The song that inspired and is featuring in this chapter is 'White Christmas' sung by Bing Crosby. I claim no rights to the song.
I claim no rights to the characters of Teen Wolf. They belong to Jeff Davis.
cut
Stiles smiled as he stood leaning on the doorframe of the nursing room. His arms were crossed over his chest and his eyes were filled with warmth and love as he gazed upon his husband who was walking around the room cradling their 5 months old daughter in his arms.
The baby was asleep, but Derek seemed unable to put her in her little crib, and Stiles, for all it was worth, couldn't get his eyes off of them.
He knew Derek was aware that he was there, but the silence between them was comfortable and radiated with content, even though Stiles could see an old sadness glimmering in Derek's amazing eyes.
Even after all this time, even after everything they've been through, there were still some things Derek couldn't let go of. Most of the time he was alright, but around Christmas that sadness would appear in his eyes again, and no matter what Stiles did or said it just wouldn't go away.
Both of them hoped that once they've gotten married, once they settled, Derek would start feeling better, but it seemed as though that sadness was determined to stay. Stiles hoped that now that they had a child Derek would be able to let go, but the younger man concluded that the pain was just too deep and too strong to simply disappear.
Stiles was shaken from his musings when Derek sighed and placed their baby girl in her crib. He covered her with her small blanket before he rubbed her stomach with his hand and turned around to look at Stiles.
A small, sad smile stretched his lips and Stiles pushed himself away from the doorframe. He raised his right hand without a word and Derek walked over to him. He took Stiles' hand and allowed the younger man to lead him down the stairs and into the living room.
Without so much as a look, Stiles showed Derek to take a seat on the comfortable, fluffy couch before he left for the kitchen. Derek took the thick blanket they received from Lydia as a present and rearranged the big, soft pillows before he wrapped the big blanket around his shoulders and took a seat. He tucked his legs under himself and smiled when Stiles came back with two cups of warm chocolate in his hands.
Derek spread his arms and Stiles snickered as he took a seat in Derek's lap and snuggled into him careful of their drinks. Derek wrapped the blanket around the both of them before he took his cup, and both of them sighed in content when Stiles rested his head on Derek's shoulder.
Derek wrapped his right arm around Stiles' waist and the younger man shifted his cup from his right hand to his left so he could sneak his right arm under the cover and entwine his fingers with Derek's on his side. He cradled his cup to his chest as he closed his eyes feeling Derek's warmth envelop him and allowing the older Werewolf's strong, calm heartbeat to wash over him.
"I sent a message to the others that we'll see them for Christmas dinner," Stiles murmured after a few moments they spent in silence.
"You didn't have to do that," Derek spoke up and Stiles huffed.
"Of course I did," he grumbled and moved back a little to be able to look at Derek's face. "They understand, Derek; all of them. Dad even asked if I want for him and Mel to take Lee for a day so that we could be alone."
Derek frowned a little and took a sip of his warm chocolate. "They don't have to."
Stiles chuckled and gave Derek's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Derek, it's alright. We all know how difficult Christmas is for you."
"They shouldn't have to be. It's been over 17 years," he muttered and Stiles looked at him with a loving, comforting gaze.
"Derek..." he murmured and the older Werewolf sighed. He placed his cup on the tea-table before he took Stiles' and placed it beside his. He wrapped both arms around his loving husband and Stiles rested his head on Derek's chest with his left hand resting under his cheek, right over Derek's heart.
"I just hoped it would get easier. It should have gotten easier. I have you and our daughter. I have Cora and the others. I…" Derek stopped and sighed. "It should have gotten easier." He buried his nose in Stiles' sweet-smelling, velvety soft hair.
Stiles hummed as he allowed his husband to breathe in his scent. It's been the same every year since they've gotten together. Every Christmas was difficult for Derek. A first the whole Pack was at their place since it was the biggest. Derek and Cora had the house rebuilt because at first it was safer for the whole Pack to be together. As the couples in the Pack married they bought their own apartments in Beacon Hills, but they still met up at Derek's for meetings and holidays.
Stiles and Derek now lived there with their daughter. Last year they all gathered there to celebrate Christmas and Derek's birthday since it fell on the same day, just like every year, but this year Stiles wanted it to just be the three of them.
Maybe he would find a way to make Derek feel at least somewhat better; although he sincerely doubted it. He made peace with the fact that Derek was somewhat depressed for Christmas even before they've gotten married. It didn't make it easier though. He wanted with all of his heart to find a way to help his Mate and Husband.
Every year he would ask Derek to talk to him, and every year they would just end up snuggled on the couch with Derek just breathing Stiles in. The younger man knew it made Derek feel a bit better, but it wasn't enough for him; it was never enough.
"You know I love you, right?" Stiles murmured, and the low, subdued chuckled Derek answered him with tugged a small smile to Stiles' lips.
"I know. Love you too," Derek spoke in a raspy, strained voice, and Stiles felt as though a stone settled on his heart. "I don't know where I'd be without you; without the Pack."
Stiles swallowed with slight difficulties and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, breathing in Derek's scent just to reassure himself that the older Werewolf was there.
He wanted to help him, he really did; but this was the one thing Stiles couldn't fix. This was the one problem he had no solution to, and that weighed heavily on him. He was always the one with an answer; always the one with a solution. The fact that he couldn't make his husband let go of the guilt and pain made him feel useless.
"I wish you could talk to me about it," he murmured and heard Derek swallow difficultly. Silence settled between them and Stiles tucked his head under Derek's chin.
"Last Christmas before the fire…" the younger man's eyes snapped open and his breath hitched in his throat, but he dared not move. "It was – It was the best Christmas ever."
cut
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
just like the ones I used to know;
where the treetops glisten and children listen
to hear sleigh-bells in the snow.
cut
"I went with my – my father and Uncle Peter in the forest to find the perfect Christmas tree. My mom…" Derek's voice broke and Stiles nuzzled his nose in Derek's neck to offer comfort, not daring to say a word. "My mom, Laura and Cora were making cookies and dinner. Mom promised to bake my favorite cake for my birthday. The whole Pack was there. I wish you could have seen the house at that time. There were so many Christmas lights, and the halls were decorated with handmade decorations my Aunt Martha made. The youngest members of our Pack were outside playing in the snow. There were snowmen and fortresses all over our back yard." Derek chuckled weakly and buried his face in Stiles' hair.
The younger man rubbed Derek's chest and hummed.
"The tree my dad picked out was enormous. It took all three of us to carry it, and – and my Uncle David had to help us bring it in. We had to take down the front door to manage. By the time we settled it in the living room all three of us were covered in pine-needles and moss and the only thing we wanted was to fall asleep right on the spot. The look on Cora's face when she saw the Christmas tree was priceless. I wish – I wish I had the photos we took. I wish I could show them to you; to show them to our – our daughter when she's old enough." Derek swallowed difficultly and Stiles' bottom lip quivered. "Dad had a surprise for us in store for Christmas Eve. He borrowed a few carriages and horses from an old friend of his. We drove through the town laughing and – and singing, and I – I don't remember ever seeing my mom smiling so brightly. When we returned to the house, my mom and Aunt Martha prepared warm wine for the adults and warm chocolate for us. Dad played the old piano as we sung Christmas songs. At midnight they wished me happy birthday and mom brought out the cake she baked for me. If I concentrate, I can still remember the taste of chocolate, strawberries and cream. To this day I have no idea how and where she found strawberries in December. But that was the best birthday and the best Christmas ever."
cut
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
with every Christmas card I write.
"May your days be merry and bright,
and may all your Christmases be white."
cut
"The next Christmas it was – it was just Laura and me." Derek's voice broke again, and Stiles swallowed when Derek started to shiver. "It was just the two of us. She tried so hard. She tried so hard to make me smile, to make me see that it wasn't my fault; that she still loved me, still considered me her brother. She tried to make the guilt go away. But I couldn't let go of it. She was always there. She suffered as well, and yet I – I couldn't see it. All I could see was my own pain and guilt. We stopped celebrating Christmas, and instead we'd just go to the graveyard and sit there. When we left for New York, we'd spend it sitting together in front of the TV. She'd hold me just like – just like I'm holding you right now and she'd sing. She'd sing the songs we used to sing together. She'd hold me tight as though she'd never let me go. I think – I think what hurts the most is that – that I never thanked her. She tried so hard to take care of the both of us. She tried so hard to make me see that she didn't blame me; that she understood that we were both victims of Kate's hatred. I couldn't see it. To one point I still – I still can't see it."
Stiles took a deep shaky breath as he moved away slowly. He raised his hands to cup Derek's bearded face and make him look into his eyes. He caressed Derek's cheeks with his thumbs and gifted him with a loving, warm smile before he leaned in and kissed him with all the tenderness in his heart.
Derek sighed into the kiss and Stiles shivered when the Werewolf hugged him closer.
"She loved you, Derek," Stiles murmured against his lips and Derek swallowed as he closed his eyes. The younger man nuzzled his nose against Derek's before he kissed his forehead.
He moved on to kiss his eyes and the tip of his nose before he kissed his lips again, this time deepening the kiss to try and distract the older Werewolf from the dark thoughts he was sinking into.
"Your family loved you, and I know that they don't blame you. I know Laura didn't blame you. We all know Cora doesn't blame you. She loves you. The Pack loves you. I love you. And your daughter will adore you." A small smile tugged on Derek's lips as a single tear trailed down into his beard. Stiles moved back and smiled at him lovingly. "I just want you to be happy, Derek," he whispered and Derek nodded.
"I know," he muttered as he raised his right hand to brush a strand of Stiles' soft hair behind his ear. He cupped his cheek and pulled him into a long, languid kiss, and the younger man all but melted into Derek's touch. The kiss deepened and Stiles moaned into it when Derek pulled him closer. They jumped apart when the doorbell rang and exchanged a confused glance when they heard 10 different heartbeats.
"What the heck?" Stiles murmured as he stood up closely followed by Derek.
They walked to the hallway and Derek moved forward to open the door, and the two were left gaping when they saw the whole Pack standing there. They grinned as one when Derek's and Stiles' jaws all but hit the floor when they saw John and Mellissa, who were standing in the front with medium sized boxes in their arms.
Aiden, Ethan and Isaac were in the very back, carrying a huge pine tree. Lydia, Allison and Cora had trays with cookies covered with see-through foil in their hands, and Scott and Danny had another pair of boxes in their arms.
"Guys, what – what are you doing here?" Stiles asked and John shrugged.
"Since the two of you decided to stay home for Christmas after we've decided to spend it at Scott and Allison's, we've decided to bring Christmas to you," he said, and Derek and Stiles exchanged a glance.
"But…" Derek was interrupted when Mellissa rolled her eyes and spoke up.
"We know; we know. We shouldn't have. Now, move aside. We still have our suitcases in our cars and these things are heavy."
Derek and Stiles jumped to the side when the woman brushed right beside them followed by the rest of the Pack.
"You'll need to open the door wider!" Isaac called out to them, and Derek rushed to do so.
"Damn, Talia is awake," Stiles murmured when a shrill cry echoed through the house.
"I'll take her! You help the others with our things!" Mellissa called out to Stiles and rushed up the stairs to Talia's room.
Derek and Stiles exchanged a glance before they were both shaken out of their shocked state by Isaac, Ethan and Aiden pushing the pine tree into the front hall.
"Where do you want this?!" the blond haired Wolf called out.
"In the living room!" Isaac's wife, Cora answered, and Stiles and Derek moved out of their way.
"Come on, son. We need to get the suitcases." John clapped Stiles and Derek's backs as he walked past them, and the two followed after him. "We'll start with Scott's car since the food's in there."
"Food?" Stiles murmured while Derek just followed, still unable to wrap his mind around what was going on.
"Yeah, Mel's determined to fatten us all up while we're here, and Allison and Lydia are dying to try out some of the recipes Lydia's mom gave them. We left the kids at Lydia's while we brought everything here and got settled." John spoke while he unloaded the car, not really looking at the faces of his son and son-in-law as he loaded their hands full of plastic bags.
"Dad…"
"Of course, since we'll be spending the holidays here, we just bought a bunch of things. Mellissa and I are on leave, just like the others, and we pulled the kids out of pre-school so we could all be here." John grabbed a few more bags and straightened to grin at the two shocked young men. "Of course, we knew you two would be surprised, but hey – we voted and you weren't there, so you lost." He shrugged and made his way towards the house, while Derek and Stiles stood rooted to the spot.
"Is this – Is this really happening?" Derek stuttered and Stiles gulped.
"If my hands weren't full I'd pinch you," he muttered.
"Hurry it up a bit! There are some things in those bags that need to get in the freezer!" Cora called out to them, and the two rushed into the house. They tried to keep up with John and Scott who came to help them get everything out of the cars, but the two were still in a state of shock.
Their house was suddenly full of movement.
Allison, Lydia, Cora and Danny were in the kitchen emptying bags and putting everything in its proper place. Isaac, Aiden and Ethan were in the living room settling the Christmas tree in a corner and placing the boxes with Christmas decorations around.
Mellissa was hopping around with Talia, who was giggling and cooing up a storm, her chubby cheeks rosy with laughter. John came over to take Talia from her so Mellissa could go and help the others in the kitchen.
Derek and Stiles found themselves standing in a corner gaping.
They still couldn't wrap their minds around the fact that their house was suddenly full. Different suitcases were gathered in a corner of their hallway waiting to be brought in the guestrooms. The others were talking animatedly discussing some thing or another, until Scott noticed his confused Pack-mates and approached them.
"Are you two even breathing?" Scott asked with a grin and Stiles and Derek looked at him managing to at least close their mouths.
"What is going on here?" Stiles asked weakly and Scott's grin widened.
"Just like John said. Since the two of you were getting ready to forgo Christmas and Derek's birthday, we decided to bring it all here. We're Pack, and Pack sticks together."
Stiles and Derek exchanged a glance as everything started to dawn on them.
"Stiles, I think your daughter's hungry!" John called out and Stiles hurried to feed Talia.
Derek swallowed difficultly and looked at Scott when the Alpha placed his hand on Derek's shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.
"We know how difficult Christmas is for you, Derek," Scott murmured so only Derek could hear him. "So we decided to do the only thing we can do; make sure that we're all here for you."
Derek's heart clenched almost painfully tight and he gave Scott a minute nod. The Alpha smiled at him in understanding and gave his shoulder another squeeze. "What can I do to help?"
cut
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
just like the ones I used to know;
where the treetops glisten and children listen
to hear sleigh bells in the snow.
cut
Happy squeals and laughter rang through the air as the youngest members of the Pack ran around the back yard through the knee high snow. Danny's and Ethan's 5 year old son, Dmitry, Allison and Scott's 4 year old twin daughters, Tanya and Sonya, Lydia and Aiden's 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter, Kevin and Elizabeth ran around chasing after Isaac, Scott and Danny.
There were several snowmen already around. Mellissa, Allison, Lydia and Cora were in the kitchen preparing dinner. John, Ethan and Aiden were sitting on the front porch with cups of warm wine in their hands, and Derek and Stiles were standing a little to the side.
Stiles dressed Talia as warmly as possible, and their little daughter was wiggling happily in Stiles' arms, cooing and giggling as she listen to the happy laughter. Stiles chuckled and looked down at her, well aware that next year she would be out there as well, wobbling through the snow.
Stiles looked up at Derek and his heart skipped a beat when he saw a small, happy smile on his husband's lips. Derek's eyes were filled with warmth, glowing with happiness, and instead of pain and guilt there were traces of sweet memories. Stiles swallowed as his eyes filled with tears of happiness, and he bowed his head as he let go of a happy sigh.
"Stiles?" Derek murmured, his voice colored with worry at the scent of tears. Stiles chuckled and looked up at him, laughing when he saw the worried, wide-eyed expression on Derek's handsome face.
"It's nothing."
"But you're…"
"You're happy," Stiles interrupted Derek and moved closer to lean his head on Derek's shoulder. "You're actually happy."
Stiles felt Derek relax and he felt his husband's strong arms wrap themselves around him and their daughter. Derek buried his nose in Stiles' hair and took a deep breath, and a small smile tugged on Derek's lips when he heard his daughter coo at them as if to say 'I'm here too, you know?'. Stiles chuckled and moved back before he bowed down and kissed their daughter's forehead.
"She's definitely your daughter," Stiles said and Derek laughed quietly. He kissed Stiles' temple before he bowed down and kissed Talia's forehead. When he straightened Derek sighed and looked around, feeling Stiles' watchful eyes on his face. "Is everything alright?"
The older Werewolf looked at Stiles and nodded. "Yeah; everything's great."
Stiles smiled and Derek bowed down to kiss him lovingly.
"Dinner is ready!" Mellissa called out.
"Last one in is a rotten egg!" Scott cried out and the children rushed towards the house.
"Oh no, you're not bringing all that snow into the house!" Lydia snapped at them, and Derek and Stiles laughed.
Yes; everything was alright.
cut
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
with every Christmas card I write.
cut
Laughter and happy chatter filled the house as the Pack sat around the table enjoying dinner. The children were nibbling on cookies and drinking warm chocolate. The adults were enjoying warm wine.
Stiles and Derek were seated at the head of the table with Talia in her small crib right beside Stiles. The younger man pulled his chair close to Derek's and he was leaning on his husband while Derek had his left arm thrown over Stiles' shoulders and his right hand covering Stiles' hands which were resting clasped in Stiles' lap.
Derek was smiling. Christmas was in a few days. His family was there. The house was full of different scents, and laughter and chatter filled the air.
Stiles raised an eyebrow when he felt Derek nuzzle his nose in his hair, and his bigger hand squeezed Stiles' hands.
"Derek?"
"I love you, you know that, right?" the older Werewolf murmured and Stiles tilted his head to the side to smile at him.
"Love you too," he said and Derek smiled against his lips when he leaned in to kiss him.
"Hey! No smooching at the table!" Scott cried out and Stiles stuck his tongue out at him. The children wailed in disgust, wrinkling their noses at their uncles, while the adults laughed at them.
"You'll be doing that one day as well," Stiles spoke.
"Never!" Kevin cried out and the others agreed vehemently.
"Oh, I don't know Kevin. I think I saw a girl from your class eyeing you this week," Aiden teased his son, and Kevin paled and tensed up before he blushed heavily and bowed his head.
Everyone laughed while the children started teasing Kevin. Stiles rested his head on Derek's shoulder and closed his eyes in content. He smiled when Derek kissed the top of his head.
This was turning out to be the best Christmas ever.
cut
May your day be merry and bright,
and may all your Christmases be white.
cut
A 'happily ever after', right?
Warmest wishes!