sliced by that man's attack—something that she didn't notice before. The structure crumbles away, plummeting towards the ground, quickly catching up with his descent.
And by time she realizes what's going to happen, it's too late.
Because Toto, her Toto, has already been crushed underneath the rubble.
Her heart instantly stops and her breathing hitches. She feels the sting of the threatening tears behind her eyes.
No.
Her breathing is coming out as broken gasps for air, her eyes are still wide with disbelief, and her heart has managed to twist itself in pain.
No.
She tries her best to regain her composure. The people that she's with: they wouldn't be happy if they knew she was grieving over their enemy. She had thought that that one boy—what was his name? Ganta?—would understand. But… she had told him that she was only here for her Toto, because she loved—no. Because she loves her Toto. And he was partially to blame for his demise.
No...
Finally, she succumbs to her heart's desire. She feels herself fall onto her knees out of sheer shock. Slight trembles begin to race up and down her body as she continues to stare at the place where he had fallen.
And she longs to cry out for him, to scream his name, to hold his body in her lap and just cry.
But she can't.
All she manages is the slight movement of her lips, a broken murmur, "No…"
And the tears finally come.
Her back arches forward as she tries to grab at the ground for some sense of stability.
But it doesn't help her at all. Because he was her only sense of stability. Is her only sense of stability.
He is the reason that she lives.
The others, her "comrades" pay no attention to her or her tears. To all of them, she is a nobody. Unimportant, weak, and a liability. They're too busy cheering about their victory to even pay her a second's notice.
So this is your chance to do something.
Slowly, she rises from the ground, her bangs shadowing her features as she feels her legs carry her in the general direction of their base.
And she feels so… empty.
Because why did this have to happen to her? Why is it that when she finally had something to keep her anchored to the world of the living, that that world just had to strip it away from her? Why is it that her Toto had to be taken away from her?
Why did that man take her Toto away from her?
She arrives at her destination and quickly ransacks the entire room. Tears are still blurring her vision, but she still manages to hastily take everything that she could possibly need to fulfill the task that her heart is screaming out to her.
And then she breaks out into a sprint.
She hates him. That man. That selfish, arrogant, sad excuse for a man.
He took away her Toto and turned him into that Toto.
No… That wasn't right.
He took away her Toto and then possessed him.
That man is defiling her Toto's body.
She pauses to look around her general area, deciding then and there that this was the place. It had to be. The apparatus, though obviously not in a perfect condition, is all there. So she drops all of the medical supplies, and runs again.
Towards him.
However, she feels a sudden presence that makes her stop and look around. Her "comrades" are still celebratory, and are just now beginning to leave the site, leading their injured back to the base.
So she hides.
Because even though she knows that they don't really care about her, the guilt over stealing their equipment is too much to bear. And even though she knows that they don't realize that she's not with them and that they'll realize eventually that she was the one who stole it all, it doesn't take away any of the guilt.
Because no matter what anyone says about her, she is not a bad person.
So as soon as she feels the absence of their presence, she takes off once more.
This thievery, this crime that she's committed, doesn't count. Because it's for Toto.
And she'll do anything for Toto, because she knows that Toto will do anything for her.
Yet it's that sudden thought that causes her to cease her sprint. Because her Toto would do anything for her. But this isn't her Toto anymore.
She's admitted it to herself many times.
Her Toto is being defiled.
The rage and fury against that man have accumulated in her body, making her insides seethe.
And finally, she's back at where she started.
Back to where his body was crushed.
Crushed, yes. But not dead. She knows it. She feels it.
The object hidden in her clothing—once a toy, now a reality—feels heavy in her hand as she takes it out, pointing it at where she assumes he remains. "…Toto. You're not dead yet. Do you know why?"
Silence is the only thing that meets her words.
"...Maybe… it's because Yosuga hasn't made Toto into a bullet pincushion yet?"
Now. Shoot.
She waits for the sound of gunfire to echo throughout the air, for the aftershock from the firing of the gun to send tremors up her arm.
But it never comes.
Why does it not come?
Her wide eyes meander towards the gun that is being held by her shaking hand.
"Bang! Like that! With this, we can die together at any time, Nee-Chan."
"…So Yosuga will shoot Toto full of holes?"
"Yup… And I'll tear Nee-Chan into pieces."
Her heart stops, along with her breathing.
She feels her resolve beginning to crack, but tries her best to ignore it.
"So from now on, this will be Nee-Chan's reason to live."
And that single line, spoken in her Toto's voice, with her Toto's smile breaks her heart. Forces all of her determination to crumble away into nothing.
The weapon drops to the ground, and she soon follows. Tears have already commenced rushing down her face in a storm as she finally, truly breaks down.
She can't do it. She can't hurt him. Because even if her Toto's body doesn't belong to him anymore, she knows that her Toto is somewhere inside it. Even through that madman's ministrations, her Toto is still there.
He has to be.
If she shot him now, then yes, she'd be killing that wretched man. But she would also be killing her Toto.
And her Toto can't die yet.
Because she has to kill him, and he has to kill her. They had to die together. They had to escape the cruel horrors of reality together.
It was more than just her reason for living.
He was more than just her "little brother."
What they had—no. What they have is a promise.